Helicopter parenting

[mtngirl79]

My wife is a real estate agent, and a lot of millenial couples bring their parents to see houses. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Parents are probably paying the down payment.

[Bobby Stainless]

no, streatkred. parent trying to help plug all the gaps.

Maybe send your kid to a well funded institution?

[Ted Striker]

Parents are probably paying the down payment.

yep.

[old goat]

IMO this type of upbringing is built into us from the past when humans lived in small groups. Constant interaction and mentoring was normal.
What is different today is perhaps fear. Never before did parent drive to pick up their kids when they lived close to school as an example
Or maybe some of these parents never got what they considered enough love or attention so their making sure their kids will never experience that.

We were in the Amazon recently. There were Kichwa Indians living pretty much a traditional life there; we saw young kids playing on the river bank with no adult within shouting distance, let alone within sight.

When my kids were growing up in Sacramento they spent all summer and most winter weekends in Truckee. At the time they would have preferred to be on soccer teams or hang out with their friends or play video games. We told them we spent as much time in the mountains as we could for us--the adults, and as kids they had to go along with the program. I told this to someone recently and she was (semi-mock) horrified. As adults both sons spend as much of their free time in the mountains as they can.

[old goat]

IMO this type of upbringing is built into us from the past when humans lived in small groups. Constant interaction and mentoring was normal.
What is different today is perhaps fear. Never before did parent drive to pick up their kids when they lived close to school as an example
Or maybe some of these parents never got what they considered enough love or attention so their making sure their kids will never experience that.

We were in the Amazon recently. There were Kichwa Indians living pretty much a traditional life there; we saw young kids playing on the river bank with no adult within shouting distance, let alone within sight.

When my kids were growing up in Sacramento they spent all summer and most winter weekends in Truckee. At the time they would have preferred to be on soccer teams or hang out with their friends or play video games. We told them we spent as much time in the mountains as we could for us--the adults, and as kids they had to go along with the program. I told this to someone recently and she was (semi-mock) horrified. As adults both sons spend as much of their free time in the mountains as they can.

I do remember one of my kids being distraught that some project he had built for class wasn't nearly as nice as any of the other kids'. OTOH it was the only one actually made by the kid and not their parent (or in one case by the architect father's office model builder.) I hope it helped when I pointed that out to him.

[Benny Profane]

My wife is a real estate agent, and a lot of millenial couples bring their parents to see houses. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Well, who do you think is paying for the down payment?

[Bobby Stainless]

sounds like it's all a bit beyond your ken again, streatkred.

Sounds like a shitty school. Not enough funding or staff...

Not really hard to figure out if they have you working there 3 days a week. You aren't even a teacher.

Whoever takes care of your kid's financial shit should pony up the dough for a quality education. You did say he was the smartest one.

It's money well spent.

[Bobby Stainless]

it's one of the best public elementary schools in the city. again, sounds like it's beyond you, streatkred.

i'm at the boy's school 3 or more times a week for a couple hours and his teacher and a lot of the parents would love it if i came more. 28 kids in 2nd grade bilingual immersion and no dedicated assistant -- only a parent -funded intern for a couple hours.

...talk to the union rep about why they don't have the assistant or other they're supposed to have with more than 26 kids by contract.

Maybe it's "beyond" me... But it sure sounds like lack of funding...

[schindlerpiste]

I think that paying close attention to kids to a degree (some call it helicoptering) in elementary and even middle school is OK. The world has changed, and not necessarily for the better. While there was always bullying , drugs, alcohol and sex, at least kids used to go to the park to play. When I was in grade school, my routine was to come home from school, check in with mom, get a snack, and then go out until 5:00pm to either ride my bike, play ball, or flip cards. Now, many mom's are not home at 3:00pm, so kids are left to play video games, or practice the art of couch potato. Parents feel good about themselves, and think that they love their kids the most when they are able to complain to administration, or helicopter,
The worst, and most detrimental, is when parents helicopter in H.S. and college. I am sure that not many here are surprised to hear that many parents fill out college applications, write, or re-write college app. essays, and are constantly on the phone with kids college advisors. I used to be a member of a parent group for my kids' school. Frankly, it became too much. The constant complaints gave me a headache, so I can imagine what it did to faculty.

