Older parents-WWYD?

[KQ]

Update: drove Mom to Mayo for Neurologist appointment. No current bleeding in her brain from the fall and she passed all tests. Still some blood in brain, but they say it is getting absorbed.

My brother urged me to GTFO for a few days while he watched over her. I think he thought I might go to Duluth and chill for a day or two, instead I drove to Big Sky and had lunch with my buddy Talisman. During lunch his phone rang and it was Djongo. I called my brother and added a day to my trip and headed to Jackson. Whirlwind 6 day break from caring for Mom, I needed it. 2 days driving, 1 day in Big Sky, 1 day in Jackson, and 2 days driving back. Sounds dumb, but I got a good mental reset.

Mom is stabilized for now and life is good.

Thanks for all PM’s and vibes. I was going nuts for awhile.


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Great news!

Enjoy & unwind.

[shroom]

glad to hear it!

[riser4]

He coulda just gone and gotten baked on his island. That's probably what I'd do given the choice.

[Harry]

That’s what I’ve been doing all afternoon. Naked Yoga 🧘 Namaste’


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[skifishbum]

it would seem that them muskalungers would only add to the perils factor

other than that this shit sucks
been trying to not take his independence and he keeps telling us he has things handled
But it turns out he doesnt the truck insurance premiums didnt git paid and he got into what he says was a minor fender bender yesterday
in a way im kinda relieved we'd been having the continue to drive argument.
And now its out of our hands and i can go git his keys today, not feel bad about it and were done worrying about that problem
Sell the truck pay for the other motorist damage and move on

[SumJongGuy]

One day my mom left to drive herself to a hair salon less than a mile from her apartment and ended up completely lost and calling from a McDonalds 45 minutes away. Fortunately she still had the wherewithal to agree it was time to give up on driving. It was definitely a logistics challenge to arrange all her transportation during the following year before she moved to fully assisted living.

Enjoy every minute you can before the dementia fully takes over. It's a full blown nightmare after that happens.

[KQ]

it would seem that them muskalungers would only add to the perils factor

other than that this shit sucks
been trying to not take his independence and he keeps telling us he has things handled
But it turns out he doesnt the truck insurance premiums didnt git paid and he got into what he says was a minor fender bender yesterday
in a way im kinda relieved we'd been having the continue to drive argument.
And now its out of our hands and i can go git his keys today, not feel bad about it and were done worrying about that problem
Sell the truck pay for the other motorist damage and move on

One day my mom left to drive herself to a hair salon less than a mile from her apartment and ended up completely lost and calling from a McDonalds 45 minutes away. Fortunately she still had the wherewithal to agree it was time to give up on driving. It was definitely a logistics challenge to arrange all her transportation during the following year before she moved to fully assisted living.

Enjoy every minute you can before the dementia fully takes over. It's a full blown nightmare after that happens.

My friend had a full on battle with her father when they took away his driving privileges. They had to get the doctor to convince him still he was madder than a wet hen. When they got home from the doctor he got on ever piece of farm equipment he had and drove it around the property in a rage.

Fortunately for me my mother was easily convinced. I flat out told her she wasn't going to drive anymore and that was was that. She hadn't had any incidents but it was only a matter of time IMO.

[liv2ski]

Not driving anymore is a hard bridge to cross. I don't want my mom driving the 2 hours to see us anymore, so I visit her once a month. I keep suggesting 2 hours is to far with her having only 1 eye that works well and maybe she is finally getting my message, but the push back is always there. I wish we had trains in this country. (the closest station is 40 minutes from her)

[SumJongGuy]

Not driving anymore is a hard bridge to cross. I don't want my mom driving the 2 hours to see us anymore, so I visit her once a month. I keep suggesting 2 hours is to far with her having only 1 eye that works well and maybe she is finally getting my message, but the push back is always there. I wish we had trains in this country. (the closest station is 40 minutes from her)

The last traveling our mom did was via airlines and they actually have a service where they put her in a wheelchair and guided her around like they do with little kids to be sure she made it from point A to point B.

