saving someone from making a terrible marriage mistake

[Benny Profane]

I think it’s worth risking your friendship to tell him it’s a big mistake.
Otherwise you will have to watch downward spiral over months and years.
I don’t think I can watch my friend go through that because I held my tongue.

Thing is, most old friends aren't going to witness the downfall until it's too late. Odds are totally in favor that she'll drag him away from his past and mutilate him out of view of friends and family. Well, family will be hard, but, he ain't hanging with his buddies during the murder, for sure.

[SKIP IN7RO]

[pfluffenmeister]

Get her on vid fucking you, dex. That should make him rethink things.

Beat me to it.


RE: Get him a hooker: Maybe she is already?

[Gepeto]

...What about when you show them the door and they threaten to kill themselves, or throw a raging public fit screaming falsehoods about you, or stalk you, or make sure to ruin any future date with another lady, or trash your place, or show up at your office to make a scene, or.... .... ....

Not always worth it, no matter how smoking hot or outstanding they may be in ahem...other departments.

We communicate occasionally. She's doing okay.

*

OP, gather your forces. It would behoove you to have a female on the point if there's a leader about.

Aim to be the one to pick up the pieces. Cobble your plan from all the wisdom above and go care enough to be a brother in arms.friend.family.

[that dude who did that thing]

Was talking with my brother recently, we don't get opportunities to see each other all that often. He gave me some shit because after his recent divorce he was talking to one of his best friends who had relayed to him that the best friend and I spent some time at my bro's wedding talking about what a nutcase his wife is, and how the marriage was surely going to end badly. The marriage lasted longer than any of us expected it to, but did indeed end in bitterness, hostility, and exceedingly strained co-parenting. Bro pointed out that neither I nor his friend had told him how we felt BEFORE he got married. But after discussin the fact that my bro was an adult, making his own decisions, fully aware of the risks, etc., he actually agreed with me that aside from making clear that I didn't really think much of the woman (which I had), there was nothig else I could have done to prevent the next ten years of marital misery. Part of being respectful to your family and friends is respecting them enough to let them make their own decisions, including their own mistakes. It sounds like OP has already expressed himself regarding this woman, and his family member has heard him but is making his own decision. Your only "job" at that point is to support his decision to the extent you can, and to shut the hell up to the extent that you can't, and then to wait for him to ask for your help.

[Bobcat Sig]

Easier said than done. What about when you show them the door and they threaten to kill themselves, or throw a raging public fit screaming falsehoods about you, or stalk you, or make sure to ruin any future date with another lady, or trash your place, or show up at your office to make a scene, or.... .... ....

Not always worth it, no matter how smoking hot or outstanding they may be in ahem...other departments.

You all remember the crazy-hot matrix, right? So true. Except in OPs friend's case in which the chick is not hot but still crazy. That's a super bad combo.

Truth. Dealt with this prior to meeting the wife. That ex was crazy.

I will say that sometimes, the really sly ones, don't let out the crazy until later on in the relationship. At that point... well, it's all you can do to pull the ripcord.

[Benny Profane]

Hey, I didn't get married until I was 42, thought I knew what was going on, I was no longer some 22 year old with a heat sinking missles under my waist pulling me around, had my eyes wide open. Nope. Yeah, she saved the crazy until after, but fortunately there were no kids, so easy to get out, sort of. So, I guess I'm saying, what do I know. Can't live with em, can't without. After all this time, they still mystify and surprise me. God bless the 30th anniversary and beyond couples that still talk to each other.

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[SkiCougar]

Hey, I didn't get married until I was 42, thought I knew what was going on, I was no longer some 22 year old with a heat sinking missles under my waist pulling me around, had my eyes wide open. Nope. Yeah, she saved the crazy until after, but fortunately there were no kids, so easy to get out, sort of. So, I guess I'm saying, what do I know. Can't live with em, can't without. After all this time, they still mystify and surprise me. God bless the 30th anniversary and beyond couples that still talk to each other.

