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  1. #176
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    100'F and Muggy
    Posts
    604
    Way to bring back a classic.

    I wasn't the shitter, but someone in my group trusted an untrustworthy fart all the way over on Legends chair at Purgatory a couple months ago. Wasn't a full blown leg runner, but wet enough to be "bad news". It was only our 2nd day ever on this mountain, and he's on a snowboard and I'd say a strong intermediate. It's mostly long flat/uphill cattracks back to base. It was a powder day so we pointed him in the right direction and bid him good luck. He thought he had the right trail to get over the last ridge.. he was wrong, the in betweener lifts weren't running and he ended up back at Legends. After loading Legends the first time with "bad news" it was a good 45 minutes by the time he got to the room.

  2. #177
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    panhandle locdog
    Posts
    7,836
    11 years old. Had been hanging out with a cousin who had impressively loud farts. I asked about technique and he said, "when you feel a fart coming on, just push as hard as you can." I had always been a careful farter to keep the brown torrent at bay, but took his advice to heart.

    For roughly 3 days I enjoyed a concert of foghorns and broken exhaust notes from my anus. It was glorious.

    Then, one morning I felt the mother of all farts stepping up to the plate. Instincts kicked in and I braced, gripping the arm of the couch tightly while increasing inter abominal pressure to magnify the clearly glorious cacophony of gaseous noises that were about to happen.

    Instead an explosion of what felt like hot refried beans shot down my legs, out the bottom of my pants. I tried to pump the brakes, but it was too late. My sister shrieked in disgust. I waddled to the bathroom with glue like bean shit down both legs.

    I was no longer enthralled with chasing loud farts after that point.

  3. #178
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    10,906
    Beautifully written.

    I can almost smell it.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  4. #179
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    panhandle locdog
    Posts
    7,836
    Quote Originally Posted by AK47bp View Post
    Beautifully written.

    I can almost smell it.


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    If I recall (very memorable moment obviously, being the first time I shat myself) it smelled of Kentucky Fried Chicken and burning tires.

    Subsequent pants shittings have not been nearly as memorable, mostly in the "shart" camp. And of course, many near misses.

  5. #180
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,023
    Quote Originally Posted by The Artist Formerly Known as Leavenworth Skier View Post
    11 years old. Had been hanging out with a cousin who had impressively loud farts. I asked about technique and he said, "when you feel a fart coming on, just push as hard as you can." I had always been a careful farter to keep the brown torrent at bay, but took his advice to heart.

    For roughly 3 days I enjoyed a concert of foghorns and broken exhaust notes from my anus. It was glorious.

    Then, one morning I felt the mother of all farts stepping up to the plate. Instincts kicked in and I braced, gripping the arm of the couch tightly while increasing inter abominal pressure to magnify the clearly glorious cacophony of gaseous noises that were about to happen.

    Instead an explosion of what felt like hot refried beans shot down my legs, out the bottom of my pants. I tried to pump the brakes, but it was too late. My sister shrieked in disgust. I waddled to the bathroom with glue like bean shit down both legs.

    I was no longer enthralled with chasing loud farts after that point.
    Thank you for this. It brought me some much needed laughter.

  6. #181
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Posts
    2,572
    Oh man, W. Feel like I was there with you after reading that. As we age - definitely take’r easy with the abdominal pressure and use the brake taps for safety.

  7. #182
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    inw
    Posts
    1,282
    some life lessons smell worse than others.

  8. #183
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    1,332
    Quote Originally Posted by kush1 View Post
    never shit my pants, but in high school a friend of mine took a shit in one of his teamates football helmets. That dude said he washed his hair about 1000 times that night!
    Never trust anyone who says they’ve never shit their pants!

  9. #184
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    roaming into the gloaming
    Posts
    608
    What a glorious tale of exuberant pants soiling!

  10. #185
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    truckee
    Posts
    23,120
    Quote Originally Posted by skizix View Post
    Never trust anyone who says they’ve never shit their pants!
    Many people shit their pants. Many successfully suppress the memory.

  11. #186
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Posts
    654
    Slightly off topic.

    At my wedding, one of the groomsmen comes up to me during the reception wearing his street clothes and says “hey buddy, hope you don’t mind if I changed into some other clothes?” Odd, but we’re into the drinking and dancing portion at this point so who cares…no objection offered.

    A few days later he gives me the backstory. At some point prior to our reception interaction he had felt the urge, or rather THE GURGLE URGE. Long story short, the targeted bathroom for relief had an occupant which delayed deployment. Ended up aaaalmost making it, but in the final moment explosively half and half shat his tux and the bathroom itself. Called his wife from the bathroom and she went to the car and brought in alternative garb.

    Further explained how he had wisely taken the tux insurance option at rental, so on return he walked in, threw the bag of shitty tux at the counter, and ran out without saying a word.

  12. #187
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    19,215
    Quote Originally Posted by dgilligan02 View Post
    Slightly off topic.

    At my wedding, one of the groomsmen comes up to me during the reception wearing his street clothes and says “hey buddy, hope you don’t mind if I changed into some other clothes?” Odd, but we’re into the drinking and dancing portion at this point so who cares…no objection offered.

    A few days later he gives me the backstory. At some point prior to our reception interaction he had felt the urge, or rather THE GURGLE URGE. Long story short, the targeted bathroom for relief had an occupant which delayed deployment. Ended up aaaalmost making it, but in the final moment explosively half and half shat his tux and the bathroom itself. Called his wife from the bathroom and she went to the car and brought in alternative garb.

    Further explained how he had wisely taken the tux insurance option at rental, so on return he walked in, threw the bag of shitty tux at the counter, and ran out without saying a word.
    She's the real wingperson.
    Is it radix panax notoginseng? - splat
    This is like hanging yourself but the rope breaks. - DTM
    Dude Listen to mtm. He's a marriage counselor at burning man. - subtle plague

  13. #188
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    2,625
    That seems to be entirely on topic.

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