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  1. #1
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    piste to powder St Anton

    having bred a pair of daughters aged 4 and 2, my ski trips now have to be based around them. We've travelled with a really good family ski package company a few times this yeat, Esprit ski. Drop your little loved ones off in the morning for day of ski school snow fun and general kiddy fucking about with the Esprit child care team. That's problem 1 solved,
    The missis, not a bad groomer skier but that's as far as it goes is problem 2.
    She understands my need for a bit of adventure but also expects me to spend some time with her skiing and lunching on the mountain.
    Enter Piste to Powder mountain guides in St Anton Am Arlberg. They have open groups you book in advance(€120 a day) just rock up in the morning and meet in the Anton Cafe(an over priced rich kid cool hang out). They take you up the mountain assess your skiing and split you in to relevant groups then off you go.
    1st day with them I have a private half day with the missis and a guide to introduced her to powder, transceiver training and the general basics of freeriding safety. It didn't go so well for the missis (I skied some lovely deep snow though). Moving swiftly on to day number 2.
    Went through all the intro, splitting in to groups etc.
    Ended up with a guide called Martin,(more about him later)
    In my group a guy from Scotland(good guy), a guy from london (good guy) and a chick from Amsterdam(good chick).
    The Chick wasn't bad looking at all, if i were single I'd have been trying to convince her to let me perform the double press on her(a very advanced sexual manoeuvre).
    All 3 of them had been with Martin a couple of days already and were happy with where they'd been.
    The itinerary for the day was to ski a north facing bowl down to some trees and end up in Langen(a middle of nowhere fuck all there place on the map. Making our to the Albonagrat chair lift(access to where we wanted to be) from St Anton, Martin was finding us sneaky stashes of knee deep un tracked powder hidden over little ridges next to the pistes. Respecto meter was on over load for him.
    Respecto meter very quickly diminished and turned in to cunto meter when I rode the chair with him. When asking him questions about snow science and choice of routes etc i was shot down with basicly I can't be botherd to explain to you, which transformed in to I'm going to pretended I'm deaf to you 3 guys and only talk to the double pressable chick on the chairs.
    Top of Albonagrat lift ski scuttle hard left for about 15mins we got to hereName:  IMG-20180321-WA0001.jpg
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    which was a lovely untouched bowl of knee deep cold north facing powder.
    I'm not much of a photographer so I'm relying on what double press sent me.
    (Cunto in the front me behind him, guy from london behind me).
    off we go, powder light deep soft amazing. (respecto meter warming up a little bit again now) vid is of a section of the bowl showing how lovely the pow is and the guy from london eating shit
    https://youtu.be/zj6TE2XeAII

    Click image for larger version. 

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    In the trees lovely deep snow
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    once at the bottom we hit a road we had to skate down to a taxi waiting to take us to Stuben for our lunch
    road cut through the snowClick image for larger version. 

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    I'll see how my 1st TR is welcomed by the crowd and evaluate if i'll post how my afternoon and the following day went with cunto, double press, Cockney and Jock


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  2. #2
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    Post the afternoon, please. I thought you were a shill until I reached your chair ride and subsequent renaming of Martin.
    Pick up groups are hard for guides. They’re on extra alert. That doesn’t excuse his behavior on the lift.


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    Last edited by hafjell; 04-18-2018 at 07:07 AM.

  3. #3
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    keep going

  4. #4
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    Yes, I’m also intrigued by the tale of, cunto, double press, Cockney and Jock. Carry on.
    crab in my shoe mouth

  5. #5
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    Double press pics or I’m leaving!

  6. #6
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    Agree w/ Peruvian!

    Took the Comish twins and Mini Comish to Esprit in St. Anton probably 6 years ago as the girls were just over a year old if I'm remembering right. Definitely a good set up for a family. We got bombed our last 3 nights. Multiple meters of snow fell. I was in heaven, the rest of the Chalet, not so much. All your countrymen were bitching about how little was open while I was skiing thigh to waist deep untracked for 3 days!?!? Ahh, good memories!

    Curious to hear more about Cunto. Never been with them. Had decidedly mixed days out with guides. Some days were blow my mind good including multiple cab drops, while others included lunches that were way too long and pow sniffing/route finding that was worse than mine from the previous day previous. I know my way around the Arlberg better than the average gaper, but certainly not remotely as well as a guide so always get bummed when I could find more/better pow pow.

    Bring the next installment!
    He who has the most fun wins!

  7. #7
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    ok as it's been received quite warmly I'll continue.

