as good as it gets aka new parent / self mid life - sage mag advice needed!

[oftpiste]

Wonderful story. Really touching. FKNA.

I hooked up with her mom in 86 and her dad was a drunk cowboy POS. Her mom was a drunk, too, though it was years before I realized it, but I stayed because Emily was a victim of her circumstances and she was just too sweet of a little girl to let those circumstances rule/ruin her life. Here's what she posted on fb:

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

Patricky Splat Kenoreno, I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!
Thank you to the Honorable Judge Chuck Weller, for approving our adoption petition and for making the proceedings fun and stress free!

[GiBo]

I can't believe no one has said this before, but this is the best birth control thread ever.

Whatever gets you through making your decision to have kids, have at it, but I'm not even an anti breading person and I find the repulsion strong in this one.

I'll let you folks have at it.

... but looking at my girl when she linked her longest strider ride, or finished a run without falling and me there.

C'mon. It's pathetic. You just feel the need, to breed. There is nothing pretty about it. But if it makes you feel like your work paid off, more power to ya.

I didn't feel the need to breed. There was no decision. I was just fucking because it was fun. The kids happened because I was lazy or drunk or both. But we wanted kids at some point anyway, so we were ok with the 'accidents'.

It's one of those things you just have to experience to understand. It never hampered me from doing anything. I really can't relate to the OP on that. And my relationship with my parents, with my kids and my kid's with their grandparents is what's called family. I don't care what anyone says- no one cares like your family. Splat's daughter is proof. She gets it. I hope you have that now with your folks, man. Because if you don't have kids, you won't have that shit forever.

I hooked up with her mom in 86 and her dad was a drunk cowboy POS. Her mom was a drunk, too, though it was years before I realized it, but I stayed because Emily was a victim of her circumstances and she was just too sweet of a little girl to let those circumstances rule/ruin her life. Here's what she posted on fb:

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

Patricky Splat Kenoreno, I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!
Thank you to the Honorable Judge Chuck Weller, for approving our adoption petition and for making the proceedings fun and stress free!

That's awesome. Teared me up. You're a good man.

[Cono Este]

I hooked up with her mom in 86 and her dad was a drunk cowboy POS. Her mom was a drunk, too, though it was years before I realized it, but I stayed because Emily was a victim of her circumstances and she was just too sweet of a little girl to let those circumstances rule/ruin her life. Here's what she posted on fb:

He taught me to ride a bike and roller skate, to tie my shoes and snap my fingers. Took me on my first roller coaster, and first ski run. Escorted me to father daughter dances and down the aisle on my wedding day. He’s been a part of my life for nearly 33 years... as long as I can remember really. Through all the ups and downs, he has been a constant for me.
My dna may say different, but the truth is, HE is my Dad.

Patricky Splat Kenoreno, I am so thankful for you and the unconditional love that you have shown me. I hope you know that I have thought of YOU as my dad for most of my life.
Today we got to make it official! Legally father and daughter!
Thank you to the Honorable Judge Chuck Weller, for approving our adoption petition and for making the proceedings fun and stress free!

Good man. Respect


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[babybear]

Splat- awesome. i heart you even more
cute you two even had somewhat coordinating eyeglasses too

and meadowskipper- I immediately thought the guy looked like PhSH too!

[Vt-Freeheel]

Splats' making me cry.

[SumJongGuy]

Fuck you for thrunting this trainwreck of a thread up further with Creed. Really scum of the earth level cunting there.

lol, agreed

[BmillsSkier]

Splat’s a dad and Creed makes an appearance, you really can get it all here!



Seriously though Splat, great story and congratulations.

[Yonder_River]

Word on splats and Gibo's sentiments.

[SumJongGuy]

I actually know a dude who kept active in a kids life as her father figure all the way through college AFTER the DNA test proved he wasn't the father way back when she was a baby. As far as I know she still thinks he's her father.

[Doremite]

Splat, is your middle name really Splat?

Congrats BTW, sounds to be an honor well deserved.

[RootSkier]

This place is slipping bad.

So, in the interests of historical response:

Is she single? Or at least adventurous?

[MakersTeleMark]

This place is slipping bad.

So, in the interests of historical response:

Is she single? Or at least adventurous?

Hopefully I'll find out at Burning Man. Because, you know, you have to celebrate that sort of thing properly.

[splat]

She has three kids. Her husband is an awesome dude. His dad was in the French Foreign Legion. That's something you don't hear every day.

[Tips^Up]

I thought SJG was being serious until he dropped a creed bomb. Nice troll, had us on the hook!

Wife is due this summer. As always, some gold in here, amongst the turds and funnies.

If we wanted 2, what's the optimum spacing? Potty trained, ~3? My family is spaced 2 years-2-2-5 (oops bro), seems like 2 is pretty common. My cousin has Irish twins, 11 months apart. I've heard Mom's body isn't replenished that quickly, but kind of appealing to have it out of the way quick (like 19 years quick...).

[DJSapp]

I thought SJG was being serious until he dropped a creed bomb. Nice troll, had us on the hook!

Wife is due this summer. As always, some gold in here, amongst the turds and funnies.

If we wanted 2, what's the optimum spacing? Potty trained, ~3? My family is spaced 2 years-2-2-5 (oops bro), seems like 2 is pretty common. My cousin has Irish twins, 11 months apart. I've heard Mom's body isn't replenished that quickly, but kind of appealing to have it out of the way quick (like 19 years quick...).

