Stay at home dad

[mecc69]

Does anyone here have any experience with this?

Currently on the job hunt for something that works better with childcare, but starting to look at the cost of childcare and wonder if overall stress levels would be lower if I wasn't working. Wife is in the final years of med school, then residency after that. We had been planning that I would switch jobs/careers/stay home when residency rolled around anyways.

Upsides/downsides? Problems re-entering the workforce? Tried working remote part time?

[AK47bp]

I don't know man, if movies are true looks pretty tough.

[Gcooker]

I love my kids and all but sometimes leaving for work on Monday is my favourite time of the week. Take that however you want.

[BmillsSkier]

I don't know man, if movies are true looks pretty tough.

Honey, if you need me I'll be at the gym or the gun club

220?

221, 220. Whatever it takes.

Can I get you a beer?

It's 7:30 in the morning.

Scotch...?

[mcski]

Mommy brain is real

[BmillsSkier]

Mommy brain is real

If I had a dime for every time that I heard about mommy brain in the last week alone, I'd have exactly $3.50.

[St. Jerry]

I love my kids and all but sometimes leaving for work on Monday is my favourite time of the week. Take that however you want.

"Thank God it's Monday" is what I sometimes say

[Cruiser]

My kids are still pretty small but for the last ten years I've worked part time and watched them the rest of the week. It's not without its challenges but it has been an excellent solution for our family. I'm lucky that I've been able to continue working because my mil helped out a couple of days a week with the kids and because my boss would probably flip if he had to put up with me all week. Dunno if my attitude would be the same if I had been a full time stay at home dad but I have truly enjoyed being my kids primary caregiver.

I've always said you can pay someone to watch them but you can't pay anyone to love them.

[mall walker]

unless you already work remote in some capacity, I cannot imagine that it would be a good idea to attempt to take on remote work. it's an adjustment by itself, and you can't expect really to concentrate at all with screaming, shitting creatures perpetually demanding your attention.

I work 100% remote and have for 3 years now. I find it hard to actually get work done at home when there's significant construction outside, and next to impossible whenever my wife is home.

[hatchgreenchile]

OP - where are you located? Single kid? What line of work are you in?

Up to 12 months, working remote is pretty straight forward. Kid gets 2x naps so you can surge through your to-do list when they're sleeping. By 2, it's really hard. I manage a sales territory from a home office and pretty much forget about any proactive work when the kid is home. Sure, I could park her in front of the TV all day, where she would happily digest Disney movies on repeat, but that's not good for her and I'd feel like shit if I did that.

Mrs and I have talked about one of us taking a career shift if kid #2 starts brewing. Daycare cost for 2 dwarfs the mortgage and that feels wrong.

[Sirshredalot]

I work remote full-time. I eased into working full-time by teleworking about 50% time for Uncle Sam. While I was there, it was against the rules (read: illegal) for me to provide child care while on telework, and for good reason. When I'm at home, I try to limit my distractions and competing priorities to approximately what I would have if I were in the office. I have continued to have this attitude now that I work from home full time for a different employer without that specific rule. The kids go to daycare unless my wife is home. When my wife is home, she is watching the kids unless I'm on my lunch break or I'm just pitching in for 5 minutes to load the car or something like that. I don't think working and being in charge of the kids works - at least not simultaneously. YMMV.

We are about to start shelling out for daycare/pre-school for 2 kids. It's fucking absurd. Props if you can avoid it. I'm considering hopping jobs to something where I can go 4/10 to get out from under 1 day of day care.

[wyeaster]

i am a stay at home dad and it's without question the best and most rewarding time of my life. he's my best friend and if anything i am sad it's going so fast. i can't really address the more typical concerns of reentering the workforce, etc., but i would not want to have a kid to turn around and have him raised by daycare and school. he's never even had a babysitter.

[~mikey b]

I don't generally work during the summer. Ski Patrol full time during the season. Corn harvest in the spring and green harvest in the fall. It's challenging and rewarding. Well worth not having to deal with child care.

[XXX-er]

http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/virt...fice-1.4223267

interesting artical today on the many aspects of working remotely

[Not Neil_Armstrong]

The costs of Childcare and the thought of having my kids basically raised by a stranger is why I have a "stay at home wife" so maybe. I can see how re-entering the work force would be a worry but I guess as long as you kept your skills sharp you'd just have to prove your self all over again. It's a different world from when I was a kid. Most men where the bread winners. Now it can be equal if not more in women's jobs they make more especially Doctors and what not. I think alot of us Ski bums would love a sugar momma :-P

Does anyone here have any experience with this?

Currently on the job hunt for something that works better with childcare, but starting to look at the cost of childcare and wonder if overall stress levels would be lower if I wasn't working. Wife is in the final years of med school, then residency after that. We had been planning that I would switch jobs/careers/stay home when residency rolled around anyways.

Upsides/downsides? Problems re-entering the workforce? Tried working remote part time?

[skaredshtles]

I did the stay-at-home dad for a couple years when the wife re-entered the work force. 3 kids at home was a challenge (they were around 4, 6, and 7 when I started) but very rewarding.

One thing - make sure you and the wife discuss "standards of housecleaning"... my wife's tolerance was much lower for filth and clutter than mine, and it caused some consternation.

[bagtagley]

Really little ones, it's awesome. 2+ still awesome, but they need social interaction, and I found that to be tougher as a dude. Ultimately, we settled on part-time daycare at around 2 for both kids, and that worked out really well.