    Comish just for the record I no longer regard myself as having a countryman
    I'm a European by defualt (my wife is Polish and my great grandadparents Irish) Esprit are as you say brilliant, this year we've done Val D'Isere x 2 and St Anton the once with them. Obviously the child care is amazing. However I hand on heart dont believe this company is just about the kids. I think one of the HR directors/executive or what bull shit title they give themselves really considers the dad's and that dads wanko meter.
    The quality of the early twenty something y/o girls working in the hotels really give you something to lust over. I was considering wearing my sunglasses around the hotel to conceal my lecherous glare. There are several that have starred in intimate solo moments I've managed to squeeze in to everyday life.
    So we lunch in Stuben a pretty village with what I'm lead to believe catches the best snow in the Arlberg.
    Bit of the usual chatter between a mix of society forced together due to their love of POW.
    Cunto perks up a little wants to be slightly friendly. This time I'm on high alert, just because you've found me some good powder doesn't mean I'm shutting the cunto meter off. Hitler was an Austrian right?
    between me and you guys I reckon cunto perked up a bit to ensure we all paid for his lunch as soon as the formality of payment was discussed, Adolf cunto rerurned.
    My interest in double press increased considerably once she revealed she was in St Anton alone, was single and was the previous night out with 2 scandi guys on the piss. The jealous o meter was starting to crank up. Did these scandi guys go 2's up on my doublepress? Click image for larger version. 

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ID:	232662 that's a photo doublepress took of us together. you know just me and her, no one else. Scandi double press thieving bastards no wonder we want out of Europe.
    so we follow cunto to our next destination of pleasure "knödelkopf to verwal freeride route" accessed by riding the albona 2 lift then hard left as soon as you get off it. Cockney had no skins nor did my doublepress but it's something I forgave her for.(Adolf cuntos fault, why did he not tell them we could be needing skins) Ski scuttle again. This time for what seemed like forever as I was trapped behind Cockney. Cockney a really nice guy but probably should consider having only 1 main course for his dinner and maybe not a dessert everyday of the week perhaps a little strenuous exercise on a regular basis would help him out. In the distance I could see Adolf cunto putting distance between me and doublepress, maybe he could sense that the passion and sexual tension between us was becoming uncomfortable for the group dynamic. Or maybe Adolf Cunto was being his usual self and just racing off (which he did several times). we arrive at a south facing bowl i'd love to tell you more about it ie why Adolf chose this area but Adolf became infected with temporary deafness again.
    I've only a couple of photos from this side as we were in a rush(cars aren't allowed up to verwal in the winter only an irregular bus doubling up to collect freeriders and drop and collect cross country skiers.) as we had a bus to catch.Name:  IMG-20180323-WA0009.jpg
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    the snow was nice very nice but not as good in the morning.
    On the bus back to St Anton I tried once again to converse with Adolf Cunto but a gentle shake of his head at my question confirmed his ability to listen and talk had left him again(cunto meter on overload)
    After a hard day of freeriding in the alps we have a tradition called apres ski.

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  8. #8
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    I just spent 5 minutes reading your TR, and it finishes without a double press?

  9. #9
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    I'm hoping the story doesn't end there. What's this "apres ski" you speak of?

  10. #10
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    So, Adolf becomes cuanto because he prefers to hit on double press and not you? Interesting, have you been having these feelings of male rejection long? Maybe spend more time with your wife rather then chasing Austrian guides

    I agree it is a constitutional right for Americans to be assholes...its just too bad that so many take the opportunity...
    iscariot

  11. #11
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    This time I'm on high alert, just because you've found me some good powder doesn't mean I'm shutting the cunto meter off. Hitler was an Austrian right?
    Gold.

  12. #12
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    Fun read! Please continue!

    (I need to do a Tirol trip. Klar and freak's book makes it looks awesome.)

  13. #13
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    hutash, I can sense the closet door is locked with you inside it, I also sense your raging upset that my TR didn't follow the script of your fantasy of being doublepressed by an Austrian mountain guide.
    I've doublepressed somethings I'm not proud of but as of yet not felt the need to tamper with the same sex.

    Time for some apres ski, those of you state side may not be familiar with St Anton and it famous apres ski.
    It's beer and shot fuelled debauchery from the hours of 15.00 and 20.00 at bars dotted about the bottom of the mountain.
    Click image for larger version. 

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    To my horror Adolf cunto takes us not to the Moosewirt or the krazy kanguru, where theres every chance of a miss wet t shirt comp or something equally as classy but to the underground bar.
    In the underground bar Adloph perks up and starts trying to be all friendly(remember it's time to spend some money on drinks and it's getting close to tip time)but I now have the full measure of him.
    The day finishes with us downing a few shots of local schnapps, whipping the top of a few amber nectars with another group from piste 2 powder and some fucking banker wanker moving in on my doublepress.
    I wish i could tell you stories of me dancing on tables in my dynafit mercurys (did they put rubber rockered soles to for that reason?)and getting sticky fingers from chalet girls, but the truth is i had to get back to family duties. One piece of great news as I left my fellow powder worshipers Adolf cunto wasn't going to be guiding us the next day as he had something else on(maybe a Nazi meeting somewhere in the Third Reich).
    P.s banker wanker and doublepress were getting friendlier and friendlier as the alcohol infected their brains, would she cheat on me was the question that was bouncing round my head all night

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  14. #14
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    I know that bar, didn't doublepress (male or female) after too many beers, though.

    Click image for larger version. 

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    ...or at least an Austrian bar that looks an awfully lot like it.

