Isolation and loneliness: rampant social disease

[Ted Striker]

I think part of the problem today, especially if you have younger kids, is people are involved in so many things that they never find time to socialize except superficially.

And that people lose (for whatever reasons) their old friends when they have kids, so their new friends are mostly just their kids' friends' parents. Since those relationships are superficial, as the kids grow up those "friends" fade away.

[KQ]

Sure, TGR provides all that. But I think Buster's point about TGR (or social media in general) has become (for many) a substitute of sorts for "real" social interaction. If you imagine your world without things like TGR, in a vacuum it might seem like you'd be more isolated. But the reality is that you might become more connected to real people around you. IOW, getting your fill of social interaction and personal expression on an internet forum becomes the substitute for getting it in the real world; it's not so simple as just looking at what TGR provides and say "hey, I get my social interactions!"

Out of the cave and onto Facebook - the life of a modern hermit

[Timberridge]

An article about this showed up in our local paper the other day. This will be me:

Elder Orphans: A Real Problem or a New Way to Scare Singles?

But apparently there is hope:

Single? No Kids? Don’t Fret: How to Plan Care in Your Later Years

The horses will take care of you. On the human side I still think there's hope for you and Benny to get together one day.

[digitaldeath]

"Cyberspace is a new form of perspective... The development of information superhighways confronts us with a new phenomenon: disorientation."

https://www.radicalphilosophyarchive...ce_virilio.pdf

[Mofro261]

And that people lose (for whatever reasons) their old friends when they have kids, so their new friends are mostly just their kids' friends' parents. Since those relationships are superficial, as the kids grow up those "friends" fade away.

I think this happened to me mainly because I wasn't willing to put in the degree of effort it took to maintain them- my wife came out of it with lasting relationships with many of the other moms that have persisted well after the kids were no longer close. I kept the relationships with the Dad's more superficial or didn't make the true connection and it's my lack of effort to not find the time or make the time to develop them more than anything as to why they didn't/don't continue.

Despite having a number in my phone and a phone in my hand making the call... it's easier to put the head down and be buried under the burdens of everyday life.

[Jacques Sheer-Rocko]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQhApraUzmQ

[capulin overdrive]

The horses will take care of you. On the human side I still think there's hope for you and Benny to get together one day.

How long until the horses eat your corpse?

Seems like the figures for cats and dogs have posted before.

[plugboots]

I'm not sure this isolation and loneliness is recent, but probably is a more of a problem for a larger percentage of the population.

As I get older, I tend to avoid certain situations that as a younger person I might have tried. I was just talking about this yesterday driving back from WSU to see my daughter. I was getting gas, and I remembered the gas station that was out in the boonies. Mrs. Plug was wondering when I woulda been there, and it was during a fly-fishing recon trip to a tiny stream North of I-90 West of Spokane. I told her about the trip, and said, "Don't need to do that again." I used to do this all the time, and still do it to a certain extent, (look at something on a map, and just go check it out).

I think everyone does this to a certain extent. You check things out, decide what you want to do or where you want to explore, and then start avoiding the things that are less fun or desirable. Social media also helps/hurts this by giving full detailed reports of anything. Now people just avoid anything that might be marginal to them. Don't go see that band, don't go to that party, etc.

So... the population as a whole is getting older, (due to the boomers), and this population group has done it's exploring and it's adventuring, and knows what to avoid, (or thinks it knows), and so it skews the data. Social media is playing a part as well, of course.

[KQ]

The horses will take care of you. On the human side I still think there's hope for you and Benny to get together one day.

Yeah... horses are pretty helpless. Think I'd have better luck with the cats and donkeys. As for Benny.... ain't never going to work. I voted for Hillary.

[schindlerpiste]

The mention of Killary...there goes a perfectly good thread

[Benny Profane]

If only I could speak Italian. I'd move there pretty quickly, because the family and simple social interactions still thrive. I'm heading to Spain in z month to check that out. My Spanish is better.

I blame the automobile.

[KQ]

If only I could speak Italian. I'd move there pretty quickly, because the family and simple social interactions still thrive. I'm heading to Spain in z month to check that out. My Spanish is better.

I blame the automobile.

Like Italian is so hard. Sounds like an excuse Benny.

Tell you want... since TR wants to play matchmaker if you can overlook my voting record I'll be your translator because posso parlare italiano and we can live in Italian bliss.