[mooseknuckles]

Not sure what residency your wife is heading in to but CA-1 pay is nothing to retire on. Then again, stay at home dad pay is even less. Will the program she is going to allow her to moonlight? Tough knowing since match day isn't till the upcoming green beer holiday, unless you guys are planning to stay where she did med school and the program keeps their own. I worked from home for many years with kids. Much easier to manage when they are not mobile and nap consistently. Like rabbits, the kids magically multiplied and I was eventually forced in to early retirement. Those who say they look forward to Monday morning and getting back to the office/work, I believe it as for those of us at home full time at home, it is ground hog day. There is no stimulating conversation as 99% of your communication is with a non verbal human. Just a heads up, you will be the odd one out at playgroups due to the inability to discuss in detail your most recent OB visit. By the time your wife finishes med school, residency, fellowship and starts practicing...you will be gainfully employed and have re-entered the workforce as a chef, house cleaner, handy man and chauffeur.

Since I first attempted to submit a reply to this post I have prepared eggs for a starving ethernopian, vacuumed, swapped laundry to the dryer, started a new load, scrubbed crayon off a wall, wiped shit out of an asshole that was not my own and took a shit with an audience.

[Danno]

I've always said you can pay someone to watch them but you can't pay anyone to love them.

Yes and no. My daughter went to a fantastic daycare/preschool, and she was absolutely loved.

I don't think being a SAHM/SAHD is a bad thing, it's great if you can do it, but I also think it's a mistake to view paid childcare as an inherently inferior thing. My daughter's school was filled with wonderful people who not only loved my kid, but were professionals who knew way more about early childhood development and education than I did.

Do whatever works for you and your family, and if choosing to pay for childcare, choose wisely. But if you do choose wisely, daycare can be an amazing option.

[iceman]

I did it the whole way through. The kids are cool, they've both just graduated from college (one last year, one this year). The one from last year is deep in start-up mode with her own company, the one this year has begun pursuing a master's, all is good. They are awesome kids, a lot of people here know them. It has worked out just how we hoped it would with them.

The biggest thing is you. If you feel like you are sacrificing something it won't work. Eventually you will feel like you're getting screwed in the deal and that will inevitably surface and everyone (you, your wife, your kids) will pay psychically for that at some point.

If on the other hand you feel like you are getting something, that you are stoked to be able to be around for the kids and not go to an office and fight the commute, if you feel like you're getting the good side of the deal, it can work great.

The next biggest thing is your spouse. If she feels guilt at not being home, if she envies you staying home, if she resents having to go to work, that's poison too. If she feels like she can call the shots just because she gets the check, well fuck that. That won't work.

My wife and I were at approximately equal points in our careers when we had the first kid. we decided together that we wanted one of us to be home. So we basically set it up (informally but in very a real sense) as a partnership. Here are the tasks that need to be done, you do those, I'll do these, they have equal value, and they'll all get done. One role can't be dominant over the other.

If you can approach it with happiness at being there at home, and if she isn't mad about not being there, and if doing one task or the other isn't rated "more important", then it can work great.

Oh, and get a decent car before money gets tighter, for a few years there it will seem like all you do is drive them around. You might as well have a decent set of wheels to do it in.

[gravitylover]

I was let go from my job a year and a half ago and couldn't find a job that paid even half of what I was making so while I was still on unemployment I started a company that I thought might have some legs. Unfortunately when they found out I was self employed and didn't take (and pay for) the required classes that the state forces down your throat if you want to start your own company I was fined and they cut off my payments. This immediately threw me into debt and made it impossible to have the business turn a profit quickly. I pushed through and did a lot of phone time while staying home with my kids for the first time since they were babies and might have made it if the weather gods hadn't conspired against me late winter/early spring this year. As I realized what was going on I decided to give my graduating HS seniors all of the time I hadn't given them and have been having a ball doing it while my wife is working almost full time. Money has been extremely tight but I've been rewarded by actually getting to know my kids rather than just seeing them when I got home.

As they will be leaving for college in a few weeks I've started looking for work to supplement what I'm (not) making through my own business and finding it nearly impossible to get anything better than a part time job for shit money. The few responses I've gotten have been for low level jobs that don't pay and a few good ones asked why I've been out of the game for so long and when I said it was so I could spend time with my kids that seemed to turn them off. Apparently you're not supposed to enjoy family life while you're of working age It may also hurt that I'm 50 not 30 with no responsibilities...

[2FUNKY]

I did it for a few months. Nothing to add. I prefer the term " trophy dad".

[doebedoe]

No experience from the father side. From the kid side it was fucking rad.

Loved having him around to ride bikes to school with me. Have ongoing projects at home in our after school hours. Hot breakfasts. And a happier mom.

He consulted ~20hrs a week the whole-time he was a stay at home. And went back to school for another degree he never used.

Some of the best years of my childhood. Once we were both in HS he transitioned back to full time as we were gone, angsty, and expensive.

[jackattack]

I'm already a stay-at-home-trophy-husband, good chance I'll be a stay-at-home-trophy-dad too.

[Marshall Tucker]

so we had a couple friend early in our marriage say john and jane. Jane = ball buster career woman, peer to Ms. MT at the time. John pretty gung-ho to but couldn't make shit happen, jane way more talented. So after a few mis-starts john didn't look for another job and raised kids. Starting playing a lot of tennis and partying with the neighbor women, though by all accounts no fooling around, just generally having a good nonworking spouse time.

So jane got pissed and jelous of that and divorced his canadian ass and he got deported. We had dinner with the new john and Jane. Once. weird as shit.

not that that is particuarly helpful. Just, trophy husband can be a tough job from what I saw.