[4matic]

Parents with means have been helping kids buy homes forever. It’s just that more people have the means to help and as a percentage of income housing costs are considerably higher now. Also, It’s pretty standard practice for Asians.

https://www.apartmentlist.com/renton...th-since-1960/

It’s also not that many parents want to hover. They have to. One of my co-workers had a visit from the police because her kids walked home from school and were found playing in the park. “Other” parents reported it.

[schindlerpiste]

Bwahahahaha.

Parents not minding their own business.

"Oh shit, there's a black (or asian, italian, jewish or middle eastern) kid in the park!" I need to call the police. Fucked up people electing governmental officials

[4matic]

When I was in grade school, my routine was to come home from school, check in with mom, get a snack, and then go out until 5:00pm to either ride my bike, play ball, or flip cards. Now, many mom's are not home at 3:00pm,.

You were lucky to have stay at home mom. My mom went to work when I was in 6th grade to help keep me in activities and pay bills. Both parents work out of necessity now.

I walked home and just dealt with it on my own. It was no problem either.

[The SnowShow]

I find there are lots of parents who like to tattle on each other and preach about how you’re not doing it right. Fuck em

[4matic]

When I coached FS HS football I’d estimate considerably more than half came from single parent households. We rarely had any parents for our Thursday afternoon games mostly because they are working.

[SumJongGuy]

I'm an adult leader in my son's scout troop. Though they have funds available to offer low income or no income families for dues and outings, nobody's ever taken us up on it. We tried pretty hard to bring a friend of our sons in to the troop but he only showed for a few service projects and local things. Turns out it's probably the fact they don't have decent health insurance and there re medical forms required. Sure, they can go stand in line to try to use Medicare and get that done but it's WAY harder and more time consuming for a single parent or parents to make happen. So, these low income assistance opportunities are too difficult for low income people to accept. Last time I surveyed the committee meeting parents, I'm probably the lowest income family in the troop and we're clearing well over 6 figures annually between two working parents. So ya, funding problems all around.

[DBdude]

There have actually been instances where parents of millenials show up with their early twenties kid for a job interview or performance review.

i'm sure it happens all the time...

[Danno]

Bobby stainless, you do understand that most public schools are underfunded, don't you? And that asking for parent volunteers is pretty normal?

There's lots of stuff that spook may deserve shit for, but volunteering in his kids class isn't one of them. And sure, the fact that they need volunteers means they're underfunded (see sentence number one) but that doesn't mean it's a bad school or that spook is a helicopter parent because he volunteers there.

[muted]

Bobby stainless, you do understand that most public schools are underfunded, don't you? And that asking for parent volunteers is pretty normal?

There's lots of stuff that spook may deserve shit for, but volunteering in his kids class isn't one of them. And sure, the fact that they need volunteers means they're underfunded (see sentence number one) but that doesn't mean it's a bad school or that spook is a helicopter parent because he volunteers there.

They are flirting, it's fine.

[bagtagley]

The extremes are good for news stories and making people feel good about themselves. The truth is less interesting. Most public schools will take all the help they can get, and I recommend that anyone with kids in elementary school go eat lunch with them. It’s a riot. Maybe keep it to a couple times a year and abstain if they’re older and tell you to fuck off.

[muted]

The extremes are good for news stories and making people feel good about themselves. The truth is less interesting. .

True and a good point. But what's up with the super rich being the worst case scenarios?

I'd be fascinated to watch my 4 year old at school. Probably wonderful to see her actually listen to someone all day, sounds like heaven.

[MontuckyFried]

It’s also not that many parents want to hover. They have to. One of my co-workers had a visit from the police because her kids walked home from school and were found playing in the park. “Other” parents reported it.

Wow. That is mind blowing. WTF is wrong with people?! Now kids aren't even allowed to play on their own any more? It's no wonder so many kids come back home to roost after they've left the nest for 5 minutes. Too many are completely incapable of independence if they weren't even allowed the chance to play on their own as kids. SMH.

You were lucky to have stay at home mom. My mom went to work when I was in 6th grade to help keep me in activities and pay bills. Both parents work out of necessity now.