[Benny Profane]

Italian is hard for me because I need immersion to get a language. That's why Spanish is easier. It's all around me, I have three or four spanish tv channels (ESPN Deportes is great) and two or three community schools to teach me. Then, they tell me, Italian will happen once I get Spanish. Well see.

[Ted Striker]

I think this happened to me mainly because I wasn't willing to put in the degree of effort it took to maintain them- my wife came out of it with lasting relationships with many of the other moms that have persisted well after the kids were no longer close. I kept the relationships with the Dad's more superficial or didn't make the true connection and it's my lack of effort to not find the time or make the time to develop them more than anything as to why they didn't/don't continue.

When one of my best friends had his first kid, we went to their house to see the baby, and generally hang out. As we were leaving, his wife says, "we're not going to be that couple that has kids and then falls off the face of the earth". As soon as we were out of earshot, my wife says to me, "you're gonna need a new friend dude".

Timberridge wasn't wrong about war. And the moms are the veterans of the kid war, so they might form new lasting relationships. The men are collateral damage.

[KQ]

Italian is hard for me because I need immersion to get a language. That's why Spanish is easier. It's all around me, I have three or four spanish tv channels (ESPN Deportes is great) and two or three community schools to teach me. Then, they tell me, Italian will happen once I get Spanish. Well see.

Yeah.... I went from Spanish to French to Italian and while Italian isn't hard like Swedish (at least I found Swedish hard) it's vastly different from Spanish. At first I kept tripping over "c" because it can be hard like "k" or soft like "ch" unlike Spanish.

[KQ]

Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?

[Timberridge]

Italian is hard for me because I need immersion to get a language. That's why Spanish is easier. It's all around me, I have three or four spanish tv channels (ESPN Deportes is great) and two or three community schools to teach me. Then, they tell me, Italian will happen once I get Spanish. Well see.

For gosh sakes Benny, you act as if KQ never just invited you to live in Italian bliss with her in Italy a couple responses back. The girl can cook up a storm, is well educated, independent, and loves cats. And from her avatar, quite attractive.
What the heck is wrong with you?

[FLS]

Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?

I met one of my closest friends at 40+. Our wives met through our kids and hit it off. My wife says to me that I would probably get along with this guy, he likes Neil Young, brews his own beer, skis, etc., etc. I told thanks but I'm plenty fine with the few close friends I got. Almost a year later we were all together for a dinner and we actually hit it off. Funny, we both had the same attitude of meh, I've got enough friends.... I guess you never know.

[uglymoney]

They canceled my daughters soccer game Sunday and I was pissed. She is only eight and she really isn't that great at soccer but I enjoy going. When my stepson was 8 (8 years ago) I would have celebrated if they canceled his game. Now though kids soccer is one of the highlights of my weekend. The parents at the game are all interested in soccer so we have that in common and then so and so knows so and so. Eight years ago I didn't know about soccer and the parents were all boring to me.

These changes sneak up on you.

Also completely agree. TGR, Facebook, Instagram. They are filler and no substitution for the real thing. They have thrown the balance of our social lives out of wack. Our brains and especially the ADD brain which tends to over represent on these platforms don't know how to handle them in a healthy way. Selective breeding will change that eventually maybe when guys who channel TGR from the basement don't reproduce with live humans. Like when our Euro ancestors (although I am at least as red as Warren) introduced alcohol to natives. They weren't adapted to it and suffered horribly from addiction. The internet is like a free drug with unlimited supply. The people who get rid of Facebook...they have to go cold turkey to quit. Facebook is weird to because we all sit in our own selective channeled realities and then try to interact with other people sitting in a different reality and it doesn't work so well. How wierd is it to see people IRL for the first time in a long while that we found out on Facebook they are barely literate mouthbreathers but liked okay before. It is awkward at first no? It is to me.

At least here at TGR it's kind of a bunch of shared rooms. A lot of the assholes in some rooms but you can pick and choose. Maybe okay in moderation and I think it is easier to keep it healthy around here with all the other flashy distractions drawing people away.

Also it is 1000% easier to meet people in mountain towns or college towns if you are young than it is a place like Moose. They are also 1000% more likely to move away or never heard from again but someone new is always coming along to replace them. One of the fantastic things about living here in Moose is that even if you try to disconnect you are constantly thrown back into a connective universe because you run into people everywhere you go that you know but there is still enough people around that you can put your brim down and ignore everyone if the mood strikes. I like that. When I lived in Minneapolis and saw someone I knew it was like HOLY SHIT! The cool anonymity part gets old faster than a new car.

