as good as it gets aka new parent / self mid life - sage mag advice needed!

[skaredshtles]

Can't believe no one has said this yet, but just wait until you have more than one. Then it really gets fuckin hard to do shit.

[TahoeJ]

Can't believe no one has said this yet, but just wait until you have more than one. Then it really gets fuckin hard to do shit.

Yes and no (I have three). Everything gets more complicated for sure, but nothing upsets your entire reality quite like that first one.

[Doremite]

Yes and no (I have three). Everything gets more complicated for sure, but nothing upsets your entire reality quite like that first one.

100% agree. 0-1 was much more of a shock than 1-2 for me.

That said you have to be crazy to have three kids

[skaredshtles]

<snip>
That said you have to be crazy to have three kids

A greater truth has never been uttered...

[retirwntm]

Yeah, three kids? You better be a devout catholic or a farmer.

I’m sure there is a lot of good advice in here. I don’t have time to read it cuz I got 2/4 YO’s that are napping and I’m it’s my watch.

I will say the hardest part for me was the initial reality - life isn’t 100% about you. Once you truly acknowledge and embrace that it’s pretty fulfilling and more entertaining for sure. I have a lot more to discuss with my dad. We laugh about all the shit he did to me that made me really pissed for years #karma.

I do think it’s not about better or worse but phases that change from time to time. That first part was the hardest (and is common for men - Peter Pan syndrome whatever).

The parts after that are more like epochs, periods of time. E. G. When will my kid walk, poop solo, etc. all milestones for them and you. My son on the toilet is about as funny as anything I’ve experienced in my life. He pretty much live blogs the whole experience.


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[skaredshtles]

Yeah, three kids? You better be a devout catholic or a farmer.

Or just a total dumbass.

[retirwntm]

Also, you need to assess what needs to be your thing - just for you and manage that with everyone else’s time and requirements. The other things you need to share with everyone and remove your ego / ambition / drive from it and let others enjoy and enjoy it yourself as a parent. It’s orders of magnitude more enjoyable to see my son do the littlest of things vs. me doing some minor thing with almost negligible extra value.


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[AK47bp]

Switch to edibles to avoid the stinky and stay on the down low. “Mommy, why does daddy go in the garage every day after dinner and come back stinky with red eyes watching Puppy Dog Pals without me?”

No bueno.

[oftpiste]

Yes and no (I have three). Everything gets more complicated for sure, but nothing upsets your entire reality quite like that first one.

True^^^>

I did find going from 2-3 presented some unanticipated logistical challenges. You kinda need a different car (especially if you plan to drive their friends around - which you will), another bedroom in the house if you don't already have one.

If they're all small, you have that moment in the driveway where you try to figure out which kid has to stay in the car seat while you carry the other two inside etc.

Stuff like that.

[oftpiste]

Or just a total dumbass.

I called us 'stupid horny people'.

[TahoeJ]

100% agree. 0-1 was much more of a shock than 1-2 for me.

That said you have to be crazy to have three kids

Haha. My wife really wanted three and let’s just say there were some negotiations in advance. Still will end up with 40+ ski days this season and a lot more mtb days.

[SumJongGuy]

Haha. My wife really wanted three and let’s just say there were some negotiations in advance. Still will end up with 40+ ski days this season and a lot more mtb days.

Complexity and work load does not go up linearly with number of kids, it goes up exponentially. Going from one kid to two kids is more than twice the work as the first kid due to the cross dynamics. Going from two kids to three, three is more than twice the work of two etc..

[skaredshtles]

I called us 'stupid horny people'.

Potato, pohtahtoe.

[Buster Highmen]

Complexity and work load does not go up linearly with number of kids, it goes up exponentially. Going from one kid to two kids is more than twice the work as the first kid due to the cross dynamics. Going from two kids to three, three is more than twice the work of two etc..

Huh? I thought the impact was logarithmic, at least with respect to our personal reality. ymmv.

[Ted Striker]

[TahoeJ]

Complexity and work load does not go up linearly with number of kids, it goes up exponentially. Going from one kid to two kids is more than twice the work as the first kid due to the cross dynamics. Going from two kids to three, three is more than twice the work of two etc..

Disagree...

