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Thread: Bitch About Your Ex Thread....
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08-10-2018, 03:59 PM #126
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08-10-2018, 04:09 PM #127
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08-10-2018, 05:10 PM #128I drink it up
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I think a system that wasn't inherently adversarial should be the baseline. It's geared toward getting yours, and getting some of theirs, too, if you can get away with it. Nothing is off the table. That sucks. "No fault" is a nice start. I'm glad I got divorced in a no fault state... saved a lot of BS (and the advice she got from internet friends living in different states was both hilarious and depressing, can't believe some of those things are factors in other parts of the country). It'd be nice if my lawyer didn't work for me and her lawyer didn't work for her, even if they do represent our interests.
This is a good point. I feel like I got fucked, even if I recognize that I largely fucked myself. Why would I do that? Well, my district tends to favor custody for the mother, particularly if the mother was a stay at home mom for all but the last couple years of the marriage. You can argue that that's right and good, and I'd argue that's absolutely fucked, but that's a different argument. So rather than take the chance that I'd only see my kids every other weekend I accepted a compromise that let me see my kids 40% of the time, structured around ongoing work and volunteer obligations. Is 50/50 appropriate? Sure. Would I have gotten it? I don't know.... How do you leave that to chance? The other stuff... I don't see how I win by kicking my kids out of their home, or can't afford nice things when they aren't with me. If the roles were reversed I have no doubt she would have done it to me in a heartbeat, but that's why I didn't want to live with her anymore.
Which is all stuff I've already said. My point is, the system is designed to give one side the chance of stripping everything from the other side if the cards fall their way, and they're motivated to do that. They want to be the baddest ass lawyer in town. Fuck. That. My lawyer is "a real bulldog" who's "relentless." I don't want that shit when I'm trying to negotiate what my family's life looks like for the next decade. I think fixing the system means taking away the motivation to develop that reputation. Capitalism sucks a big fat dick when you're talking about kids and relationships and quality of life.focus.
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09-29-2018, 04:36 PM #129I drink it up
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The other day I start getting texts from the ex. My youngest is sick, needs to come home from school. She had a cold with a slight fever. Poor baby....
Anyhow, I was in a marginally important work meeting with our board of directors, declined her call, asked her what's up. She says our youngest is sick. I say poor kid.... She jumps instantly to telling me it's my parenting time, per the custody order. I need to go get her. Which is a weird rhetorical strategy, since our custody order doesn't say any such thing. Not even close. Like, I'm not sure how you'd interpret what is written to get there, but I don't think you can, not rationally. I told her that's not even close to true, but if she wants to stick to reality we can work together to make sure our daughter gets taken care of. What's her work schedule looking like, I can squeak out in 15 or so, maybe.... etc.
She texts back and says don't ever contact her again. Followed up with that she's already left to go get the sick kid.
Followed up with, about 30 mins later, whether maybe I can take the next day off work or work from home as she really can't afford to miss more work. Pretty please?focus.
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09-04-2019, 07:31 PM #130I drink it up
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Bitch About Your Ex Thread....
Kids recently met my new girlfriend and we’ve been doing some things together. Low key, easy.... dinner, picnic, etc. We are building up to an overnight camping trip in a little over a month.
Anyways, we met her for dinner tonight and afterwards we were going to the grocery store and my oldest wanted to stop by her mom’s house and grab something for school tomorrow. My 12yo son wasn’t feeling well during dinner and wanted to skip the store, so my girlfriend offered to drop him off on her way home. Fine. Easy. Everybody wins.
When we stop by my ex’s house, though, I stayed in the car while the girls ran in. My youngest tells her that my gf took my son back to the house, and she lost her damn mind.
It started with her saying she was going to call the police on my gf, and quickly escalated to her telling me I had to get out of her driveway. When I told her I’d leave as soon as the kids got what they needed and got back in the car, she said she was going to call the police on me for trespassing. By then, the girls came back out, physically stopped her from getting her phone out, and begged her not to call the police.