    I agree it is a constitutional right for Americans to be assholes...its just too bad that so many take the opportunity...
    iscariot

  15. #15
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    Back in the Anton Cafe the following morning with the group, the resentometer was raging, doublepress had clearly been up later than she should have been.
    I'm no Sherlock Holmes but the evidence is clear as day. I should have known, Everyone knows Amsterdam is fully of hookers and easy lays, why would doublepress be any different. There I was being the good family man and doublepress was getting pumped again by someone else.
    Our guide for the day a lady by the name of Petra. The wankometer wasn't registering anything with this one but that's ok on this occasion as it's powder I'm after not pussy.
    From the off it was a complete different experience with Petra, she explained where we were going and why, told us her back up plan if the weather changed. She answer all our questions. She made sure the fat ones at the back weren't getting too far behind. The plan was to take the albonagrat lift then to skin/boot pack up the to Maroiköpf peak depending on the fog ski the north face down in to Langen again or ski the south face back down to verwal.
    Attachment 232823
    As we boot packing up the mountain we encounter a solo skier going by the name of Hans
    He's completely blowing out his arse got no water. He's carrying some 165cm slalom skis over his shoulder and his guided group have left him behind. Hans was fucking crackers man but something about him I liked.Attachment 232829 that's Hans at the front when we're coming to lap himAttachment 232830 that's Hans at the back left when we're leaving him.

    Attachment 232832Attachment 232831 some sort of holy crap at the top.
    the thick fog was hanging about on the north facing side, which was our preferred route as the snow was so soft light and deep but the south was the better option with the weather. The snow was consistant nice and soft at the top but the further down it was getting sticky.Attachment 232835Attachment 232836Attachment 232837
    At the bottom it was a long but pleasent traverse out to catch the bus. The rest of the group stopped off for lunch but my time was up. My daughter had her ski school race and presentation that I dare not miss. It was a short but sweet farewell and many questions left unanswered with doublepress


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  16. #16
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    I can’t see the latest group of pictures, dude, I need to see Hans.
    crab in my shoe mouth

  17. #17
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    after a good night's sleep. I've gone over the Hans situation several times and somethings not adding up. As I said earlier I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I must be better than I'm giving myself credit for. You only need look at my history,
    1) I sniffed out Martin the guide and found his true identity as Adolf Cunto who frequents nazi gatherings in the Third Reich.
    2) I discovered who the not too bad looking chick really was in her day to day life, a gang bang doublepressing prostitute from the red light districts of Amsterdam, she probably had daddy issues as well.
    3) brings us to Hans, what kind of guide would leave a client in the high alpine to fend for themselves. we only know of one that is that bad, but he was else where in the Third Reich on this day.
    So impossible for a professional mountain guide to have left Hans to fend for himself. what kind of guy enters the high alpine armed with a pair of 165cm long 66mm waisted ski and no provisions not even water? A very experienced mountaineer I hear you say, who has come across the challenges many many times before and know his limits.
    The final piece of evidence that I mistook for Hans being out of breath and blowing out his arse, was his mating call.
    I deduce from the facts I've presented before us Hans is a mountain goat rapist. Name:  IMG-20180323-WA0006.jpg
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    that's Hans at the front of our group before we lap himClick image for larger version. 

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ID:	232878that's Hans in the very bottom left hand corner of the photo, notice his punch guards on his poles and the extreme side cut and narrow waists of his skis,
    One thing that gels all the evidence together is when Hans dropped his wallet a photo fell out of what he's said was his son Name:  Screenshot_20180420-112213.png
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  18. #18
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    Best thread on TGR in a very long time. Thanks for laughs, maggot.
    crab in my shoe mouth

  19. #19
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    I love the V-frame style of ski carry with the tails pointing in. And the helmet hanging off of the waist strap to bump up against the knee or thigh every step. Walking yard sale.

  20. #20
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    Out fukking standing!

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by hafjell View Post
    I love the V-frame style of ski carry with the tails pointing in. And the helmet hanging off of the waist strap to bump up against the knee or thigh every step. Walking yard sale.
    I told you Hans was a hero, looking back i should have had a selfy with him.
    what made him more intriguing was his slightly crookied smile and his broken tooth, obviously one of the goats gave him an unexpected kick when he was preparing to mount her

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  22. #22
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    Do you have photos of Hans cross-blocking in-course after the tour? I bet he stacks a few training laps before apres.

  23. #23
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    What's a double press?

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Benny Profane View Post
    What's a double press?
    Benny it's THE doublepress not a doublepress and the very reason you posted about THE doublepress so flippantly is why I can't share this very advanced sexual manoeuvre. Get it wrong and there could be injuries. What I will tell you is this, it helps if your partner(I changed chick to partner for hutash, since we've discovered his preference) is flexible, this way you may get away without using duct tape.

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  25. #25
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    Hey, I'm not the one hitting on Austrian guides, and getting butt hurt for being rejected. NTTIAWWT

    I agree it is a constitutional right for Americans to be assholes...its just too bad that so many take the opportunity...
    iscariot

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