This is an argument I hear repeatedly constantly these days that I simply don't buy (for many that is, definitely not all). We don't find it "necessary" to have our kids in a bazillion expensive organized activities (or really any for that matter). We don't find it "necessary" to have a brand new crossover like the average American car buyer these days (average car payment is now $523/month). We don't find it "necessary" for our kids to have the latest iPhone, tablet, or game system. I could go on all day about what we don't find necessary. If the average American household started to cut out some of the extraneous crap that really are luxuries, but have somehow become expectations these days, then so many more families could get by on one income. That's my take on it at least. We skip a LOT of expected things these days to make it work. I'd rather my wife get to be at home with the kids if possible (or send them to go play outside all day like the good old and statistically much more dangerous days), even if it means we have to drive ancient POS cars (no car payments), rock old phones with minimal plans, don't have cable TV (hell, we went nearly a year without even having a family TV this year), and worst yet, we had to leave our beloved home in Big Sky because we simply couldn't make ends meet there and had to move to TX (ugh) where I got a job. So I just hate hearing how the norm these days is now "necessary." http://www.pewresearch.org/ft_dual-i...s-1960-2012-2/ Despite popular opinion, for most, it is a choice. Most parents both have to work because they refuse to live a "lesser" life. What people expect in terms of consumer goods and standards of living used to be reserved for the wealthy. So living like that, OF COURSE both parents "have to" work. Never mind that daycare costs often cost damn near one of the spouses' entire income, but never mind that. WAAAAAAAAY more parents could live off a single income if they were willing to make the sacrifices that our parents did. Most of us grew up with far less than kids have these days, and honestly I think we were far the richer for it. Pickup sandlot baseball in the local park was SO much more fun than boring Little League. Funny how our parents were more accessible to us back then, yet we had vastly more independence. It's no wonder parents these days are so frazzled and overwhelmed with life. Too much money being spent. Too many activities. Too much helicoptering, so they don't get any alone time whatsoever. People bring it on themselves. I have zero pity.

[muted]

Too much money being spent. Too many activities. Too much helicoptering, so they don't get any alone time whatsoever. People bring it on themselves. I have zero pity.

True. One dad in that article mentions how lunchtime is the only time he can hang with his kid because he has so many activities after school. Probably pushing him into everything to get into whatever college already. No sympathy from me either.

[mtngirl79]

I guess it depends where you fall on the middle class scale...

My job use to support whole families solid middle class. One income.

Now, not so much unless you're getting help from somewhere.

I get it with many two working parent families, but not every one.

[MontuckyFried]

True. One dad in that article mentions how lunchtime is the only time he can hang with his kid because he has so many activities after school. Probably pushing him into everything to get into whatever college already. No sympathy from me either.

Yup. That's it in a nutshell. I can see how easy the slippery slope starts and I actively try to head it off at the pass at every opportunity. Example: Earlier this year, my son showed an interest in baseball, so my wife begged me to sign him up for Tee-ball, to which I said "F no." I had explain to her how our son would be that kid in the outfield picking flowers. Little boys have the attention span of a gnat so I'm not going to waste our very limited time and money on that. So I spent $20 on a little Tee-ball set and play with him in the back yard all the time. As predicted, he has fun with it for about 10 minutes at a time, then he's on to checking out bugs and playing with the dogs. It's all good. I'm not stuck at a boring tee-ball game pretending to get all psyched. He plays with his little friends once in a while when we set up our own makeshift diamond. Think of the cumulative time (and money) I just bought myself by skipping this one! Sure, when he's older and shows a genuine interest in something, I'll support him, BUT it'll be limited to like one thing at a time and let him really dedicate himself. If he loses interest, oh well.

I live in suburbia now, and I find it mind blowing how many (dual-income) parents are shuttling their little spawn between multiple activities EVERY EVENING, with multiple kids, oh yeah, and your weekends are shot now too with said activities cuz competitions, right? Lol, nope! No wonder kids can't go to the park by themselves anymore. Parents these days be like, "Ain't nobody got time for that! You're only going to the park if it's an organized sport! See you at school for lunch, champ."

[Bobby Stainless]

Bobby stainless, you do understand that most public schools are underfunded, don't you?

Yeah. Which is why I questioned him sending his kid there in the first place.

I imagine there are private schools with smaller classes and more teachers available.

His kid is top of the class and all. (of course)