Now she is saying if it ever happens again she will call the police and take me to court over the right of first refusal in the custody agreement. I’m not engaging, but also being clear with her that she is wrong and that isn’t what that clause means.....
So. Good times. It’s been almost 2 years. Looks like this is normal.... sigh.focus.
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09-04-2019, 07:43 PM #131
^ex's and girlfriends plus kids is bad juju.
Mine isn't quite as nuts as yours, but jealously ain't no fun.
If your gf is able to deal with the ex bullshit she might be a keeper.
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09-04-2019, 09:00 PM #132I drink it up
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I have not sugarcoated my ex’s behavior at all to her, and she has been amazing. True test will be the first face to face, I guess, but I wouldn’t have introduced my kids to her if I didn’t think she might be one for the long haul.
It just sucks so much for my kids to be thrust into the dysfunction my ex is creating.focus.
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09-05-2019, 01:26 AM #133Banned
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A divorced friend of mine only communicates with his ex through an app for divorced parents. I cant think of the name he called it but it time stamps everything and shows that they have recieved and read the message. I guess its helpful to prove what was said and wasnt for custody issues...
Seems like Mustonen might have a case for parental alienation or something.
I might have let her call the cops. She has no restraining order and you're sitting in the car while the kid gets something out of the house?
At least the kids seem old enough to see through her bullshit?
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09-05-2019, 04:34 AM #134
So I have been playing the field a little bit lately and I find some cute girl stalking me on linkedin. She went to Chico, so I add her being a fellow Californian and in St. Louis. Turns out she is married! And found me on her cousins Match account. 14 yrs, 2 kids, school teacher.
Really nice girl, but, I’m too old start screwing up like that and don’t need help going to hell, so just chatting through LinkedIn and went on a hike once.
My point, the fucked up shit chicks say when there are done with a man!! I don’t care if she is unhappy, they lose their minds!
She told me she’s selling his ring as soon as she files and taking a vacation to hawaii, and will i go with her? I read that and thought to myself, Is my ex lying about my 20k ring sitting in her safety deposit box for my daughter? Probably.
My 15 yr son was sitting next to me and I just could’nt resist showing him. I never want some insane, spiteful chick to hurt him.
The only reason I’m still talking to her, other than her being insanely hot, is that it’s my hope I can some how give her some advice so she doesn’t ruin her two boys.
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09-05-2019, 06:09 AM #135I drink it up
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Bitch About Your Ex Thread....
Uh-huh.
Massive red flag, though. That’s not just “bitches will be bitches” (though I think she’s entitled to do what she wants with the ring, and a Hawaii vacation with a disposable piece of meat sounds about right....), that speaks to a vindictive, entitled, narcissistic worldview. My ex said TERRIBLE, demeaning and belittling things about her exes, things I knew were probably not true, and treated them horribly. I mostly ignored it, to my eternal regret.
My new gf, by anecdotal contrast, really has nothing bad to say about who her exes were as people, and it isn’t because there isn’t bad stuff that could be said. It’s refreshing.focus.
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09-05-2019, 06:13 AM #136
Man, ain't that the truth!!! Rationality is out the freaking window at that point!
Lol, that's what they all say... and 9 times out of 10, they end up staying with their husband. In my single days, I had a handful of miserably married chicks hit on me aggressively, saying how they were going to leave their supposedly abusive (always "emotionally) husbands and wanted to get with me. That always sent off alarm bells to me and I never once took the bait as I hate drama. Had enough of my own with my own ex. Each one I told that if they were really THAT miserable that they should leave their husband first, actually file, and THEN get back to me if they were still interested. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them figured things out with their man and remained married. Not one left. Yup! Just what I thought. So glad I never got tangled up in their drama. That or worse. Could've gotten myself killed by a pissed off husband who didn't know his wife was (supposedly) "going to leave" him. Lol NOPE! Homey don't play that. You better have no strings attached. Things can get messy reeeaaaal quick. Just not worth it for a quick hookup with a psychotic floozy, no matter how hawt they may be. You'd just be asking for trouble then.