Don't wait until you're done with diapers before you have the next one. Once you are out of diapers, the motivation to start up in diapers all over again is hard to find. But having 2 in diapers at once is twice as bad. There is no good answer.

And life throws you curve balls sometimes. We got preggo with the first practically immediately. It was shockingly easy. It took over a year and two miscarrages before we were preggo with #2, and the emotional toll nearly drove us to stop trying. Don't get stuck with a schedule or ideas of exactly how it will be in your mind because nature will fuck with you.

[SumJongGuy]

I thought SJG was being serious until he dropped a creed bomb. Nice troll, had us on the hook!

Wife is due this summer. As always, some gold in here, amongst the turds and funnies.

If we wanted 2, what's the optimum spacing? Potty trained, ~3? My family is spaced 2 years-2-2-5 (oops bro), seems like 2 is pretty common. My cousin has Irish twins, 11 months apart. I've heard Mom's body isn't replenished that quickly, but kind of appealing to have it out of the way quick (like 19 years quick...).

Ours were 14 months apart. I agree it was easier to have the 2nd one while the baby stuff was still all set up, house child proofed, etc. Not a Creed fan, like Nickelback, but that song does capture the vibe of finding out you're about to be a parent pretty well if you listen to the lyrics. That dude crashed and burned pretty bad though IRL.

[berko]

Like Nickelback

Stop digging.

[cravenmorhead]

We have a pair 3 years apart. Works reasonably well since they're not exactly peers - they're not competing for the same resources, so to speak. Downside is that you're dealing with two different sets of problems right now (right now, baby who won't sleep and a toddler who is obstinate and working to assert her independence).

[RootSkier]

It ain't easy, especially right now.

[bonewrenched]

Not usually one to post personal shit on the internet, but our first was born the day California started lockdown. So it's been strange. This thread was a great find.

[riser4]

Older two are 4 years apart, three grades. Youngest is 3 grades behind the middle one. Oldest just finished her 3rd year at Uni. Middle one is finishing his Sr year in HS. Youngest is a HS freshman. So ya, we got competition fir resources.

[The Reverend Floater]

Great thread. I really suffered the first few years as I went from living the life of absolute freedom in a mountain town-hunting, mtb'ing and doing whatever to slipping one by the goalie and being a reluctant dad 9 months later, married a few months after that.

4 years later and we adopted a second daughter so I'm living the dad life, hard. All I can say is YOU HAVE TO WORK. Work at being a good dad and husband, no matter how hard that can be at times. Work at making time for you, too... I recently started putting MTB rides on my work calendar, early in the day, just to ensure that I get out there. My sanity thanks me. I am fortunate because my wife and I were friends for almost twenty years before we made it all happen and she knows and accepts that I need my outdoor time in order to be a good partner and father.

But most of all--and this is crazy coming from someone who never had ANY interest in having kids and blew up more than one relationship because of it--my daughters are now the best part of my day. Yes, I still feel the highs of a good downhill or the sanctity of a long backcountry hunt, but watching your kids experience things, develop passions and celebrate their own awesome days is truly a magnificent feeling. It's worth all of the hard work, no doubt about it.

[Danno]

My daughter is 9 (only child). My wife and I were just talking today about how we lucked out on the age of our kid in the time of covid. A few years younger and I'd be so worked, and a few years older we'd have tween-teen angst.

Vibes to all of you.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

Great thread. I really suffered the first few years as I went from living the life of absolute freedom in a mountain town-hunting, mtb'ing and doing whatever to slipping one by the goalie and being a reluctant dad 9 months later, married a few months after that.

4 years later and we adopted a second daughter so I'm living the dad life, hard. All I can say is YOU HAVE TO WORK. Work at being a good dad and husband, no matter how hard that can be at times. Work at making time for you, too... I recently started putting MTB rides on my work calendar, early in the day, just to ensure that I get out there. My sanity thanks me. I am fortunate because my wife and I were friends for almost twenty years before we made it all happen and she knows and accepts that I need my outdoor time in order to be a good partner and father.

But most of all--and this is crazy coming from someone who never had ANY interest in having kids and blew up more than one relationship because of it--my daughters are now the best part of my day. Yes, I still feel the highs of a good downhill or the sanctity of a long backcountry hunt, but watching your kids experience things, develop passions and celebrate their own awesome days is truly a magnificent feeling. It's worth all of the hard work, no doubt about it.

So much good stuff in here, and the rest of this thread. I definitely wasn’t a reluctant dad but I never really realized just how much Mr. Mom would consume my life because of my jobs flexibility and I guess just general personality. We always knew and talked about it and I can’t complain but these days trying to work from home with the girls there all day and a wife working a ton it’s wearing me a little thin. I do better with some separation between the work and kid parts of my day. But they really are the best part of everyday and some days it just feels like a trip to watch a whole life unfold right in front of your eyes and you get to be a part of it.

Keep fighting the good fight fellas.


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[TahoeJ]

For parents of little kids I think it's really important to divide and conquer. You both need your time away or eventually you'll both go nuts.

And like everyone already said, yeah, the first year pretty much sucks and it's uphill from there. You will learn to become much more efficient with your time and find ways to squeeze in your activities. It's why when people without kids complain about how busy they are that us parents tend to roll our eyes.

As far as spacing goes, my three are all separated by 2.5 years (so now they are 11, almost 9 and 6). I think it's an ideal timeline, but of course sometimes that's just out of your control.