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  1. #1
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    as good as it gets aka new parent / self mid life - sage mag advice needed!

    so I know a lot of mags here have gone thru this and there are a some posts related to this, but not a single thread for advice.

    past live - uber fun w tons of travels for biking and skiing and well, maybe selfish pursuits...but amazing. hard rides or tours kept me sane

    new post married and toddler life - no endorphins, no adrenaline, building new business, super out of shape, nothing like even pre marriage dating life..make up excuses and basically stuff on couch 'planning'. lack of hard rides and skiing driving me batty.

    so, which one is it?

    suck it up buttercup
    I'm doing wrong
    the 1st year sucks, it's all up hill
    shoot me in the nads now, it's all downhill..

    There has to be some good advice floating around this place..

    never in my sub 50 years have I been so beat up...just part of the gig? mentally the lack riding or getting after it has to be the worst part.

    I hear I'm an amazing father, so there's that, but that isn't help me yet...

    what say the collective?

  2. #2
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    the first year is really hard. if the only way you can be happy is super time consuming you are going to be unhappy. perhaps find something that you can get your rocks off on and not have to spend a lot of time on.

    I went through it and was able to get away to ski and getting a ride in can't be the that difficult

    i am not crazy about babies and toddlers. Many guys aren't. My teenagers are my best friends.

  3. #3
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    DJSapp is online now (╯į□į)╯︵ ┻━┻
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    Yup. It's hard for the first few years. You have to realize it isn't about you anymore. At all. That's the tough bit. It won't ever be what it was. It will eventually be similar but different,

    For example, the family just went up to the hill for closing weekend. On the way home we we're talking about the season. Both of my kids went from skiing greens to skiing black diamonds on the last day. The stoke coming from the kids was palpable. There will be a day both of them are better skiers than I am. And that's awesome.

    Sent from my Pixel XL using TGR Forums mobile app
    Fat fuck bubbas are not erosion.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by cycology1 View Post
    tours
    Eliminate this word and any conjugate form of said word. You don't have time for any of it. Strength is your new friend. Short, hard, fast interval work. Close the computer and get the fuck off the couch. Everything else will correct itself accordingly.

  5. #5
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    Jun 2005
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    as good as it gets aka new parent / self mid life - sage mag advice needed!

    Try to find a way to get back into reasonable shape and stay there.

    Get your kid(s) on skis/bikes.

    Watching them progress is really rad and take joy in introducing them to the things that have brought you so much joy (at least back in the good old days when your time was yours).

    I have a 2 & 5 year old and the amount of effort skiing is right now for how little I actually get to do of it is comical*. That said watching my older daughter have a shit ton of fun on skis is just awesome. I canít wait until our family of four is a full on crush crew.

    Subscribe to the Ongoing Kid Stoke thread. The future is bright just nothing like the past.

    *half truth in that I have a rare child care support situation that puts me on snow at lot more than most in my situation/life stage.
    Uno mas

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
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    4,616
    Iíd say be grateful for how good you had it. Think of all the losers you know that suck and be glad that if you stopped everything now youíve lived more in your pre-kid years than most men do their entire lives.

    Then have some patience. As the toddler turns into the 4-5 year range they are more self sufficient and the wife may give you less shit for your selfish pursuits. You start teaching them and hopefully they like the things you like.

    Itís never going to be the same but Iíd say life is eventually more fulfilling with a kid, In my experience.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    Bozeman
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    Where do you live OP?


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  8. #8
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    It gets way better. Get your ass in shape and tell your wife you need to get out more. Because you do. Maybe sign up for some sort of event a few months off that will require you to get yourself fit.

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  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Nhampshire
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    Ever wait for a weather window? A storm? Same deal.
    First year is hard, gets easier from there. Biggest thing is this (IMO) - understand your life is not about you anymore. You will still get you time, but it's going to be more rare. That you have to suck up.
    That said, nothing better than being your kids hero, which you already are, it's just on you to keep the position.

  10. #10
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    Dec 2008
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    thx all. seems to be common theme here. won't be the same but eventually will be better/different.

    fortunately the wife is on board w me getting out but feel obligated to be there til things are more normal.

    crap, I've seen the ongoing kids stoke thread but never crossed my mind to view. ha...

    in breck so kinda lots to do real close which will help w shorter time frame for selfish pursuits albeit less frequently now I guess...

    just so odd that I didnt see this coming. had lots of buddies go thru this, and I guess they did go Mia for a couple/ few years come to think of it but did eventually.

    thx again!