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on that same plan, past 40 now and trying to figure out how to get a stable one; still not sure I figured that out; astrophysics is easier imo.

you just never know. the women that remain the same before and after marriage seem to be in the extreme minority to me.

[MontuckyFried]

you just never know. the women that remain the same before and after marriage seem to be in the extreme minority to me.

At the same time, perhaps it's the lens in which we view them that changes over time. The other day, I was annoyed with my wife about some of her quirks and expressed my frustrations to her. She reminded me that "Well, you knew I was like that when you married me." I was like "Crud. She's right." We were both just more tolerant of each other's quirks while the passion was fresh. Over time and 2 kids later, we're exhausted and life continues to beat us up, so we both caught ourselves being annoyed by stupid things. Had to check ourselves and remind each other that we've always been these ways. Sure, there are improvements still to be made, but we had to take a step back and laugh. That's helped a lot.

One thing's for sure, pre-current wife, the girls I dated who were 40+ were FAR, FAR more stable than the ones I dated who were in their 20s. However, I knew that would be short lived since menopause would be right around the corner. What scared me off from the older ones was how all of them were like "I need babies stat! Give 'em to me NOW!" That was always my queue to exit since I was far younger. Good times, though. Good times. Loved those women.

[XXX-er]

What makes you think life is not going to change?

Everything changes everything grows/goes somewhere

If you don't want change just stay single

[laurapalmer]

Marriage is just a status of the relationships. If two people don't fit each other, they will be unhappy together, doesn't matter married or not.

[flatNshallow]

Speak up and maybe lose a friend... or maybe save him.

Say nothing and a piece of your soul will die as you watch his life go to hell knowing you might have been able to help... and you likely lose him as a friend anyway... or worse.

Only opportunity to "save" him is to risk losing him and give him some tough love. At least that way when things go completely sideways you won't have a case of the coulda shoulda's.

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[Sparky]

Why do you hate me? It would almost definitely have to be her going at me, as I don't think I could make it work the other way around.

It's all just too awful to contemplate.

Shut up, just do it. They all look the same upside down.

Take one for the team, and post photos for the maggots.

[El Chupacabra]

Marriage is just a status of the relationships. If two people don't fit each other, they will be unhappy together, doesn't matter married or not.

I thought you were dead, wrapped in plastic.

[skiballs]

Nothing wrong with Number three. Sticking It in crazy is fine. Just know when to show her the door and don't get attached. you'll end up having a good time meanwhile

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My brother!
Remember fellas, they is all crazy.

[babybear]

My brother!
Remember fellas, they is all crazy.

I resemble that remark

[skiballs]

I resemble that remark

Perhaps, but self aware crazy, is close to unicorn status.

[SKIP IN7RO]

Only opportunity to "save" him is to risk losing him and give him some tough love. At least that way when things go completely sideways you won't have a case of the coulda shoulda's.

Fuck that! Grown adult who is lured by the comfort of vagine is a lost cause....maybe in their 20's, even then it's a lost cause. The power of the pussy is the true "force".

[babybear]

Perhaps, but self aware crazy, is close to unicorn status.

I'm a unicorn for sure, but really I have to admit that I was just quoting the 3 stooges

[banzaibikes]

Ask if if he wants your input...he says yes, tell him. He says no...shut up.

[XXX-er]

Some folks think it's important to marry well

Imo/ime it's more important to divorce well

[My Pet Powder Goat]

would a gf tell her gf if the dude she was to marry was nuts?

In a heartbeat. . Girls tell their friends everything. If her friends don't like you, well, you're not going to be in that relationship for very long.

[Bobcat Sig]

In a heartbeat. . Girls tell their friends everything. If her friends don't like you, well, you're not going to be in that relationship for very long.

Truth. And she's really crazy, she'll befriend all of your friend's wives and they'll then slowly edge you out of the friend group.

So again; don't stick it in crazy. Ever. Not even the tip. Not even for a second, just to see how it feels.

[Sparky]

^^ boring, banging crazy is a hoot

[Benny Profane]

would a gf tell her gf if the dude she was to marry was nuts?

The bride to be would do a survey over white wines. Or, group text!