The goddamn mantel

[Rideski]

This is hilarious. I can bring a camera and a sledge hammer over if you have beer.

[::: :::]

have FIL committed to a managed care facility
the signs are there

[fastfred]

hopefully there was lead paint on the old mantel too
plus that fake 60's rock around your fireplace probably had asbestos in it
throw in some fiberglass for fun
maybe some mold from the leak in your fireplace flue
and silica for a good measure
formaldehyde in the plywood

nothing to worry about

[RShea]

Does your wife's name happen to be Coach? That's the only plausible explanation for this debacle


Now pls confiscate all of your FiL's tools and lock them up. For the sake of future generations

FIFY

[Tips^Up]

[Tips^Up]

Here's the old mantel. Previous photo is tung oil coat in the garage.

I forgot the kicker. I got home Sunday night from CB (which was powder fucking bonkers) and they've been cleaning all day and running an air purifier. On the back of the purifier, there's a giant sticker, "Before first use, plastic wrapper must be removed from the filter." I tilt it over, twist it open to expose the filter, and sure as shit...

You guys are stupid and dumb and funny. This was my dear diary last night cause I was fucking pissed and wrote a fricking novel. Didn't think anyone would bother, let alone 2 pages. I should print out this thread and hang it on the mantel.

[iceman]

That is a bargain. I pay a Croatian guy $400-500 pd for general carpentry and masonry.

Well the Croats are in high demand.

[Danno]

Finally. The goddamn mantel. Except not the goddamn mantel, mounted, which is the important part.

[Tips^Up]

Since you guys will read anything:
Tonight, we hosted a mantel warming party. Almost entirely because, while in Crested Butte, I figured it'd be a nice thing to bring take-n-bake pizza home from the Secret Stash. And that part was a good idea. But I figured it would bring peace to the wife, show no hard feelings w father-in-law and "thanks" for his time, and invite over my wife's sister, her husband and their 2 kids.

Bro in law snapped his ankle playing hockey 2 weeks ago, broken ankle and torn ligaments. Poor guy, had to hurt like a bitch, he was pretty depressed. His wife was fucking pissed at him too (maybe these girls just got stars outta alignment or something), because their 2 and 4 year old are a handful even when you can chase em around. He had it wrapped up for a few days, then surgery last week. They're dog lovers, especially love our rambunctious lovable puppy that's like 75 pounds now. Their old dog died while sister-in-law was pregnant with #1 and they never got another dog - big part of our planning of getting a puppy last summer so he'll hopefully be a well-trained, settled down dog by the time baby arrives and our old dog SLOWS down. So I offer B-I-L pup as an emotional therapy dog apres surgery and he agrees he'll take him in.

So day after his surgery (our house is disaster zone at this point - unhealthy for dogs to hang in), I tell my wife to drop the dogs off at their house. Bro-in-law goes upstairs for a nap and pup jumps up on him and snuggles in, in a super lovable way, but hit his ankle and sister-in-law loses her shit. I work with her - that's how I got the intro to baby's momma. She gets back to work and is on the verge of tears, about to explode. I work and stuff. After work, she goes home, holding her 2 year old in her arms, OPENS the front door and our damn dog runs out to chase a dog across the street. She's got no shoes on, running after our little fucker, while holding her little fucker and he's running away playing a game and she's flipping shit. Finally gets him by his collar, and he does his bucking bronco, thrashing her arms. Tore 4 deep slashes through her fancy ass (not really, Stoic brand, but definitely stylish and nice) knee length down jacket. So she's pissed at me. My wife's pissed at me. F-I-L is in his own world. Dogs are good. Bro-in-law thinks its all funny. I can't find the same coat anywhere, the tag is for a men's medium and the number brings up a men's rain jacket, and it's clearly a women's fashionable winter jacket (estimate $200). I've tried asking her what fucking jacket she wants, because my dog destroyed it, and she just says its OK, but she's obviously pissed and hasn't talked to me all week (we usually chat a ton since we're coworkers, in-laws and hang out w their family a ton).

They all came over for pizza tonight. It was mostly good. We all observed how shitty the mantel was together. Father-in-law kept brainstorming what he was going to do and I repeatedly, firmly insisted that it is my project and I will take it from here. I still fear I'll come home from work and find that our house has become another construction site and the beam's been further fucked up. Fuck.

Last thing that pisses me off...why are photos such a pain in the ass w this site now? And wtf is a HEIC file (photo of beam hanging and grinded wall)?

[iceman]

we'll read almost anything.

[shroom]

i would go back to CB

not gettin laid either way

[roverdoc]

Tips up, this thread delivers. Stoke is stoke and i am glad you are seeing the fun in this and hopefully find a resolution. Thanks for sharing.

[Crusty]

How much for the pine box mantel? That shit is dope!

[fatnslow]

Did your 12 year old nephew make that first mantle in shop class ? He should stick to making bongs.

[RShea]

How much for the pine box mantel? That shit is dope!

Should tung oil that pine box mantle up and distress it some and call it good.

[fastfred]

I"m trying to figure out if this thread is really about a mantel or is something you should be discussing with your therapist

on another note, I can't belive you have to look at that rock work every day, 1988 doesn't even being to describe it, at least it's not red sand stone, have your father in law tear off all the rock today while you are at work
just start over

[EWG]

Dude I keep wanting to laugh but we’ve all been there. My FIL is a contractor.

What time should everyone come over for the group hug?

[ill-advised strategy]

Put this on while FIL and you work on cleanup:



Subtle message delivered!

[glademaster]

There's no way in hell a combustible mantle can be hung that close to the firebox. One word: pyrolysis.

[fastfred]

There's no way in hell a combustible mantle can be hung that close to the firebox.

][/URL]

the building inspector caught that one, nice job

yeah, rule of thumb is 16 inches from top of fireplace opening to bottom of mantel
there are spec's on that it, depends on how far the mantel sticks out, they don't care if it was doused in highly flamible lacquer though

[ill-advised strategy]

ILLEGAL MANTEL!!!!

[berko]

ILLEGAL MANTEL!!!!

Not a bad name for a band.

[ill-advised strategy]

Not a bad name for a band.

First album: 16 inches of heat

[EWG]

There's no way in hell a combustible mantle can be hung that close to the firebox. One word: pyrolysis.

Pyrolysis: Is that when you can't move? Or is that when you lay down on a couch and someone asks you why you're so pissed about a mantle?

[TNKen]

For what it's worth, I have several chestnut mantels that are re-purposed and sawn from barn beams if anyone needs one. Various sizes, one about 17' in length. 5"x4" on up.