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09-05-2019, 06:23 AM #137
Woh! You just made an excellent point that I never really connected before you said it. The absolute worst women in my life (including my ex-wife) would do EXACTLY that. They would go on and on about how much their ex's sucked and some of the "awful" things their exes called them. Well lo and behold, after I learned the hard way, I realized everything their exes called them was spot on!!! Lol.
And just like your new girlfriend, all of the BEST women I've been with (including my outstanding current wife who I've been with for over 8 years), just didn't really talk trash about their exes. If anything, they don't hide or avoid saying positive things they may have done with them. "Oh yeah, we went to Chicago once. Went to the Jazz Fest. Was really cool!" Interesting how when a person has that attitude about an ex, that it helps the current relationship stay more positive. It's like they don't dwell on the past, allowing all that negativity to fester and effect where they are today. I have positive memories of my own with (good) exes and it's SOOOOO nice that I can be similarly open and positive about that with her too without fear of jealousy or pissing her off. That's a big helpful aspect of our relationship I hadn't thought about 'til now.
Wow. Mind blown, Mustonen. I'm going to have to ponder on that one some more. Could be some great advice to pass down to my own kids as to what to look out for in a person for their own future relationships.
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09-05-2019, 06:40 AM #138
Yep, the last chick I was in a relationship with her ex husband was literally committed, and would commit himself. She’d tell me about and I knew enough to ask myself “am I next”?. And clearly, she’s not taking responsibility for anything. She’d joke about their counseling, him getting pissed off in his “safe space”, like his life going down the toilet wasn’t serious. Meanwhile she was playing the mother card, cannot make compromises or do any wrong. Big surprise it ended horribly.
This current chick, she told me that, and I question if she realizes I’m divorced? And maybe I don’t like to hear about chicks selling rings that cost a guy several months pay?
They take no responsibility for their own mistakes.Last edited by Cono Este; 09-05-2019 at 07:10 AM.
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09-05-2019, 07:00 AM #139
Lots of normal chicks out there. I’m also seeing a really cool chick who is zero percent crazy. A widow, with her shot together. And she even claimed to me how guys are attracted to crazy.
There is some truth to that, so maybe we get what we deserve somehow.
Do I wait for crazy hot? Or go with level headed widow who takes nothing for granted? Sad it’s even a question.
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09-05-2019, 07:30 AM #140
Well, I can only speak as to my own experience but I say the widow. My own wife was widowed very young. Her first husband died in a freaking plane crash. She's amazingly level headed and treats me quite well as she doesn't take a single day for granted. The fact that they can go through such trauma and come out the other side NOT crazy is great proof of their mental stability. A rare trait among women indeed. Lol.
Looks only last so long. Crazy tends to be forever.
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09-05-2019, 08:04 AM #141
Pics please!
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09-05-2019, 08:16 AM #142
I really cannot make anymore excuses for crazy. Plus the last one shaved 10 yrs off my life. But damn, she was hot.
Interesting. The widow lost her husband in a plane crash too. He was a commercial pilot and flew his personal plane into the side of a mountain. He’d just bought it, and was flying it home. So maintenance probably.
Her Dad was shot down over Nam and lived at the Hanoi Hilton with John mcCain. He’s the guy who memorized everyone’s names when he was released early.
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09-05-2019, 08:59 AM #143
LMAO. Now before you go making any further mistakes, let us not ever forget this supremely accurate matrix:
That's nuts. With a dad like that, no wonder she has such strong resolve. Sounds like she has proper perspective. Unlike my crazy exes who for them, EVERYTHING was the end of the freaking world and worth a big knockdown drag out fight over. Noooooooo thank you.
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09-05-2019, 09:10 AM #144
I’m coming to the end of the road with my ex. Kids are 15 and barely want to hang out with me. In my divorce I did not fight for anything, and I stayed an extra 12 yrs in the midwest. I could have returned to Chicago and re started my trading career but i stayed for my kids.
It’s such a bad deal on so many levels. My ex now makes 500k a yr. what a joke she played the poor house wife and held onto my taxes for 3 yrs. lately I think about how hard I worked and had a million dollar house paid for at 30 and that at 47 I’m basically starting over. . Now I listened to others who think I’m some kind of a fuck up, to add insult to injury. Same assholes who wanted to hang out when I was pulling down 7 figures.