[KQ]

Not driving anymore is a hard bridge to cross. I don't want my mom driving the 2 hours to see us anymore, so I visit her once a month. I keep suggesting 2 hours is to far with her having only 1 eye that works well and maybe she is finally getting my message, but the push back is always there. I wish we had trains in this country. (the closest station is 40 minutes from her)

When I moved from Seattle to W2 I convinced my mother to make the move too. 5hrs away was just too much esp. since it involved crossing a mountian pass that can be pretty bad during the winter. There is air service from Seattle to W2 which would have been doable had 9/11 never happened.

Anyhoo... I got her into the independent side of nice retirement facility. At the time she was still driving and it was fine. When the time came for her to stop driving it was made all the easier because of where she lived - they have a shuttle service. W2 also has super cheap Dial-a-ride and free bus service for seniors. The benefits of a small town.

[old goat]

My wife was visiting her elderly godmother in Santa Fe, who didn't drive any more but did keep a car. First day there my wife takes the car to shop and it took less than 5 minutes to get ticketed for expired tags--and not just a year expired. She had to go to court on it too.

My mom in Detroit finally got her cataracts fixed when she rear ended someone she didn't see. After that she still would stop a car lentth or two behind the line at stop signs and red lights, to make sure she didn't go over. My cousin finally got her to stop driving.
She had one of those alert things. She fell an broke her pelvis and lay on the floor all night until someone showed up and found her in the morning. She didn't use her alert because she didn't want to bother anyone. Fortunately she had the money to have full time help after that--not surprisingly very affordable in Detroit.
When I visited she'd have me go to the bank with her. She'd insist on going even though I was just going to get something from her safe deposit box, which I was a signatory on . And she'd stay in the car while I went in but insisted I park in a handicapped spot--what's the good of having disabled plates if you don't use the spots.
The guy we hired to clean out her condo after she died filled 5 full sized dumpsters. How much he took or sold I have no idea--we hope a lot of it. (This was a few years before the craze for midcentury modern furniture. My folks had a nice Danish modern bedroom set that probably went to goodwill; a few years later it probably could have been sold for a decent amount.) Fortunately my lawyer cousin had her finances in order. (My cousin charged us half to do the little that had to be done to settle the estate--because family. I told her you charge double for family, not half.)

I expect it won't be too long before my kids are telling these stories about me.

[XXX-er]

about 6 yrs ago now junior came down with his monster truck & a cube van to score some of the furniture, but my sister who was doing all the legwork on the condo sale & estate down there told me there is so much deadparent boomer shit that ever body wanted you to pay them$$$ to empty out the condo so she figures we got lucky cuz she found a church group who would do it for free

[SumJongGuy]

I've got way WAY too much shit many consider collectable but my wife and kids shouldn't have to deal with when I'm gone. I've already told them to take whatever they get offered if anything, not their problem! Someone should be able to post and sell most of it, but nobody wants to buy an entire collection of stuff. The actual fun of collecting is the hunt. finding cool thigs one by one..

My son will probably take the 56 Ramirez classical guitar my father bought in Madrid, maybe the Strat as well, but other than that, just haul it all away. Not their problem!

Mom's stuff went to a charity... Definitely some stuff that was valuable, but thankfully they took it all for free. They won't always do that. If it truly is all worthless junk they'll ask you to pay them to haul it away or just say no and walk away.

[riser4]

Can I just sell it all before I die and spend it on hookers and blow for a rocking good send off party? I want my wake while I can still enjoy it.

[XXX-er]

My sister the senior banker had everything planned out so I got inheritance $ in < 2 years which I understand is really good

[PB]

My sister the senior banker had everything planned out so I got inheritance $ in < 2 years which I understand is really good

If you get your name on all the accounts, etc. before they pass, pretty much every thing transfers much faster than 2 years. I wasn't clued into this, but amazingly my Mom was. All her assets (including her $600k refundable deposit) were split up between my brother and me within 6 months.

The multi-tier facility that my Mom lived out her final days at recommended an all-women service that cleaned out the apartment and arranged for the sale of any thing of value (~$5k). Excellent investment, and a pleasure to work with.

