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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
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    1,243

    Seriously, folks...

    All this talk about 26" vs. 27.5" vs. 29", tubeless and tubed, stem lengths, tire nubs...

    Nonsense. When are we going to start addressing the REAL issue in mountain biking?

    I'm talking about taint cream...
    Chamois butt paste, gooch guard, whatever.

    Who uses it? What's your favorite brand?

    Most importantly, how do you apply it?
    Do you spread it out on your chamois like cream cheese, or dip a few fingers in and slap in on, or maybe just unbutton and squirt it down the backside and let your ride sort it out?
    There are serious implications here for improper use, or failure to use. no one wants to see a chaffed loser limping around his car after a hard ride.

    Protect your shit.
    I demoed the TECH TALK JONG! pro model this spring and their performance was unparalleled which is good because I ski in a wedge most of the time - bendtheski, 2011

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
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    I heard Damian prefers strawberry-flavored Crisco.
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    BC to CO
    Posts
    3,655
    -Euro style for that slight tingle, and to remind you that you put it on.
    -Squeeze tube, not tub, to prevent double dipping or the ability share your cream at trail head.
    -apply it directly to your "contact points" and wipe fingers off on chamois.
    -single use packs in your jersey pocket for long rides to reapply once you feel a little chafe happening.
    -baby wipes (or Dude Wipes) in the car or at home for right after the ride
    -don't mix up embrocation cream with chamois cream, ouch...

    Keep your happy parts happy.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    inpdx
    Posts
    16,113
    just burst the puss-filled blisters on your taint and let that set up in your chamois while you ride

    and don't listen to dee hubbs -- washing is the enemy >> more puss next ride

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    in the trench
    Posts
    13,677

    Seriously, folks...

    Where do you get it? Tampon aisle? My "girls" seat(chromag juniper) is keeping the groceries happy. Doing longer rides because of it. The old specialized phenom remonded me of first part of this...xxxackktly
    https://mobile.twitter.com/nochillsz...07941139439616

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    SLC
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    5,899
    Quote Originally Posted by Skirotica View Post
    I'm talking about taint cream
    I wasn't interested in mountain biking but now I am

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Missoula, MT
    Posts
    21,750
    Haven't had need for it. Get those undershorts tight and pull your package up out of the way so you're not sitting on your balls and off you go.

    Maybe it's the dry climate around here.
    No longer stuck.

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Just an uneducated guess.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Haven't had need for it. Get those undershorts tight and pull your package up out of the way so you're not sitting on your balls and off you go.

    Maybe it's the dry climate around here.
    ETA on creaky stalker attacking stucky's ball handling practices:

    5...4...3...
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Missoula, MT
    Posts
    21,750
    Is he not banned yet?
    No longer stuck.

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Just an uneducated guess.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    United States of Aburdistan
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    7,338
    The day I have to maintain my taint just to go riding, is the day I quit mountain biking forever.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Utah
    Posts
    1,016


    That is the best I've found, the tingle is soooo good. If I'm in the seat for more than 10 miles cream is used. It's absolutely indispensable if you're dirt bagging for multiple days, using the same chamois, and not showering.

    Squirt on fingers, apply to asscrack, and go!

    Sent from my XT1575 using TGR Forums mobile app
    "The world is a very puzzling place. If you're not willing to be puzzled you just become a replica of someone else's mind." Chomsky

    "This system make of us slaves. Without dignity. Without depth. No? With a devil in our pocket. This incredible money in our pocket. This money. This shit. This nothing. This paper who have nothing inside." Jodorowsky

  12. #12
    Join Date
    May 2009
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    inpdx
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    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Is he not banned yet?
    recent rumors abound

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Missoula, MT
    Posts
    21,750
    Quote Originally Posted by acinpdx View Post
    recent rumors abound
    Interesting.



    Maybe if you're getting a lot of irritation in the taint area, try shaving it? Nothing close, just a trim.
    No longer stuck.

    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Just an uneducated guess.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Goulder
    Posts
    707
    Icy Hot
    the drugs made me realize it's not about the drugs

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
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    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Maybe if you're getting a lot of irritation in the taint area, try shaving it? Nothing close, just a trim.
    PM creaky fossil for taint-shaving advice.
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    In a van... down by the river
    Posts
    8,598
    Quote Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn View Post
    Haven't had need for it. Get those undershorts tight and pull your package up out of the way so you're not sitting on your balls and off you go.

    Maybe it's the dry climate around here.
    On long rides out here I just drop trou when things get... swampy. Let the crack and dangly bits dry out for about 2 minutes and then GOOD TO GO!

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    In a van... down by the river
    Posts
    8,598
    Quote Originally Posted by wkd-rdr View Post
    Icy Hot
    I find your idea intriguing... I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    none
    Posts
    7,466
    I know the CW is to not wear anything under your shorts. But I've been wearing Reebok training briefs under my chamois for a couple of years and it solved any problems.
    Plus I can swim in them and every ride ends at the pool.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    United States of Aburdistan
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    7,338
    Huh, I've always worn undies, maybe that's why I don't understand the chafe problem. Adidas Climacools FTW.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    Imaginationland
    Posts
    4,233
    Quote Originally Posted by muted View Post
    Huh, I've always worn undies, maybe that's why I don't understand the chafe problem. Adidas Climacools FTW.
    I wear undies too. Zero issues

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,243
    too hot in utah to wear the underwear layer. Though my synthetic boxer briefs make for a great sports companion, they add another layer of heat retention to an already hot topic.
    I demoed the TECH TALK JONG! pro model this spring and their performance was unparalleled which is good because I ski in a wedge most of the time - bendtheski, 2011

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2004
    Location
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skirotica View Post
    too hot in utah to wear the underwear layer.
    I thought it was required.

    https://store.lds.org/webapp/wcs/sto...0_-1_Y_image_0
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    United States of Aburdistan
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    7,338
    Quote Originally Posted by Skirotica View Post
    too hot in utah to wear the underwear layer. Though my synthetic boxer briefs make for a great sports companion, they add another layer of heat retention to an already hot topic.
    I live in Utah.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    slc
    Posts
    14,938
    Again? Already? https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/...chamois-butter

    Compression shorts and no chamois or butter works for me. My butt may get sore sometimes but I don't get sores.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    1,243
    Quote Originally Posted by El Chupacabra View Post
    Jesus. this website is a testament to creativity. they just about renamed every article of cloting: The "footlet" is a sock. and the "Mens pleated trousers with self-belt" make wise use of elastic... i'm losing my shit on this.
    I demoed the TECH TALK JONG! pro model this spring and their performance was unparalleled which is good because I ski in a wedge most of the time - bendtheski, 2011

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