Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 1 2 3 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 72
  1. #26
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Where the sheets have no stains
    Posts
    22,069
    Quote Originally Posted by riser3 View Post
    My daughter, I think she was 4 or so at the time, looked at my wife and I at the dinner table and asked in a how was your day kinda way "so guys, what the fuck is going on?"
    Kids say the darndest things.

    I was in my youth and it was fall and I was living in Park City. I had been a liftie the winter before and had made the decision, "fuck the real world, this ski bum shit could work". I worked for the ski area that summer and was laid off that fall and collecting Unemployment.

    The Ski Area had a deal where you could work fall trail crew and they would give you a seasons pass for 80 hrs work and you could still collect unemployment, even against them and you could sell the seasons pass (designate it actually, to the person of your choice).

    The work was with the Ski Patrol and they seemed like fun enough guys. Our project was to load up this big white flatbed ford (The Whale) with bags of concrete and 4x4s and drive way up the hill and then dig holes, mix the concrete and erect the 4x4s to create a permanent area control structure. Like most ski area vehicles, the Whale was piece of shit. We had to jump it to get it started and then we loaded it with 2 pallets of Sak-crete a big water tank and a bunch of 4x4s.

    2 senior patrol guys drove the Whale and we followed in another POS truck. We got to the site (Meadow Cornice) and the guy in charge parked the Whale. He then decided to re-orient it and turned it around with the rear facing the edge so we could unload it.

    Because the battery was shitty we had to leave it running. Because it was a POS it didn't have a parking brake. We were just starting to unload the damn thing when it began to roll backward towards oblivion. Pat (Guy in charge) made a valiant effort to jump into the cab and hit the brake to no avail and decided, "fuck this" and bailed. We all watched in fascination as it rolled faster and faster toward the edge and launched over, did a 180 and hit, tearing the rear end off and scattering bags of concrete and materials all over the place.

    About 1 minute later a call came over the radio from the GM to the Patrol Director who was no where near us. "401 this is Phil, where is the Whale"?

    401 (Billy) answered, "Phil, it is up on the Meadow Cornice". Pat got on the radio and broke in, "Not anymore, are you near a phone"? This was long before Cell phones.

    When the inquiry was held, I took the bullet by apologizing and saying, "I put a big rock under the rear tire, it must not have been big enough".

    That is what led to the offer to me to join the Patrol. That was 33 years ago.

  2. #27
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    On Vacation for the Duration
    Posts
    14,373
    Good one. Best so far. ^^^^^^

    Quote Originally Posted by NW_SKIER View Post
    Are you fucking retarded? Jesus. Stop posting please. Your stories are not funny.
    So far mine are way funnier than yours.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  3. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    ECO
    Posts
    5,805
    There are times I can really laugh about now that when they were happening, laughter was not in the equation...like at all.

  4. #29
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    10,103
    Quote Originally Posted by NW_SKIER View Post
    Are you fucking retarded? Jesus. Stop posting please. Your stories are not funny.
    Like a norman rockwell painting on valium

  5. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Joisey
    Posts
    2,645
    I'll try.

    Many years ago I finished my last year in the Corps in Japan and moved back home when i got out. I went to a place to get my hair cut and there was a sweet minx named Monique who cut my hair. To say I was enamored with her would be an understatement as the girls around most Marine bases are few and far between and even fewer American chicks in Japan.

    Anyhow, I'm over my friends house and I mention it and he says, yeah, that's Monique Shepherd. The Shepherd family lived around the corner from us and my recollection of them from many years before was a bunch of dirtbag kids. I vaguely remembered a couple of girls and they were in no way cute (probably 10 years old then). I didn't believe him and called bullshit and he calls upstairs to his mom who happens to be good friends with Mrs. Shepherd. I still couldn't believe it and she was laughing.

    A few weeks later my same buddies sister is getting married and we are at the reception. I am there with a date that was way out of my league (not hard) and i am trying to impress her and hopefully get lucky that night. He has some clueless bimbo that he has been banging as his date. Then I see Mr. & Mrs. Shepherd walking over smiling and i know my bud's mom has spilled the beans. I am worried that my date will not like that i was fawning over this Monique chick and realize this is going to be uncomfortable.