You just have to say what the fuck and let go, or you will never be happy. If I could go back and do it again i may not have stayed, you can’t nebotiate with terrorists. Now I have kids with a rich mother who buys them anything and we practically car camp on our ski trip.
But I’m fucking proud to have been there, and done that, and teach my kids all that shit is worthless. My son moans that we don’t fly and stay slope side at Copper, but then again his fat step dad could not take him OB, backside either. I prepaid for their college when he was born, and topped it off in the divorce. They all live in a great house because of me, including the new hubby. Get this, I traded a red 911 in for my ex’s minivan, now he drives it. Next yr I’ll make my son dig an igloo at wolf creek and we will live off cliff bars.
Don’t know what life has in store for me from here, but it will be real.
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09-05-2019, 09:27 AM #145
Bitch About Your Ex Thread....
Best story about Mrs. Austin:
I knew they were expecting their first child any day now, so when Austin invited me over for afternoon beers on his front porch, I figured he just wanted to calm his nerves. Instead I find an 8.999 month pregnant Mrs. Austin out mowing the lawn while Austin chilled in a comfy chair in the shade. She smiled, waved, and said "Hi Harry, have a seat with Austin and I will get you a beer !". She got me the beer and went back to mowing the lawn. Before I even sat down I turned to Austin and said "WTF dude... We need to get out there and work while she takes a break.." Austin said "Chill out, this is how we roll...". About 15 minutes later she shut the mower off and went inside. I figured she was going to the bathroom, or having the baby, or something. Instead she comes out with 2 thick roast beef sandwiches and 2 more beers. She was smiling and cheerful as she started the mower back up. I later got a text at 3am that his son was born healthy and happy.
Being a bachelor in a ski town is fun, but getting to know a solid couple like The Austin Family is pretty cool too.
Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums"Zee damn fat skis are ruining zee piste !" -Oscar Schevlin
"Hike up your skirt and grow a dick you fucking crybaby" -what Bunion said to Harry at the top of The Headwaters
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09-06-2019, 07:05 AM #146
Ha! Yup. She's a keeper! I swear, before you got there I actually insisted I do that stuff, but she was like "NO! I'm just pregnant, not an invalid!" and she kind of wouldn't let us do that stuff for her. She's had two kids now and she's never been dramatic about being pregnant, or giving birth. All naturale (no drugs or anything), and one was breach too! Screw that! Haha. Crazy birth and she just acts like it was NBD. Baby Austin being born actually came the day after next, though. She went into labor the morning after you and I hung out but it took about 24 hours. After she started going into labor after you and I hung out, she was like "Before we go into Bozeman, let's go on a quick hike first" and we hiked up Porcupine for a couple miles. I was like "WTF, woman?!" ...She's kind of a badass.
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09-06-2019, 07:21 AM #147
you know, reading some of this, have anyause, when you get older and look back, didja realize you totally read your parents and thier situation wrong growing up? I know I did.
Guess that's growing up is."Can't you see..."
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09-06-2019, 07:38 AM #148
As in realizing that my poor dad married an overly-emotional, crazy woman with borderline personality disorder? Yup! As a kid, I guess that was my "normal" and is probably why I ended up with a psychopath my first go-around. Looking back on things, I've realized just how much my dad and us kids put up with.
One life lesson I REALLY wish my dad taught me when giving me "the talk," is don't stick your dick in crazy. Dammit I wish somebody told me that back then. Dad's almost like the abused spouse who for them, that's all 'normal' to them. Nooooooo, thank you.
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09-06-2019, 07:43 AM #149I drink it up
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Good comment to reassess past situations based on experience. I hadn’t really done that, and I definitely need to realign some perceptions after spending 2 minutes doing just that. Not just growing up... growing old.
I am going to need to have just that talk with my son. Need to do it in such a way so he doesn’t think I’m referencing his mom, though.focus.
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09-06-2019, 12:07 PM #150
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