[yeahman]

My 90 yo dad got a ticket for "wandering" in his lane a couple months ago while driving across the country. Had to go in and take a bunch of tests for reflexes, vision, cognitive stuff, etc. Passed easily and is back on the road with a new car that has a lane-assist warning feature. However, he says his days of long road trips are over. 2.5 hours to the lake cabin is his max now.

[old goat]

My 90 yo dad got a ticket for "wandering" in his lane a couple months ago while driving across the country. Had to go in and take a bunch of tests for reflexes, vision, cognitive stuff, etc. Passed easily and is back on the road with a new car that has a lane-assist warning feature. However, he says his days of long road trips are over. 2.5 hours to the lake cabin is his max now.

He was probably texting or watching TikTok videos.

The lane assist is nice. I've been lucky to be good at staying awake behind the wheel but I had the steering wheel wake me up when I dozed off for a split second last year. Unfortunately it is not that great at seeing both sides of the lane--sometimes when there are clear, bright lines on both sides--so I can't depend on it. Guess I'll need to keep trying to avoid driving tired for a while longer.

[SumJongGuy]

My 90 yo dad got a ticket for "wandering" in his lane a couple months ago while driving across the country. Had to go in and take a bunch of tests for reflexes, vision, cognitive stuff, etc. Passed easily and is back on the road with a new car that has a lane-assist warning feature. However, he says his days of long road trips are over. 2.5 hours to the lake cabin is his max now.

FKNA! Props to the old folks who keep on keeping on. Vibes to the kids taking care of the ones who are more challenging.

[liv2ski]

Can I just sell it all before I die and spend it on hookers and blow for a rocking good send off party? I want my wake while I can still enjoy it.

I'm with you.

[yeahman]

He was probably texting or watching TikTok videos.

Actually there were some extraneous circumstances, mostly the fact that he had a bad toothache so was on painkillers and antibiotics (only at night but they made it hard to sleep). Plus he had just dropped his lady friend off with her family in Denver and spent a week there helping them move her into a memory care unit, and that was majorly stressful and sad for him.

The lady friend was actually his date for the high school prom 70 years ago. When my mom died in 2015 he reunited with her. She had already outlived three husbands.

Getting old ain't for sissies, as the saying goes.

[XXX-er]

If you get your name on all the accounts, etc. before they pass, pretty much every thing transfers much faster than 2 years. I wasn't clued into this, but amazingly my Mom was. All her assets (including her $600k refundable deposit) were split up between my brother and me within 6 months.

The multi-tier facility that my Mom lived out her final days at recommended an all-women service that cleaned out the apartment and arranged for the sale of any thing of value (~$5k). Excellent investment, and a pleasure to work with.

yup i went down and the siblings ( had to be there in person) got their names on to joint acts at 3 banks, that way all the $ was guaranteed by the cdic I think we split the cash early on from the joint accounts but i don't remember but it was easy cuz our names were on the act so it was our cash

but there was the condo to sell and my sister wanted to stage it before selling so give er said I, so < 2 yrs was really good to have the estate completely wound up from what i have heard

[SumJongGuy]

My mon's estate was easy because I was already on her joint savings account and the fiduciary for her income and bills account. Plus it was under 100K so there were only a couple forms I had to get notarized and submit to the bank to get back full access to the fiduciary account. I then split everything 50/50 with my sister's family via PayPal F&F transfers..

Can't recommend enough making sure you are on their accounts with full access. Then it's your money too..

[XXX-er]

my mother complained that the rest of the women in her complex ( the men were all dead) are getting free Rx drugs while she had to pay to which I replied " mom thats cuz you have too much income, if you gave it away you would be eligible for more free stuff "

to which she replied " you will get my money when I'm dead ! " and so we did

[old goat]

Actually there were some extraneous circumstances, mostly the fact that he had a bad toothache so was on painkillers and antibiotics (only at night but they made it hard to sleep). Plus he had just dropped his lady friend off with her family in Denver and spent a week there helping them move her into a memory care unit, and that was majorly stressful and sad for him.

The lady friend was actually his date for the high school prom 70 years ago. When my mom died in 2015 he reunited with her. She had already outlived three husbands.

Getting old ain't for sissies, as the saying goes.

I advise against getting involved with a woman who has already outlived 3 husbands.