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  1. #151
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    12,464
    Then there's the story of a buddy of mine who lived in a condo at the base of the mountain he patrolled at. He wasn't feeling 100%, a bit of a rumbley tumbley, so he decided he'd better head down the mountain to a toilet. He quickly got worse and was trying to ski gently so as not to unleash the growing storm in his gut. He wasn't too far from safety when he hit a big grooming anomaly in the cat track. Shit his pants quite spectacularly. It flowed down into his boots. He just kept skiing right down to his condo and got in the shower, boots and all, and stripped off and cleaned up. Had to hose the boots out. I think they still smell a bit like shit when they're on the heated boot dryer.

  2. #152
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    the vails
    Posts
    1,958
    Quote Originally Posted by wolfelot View Post
    I have a real gem that I will write up tomorrow during my 13 hour drive to Nebraska.
    You're leaving us hanging like a dingleberry

  3. #153
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    100
    One time I was touring and I decided I needed to shit. So I walked off the skin track a little bit and pulled my snow pants down and went at her. But little did I know that my snow pants were not completely out of the way, and I had some shit in my pants. I didn't notice the shit until That night after I had come home and I whipped off my under wear to have a shower and then I noticed the large festering shit in my underwear.

  4. #154
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    238
    Has anyone ever stepped in their pile with ski boots on after shitting in the backcountry?

  5. #155
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    Southeast New York
    Posts
    7,113
    We need more bad-roo threads resurrected. Gold. Pure fkn gold!

  6. #156
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    truckee
    Posts
    12,112
    My son and I were hiking down the Virgin Narrows. The Park Service gives you a shit bag which has chemicals that decompose the shit so you can just throw it in the trash when you get out. Second day there is an overwhelming smell of shit--damn, I thought, the shit bag leaked in my pack. Check it out--all is well. Turned out the smell was the rental canyoneering shoes. Advice to people hiking the Narrows--buy your own shoes.

  7. #157
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    424
    Shit TR. Well, it just happened… again. (I wrote this last night)

    I've been plugged up for a few days, so I took 2 "herbal cleanse" pills last night. (they usually work in 12 hours or so).The day was fine, but still, no bowel action that I thought might start by noon/mid afternoon… oh well.

    Also , giant mareeba mangoes are in season somewhere and I've been eating a lot of them, so good.(but damn they're expensive).

    I was taking my girlfriend and toddler out to dinner this night. Nice dinner and our toddler started getting really fussy at the end, time to make an exit, pay bill, I round up baby stuff while mom grabs baby, and we run for it. Get in car, baby is having a fit while mom is trying to strap him into
    carseat (he is big and strong for his age), I'm just thinking, let's get home so we can chill. As soon Is I start driving, I realize I HAVE TO SHIT…REALLY BAD, but there's no turning back and with baby and mom, we have to get home! I tell myself "you can hold it!" A minute later I tell girlfriend calmly, "I have to go to the bathroom real bad". She says "oh no, do you think you can hold it?" I reply,"if we can't find somewhere to stop, I'M GOING TO SHIT MY PANTS!"

    She says, "don't worry, we have leather seats". Hahahaha(but this was no laughing matter) I'm thinking to myself "I'm wearing Carhartts, they might contain it but I'm gonna try and hold it"

    2-3 min later, we are on a main street. I can see a gas station about 200 meters away but traffic is at a standstill. My anus is losing it's battle
    against my packed rumbling colon + cleanse pills fully activated and a gut full of pizza. I say "I'm a shitting my pants" as I try to clench my butt cheeks, my foot comes off the brake, my butt starts leaking and we lurch forward towards the car in front of us. I slam my foot back on the brake.

    Finally get to the gas station(almost running a red light which mom usually blasts me for, but I was about to blast too…in a different way). Thank goodness, I can see relief and I slip out of the truck legs light together(damage control) and speed waddle into the gas station and ask for the washroom . I move to the obvious corner and find the open public bathroom, walk thru door, try to close the door and it won't close…WTF! I'm yanking on the door thinking it might be some kind strong magnet like a some fire doors have to hold them open.

    I look down at the bottom corner of the door and there's some stainless steel components, a big junction box with conduit running out of either side…again WTF? I consider just SHITTING with the door wide open to the public, but I know it's going to be messy. I look closer and it's a heavy duty hook holding the door open. I try to flip the hook up off the door with my toe 2-3 times and it's not fucking working!!!!

    I have no choice but to try to bend over without completely shitting myself, although thats already started. I bend over sideways from the hip and get this stupid hook with a funky bend in it unhooked, shut/lock the door and the show was on.

    Run (unusually long bathroom) to the toilet (my anus is beyond maximum pressure, there has already been a small release), undoing my pants, I'm spinning, pulling down/ SHITTING and sitting down all in a split second… It was like opening a floodgate on the Yangtze River Dam…the pressure release was enormous.

    Then for a few moments, "sweet relief"… until I realized I'd made a extremely large mess…I look down and there's a lump the size of a deformed racquet ball in my shorts, as well as streaking smear up to the top edge or the waistband. I quickly scoop up the solid waste matter our of my shorts, and realize that my legs,butt/ass feel extremely slimy and moist . I stand up slowly and turn around to see the SHIT MASSACRE… JEZUUS. I clean myself the best i can. Thankfully there was a mirror so I could look over my shoulder to see all of the the areas I'd missed(lower back included).

