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Thread: Grande FAIL

  1. #1
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    Grande FAIL

    This is a funny that could have been tragic. It will hit home to those of you who ski The CAN regularly. ....Toby, you'll laugh. I'm glad that I can.

    The Nines will open today. Grande and Deschutes opened this morning. While waiting for The Nines to open, I took a few laps on the 37North (Deschutes) side of Grande. The snow was $$$. Fourth lap I decided to enter Grande Bowl from the skiers right (Deschutes run-off). I tried to be very careful to enter the bowl under the cliff. I failed. The only lines, other than mine were patroller lines. Turns out that I was at the entrance of the bowl right at the top and at the extreme skier's right of the cliff. There was virgin soon on it, and I did not realize that it was the cliff. Started my decent, immediately scraped rock, tried to make a left turn, lost my balance, bounced off the cliff, prematurely double ejaculated, lost both skis and a pole, and tomahawked and came to a rest about 30' below the cliff. No broken bones, but sore as FUCK!. The snow is deep, so I had to slide, on my ass, all the way down Grande and walk the Red Pine Road flat to the Patrol station at the Gonjola.

    The patrollers found one ski. Tomorrow, I will go up and look for the other. This is the one time that I am happy that there is no snow in the forecast for the next couple of days.

    If anyone is there and comes across a Kästle MX98, kindly pick it up and give me a shout.

    Look, now I have 3 ass cheeks. This will be black and blue in a couple of hours.
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    "My policies are based not on some economics theory, but on things I and millions like me were brought up with: an honest day's work for an honest day's pay; live within your means; put by a nest egg for a rainy day; pay your bills on time; support the police." M. Thatcher (RIP)
    "...
    Judges smoke it, even the lawyer too...So you've got to legalize it..." Peter Tosh

  2. #2
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    all that just to show us an ass pic?!

    now show us some sister or gf ass to get the taste off of my screen
    powdork.com - new and improved, with 20% more dork.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by powdork View Post
    all that just to show us an ass pic?!

    now show us some sister or gf ass to get the taste off of my screen
    you licked your screen after seeing man-ass?

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by schindlerpiste View Post
    prematurely double ejaculated,
    not a total loss then, or?

  5. #5
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    I still have a lump on my ass/hip from a rock 20 or so years ago opening day at Bachelor.

    Looks like it may be high enough not to hamper sitting on the shitter. Mine made shitting brutal.

  6. #6
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    The first time I skied Grande, my wife and I came in on that skier's right side of the cliff band. It took a lot of billygoating to get back out safely. Definitely an oh-shit moment.

    Heal up soon. That is one sketchy cheese grater rock pile to tumble over.

  7. #7
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    Glad you're not dead, C.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by schindlerpiste View Post
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    dont let some ole sports doc deceive u....thats an alien in last trimester.... eyes aglow....named yet?
    My Company: Made in Colorado SKi Clothing- check it out

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    25% Maggot Discount Code = 'MAGGOT18'

  9. #9
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    .Name:  Chest-burster_burst_001_1196992666.jpeg
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  10. #10
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    2d ski has been found.

    Much appreciation for the excellent work of the ski patrol. Appreciative goodness coming their way.

    I consider myself extremely fortunate.

    If I have skied there once, I have skied there 100 times. Sheer early season stupidity. I hope that this was my only idiot moment of the season.
    "My policies are based not on some economics theory, but on things I and millions like me were brought up with: an honest day's work for an honest day's pay; live within your means; put by a nest egg for a rainy day; pay your bills on time; support the police." M. Thatcher (RIP)
    "...
    Judges smoke it, even the lawyer too...So you've got to legalize it..." Peter Tosh

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by schindlerpiste View Post
    2d ski has been found.

    Much appreciation for the excellent work of the ski patrol. Appreciative goodness coming their way.

    I consider myself extremely fortunate.

    If I have skied there once, I have skied there 100 times. Sheer early season stupidity. I hope that this was my only idiot moment of the season.
    Hopefully that alien goes full term so you can be back on skis for many more idiot moments this season.

  12. #12
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    Huh, I always thought Schindlerpiste was like 60. Heal up man.

    I went 15’ to a flat landing with a hidden rock 5 or so years ago. Legs went out and I took most of the force square to one ass cheek. Luckily I didn’t break a hip nor a tailbone. The bruise didn’t show for a week but then lasted 8. Took 3 weeks to walk right.