  11. #11
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    Jan 2008
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    switch off with wife. You both need to get away from parenting some. Don't either one of you feel guilty.
    my one piece of child rearing advice--give kid food, let kid eat food, throw out the rest. Do not argue with kid over food, you cannot win. Don't even discuss, just serve and clean up A) no child given enough food to eat has ever starved (not talking about adolescents, obviously) B) kids eat less than you think they do, except during growth spurts when they eat more.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
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    NH
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    +1 to The itís not about you.
    Also, ditch the road bike and start running. Way more efficient use of time and better sport specificity if you want to tour. One hour run in your condition will be a lot. One hour ride, eh. Lots of fat cyclists and swimmers. Not a lot of fat runners. Get on a training plan, communicate with your wife, make sure sheís able to train/exercise too, and go. IMO, bikes and golf are very hard to keep with after kids arrive. Skiing and running are much easier as long as you schedule.


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  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by DJSapp View Post
    Yup. It's hard for the first few years. You have to realize it isn't about you anymore. At all. That's the tough bit. It won't ever be what it was. It will eventually be similar but different,

    For example, the family just went up to the hill for closing weekend. On the way home we we're talking about the season. Both of my kids went from skiing greens to skiing black diamonds on the last day. The stoke coming from the kids was palpable. There will be a day both of them are better skiers than I am. And that's awesome.

    Sent from my Pixel XL using TGR Forums mobile app
    Interesting you say "it's not about you anymore." About five minutes after my son was born, we looked each other in the eyes for about a minute straight and that was the exact thought that went through my head at that time.
    All the years combine
    they melt into a dream

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
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    Only other thing Iíd add is go exercise when itís convenient for the group, the kid will always nap, wake up or go to bed a generally the same time. Use that to your advantage.


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  15. #15
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    Sep 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by cycology1 View Post
    thx all. seems to be common theme here. won't be the same but eventually will be better/different.

    fortunately the wife is on board w me getting out but feel obligated to be there til things are more normal.

    crap, I've seen the ongoing kids stoke thread but never crossed my mind to view. ha...

    in breck so kinda lots to do real close which will help w shorter time frame for selfish pursuits albeit less frequently now I guess...

    just so odd that I didnt see this coming. had lots of buddies go thru this, and I guess they did go Mia for a couple/ few years come to think of it but did eventually.

    thx again!
    1. Don't stop. Don't. No matter how hard it is, even if it's only a few times a month, get out there. Never stop.

    2. Drag the kids with you. Biking, skiing, whatever. From before they can walk. They will think it's just normal and never question it. And if they do question it, don't give in.

    3. Hopefully your wife goes big too. If not, get her all the gear she could want, make it fun, get her out there.

    It is all worth it. All of it. All the time with a ski harness, all the running beside them up narrow singletrack pushing the bike while pulling yours, the pushing them into waves over and over hoping this is the time they'll stand up.

    It gets better, every day, every year, it keeps getting better. By the time they are early teenagers its amazing. By the time they are older teenagers it's heaven. They will kick your ass and it will be the best thing ever. Imagine a ski buddy who is far better than you, much younger, has more stamina, is almost always incredibly stoked just to be there, rips lines you barely survived when you did them, and loves you deeply. It will - eventually - make these things you love even more a part of you than they are now.

    Just. Don't. Stop.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
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    In the swamp
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    It is comical how hard skiing can be with a young kid. And also it can be better than a deep powder day in my opinion.
    This year, I had some big highs and big lows. Highs that are so fulfilling. Lows that make you want to scream and give up. Just keep at it.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
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    The Bull City
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    Couple of day trips per season is all I usually get nowadays. Fortunately one of mine likes skiing. They'll be out of the nest in a couple years..

    Brace yourself. When you think the kid(s) are old enough to go for it you'll be super excited. You'll overthink their gear needs to the nth degree. You'll plan and over plan a great ski or bike day to introduce them to the sport. Unfavorable weather or even just a "not feeling it" vibe from can result on the proper decision to pull the plug on that outing 45 minutes in to it. As mentioned, it's all about them now instead of you... until you get them out of your house it's all about them now.
    Go that way really REALLY fast. If something gets in your way, TURN!