[Dantheman]

That said you have to be crazy to have three kids

A joke I've used several times IRL around people with anywhere from 0-4 kids:

"Wanting more than three kids should be considered a form of mental illness, and even at three you're on the spectrum"

It's killed every. single. time. I'm pretty sure the couple with four kids laughed the hardest.

[skaredshtles]

Disagree...

I'm with this guy.

In fact, as time went on... it seems complexity and workload actually went down. Mainly because I make them do most of the shit. I haven't mowed more than about a dozen times in the last decade.

[skaredshtles]

A joke I've used several times IRL around people with anywhere from 0-4 kids:

"Wanting more than three kids should be considered a form of mental illness, and even at three you're on the spectrum"

It's killed every. single. time. I'm pretty sure the couple with four kids laughed the hardest.

It's funny because it's true.

[XXX-er]

I'm with this guy.

In fact, as time went on... it seems complexity and workload actually went down. Mainly because I make them do most of the shit. I haven't mowed more than about a dozen times in the last decade.

yer old school cuz most kids don't do shit anymore except sleep because you know they are tired cuz their growing bodies need all the sleep they can get .

Of course the real reason they are tired is cuz they watch netflix on their device until 3 am

[RootSkier]

Switch to edibles to avoid the stinky and stay on the down low. “Mommy, why does daddy go in the garage every day after dinner and come back stinky with red eyes watching Puppy Dog Pals without me?”

No bueno.

My Pax Era uses the same charger as my kids' tablets.

[SumJongGuy]

Disagree...

I'm with this guy.

In fact, as time went on... it seems complexity and workload actually went down. Mainly because I make them do most of the shit. I haven't mowed more than about a dozen times in the last decade.

What about for kids under age 5? I agree that once they are old enough to pull their weight they lighten my load rather than totally fucking it up. Three kids in diapers is way harder than two kids in diapers. YMMV but no way in hell I'd have considered a 3rd after having the first 2 fourteen months apart.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

My Pax Era uses the same charger as my kids' tablets.

Haha! The first time I realized this and used it because that was all I could find I felt just the slightest twinge on guilt.

[cravenmorhead]

OP, shoot me a PM, we can get a beer sometime. I have a 3.5 yr old and a 7 month old. You mention the term "toddler" in your post but then talk about the first year; sounds like you still have a baby? I found that I wasn't a big fan of either of my kids until they were 7 or 8 months old. I mean, they were fine, but they couldn't do much, and I didn't feel like we had much of a bond. That changed once they became much more interactive with the world. And I also felt like I had a better bond with the first, who was shitty at breastfeeding so I bottle fed her a lot - than with the second, who breastfeeds a lot more. Now my 3.5 year old especially is a charger who is often fun to hang out with (when she's not being stubborn and toddler-ey, which usually just happens when she's tired and crabby).

As others have said, if you like to get outside, figure out ways to get the kid outside as early as is practicable. This was my first ski season with the 3.5 year old and it was a lot of fun (though also a ton of work). But just walking around the neighborhood or through the woods with a toddler can be a lot of fun, and it's exposing them to the outdoors and teaching them the outdoors are a lot of fun, which is gonna pay off later.

Make it a priority to do the things you like to do - ski, bike, whatever. Not the only priority, and it takes a backseat to being a dad etc., but if you don't get that shit on the calendar nobody is going to do it for you. And make sure it's clear that you and your wife both deserve and get to enjoy me-time, with your chosen activities, without being made to feel guilty about it. Those mental health breaks are critical for everybody.

If your kid doesn't sleep, sleep deprivation can be fucking brutal. We ended up taking shifts, basically being "on watch" half the night apiece.

There's lots more. Happy to chat over beers if you want to get together. I'm in summit county more weekends than not.

[SumJongGuy]

Disagree...

Switch to edibles to avoid the stinky and stay on the down low. “Mommy, why does daddy go in the garage every day after dinner and come back stinky with red eyes watching Puppy Dog Pals without me?”

No bueno.

What's "no bueno" is being even the least bit impaired when you're supervising young kids. A lot of bad shit can happen with zero warning putting you in a position to have to suddenly drive them to the ER or deal with cops and first responders at your house. If you're over the legal limit of sobriety for anything (including just five beers) and they figure that out social services takes your kids away. Not worth it. Just save it for boys night out/weekender away from the kids.

Heck, even taking them to the ER in an Uber you still have to talk with the doctors and if they know you're buzzed they'll sometimes report it.