  13. #13
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    Thanks for the positive vibes, well wishes and funnies.
    You guys.
    while I

    I hope to continue to ski like I do forever. Who knows what the night has in store, but I hope to take a few laps (albeit gingerly) tomorrow.

    Right now, many deep breaths, and ice bags.
    "My policies are based not on some economics theory, but on things I and millions like me were brought up with: an honest day's work for an honest day's pay; live within your means; put by a nest egg for a rainy day; pay your bills on time; support the police." M. Thatcher (RIP)
    "...
    Judges smoke it, even the lawyer too...So you've got to legalize it..." Peter Tosh

  14. #14
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    A buddy had almost the same bruise, (only worse, actually). Jump landing to a hidden 4" diameter stump. He had trouble walking as it healed, but he could ski without pain.
    Well maybe I'm the faggot America
    I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

  15. #15
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    holy hematoma! heal up
    actually surprised we don't have a bruise pic thread here yet
    when we get bad bruising on my home we like to name them since they stay with you for awhile
    skid luxury

  16. #16
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    It's now ugly black and blue, but I don't want to share anymore ass pics. Right now, I feel like I tore/strained a bunch of lower ab and low back muscles. Not going to be a comfortable night.
    "My policies are based not on some economics theory, but on things I and millions like me were brought up with: an honest day's work for an honest day's pay; live within your means; put by a nest egg for a rainy day; pay your bills on time; support the police." M. Thatcher (RIP)
    "...
    Judges smoke it, even the lawyer too...So you've got to legalize it..." Peter Tosh

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by schindlerpiste View Post
    It's now ugly black and blue, but I don't want to share anymore ass pics. Right now, I feel like I tore/strained a bunch of lower ab and low back muscles. Not going to be a comfortable night.
    prolly just some internal bleeding i wouldn't worry about it septicpiste. ;-)

    i'm jealous cause i don't bruise for some reason
    powdork.com - new and improved, with 20% more dork.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by powdork View Post
    i'm jealous cause i don't bruise for some reason
    omg I am your polar opposite. I bruise at the drop of a dime
    so strange
    skid luxury

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by schindlerpiste View Post
    This is a funny that could have been tragic. It will hit home to those of you who ski The CAN regularly. ....Toby, you'll laugh. I'm glad that I can.

    The Nines will open today. Grande and Deschutes opened this morning. While waiting for The Nines to open, I took a few laps on the 37North (Deschutes) side of Grande. The snow was $$$. Fourth lap I decided to enter Grande Bowl from the skiers right (Deschutes run-off). I tried to be very careful to enter the bowl under the cliff. I failed. The only lines, other than mine were patroller lines. Turns out that I was at the entrance of the bowl right at the top and at the extreme skier's right of the cliff. There was virgin soon on it, and I did not realize that it was the cliff. Started my decent, immediately scraped rock, tried to make a left turn, lost my balance, bounced off the cliff, prematurely double ejaculated, lost both skis and a pole, and tomahawked and came to a rest about 30' below the cliff. No broken bones, but sore as FUCK!. The snow is deep, so I had to slide, on my ass, all the way down Grande and walk the Red Pine Road flat to the Patrol station at the Gonjola.

    The patrollers found one ski. Tomorrow, I will go up and look for the other. This is the one time that I am happy that there is no snow in the forecast for the next couple of days.

    If anyone is there and comes across a Kästle MX98, kindly pick it up and give me a shout.

    Look, now I have 3 ass cheeks. This will be black and blue in a couple of hours.
    Name:  IMG_3992.jpg
Views: 852
Size:  46.3 KB
    Bounced down a cliff band myself once, unfun. Glad you're alright I was as well, scary when you know what's coming and have no control to stop it.

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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by b-bear View Post
    omg I am your polar opposite. I bruise at the drop of a dime
    so strange
    wouldn't that be polar bear opposite?
    you get all the sympathy. last month in socks i slipped on the top stair. bounced down all the stairs on my back and side. broke 1 rib and separated another. got a tiny bruise on my tailbone. i mean what's the point of breaking something if i can't post a pic on ig?
    powdork.com - new and improved, with 20% more dork.

  21. #21
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    Alien arrived today
    Click image for larger version. 

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    "My policies are based not on some economics theory, but on things I and millions like me were brought up with: an honest day's work for an honest day's pay; live within your means; put by a nest egg for a rainy day; pay your bills on time; support the police." M. Thatcher (RIP)
    "...
    Judges smoke it, even the lawyer too...So you've got to legalize it..." Peter Tosh

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