    Mrs. Shepherd comes up and says hello and then says "Gregg, I heard you couldn't believe that Monique was a Shepherd. I feel like an ass and mumble something like yeah, i didn't. I want her out of there fast, but she chats for a bit and then leaves.

    After she leaves, the bimbo says"how do you like that, a real live shepherd, in this day and age." It is easy to see why anyone would think that is what we were talking about, but my buddy always got the dumbest of chicks so it was just perfect.

  6. #31
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    Where the sheets have no stains
    Posts
    22,069
    1st season at Big Sky, 91/92 and not that familiar with the way things work or how the mountain behaves.

    I was getting used to working with a bunch of cranky fucks who believed guest service meant, "oh yeah the guests? Fuck em."

    I am working at the top of the Challenger posting station and it had been a pretty good powder day in an otherwise lackluster season that in no way resembled "400" of snowfall annually".

    From the top of the lift unload there were 3-4 well beat in lines to ski down a ways to where you could reliably start to open it up and make turns and a lot of white on rocks that looked inviting but everyone skiing there knew better. This was well before the tram, when there would often be 5-10 minutes of empty chairs and then a few skiers.

    These two guys get off the chair, ski to the edge and have a look at all this untracked snow and they were not local so they did what Jerry does.

    Both drop in an start making turns at a good clip when reality sets in. They both hit the reef pretty hard and explode in a cloud of scree and snow. A more experienced (at Big Sky) patroller is standing out on the deck watching the antics and busts out laughing. One of the guys gets up and starts screaming at him that this is dangerous and the rocks should be marked.

    Pipp (that patroller) yells back, "its 2:30! do you think all the people skiing up here all day left all that snow just for you to come up and ski?" laughs again and walks back inside.

    I knew I had found my new home.

  7. #32
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Behind the Zion Curtain
    Posts
    4,875
    So, this one time I'm on a plane. I've been jonesing for a cigarette for several hours as we've been delayed a bit and it's put me past my usual time for a smoke.

    I get off the plane, forgo getting my luggage and head outside to finally get some of that sweet nicotine into my system. It's a rather brisk night, I'm standing there next to some guy who appears to be waiting for a taxi. I pull out my smokes and a pack of matches. As I strike the match the head flies off and perfectly enters the ear of the guy standing next to me. It seems to ignite just as it enters his ear canal, I instantly smell the acrid scent of burnt ear hair mingled with wax. Before I can get out an apology or an "oh shit" he desperately pounds at his ear and takes off running.

    Luckily my luggage was at the turnstile when I went back inside, and my hotel shuttle was right on time. :Shrug:

  8. #33
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Before
    Posts
    27,913
    hmmm. so you were with icemang?
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

  9. #34
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    Behind the Zion Curtain
    Posts
    4,875
    Quote Originally Posted by Buster Highmen View Post
    hmmm. so you were with icemang?

  10. #35
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    On Vacation for the Duration
    Posts
    14,373
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    wooley will get a kick out of this

    today, hotel swimming pool,
    padding under milf bikini top
    frees itself from confinement.

    she grabs it and and without flinching shoves it back in
    I did. Could you estimate the cup size?
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    OREYGUN!
    Posts
    14,565
    Quote Originally Posted by Not bunion View Post
    Kids say the darndest things.

    I was in my youth and it was fall and I was living in Park City. I had been a liftie the winter before and had made the decision, "fuck the real world, this ski bum shit could work". I worked for the ski area that summer and was laid off that fall and collecting Unemployment.

    The Ski Area had a deal where you could work fall trail crew and they would give you a seasons pass for 80 hrs work and you could still collect unemployment, even against them and you could sell the seasons pass (designate it actually, to the person of your choice).

    The work was with the Ski Patrol and they seemed like fun enough guys. Our project was to load up this big white flatbed ford (The Whale) with bags of concrete and 4x4s and drive way up the hill and then dig holes, mix the concrete and erect the 4x4s to create a permanent area control structure. Like most ski area vehicles, the Whale was piece of shit. We had to jump it to get it started and then we loaded it with 2 pallets of Sak-crete a big water tank and a bunch of 4x4s.

    2 senior patrol guys drove the Whale and we followed in another POS truck. We got to the site (Meadow Cornice) and the guy in charge parked the Whale. He then decided to re-orient it and turned it around with the rear facing the edge so we could unload it.