  18. #18
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    Sep 2005
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    PRB
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    Good thread, I could have used some of the advice a while ago.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin

  19. #19
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    Dec 2008
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    Summit County
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    yeah! thx again...think ur all saying there's a chance!

    some great tips for sure.

  20. #20
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    Feb 2010
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    north aspect
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    Quote Originally Posted by AK47bp View Post
    I’d say be grateful for how good you had it. Think of all the losers you know that suck and be glad that if you stopped everything now you’ve lived more in your pre-kid years than most men do their entire lives.

    Then have some patience. As the toddler turns into the 4-5 year range they are more self sufficient and the wife may give you less shit for your selfish pursuits. You start teaching them and hopefully they like the things you like.

    It’s never going to be the same but I’d say life is eventually more fulfilling with a kid, In my experience.
    i know, right.
    bF
    Alpental Indigenous

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by cycology1 View Post
    thx all. seems to be common theme here.
    fortunately the wife is on board w me getting out but feel obligated to be there til things are more normal.
    dream on, literally.
    bF
    Alpental Indigenous

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    11,058
    pm rontele

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Basel
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    the first year sucks. I would rather stay home than pack all the kiddie crap and go away for a weekend. I went from being a weekend warrior instructor to under 15 days.

    but, we did trade offs, skied with a group of people and everyone took off a few runs to watch the tyke. 3 day weekend with the boys and a my wife did a long weekend with her friends. Do you have family around to watch the kid for the occasional ski day or overnight? Saturday morning bike ride with my friends, sunday she with hers. A lot of give and take. and what everyone else said - it is not about you.

    FInd a babysitter! we found some people through the local day care. The people were happy to work on the weekend in the morning to let us get a bike ride together. 3 hours of freedom!

    a bike trailer with a bag of cheerios is good for 1 to 2 ours of riding. My kids would usually nap for at least a hour in the trailer...
    Get a hiking back pack - nothing helps you to get in shape like carrying a child on your back for 2 hour hike.

    kids were able to ski at 3 - let someone else teach them... and the 2 or 3 hour lesson will let you and your partner ski together!
    Younger guy did his first itinerary at 4 and is now doing freeski comps at 14. Older boy is a pow snob.

    It sucks right now - at 2 you can get them on a strider biker. at 3 they can ski and the diaper bag goes bye bye.

    you will get there, but it takes time and patience.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
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    just outside the bubble
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    1,136
    Some good advice here already, and I can certainly relate to your pre/post baby activity changes. All day long outings have been replaced by sneaking in a run when time allows. Get a good stroller you can run with and take the kiddo. Pushing that thing makes it a little more challenging and then running without it seems easy. Running 4-5 days a week, even if just a half hour at lunch, keeps me sane.

    Also, get a burley or some trailer to pull behind the bike and hit the bike path with the family. Ditto for hiking with the baby in the front carrier and eventually backpack carrier. Itís almost easier before theyíre 2 compared to when they start wanting to walk on their own and get heavier to carry.

    It all changes constantly, and certain aspects get easier, others harder. But itís all worth it.
    It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. ĖErnest Hemingway

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    783
    Quote Originally Posted by beece View Post
    1. Don't stop. Don't. No matter how hard it is, even if it's only a few times a month, get out there. Never stop.

    2. Drag the kids with you. Biking, skiing, whatever. From before they can walk. They will think it's just normal and never question it. And if they do question it, don't give in.

    3. Hopefully your wife goes big too. If not, get her all the gear she could want, make it fun, get her out there.

    It is all worth it. All of it. All the time with a ski harness, all the running beside them up narrow singletrack pushing the bike while pulling yours, the pushing them into waves over and over hoping this is the time they'll stand up.

    It gets better, every day, every year, it keeps getting better. By the time they are early teenagers its amazing. By the time they are older teenagers it's heaven. They will kick your ass and it will be the best thing ever. Imagine a ski buddy who is far better than you, much younger, has more stamina, is almost always incredibly stoked just to be there, rips lines you barely survived when you did them, and loves you deeply. It will - eventually - make these things you love even more a part of you than they are now.

    Just. Don't. Stop.
    this ^^^ Like this --

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