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Thread: I've shit my pants.
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04-08-2020, 01:07 AM #176
Way to bring back a classic.
I wasn't the shitter, but someone in my group trusted an untrustworthy fart all the way over on Legends chair at Purgatory a couple months ago. Wasn't a full blown leg runner, but wet enough to be "bad news". It was only our 2nd day ever on this mountain, and he's on a snowboard and I'd say a strong intermediate. It's mostly long flat/uphill cattracks back to base. It was a powder day so we pointed him in the right direction and bid him good luck. He thought he had the right trail to get over the last ridge.. he was wrong, the in betweener lifts weren't running and he ended up back at Legends. After loading Legends the first time with "bad news" it was a good 45 minutes by the time he got to the room.
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09-30-2021, 05:48 PM #177
11 years old. Had been hanging out with a cousin who had impressively loud farts. I asked about technique and he said, "when you feel a fart coming on, just push as hard as you can." I had always been a careful farter to keep the brown torrent at bay, but took his advice to heart.
For roughly 3 days I enjoyed a concert of foghorns and broken exhaust notes from my anus. It was glorious.
Then, one morning I felt the mother of all farts stepping up to the plate. Instincts kicked in and I braced, gripping the arm of the couch tightly while increasing inter abominal pressure to magnify the clearly glorious cacophony of gaseous noises that were about to happen.
Instead an explosion of what felt like hot refried beans shot down my legs, out the bottom of my pants. I tried to pump the brakes, but it was too late. My sister shrieked in disgust. I waddled to the bathroom with glue like bean shit down both legs.
I was no longer enthralled with chasing loud farts after that point.
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09-30-2021, 06:08 PM #178
Beautifully written.
I can almost smell it.
Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
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09-30-2021, 06:14 PM #179
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09-30-2021, 07:39 PM #180
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09-30-2021, 08:53 PM #181
Oh man, W. Feel like I was there with you after reading that. As we age - definitely take’r easy with the abdominal pressure and use the brake taps for safety.
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09-30-2021, 09:46 PM #182
some life lessons smell worse than others.
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09-30-2021, 10:15 PM #183Registered User
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
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- 1,332
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09-30-2021, 10:39 PM #184
What a glorious tale of exuberant pants soiling!
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10-01-2021, 09:42 AM #185
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10-01-2021, 08:07 PM #186
Slightly off topic.
At my wedding, one of the groomsmen comes up to me during the reception wearing his street clothes and says “hey buddy, hope you don’t mind if I changed into some other clothes?” Odd, but we’re into the drinking and dancing portion at this point so who cares…no objection offered.
A few days later he gives me the backstory. At some point prior to our reception interaction he had felt the urge, or rather THE GURGLE URGE. Long story short, the targeted bathroom for relief had an occupant which delayed deployment. Ended up aaaalmost making it, but in the final moment explosively half and half shat his tux and the bathroom itself. Called his wife from the bathroom and she went to the car and brought in alternative garb.
Further explained how he had wisely taken the tux insurance option at rental, so on return he walked in, threw the bag of shitty tux at the counter, and ran out without saying a word.
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10-01-2021, 08:17 PM #187
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10-01-2021, 08:47 PM #188
That seems to be entirely on topic.
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