Things That Amuse You

**riser4** · 11-03-2019, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by old goat

My wife is really into halloween and really decorates the outside of the house. A group came by and took the last if our candy. I went out to my car to get more. The group was trying to organize a picture in front of the decorations. As I came out one if the adults told everyone to get off my lawn. I told them they were welcome to stand on my lawn for a picture.

Not that amusing I know but I don't want to hear any more if that "Get off my lawn" BS. Not all older people are like that, just some

GOML is a state of mind. It does not need to involve actual lawns.

**old goat** · 11-03-2019, 12:14 PM

Originally Posted by riser3

GOML is a state of mind. It does not need to involve actual lawns.

But it can.

**Ted Striker** · 11-03-2019, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by riser3

GOML is a state of mind. It does not need to involve actual lawns.

or actual age.

**jackstraw** · 11-03-2019, 02:37 PM

Small brewery in northern NH. Guy behind bar is mtn biker, trail builder...ski and bike. The couple next to us says emphatically, "we're from Massachusetts"...blah blah blah...we rate...something something something...you'll be on it." His reply, "thank you". Then looked over at me and my wife grinning...fucking classic.

Dear massholes...NH don't give a fuck! Present MA mags excluded. Lurkers, ya you.

**MontuckyFried** · 11-09-2019, 02:07 PM

Fedex driver stopped by and my incontinent, geriatric dog thinking she's still tough wants to bark at the door. One big bark and a perfectly round turd pops out with such perfect timing I had to laugh. She does a double take, giving me this look like "Hey! Who did that!" I know I should feel bad for her, but the timing was just so hilarious.

**evdog** · 11-10-2019, 10:57 PM

Germans send a chunk of the Berlin Wall to Trump with the message: "no wall lasts forever"

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/be...id=mailsignout

**~mikey b** · 11-11-2019, 02:26 PM

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**old goat** · 11-11-2019, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by ~mikey b

I bet it isn;t certified organic. But it is gluten free.

KQ · 11-11-2019, 04:29 PM

Originally Posted by old goat

I bet it isn;t certified organic. But it is gluten free.

ARE MY WOOD GRAINS GLUTEN-FREE?

**~mikey b** · 11-11-2019, 04:43 PM

of course it’s certified

I certified it myself

**Mustonen** · 11-11-2019, 04:43 PM

I locked myself out of my house today. 15 degrees out and wearing jeans and a light t-shirt. My girlfriend has a key but she had work meetings (I think she’d have rescheduled or skipped to keep me from freezing to death. I think.).

After a few minutes of scratching my head and kicking myself I figured I’d see how easy it was to let myself in with a credit card.

Alarmingly so, it turns out. I’m not sure why I even carry a key.

**riser4** · 11-11-2019, 04:55 PM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I locked myself out of my house today. 15 degrees out and wearing jeans and a light t-shirt. My girlfriend has a key but she had work meetings (I think she’d have rescheduled or skipped to keep me from freezing to death. I think.).

After a few minutes of scratching my head and kicking myself I figured I’d see how easy it was to let myself in with a credit card.

Alarmingly so, it turns out. I’m not sure why I even carry a key.

Probably less destructive than my go to which is to kick the door right next to the door handle, assuming the door opens in and away from you. Unless you have a good deadbolt with a sturdy installation, my method pops open most common residential door installations. Your lock isn't as sturdy as you think.

**Dantheman** · 11-11-2019, 05:04 PM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I locked myself out of my house today. 15 degrees out and wearing jeans and a light t-shirt. My girlfriend has a key but she had work meetings (I think she’d have rescheduled or skipped to keep me from freezing to death. I think.).

After a few minutes of scratching my head and kicking myself I figured I’d see how easy it was to let myself in with a credit card.

Alarmingly so, it turns out. I’m not sure why I even carry a key.

Hah, I did exactly this once, though without the danger of freezing to death. In like Flynn in <30 seconds with zero prior experience or knowledge of how that trick is supposed to work. Haven't bothered to lock it with anything but the deadbolt since.

**Boissal** · 11-11-2019, 05:25 PM

I find both of these facts more alarming than amusing... then I remember that we have a large old-school doggie door that makes breaking into the house even easier. Why carry keys or kick doors if you can let yourself in with the dog?

**iceman** · 11-11-2019, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by jackstraw

The couple next to us says emphatically, "we're from Massachusetts"...blah blah blah...

It's a whole type of person who has to state where they're from as the reason for what they're saying, I've run into it a few times, "we'll we're from Iowa and..." and the worst I think I've ever met were from Washington state, visiting Mass last summer. They were from Washington, so everything they fucking said was correct. Except none of it was, those morons.

**iceman** · 11-11-2019, 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by ~mikey b

They probably saw this one:

**Buster Highmen** · 11-11-2019, 05:46 PM

When people ask where I'm from, if I'm in the mood, I reply: "mom".

**Buster Highmen** · 11-11-2019, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by ~mikey b

It's not free range, fair trade?

Haaarrrrrumpphhhhhh

**iceman** · 11-11-2019, 05:57 PM

My trees are all free range, I set them free years ago. They keep hanging around, but they're free to go.

**Buster Highmen** · 11-11-2019, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by iceman

My trees are all free range, I set them free years ago. They keep hanging around, but they're free to go.

Your Marketing Department needs to leverage that quality for quota penetration and a six sigma bifurcation from cubic profit asymptotes.

**TBS** · 11-11-2019, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by Buster Highmen

When people ask where I'm from, if I'm in the mood, I reply: "mom".

"Prison" is a response I've used to good effect.
You can follow it up with "you seem nice, where do you live?"

**Buster Highmen** · 11-11-2019, 06:26 PM

Walked into study hall in 8th grade late, monitor demanded where I had come from.

"The Sky" I said.

Got suspended.

**Mustonen** · 11-11-2019, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by Boissal

I find both of these facts more alarming than amusing... then I remember that we have a large old-school doggie door that makes breaking into the house even easier. Why carry keys or kick doors if you can let yourself in with the dog?

It was amusing how goddamned easy it was, and literally my only frame of reference was “I’ve seen this in movies.” I make more of a ruckus trying to line up my key in the slot. I’m from Ohio, so I do know my way around an entryway, but still.

I’m getting one of those smart locks so the deadbolt is more consistently engaged. You should have to break something or make some noise or at least hack my fucking WiFi to get into my house when it’s locked.

**toast2266** · 11-11-2019, 07:39 PM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

It was amusing how goddamned easy it was, and literally my only frame of reference was “I’ve seen this in movies.” I make more of a ruckus trying to line up my key in the slot. I’m from Ohio, so I do know my way around an entryway, but still.

I’m getting one of those smart locks so the deadbolt is more consistently engaged. You should have to break something or make some noise or at least hack my fucking WiFi to get into my house when it’s locked.

Back in college, my roommate bought a cheap lock picking set off the internet. Pretty much any normal lock tool 20-30 seconds. We even got his old car started. The older and more worn the lock, the quicker it was to get it open. Of the normal door locks, sticky deadbolts were the toughest.

**Meadow Skipper** · 11-11-2019, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by Mustonen

I’m getting one of those smart locks so the deadbolt is more consistently engaged. You should have to break something or make some noise or at least hack my fucking WiFi to get into my house when it’s locked.

Good plan, but now don’t forget to stash a spare key somewhere outside. Saves my ass every other month or so.