    Because the battery was shitty we had to leave it running. Because it was a POS it didn't have a parking brake. We were just starting to unload the damn thing when it began to roll backward towards oblivion. Pat (Guy in charge) made a valiant effort to jump into the cab and hit the brake to no avail and decided, "fuck this" and bailed. We all watched in fascination as it rolled faster and faster toward the edge and launched over, did a 180 and hit, tearing the rear end off and scattering bags of concrete and materials all over the place.

    About 1 minute later a call came over the radio from the GM to the Patrol Director who was no where near us. "401 this is Phil, where is the Whale"?

    401 (Billy) answered, "Phil, it is up on the Meadow Cornice". Pat got on the radio and broke in, "Not anymore, are you near a phone"? This was long before Cell phones.

    When the inquiry was held, I took the bullet by apologizing and saying, "I put a big rock under the rear tire, it must not have been big enough".

    That is what led to the offer to me to join the Patrol. That was 33 years ago.
    Yea. This is why I love this place

  12. #37
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Posts
    15,780
    I fought wildfire all over for many years, and I was stationed in Alaska for a long time. This one time I was in a remote Yupik Eskimo village - Aniak - that was surrounded by wildfires. I was running a staging area that transferred firefighters and supplies from airplanes to helicopters and shuttled them out to the fires. I'd hired a number of the local Yupiks to help out and one woman I'd hired gave me the nickname of Umlaq, which essentially meant mustache.

    I was kind of proud of that, and so one day when a number of villagers had wandered out to the airstrip and were standing around in a group to watch the excitement, that woman introduced me as Bob. I told the locals "yeah, but you can call me Amlaq (see how I changed it a little). Now Yupik Eskimos are a very polite and somewhat quiet people, and when I said Amlaq they got real quiet and started flashing looks at each other, then they started softly chuckling, then giggling, and finally laughing out loud and looking away from me.

    I was confused and looked at the woman who'd nicknamed me, who was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, and asked what the hell? It took her a while to calm down, but finally she told me "You have to be careful how you pronounce your words. Umlaq means the hair that grows from your lip. Amlaq is the word for the hair that grows between your legs."

    I'd just told the people of Aniak to call me pubic hair.

  13. #38
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    SE USA
    Posts
    3,421
    So this is about my avitar and not skiing. And probably not all that funny. But I thought it was interesting, in a small world kinda way.

    I moved from east bumfuck small redneck town to major, major city after college in 1988. Busted my ass in a profession known for 80-90 hour weeks for four years then I take a much less stressful job and start skating again, cause it was damn fun when I was on the local park team as a pre-teen in the 70s. So I’m going to a then private indoor park regularly which is ruled by “tom” a kick-ass skater doin shit that in the 70s when I skated we couldn’t even dream of. I just go off to the smaller ramps, do my “one wheelers and my arials and I’m happy.

    One day on the flat of a ramp I do a very old school, hook-your-foot-under-the-deck, kickflip 180, land it perfectly, look up, tom’s standing there clapping. I think he’s making fun of me but he looks me in the eye “attaboy. I remember trying and trying to land that in the day.” I realize he’s kinda my age. Pretty short too.

    So that park goes out of business a year later and I just putter in my driveway some. But I did gather that tom is an institution in the town, has been skating since forever, and owns a shop down in five points. 10 years go by and my board’s old and fucked up so about 2002 I say “hey. I’ll go down to tom’s shop buy a new one!”

    So, tom’s there and puts it together his damn self and we start talkin 70s a little bit. I tell him about how in 1977 my older brother was in grad school in that large city, I was 13, visiting, and my bother takes me to this tiny ass little park in Decatur that had a snake run and a quarter pipe ramp. I did a lipslide and blew everyone away. “oh yeah I know that park, I was on their team.” So, I tell tom, l remembers there was this one, tiny little kid that day I was impressed with, pretty good skater and All I remember is a nickname. “mousey.” Didja know of him? “yeah I do.”