    I've heard of "upper deckers" and seen shit splattered toilets/walls, walls, etc in my time and always thought how the hell does the happen without someone just being a sick jackass . Well, now I know.

    The entire bowl, seat, front of the tank, edge of the upper deck, some wall and some floor were splattered with milk chocolate coloured poo filled with orange chunks(the mareeba mangoes) . I cleaned myself the best i could . The bathroom was perfectly clean when I came in and now looked like it had been attacked by a diarrhea bomb. I'd feel awful about leaving the bathroom in that state so i cleaned it best i could with paper towel and TP and left .

  8. #158
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    seatown
    Posts
    3,334
    bless your heart

  9. #159
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    716
    Jesus Fucking Christ that was awesome!

  10. #160
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Bellevue
    Posts
    5,294
    Quote Originally Posted by shroom View Post
    bless your shart
    Fixed

  11. #161
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    3,744
    Have a friend that whit himself just a few miles from home. He pulled down a dead end street, took his pants off and then his shit filled boxers. Dropped them on the ground at the end of the road. Bitched and moaned that he lost his favorite boxers. He went back a few months later twords the beginning of spring. Kicked around at the giant pile of snow that the plow had built up over the winter. After 20-30 mins. of digging he finds them, digs them out with a stick, takes them home, washes them and wears them to this day. I believe it was the last straw for his girlfriend as she left him shortly after she learned of this story.

  12. #162
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    the most beautiful place in the whole wide world
    Posts
    1,563
    Quote Originally Posted by DDsnake View Post
    Shit TR. Well, it just happened… again. (I wrote this last night).
    Man, that was a gripping read!

  13. #163
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    657
    Quote Originally Posted by DDsnake View Post
    Shit TR. Well, it just happened… again. (I wrote this last night)
    Tears - thank you. Fucking hilarious
    Quote Originally Posted by My Pet Powder Goat View Post
    Come for the poo-slinging, Save a fortune on a plumber.

  14. #164
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    60
    Ok I got one.

    So in high school my younger sister raced cross country skis. Since she couldn't drive herself to an area where she could practice, that duty fell upon me. (I didn't really mind this though since there were a lot of hot girls to talk to who XC skied.) Anyways, while she would XC ski I would do a little trail running loop near the track, mostly to kill time but it was also quite a fun trail especially in the winter.)

    One of these days I decided to grab a breakfast burrito on my way to take her to practice. She starts skiing and I start running. It was a VERY cold day (for running), like 15 degrees. But I'm like, "what the hell, if I keep moving I won't get cold". While this is true, I still produced a lot of sweat that day.

    I have been running for around 45 minutes and am getting near the end of my loop when I feel it. The shart. It's coming.

    "I can make it back to the parking lot and unload my trunk in the pit toilets there." I think to myself. "Yea, that's not bad at all."

    I turn of the trail and hit the home stretch of my running loop, a half mile stretch of single lane road leading back to the XC ski trailhead. My pace has quickened with the urgency of the situation. The slight run has quickened to a fast run, and two strides later it becomes a full-on sprint for those pit toilets. Cheeks clenched as hard as possible.

    But I still have more than a third of a mile to go.

    That's when all shit broke loose.

    It started coming out. It didn't care that I was clenching as hard as my gluteus allowed me to. It didn't care that Annika (the hot XC skier) would say hi to me when I got back to the parking lot. IT did NOT care.

    I ran to the side of the road and pulled my shorts down to my legs and squatted. It ceased to fill my Synthetic underwear and began to pile and splash on the snow and dead foliage.

    Then I experienced the most odd emotion I have ever felt. There was terrible shame and extreme relief at the same time.

    Then the wind picked up a bit. It was slight at first and then all at once. I was sweaty and poop-stained. And I quickly became damn cold. I tried to clean myself up but it wasn't doing much. I could not stop shivering anyways.

    A Suburban, full of youth XC skiers drives past the scene of the crime. My boxers got thrown into the bushes, so there I am standing with my running shorts in hand, shivering, and naked aside from my fleece pullover. What a sight I must have been.

    I pulled my shorts back on and free-balled it all the way home. I never told my parents or my sister.

  15. #165
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    PNWET
    Posts
    3,804
    I was going to write but for some reason all of a sudden
    https://www.tetongravity.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=3982&dateline=1279375  363

  16. #166
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    198
    DDS, that was phenomenal. and miserable. and thoroughly entertaining.

    Quote Originally Posted by TomCrac View Post
    Have a friend that whit himself just a few miles from home. He pulled down a dead end street, took his pants off and then his shit filled boxers. Dropped them on the ground at the end of the road. Bitched and moaned that he lost his favorite boxers. He went back a few months later twords the beginning of spring. Kicked around at the giant pile of snow that the plow had built up over the winter. After 20-30 mins. of digging he finds them, digs them out with a stick, takes them home, washes them and wears them to this day. I believe it was the last straw for his girlfriend as she left him shortly after she learned of this story.
    This is some next level shit.

  17. #167
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    land of the free
    Posts
    9,365
    Shits gettin real
    “Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.”
    Hunter S. Thompson

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