Isolation and loneliness: rampant social disease

[Buster Highmen]

https://www.economist.com/internatio...health-problem .

As I age, I have become much more isolated.

I thought that maybe this is just how it is, despite recollections of my parent lives, their parties, gatherings and secular interactions. I still give it a shot with invitations, but find it weird how absent my life is of having confidants beyond my wife and buddies so prominent prior to professional life. I figured it's just me, despite, and maybe because of, my attempts to reach out.

What's interesting is that I've discovered that this perception is not just mine, that there is a recognized world wide problem with isolation and loneliness in developed countries. Senator Sasse has just authored a book about it, "Them, Why We Hate Each Other and How Do We Heal" and the growing political tribalism. In the last 27 years, we've gone from 3.2 close friends per person to 1.8 friends. Interesting stuff and, according the the NIH, the #1 health problem in America.

https://youtu.be/YifkAM4nN-M?t=338

TGR and all social media is part of the problem as a placebo for real connectedness and social interaction.

Thoughts?

[glademaster]

[berko]

Ive thought about this quite a bit as I watch my elderly parents systematically alienate their friends and family.

I think that, in their case, the ability to easily fill their lives with media that reinforces their beliefs and castigates everyone else has enabled them to marginalize just about everybody over some minor detail.

[iceman]

Well I don't think TGR is a part of the problem in fact I'd say the opposite. It does provide social interaction and a chance to express yourself, a chance to be heard, to have your opinions and thoughts vetted, a chance to laugh or make someone else laugh. I wouldn't necassarily say I'm un-nuts but I'd be more nuts without it imo.

[Viva]

I've always been a bit of a loner. Always had close friends, but never a wide-ranging portfolio of acquaintences. Crowds piss my off, unless it's an SC or Doyers game. I'm am moving to near a small town in SW Colorado. Not a lot of people here. Good.

I keep in touch with my best friends via phone. My kid calls me regularly, and we sometimes talk for hours at a time. Now that I'm back out west, I'll be sking and meeting folks on the slopes, and working ultras again. Plenty of social interaction in those activities, and with folks I may never see again, but we enjoyed each other's company for a brief time.

So, what am I saying? I guess lonliness ain't an issue for me (yet), as I never maintained a large social network and often sought out solitary activities. I'm happy where I am in life right now, as well as my anticipated trajectory.

AND I'M GETTING A PUPPY!!!!!!

Sent from my SM-G960U using TGR Forums mobile app

[Buster Highmen]

[MontuckyFried]

Well I don't think TGR is a part of the problem in fact I'd say the opposite. It does provide social interaction and a chance to express yourself, a chance to be heard, to have your opinions and thoughts vetted, a chance to laugh or make someone else laugh. I wouldn't necassarily say I'm un-nuts but I'd be more nuts without it imo.

Agreed! And it's actually led to one of my best real life friendships too! I've met some cool dudes IRL thanks to the forum and if anything has helped immensely with the isolation that one can otherwise feel living in a ski town.

[Buster Highmen]

Well I don't think TGR is a part of the problem in fact I'd say the opposite. It does provide social interaction and a chance to express yourself, a chance to be heard, to have your opinions and thoughts vetted, a chance to laugh or make someone else laugh. I wouldn't necassarily say I'm un-nuts but I'd be more nuts without it imo.

I think it's filler. Read the articles. The statistics are there; certainly possible they're being misinterpreted, but it's what people are statistically citing.

I'm not comfortable talking about everything in my life online with strangers.

There's something about being on a stage of a stadium in front of crowds of strangers that brings about a different sort of experience and satisfaction.

That said, there are a bunch of people I've met via TGR that I'm really glad I did.

[schindlerpiste]

I think that people possess different tolerances. Happiness comes with both. Some people need only very few close friends, so long as they have a good dog. Other people love an active social life and thrive on a large group of friends, sometimes to the detriment of their own well being. Most adults fit someplace in-between, and enjoy a spouse, maybe children and a pet, along with a small circle of good friends, whom they trust and would go to the mats for. The problem occurs either when a person is shy, but longs for companionship while at the same time feeling awkward and lazy socially, or socially loose, thereby exercising poor judgment. I'd bet that here is a huge correlation between loneliness, horniness, and the status of romantic relationships...also laziness, complacency and loneliness.
Wow, that gave me a headache

[Danno]

Well I don't think TGR is a part of the problem in fact I'd say the opposite. It does provide social interaction and a chance to express yourself, a chance to be heard, to have your opinions and thoughts vetted, a chance to laugh or make someone else laugh. I wouldn't necassarily say I'm un-nuts but I'd be more nuts without it imo.

Sure, TGR provides all that. But I think Buster's point about TGR (or social media in general) has become (for many) a substitute of sorts for "real" social interaction. If you imagine your world without things like TGR, in a vacuum it might seem like you'd be more isolated. But the reality is that you might become more connected to real people around you. IOW, getting your fill of social interaction and personal expression on an internet forum becomes the substitute for getting it in the real world; it's not so simple as just looking at what TGR provides and say "hey, I get my social interactions!"

[thefrush]

Well I don't think TGR is a part of the problem in fact I'd say the opposite. It does provide social interaction and a chance to express yourself, a chance to be heard, to have your opinions and thoughts vetted, a chance to laugh or make someone else laugh. I wouldn't necassarily say I'm un-nuts but I'd be more nuts without it imo.

Yeah, while I agree with some of OP's thoughts and following comments, TGR has been a benefit in my life. I've made friends and had experiences that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and am a better person because of it.

[Buster Highmen]

At the root of the issue is isolation and the stats indicating that people feel on the whole more isolated and anxious.

The claim is that social media is related, either by being an insufficient placebo or by creating a sense of exclusion.

[Harry]

Agreed! And it's actually led to one of my best real life friendships too! I've met some cool dudes IRL thanks to the forum and if anything has helped immensely with the isolation that one can otherwise feel living in a ski town.

FKNA !

Remember that day we skied with axebiker? And then had a dinner party afterwards at my place with wives & kids ? That is what TGR is all about.

[schindlerpiste]

TGR is like any other forum, or chatroom. I see no difference between FB, snapchat, etc., and TGR, except that I have met people through TGR who I like, but I have never met anyone through FB. I like positive social interactions, whether they be in person, or social media. FB is great, until we start blithering on about politics and the like. Similarly, I like TGR until it gets nasty, either politically, personally or pointedly.

[4matic]

Decline in organized religion promotes loneliness too. Nature as religion can be a solitary endeavor.

[Buster Highmen]

So either the claim that social media is to blame for the statistics is bogus or tgr is the shining zit on the innert00bz? The nih has some cred methinks.

[Buster Highmen]

One way to look at the symptom is that friends have become a commodity: that it's so easy to "meet" someone that the value of a person as a longstanding friend is diminished?

Or, like Bro said, we become so selective and specialized?

There's got to be something to the reports and statistics.

[Timberridge]

Become active in the clubs and organizations in your local community. You'll meet tons of people that way. If you live in the boonies, you're unfortunately kinda stuck knowing just a few people. Laugh if you want but I think as mentioned previously being lonely was a big reason that people(especially rural people) attend Sunday church services...you get to meet your neighbors.

TGR covers a very broad geography which is not conducive to hanging out with people IRL.

Or you could go fight in a war somewhere. That's very conducive to forming long lasting relationships among survivors. And they have VFW halls.

[Buster Highmen]

Become active in the clubs and organizations in your local community. You'll meet tons of people that way. If you live in the boonies, you're unfortunately kinda stuck knowing just a few people. Laugh if you want but I think as mentioned previously being lonely was a big reason that people(especially rural people) attend Sunday church services...you get to meet your neighbors.

TGR covers a very broad geography which is not conducive to hanging out with people IRL.

Or you could go fight in a war somewhere. That's very conducive to forming long lasting relationships among survivors. And they have VFW halls.

All valid points, but that sort of glosses over the issue and the stats that clubs, leagues and traditional social interactions have all taken a dive while a sense of isolation, of political tribalism and factionalism as well as anxiety are on the rise along with participation in social media. FWIW, I did do a bunch of volunteering at the public school tutoring and soup kitchens before that, but it didn't really work for an old stoner ski fiend.

TGR has been much more functional, at least in superficial ways with exceptions of being offered crash space and ski pals in UT and CO.

I'm too old to go to war.

[FLS]

He's a perfect stranger
Like a cross
Of himself and a fox
He's a feeling arranger
And a changer
Of the ways he talks
He's the unforeseen danger
The keeper of
The key to the locks

[dunfree]

our affinity community's are radicalizing us; we don't treat them as if human contact is the primary reason for participation, not a byproduct. the tgr is a part of the problem.

[Wrecked]

I’m pretty fortunate to have life long friends who live close by. The closest one and I started a thing every Sunday. We do coffee and a doob in the evening when my wife is at work. We just talk and bs about life... fears... and what not.

We skipped a week of it once and it really threw me off. Didn’t realize how important it was for my mental health to have a real meaningful conversation with someone once in a while.

I have them with the wife too, don’t get me wrong but, so much of that is centered around our home and possessions and bills and future kids.

[Timberridge]

All valid points, but that sort of glosses over the issue and the stats that clubs, leagues and traditional social interactions have all taken a dive while a sense of isolation, of political tribalism and factionalism as well as anxiety are on the rise along with participation in social media.

This is just one example but a while ago I got involved in my town's Ripken/Babe Ruth program and serve on the board. We've grown since I joined. I've met so many people. People who have different points of view on politics, etc. (there are even some Red Sox fans) and I'm never short of opportunities to get together with others and do stuff, including a game or two with guys who have also lost a step, or two, or three .

I think part of the problem today, especially if you have younger kids, is people are involved in so many things that they never find time to socialize except superficially.

[BCMtnHound]

Buncha damn snowflakes. My kids get in the way, I’m too busy at work, your politics I disagree with at an essential level, .... blah blah blah.

Relationships take investment of time, ideas, consideration, and tolerance. You have to GIVE of yourself - something that many in our entitled society have little experience in. Drugs/alcohol/social media are tools that may facilitate, but are not substitutes for the work needed to make meaningful and lasting relationships.

And get off my lawn!

[KQ]

An article about this showed up in our local paper the other day. This will be me:

Elder Orphans: A Real Problem or a New Way to Scare Singles?

But apparently there is hope:

Single? No Kids? Don’t Fret: How to Plan Care in Your Later Years