My friend, classmate, and fellow firefighter........

**seano732** · 04-10-2019, 09:59 AM

Shot and killed himself last night. He leaves behind a wife and two children. None of us had any idea the issues/ demons he was dealing with, and we are all just devastated. Anyone who is struggling with mental health issues, especially fellow public safety workers, please reach out to someone, anyone, for help. RIP Maddog, you broke the mold and will be missed......58.

**Skidog** · 04-10-2019, 10:03 AM

Vibes......

**::: :::** · 04-10-2019, 10:04 AM

sorry to hear that
peace to you & your friend's family

**garyfromterrace** · 04-10-2019, 10:17 AM

So shitty. Condolences to you, and sorry for the family who have to go on after such a horrible thing.

**Danno** · 04-10-2019, 10:29 AM

fuck that's rough. Peace and condolences to you.

**Cono Este** · 04-10-2019, 10:31 AM

Knarlly. Vibes.

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**ACH** · 04-10-2019, 10:32 AM

Very sad, I'm sorry for your loss, condolences.

**Buster Highmen** · 04-10-2019, 10:53 AM

Condolences.

**MiddleOfNight** · 04-10-2019, 10:59 AM

Oh man, brutal.
So sorry for the loss.

KQ · 04-10-2019, 11:12 AM

**LHutz Esq** · 04-10-2019, 11:16 AM

Fuck - so sorry to hear that

Strength to you and your hall.

Take care of yourself and your brothers and sisters.

...edit

I have been speaking to a lot of folks about this lately. Maybe this more a condolences/vibes thread .. I don't know. Maybe its too early, but I suck at shutting up - so I will put this here- because if not now then when?

Firefighters - professional , volunteer, structural, wildland - none of them are superman.

More die of suicide than on the line -

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nicolef.../#9311e692a243

The study says that 37% have contemplated suicide. I think it is higher and I have no problem saying that I have been in that % - whatever it is.

So, if you know a firefighter - know that they are at risk. No matter what they appear to be on the outside.

**Tye 1on** · 04-10-2019, 11:21 AM

So sad to hear. Emergency responders bear a load that is hard to imagine unless you've done it. It does seem to be slowly getting some attention. Hats off to you and your department through this rough time.

**frorider** · 04-10-2019, 11:25 AM

Condolences

**seano732** · 04-10-2019, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by LHutz Esq

Fuck - so sorry to hear that

Strength to you and your hall.

Take care of yourself and your brothers and sisters.

...edit

I have been speaking to a lot of folks about this lately. Maybe this more a condolences/vibes thread .. I don't know. Maybe its too early, but I suck at shutting up - so I will put this here- because if not now then when?

Firefighters - professional , volunteer, structural, wildland - none of them are superman.

More die of suicide than on the line -

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nicolef.../#9311e692a243

The study says that 37% have contemplated suicide. I think it is higher and I have no problem saying that I have been in that % - whatever it is.

So, if you know a firefighter - know that they are at risk. No matter what they appear to be on the outside.

Thank you and well fucking said.....

**bendtheski** · 04-10-2019, 11:37 AM

Very sorry to hear. I'm sure every one of my dispatchers carry scars, and that's through the buffer of phones and radios. We try to have resources available is someone is struggling, but not everyone is comfortable sharing their burden, probably assuming everyone is too busy with their own.

Really sad when someone who's livelihood revolves around helping others apparently can't bring those resources to bear to help themselves. 3 of my current crew are volunteer firefighters. Something else for me to keep in mind going forward.

**MakersTeleMark** · 04-10-2019, 11:38 AM

First of all, peace and strength to his wife, children, and friends.

Secondly, I was chatting with a full time firefighter friend of mine the other day, who pretty much summed it up as: "they'll let us go to work stressed out, sleep deprived, and fully hammered, but if we take one toke on a off day to relax, we're fucked. I wish their priorities would change."

Food for thought.

**BCMtnHound** · 04-10-2019, 11:54 AM

Sorry to hear of your friend’s end. Condolences to you and the friends and family of the victim.

**PNWbrit** · 04-10-2019, 11:57 AM

Condolences.

**zion zig zag** · 04-10-2019, 12:06 PM

Sorry to hear, your department has a lot of healing to do now. Keep an eye on everyone and call a CISD.

Almost 6 years ago now I came on shift and chatted with the off going crew. Talked with the tail boarder for a bit about life and asked him how his divorce was going. 30 minutes later he shot himself in the chest in a parking lot. His own department ran the call. Fuck, still jumbled thoughts about it to this day.

Stay strong, pm me if needed.

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**oftpiste** · 04-10-2019, 01:06 PM

I'm so very sorry for your loss of a friend, and for his survivors a father and husband. Very tragic.

**snapt** · 04-10-2019, 06:46 PM

Sorry for your loss brother. Anything I can do for you PM as well.

**Cono Este** · 04-10-2019, 07:21 PM

Always reach out for help first, but likewise, watch for the warning signs in friends and family. I know it’s hard when you don’t live near someone or see them a lot, but if they start acting weird open up your heart and home if you can.

I recently learnt a college friend did the same and I regret not returning the last call I got from him. He was the founder of successful outdoor clothing company and I would have never thought.

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**seano732** · 04-10-2019, 08:18 PM

Thanks to everyone for your kind words..... I just met with his immediate family, and it was .......it was horrific. This has been a very difficult week for our department. In the last five days, our crews have responded to a five year old, eight year old, and one year old traumatic arrests, two at the hands of their parents. Please send vibes to all of the first responders in your communities, and to the Mags here who are on the Job, I will reach out soon.....Peace.

**snapt** · 04-10-2019, 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by seano732

Thanks to everyone for your kind words..... I just met with his immediate family, and it was .......it was horrific. This has been a very difficult week for our department. In the last five days, our crews have responded to a five year old, eight year old, and one year old traumatic arrests, two at the hands of their parents. Please send vibes to all of the first responders in your communities, and to the Mags here who are on the Job, I will reach out soon.....Peace.

Shit that's as rough as it gets. I'm going to hug my crew tomorrow, we ran a tough code last set, I'm really proud of the effort my guys put into it despite the outcome, this is a good reminder to check in on them.

**Diamond Joe** · 04-10-2019, 09:04 PM

Seano, man, I’m so sorry for your loss. I just want to put this resource out there if you or your brothers/sisters don’t know about it
https://www.iaffrecoverycenter.com/

We’re affected at a much higher rate by suicide, depression, and other mental health issues, a lot of times stemming directly from job-related PTSD. Luckily, within the last few years, the stigma has statred lifting and it is now ok, to admit that you are not ok. The IAFF center (for firefighters ONLY) just celebrated their 2nd year anniversary, is in a setting designed to make firefighters feel more comfortable and better able to receive the help offered. I personally know several guys who have gone to the C.o.E and changed their lives. PM me for more info if you want.

Don’t suffer in silence brother. There s nothing tough or manly about it. In fact, it’s killing us, so let’s work to keep changing the culture and maybe save some of our own lives. There are more resources available to us than there have ever been in the past, so take advantage of them. In the meantime, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your department, and especially the family of your friend. Truly one of the worst things in life to go through.