[Cono Este]

If you have young kids you can see how social media has changed things. My sons Xbox is a social event, being networked. It’s undeniable.

TGR depends on how you use it. I can see living in a ski town how it could lead to meeting more people.


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[Kenny Satch]

IME
Making friends is easy.
Tolerating them is hard
I used to have 4 different circles of friends and now just one. The older I got the less tolerant I became to all the drama and infighting that happens. Luckily the group I hang out with are all high school buddies and all that drama played out years and years ago.
I count myself lucky to have such good friends.

[fastfred]

Sitting in my car alone in an empty parking lot hitting the bowl.

Got therapy session later today.

I'm a misanthrope.

Ran into my surgeon at lunch today he wanted to talk I didn't. Didn't want him to know what I did alone on the bike this weekend. He'd be pissed.

I have too many employees.

Think I'm high now

Sent from my SCH-I435 using Tapatalk

[Sirshredalot]

https://www.economist.com/internatio...health-problem .

As I age, I have become much more isolated.

I thought that maybe this is just how it is, despite recollections of my parent lives, their parties, gatherings and secular interactions. I still give it a shot with invitations, but find it weird how absent my life is of having confidants beyond my wife and buddies so prominent prior to professional life. I figured it's just me, despite, and maybe because of, my attempts to reach out.

What's interesting is that I've discovered that this perception is not just mine, that there is a recognized world wide problem with isolation and loneliness in developed countries. Senator Sasse has just authored a book about it, "Them, Why We Hate Each Other and How Do We Heal" and the growing political tribalism. In the last 27 years, we've gone from 3.2 close friends per person to 1.8 friends. Interesting stuff and, according the the NIH, the #1 health problem in America.

https://youtu.be/YifkAM4nN-M?t=338

TGR and all social media is part of the problem as a placebo for real connectedness and social interaction.

Thoughts?

First, let me list Ben Sasse's extensive contributions to reining in the corruption and partisan excesses of his party during his time in the Senate:

Okay, now that I'm done listing all those accomplishments, he can shove his fucking book up his cleft asshole. Like every other Senator with an R next to his name these days, he has built a career on duping rubes who are blinded by partisanship and propaganda, and he has never turned down the opportunity to cash those checks. His fucking crocodile tears are gross.

Now, in terms of the loneliness, unhappiness, etc. - I presented some research at a conference on this topic during my previous career. The thing that struck me is the collapse in participation in civic institutions for my parents generation compared to their parents generation. Whether we are talking about the mainline Protestant churches or secular organizations like the Rotarians or the Elks Club, membership and participation have plummeted, particularly among working and middle class white people. These kinds of clubs and organizations are how people (used to) know their neighbors and form a sense of community.

Looking at my own parents and my in-laws these days (all semi-retired), I can't help but notice this effect in practice. My folks have embraced participation in some local civic organization chapters in the town where they retired, whereas my in-laws have alienated their friends in the town where they have lived for most of their working careers, and they seem to be worse off for it. None of them are to the point where they are blowing their retirement savings on gold coins from Fox News or Ben Sasse books, buy I suppose they have probably 20-25 years each left on the odometer, and it's not like they're going to get less senile. Ben may still get to advance his career and financial interests by taking advantage of them!

I suppose I should apply these lessons to my own life and get more involved in my community, but it is hard to do as the overworked parent of two little kids.

[SumJongGuy]

Even though often done in groups, skiing is a solo activity. I'm only thinking about my own shit when I'm skiing other than making sure others aren't heading towards my line and avoiding collisions. Other than that, when riding the lifts, etc I'm thinking about my own shit most of the time. Occasional small talk with others, but very in to me and the nature around me out there, It's not much of a social activity beyond the planning and apres' activities.

[Timberridge]

Even though often done in groups, skiing is a solo activity. I'm only thinking about my own shit when I'm skiing other than making sure others aren't heading towards my line and avoiding collisions. Other than that, when riding the lifts, etc I'm thinking about my own shit most of the time. Occasional small talk with others, but very in to me and the nature around me out there, It's not much of a social activity beyond the planning and apres' activities.

You wouldn't be a good mountain ambassador.

I'm trying to break into that line of work but was rejected in another thread.
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