    So later, say 2009 or so, a rippin concrete public park goes up about 2 miles from my house, with a to-die-for kidney poolthat I would have given my eyetooth to skate in the 70s. so MT junior has shown some interest so we start goin some, and after a while i get to talkin with some of the post-45 set that shows up once in a while. "Tom" comes up cause his son is a rippin pro around town now, and I tell the story above. guy chimes in.

    dude. “mousey” is Tom’s nickname. And he fuckin hates it.
    "Can't you see..."

  14. #39
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Bay Area
    Posts
    487
    Senior yr of undergrad, I was bartending one night a week at the one shitty dive bar in the rural town where I went to school. It just so happened that Bode Miller’s girlfriend was a freshman at said school, and I knew her a bit from running in the same skier circles and bc she used to come by the bar occasionally with her (unnecessary) fake ID. This is right after the ‘02 olympics that catapulted Bode to a household name, and he is on campus visiting his GF for 2 weeks.

    So I step out from behind the bar to hit the head and as I walk into the bathroom, I see this girl standing by the lone sink. I say, “what are you doing in the men’s room?” I then hear from the stall “it’s all good man - she’s just waiting for me to finish up.” I look over and Bode’s Sobe hat is poking up above the stall. He’s obliterated, by the way. Starts chatting me up about there being a lemon wedge in the toilet. Whatever.

    I walk over to the urinal and get ready to pee. I only-half-jokingly turn my head back to girlfriend and say, “ you’re giving me stage fright over there”. She turns the water on and goes “does this help”?

    “Nah - not really”

    Bode Miller then walks up behind me, grabs my ass, and says “does this help?”

    They then walk out of the men’s room and that was the last I saw of either of them.
    No gnar was harmed in the writing of this post...

  15. #40
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    17,749
    ^^Cool story.

    For Wooley

    "A dyslexic man walks into a bra...."
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  16. #41
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    10,103
    Quote Originally Posted by Timberridge View Post

    For Wooley

    "A dyslexic man walks into a bra...."

  17. #42
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Alpental
    Posts
    4,166
    Quote Originally Posted by wooley12 View Post
    Really? That's funny. My whole family is a house of cards.
    If you're so funny how come Woolly Jr is such a asshole?
    “I have a responsibility to not be intimidated and bullied by low life losers who abuse what little power is granted to them as ski patrollers.”

  18. #43
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    10,953
    I was pissing in a urinal at a restaurant last week. A dad brought his little girl in to use a stall. She was crying and screaming that she didn't want to use the boys room. The dad told her she had to because mommy was out of town and he couldn't go in the girls room. He took her into the stall next to me and she was still fussing and yelling. So, I ripped a very audible fart and the room went silent for a couple seconds. The little girl busted up laughing and told her dad that the boys room is way funnier than the girls room. The dad came up to me later in the restaurant while I was sitting with my lady drinking beers. He tapped me on the shoulder and thanked me for saving the day for him but didn't mention what happened. Of course my GF was intrigued but I only told her I helped diffuse and freaking out kid situation earlier and left it at that.

  19. #44
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    Before
    Posts
    27,913
    You diffused, huh?
    Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
    >>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<

  20. #45
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    10,103
    Quote Originally Posted by Buster Highmen View Post
    You diffused, huh?
    Most perfect unintentional pun ever?

  21. #46
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    17,749
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    handful
    Hestra 9, 10 or 11?
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  22. #47
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    33,546
    Quote Originally Posted by snoqpass View Post
    If you're so funny how come Woolly Jr is such a asshole?
    ^ Funny.
    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  23. #48
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    in the trench
    Posts
    15,691
    Bomb diffusion technician .
    Methane>coal. Well played

  24. #49
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    On Vacation for the Duration
    Posts
    14,373
    Quote Originally Posted by snoqpass View Post
    If you're so funny how come Woolly Jr is such a asshole?
    I thought you were better than that. I knew the Brit was being his usual piece of shit as a person.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  25. #50
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    On Vacation for the Duration
    Posts
    14,373
    So the bra salesmen are in NYC for the national sales meeting. It's the same week that the Beatles are playing at Shea Stadium. So four of the salesmen get some Beatles wigs and go out on the 6th floor balcony and start waving to people on the street. A crowd forms. The fake Beatles go to the other end of the floor and the crowd follows them. They keep changing rooms and the crowd moves with them. They take the crowd around the corner and kept that up for 30 minutes then went to dinner.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •