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  1. #101
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    Oct 2003
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    golden co
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    1,192
    aww shucks...

    Ask GFP, I fart louder and stinkier than any man you've ever met. (although they generally don't end in ass mud.)
    Not on here much anymore. Drop me an email if you want to contact me. Have a wonderful winter!

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
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    601
    Quote Originally Posted by BigAirSkier1580 View Post
    Well played, sir.

    Did she leave you then? or shortly thereafter?
    I left her about 6 months later.
    "Whoever said skiing on fat skis is like having sex with a fat chick, has obviously never had sex with a fat chick." -Jack Handy

  3. #103
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Bozeman
    Posts
    259
    I shart on a regular basis, I have no clue why, I guess I can blame it on the parents never potty training me right but I have never had the pleasure of having a full blown pantload whence skiing.

    However on a recent ski trip with my cousins my cousin J (name withheld) shit his pants on the airplane mid flight. Mind you we were having a silent fart contest to see who could make people around us the most uncomfortable. Needless to say he won and even though he tossed his drawers, the rest of the plane ride smelled of hot disgusting shit, enough so that the lady in front and diagonal of us actually used her vomit bag (first time I have ever seen one of those used) and called the space waitress for some of that pink stomach stuff that seems to make me shit worse when I have a stomach ache....but thats another story.

  4. #104
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    Dec 2001
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    tahhh
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    Talking

    Quote Originally Posted by FLEX View Post
    When I was 18,4 of my friends + myself went to Mexico. One guy insisted that we go deep-sea fishing 'so he sets it up.We went early in the morning and I was super hung -over.It was an extremely low budget crappy boat and all we had to drink was warm Corona's.Within half an hour I was feeling really queasy and started puking over the side of that godforsakin' boat.I was illin' bad.After about 1.5 hours the only fish was a 3lb red snapper that the guide caught.What a joke! We returned to the dock and i was still vomiting over the side only now I had to shit real bad too.{it felt like diarreha}.Upon arrival I ran to the boathouse.Inside there was a group of old mexican dudes playing cards."Is there a washroom I could pleeeese use ?!?.." I said with a serious look of desperation+pain on my face.They paid no attention to me so I ran/waddled past the card game through the door to where I guessed the toilet was.There was a small stall w/ no door ,no water in the toilet,and it was fuckin'filthy.Upon crossing the threshhold into the stall I was hit with a stench that would curl your toes.That was it. I started puking uncontrollably.At the same time I lost all control of my bowel and started shitting like crazy.I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.
    Once the eruption stopped,I was in a state of shock.I was wearing white karate pants that were now completely soiled brown.I had no choice but to remove these slimey pants and tried to wipe myself with the small bits of my pants that weren't already covered w/ shit cause there was no toilet paper.I was feeling totally ill + helpless.I turned around and my buddy Tim was standing there , eyes opened wide w/his mouth hanging open w/ a look of horror and astonishment,all he could say 'HOLY SHIT,WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!! I said,' I need help',...I was standing naked from the waist down, the floor,walls,and myself covered in POO ...Tim asked 'What should I do?' -I told him to find me something to wear.He looked but there was nothing .Icould see a dirty old Mexican blanket inthe corner+I told Tim to ask the old dudes if he could buy it from them.He asked but they paid no attention to him.I then told him to just grab it.He threw me the blanket which I wrapped around my waist and we made a run for it.Man,did I ever stink+there was still diarreaha all over my legs.Then we had a 20 min. stinking cab ride back to the hotel. Good times


    This struck me as so kick-your-mom-in-the-face funny that about halfway through I was only able to read one line at a time. I'd read a sentence, belly laugh and cry until I couldn't breathe, wipe my eyes and repeat.
    That was freaking hilarious, Flex!

    I don't have time to read any more of this thread, but if the rest of the stories are like this it might just happen to me while sitting at my computer.

  5. #105
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    Dec 2001
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    tahhh
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    Talking

    Oh, and by the way, I don't think I've ever noticed a thread with a 60:1 ratio. Or, viewed 6,000 times compared to only 100 posts. I guess that's an awful lot of people reading and laughing so hard they can't even post.

  6. #106
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    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    Quote Originally Posted by Endlessseason View Post
    Oh, and by the way, I don't think I've ever noticed a thread with a 60:1 ratio. Or, viewed 6,000 times compared to only 100 posts. I guess that's an awful lot of people reading and laughing so hard they can't even post.
    Either that or just a lot of people ashamed to admit they've ever shit their pants.

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Palmer, Alaska
    Posts
    230
    I was kind of relieved that this thread had quieted down. If you guys start back up, I'm going to have to read the posts little by little. I laugh so hard that I disrupt everything else around me. I don't normally laugh like this...this is crazy.

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Burlington, VT
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    279
    Quote Originally Posted by Endlessseason View Post
    Oh, and by the way, I don't think I've ever noticed a thread with a 60:1 ratio. Or, viewed 6,000 times compared to only 100 posts. I guess that's an awful lot of people reading and laughing so hard they can't even post.
    Alright, point well made. Me? In law school in NYC. Roommate and I decided to blow off our '34 Act class and proceed directly to the bar at the Odeon to commence afternoon drinking. And drink we did. All day and into the night. At one point, I tried to surreptitiously fart while sitting in the bar stool. Booze + laughing ass off = shart. Which led to more laughter. Yep, trip downstairs to the bathroom for some recon that led to a night of free balling.

    Having just submitted that to the masses, I now know why there's a 60:1 ratio on this thread.

  9. #109
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    Feb 2004
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    121 msl
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    Quote Originally Posted by timmay View Post
    how many mags have spewed excrement from all holes at once. usually occurs when passed out.
    A friend of mine calls that " the dreaded number 3"

  10. #110
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
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    N.Tahoe
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    143
    This thread made me think of a hilarious encounter I had with a gaper a few years back while I was the Manager on Duty at the deathstar. So during a JP Morgan conference at the resort where I work I get a call from an unhappy guest. Upon investigation I learn that the unhappy guest had shat himself while on a chairlift. In speaking with the man, he was very angry and explained to me that the shatting was in fact the result of food poisoning he had gotten from one of the hotel restaurants. He in tern, wnated his entire trip comped for this. He also said that if I did not comp his stuff, he would go to his boss and explain the situation (How do you keep a straight face while you are explainign to your boss that you crapped your pants on a chairlift?). This dude had no shame about it at all...it was almost as if he wanted as many people to know about it as possible. In the end I gave him a comp pair of rental ski pants and had his pair washed (sorry housekeeping!). I hope he told his boss.

  11. #111
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    Apr 2007
    Location
    Near Lake Tahoe
    Posts
    46
    Watch out for those wet farts.

    I always do a visual no matter what, especially before I sit down again. It can make the difference between a minor inconvenience and a major issue.

  12. #112
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Salt Lake City
    Posts
    806
    I've long ago started investing in 'WAG Bags'

    I keep one in the glove box of each truck.
    One in each of my packs (caving, bikign, canyoneering, backpacking).

    THey are seriously worth their weight in gold.
    -James

    Quote Originally Posted by kidwoo View Post
    It doesn't behave well until it's going mach retarded.

  13. #113
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Location
    mother natures toilet cuz the weather here is shit
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    353
    i was in 3rd grade at recess playing ghostbusters with my friends when all of a sudden i get the all too familiar feeling in my stomach, i have to poop. so i go and ask one of the teachers assigned to supervise our playtime if it would be all right for me to inside to use the toilet. her reply was no, we only have a few minutes left outside you can go when we go inside. crap literally was what i thought in hindsight i should have just went on in and did my business but not being one to get in trouble i waited. i sat on a little wall curled up in a sitting fetal position for what seemed like days, it was only about 3 or 4 minutes. we finally lined up to go inside, me writhing in pain, slowly walking holding up all those who were behind me. once on the inside i politely ask again if i can go to the restroom to which she replies yes. so with all the quickness i could muster i ran to the toilet, in the restroom i start undoing my pants as i walk into the stall and get my pants down to half mast turn around and go to sit and there goes the anal explosion. not one drop of my nasty butt matter hit the floor or the toilet for that matter every bit of it ending up in my pants and spiderman undies. so i wipe my ass and not knowing what else to do i pull up my fecal encrusted undies, pants and walk to my class to tell my teacher about my extra heavy underwear. as i had to walk like i had been riding a bull for three days, was a tell tale sign that something had gone terribly wrong she called the office and they called my house and my babysitter had to come and get me, while they were making the necessary phone calls i had to stand in front of the class with my spiderman undies that by now had turned into venom undies full of ass matter. one of my friends says loudly it smells like poop in here. my eyes dropped to the floor and the shame that only having pants filled with crap starts to set in. 15 min later my babysitter gets to the school and we begin the 15 min walk back to my house, pants still full of shit, longest walk of shame ever. finally we get home and to the bathroom i go get in the shower thankfully we had a shower head that you can move around which made clean up a little easier but seeing the brown soup trailing down towards the drain made me want to vomit at this point i figured why not and commenced to vomit making the brown soup look more like chocolate vegetable soup. all in all a learning experience, i learned that if you have to wash off shit in the shower make sure you take out the bathtub toys if you ever want to play with them again.

    another time i just sharted was in college it was ancient asian art class an interesting yet somehow dull. so i brought in a 2liter of mountain dew to help keep me awake, well i drank the whole thing before the break. i go to the bathroom to piss and you know when you pee and you just let the farts roll out yeah big mistake one of the farts was sneaking an illegal over the border and border patrol didn't get there in time. nothing to bad just pitch the undies a little bit of clean up and good to go or so i thought. get back in class and my friend says what took you so long so i tell him what happened and he busted out in laughter as expected. not expected was the fact that i had a hole in my jeans in just the right spot for my dick to pop out of when i walk so since i am now going commando every step i take suddenly has a whole new meaning to me. my little solider was saluting everyone until i realized what was going on. thats about it for me and not being able to control my ass.
    whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had Gonorrhea.

  14. #114
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Palmer, Alaska
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    230
    Ohh, the horror! Spidey undies (anyone remember the Hall of Justice?) full of venom...the friend pointing out the smell in front of the class...the friend (you need new friends) pointing out the college salute. I need a drink of water or something.

  15. #115
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    177
    My poor little girl spent all night puking and all day crapping. Its been a long day of cleaning up.
    Last edited by Kenai; 04-07-2007 at 05:15 PM.

  16. #116
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    5
    I remeber a camping trip with boy scouts...

    So were camping in the sierra nevada (bout 25 miles south of Bishop). The whole troop is 20 miles from the nearest civilization and we are at 11K feet. We end up setting up camp, and after we were done we went to expolre (like any group of 12 yearold hyper boys stuck in the mountains would do) so about half a mile from camp, i turn to my friend and tell him a joke. He starts lughing really hard then all of the sudden he gets a bad look on his face. A stench starts t show up and I wonder what it is. He turns to me really slowly and says "I think I just shit myself". At this point start bawling. Holding his pants up he starts to walk to the nearest tree and I notice some lumps rolling down his legs. I start laughing even harder! So he had to wipe himself off with some leaves and we give him some pants (wa to big). Well, our leader gets truh of this, and unfortunatly for my friend we have a take in take out policy, which means he had to take his shit-ladden pants back down the mountain with him. I will never forget the sight of watching him with his shit pants hanging on a stick that was sticking in his backpack while he had to keep both his hands on his ther pants to keep them from falling off. Thats my story.

  17. #117
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    Oct 2003
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    SLC Utah
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    Talking

    Quite probly the funniest thread I've ever read. I'm crying here.

  18. #118
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    Sep 2004
    Location
    WYO
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    Oh my, I've pooped my pants.

  19. #119
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    109
    I saw Darf shit his pants... haha

    you probably have no idea what I'm talking about

  20. #120
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    Oct 2006
    Location
    Milpitas, CA
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    2,815
    I'm sure all of us pee in the shower on occasion. Anyone shit in the shower?

  21. #121
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    Feb 2007
    Location
    in an igloo
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    70
    Bump. Funniest shit I ever had to read!
    I only hang with gear whores

  22. #122
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    Apr 2007
    Location
    P-town, Oregun
    Posts
    611
    Surfing. Full wetsuit. Huge day (for Oregon). No stopping for anything.

    Paddling hard to make it in on a biggun. Nope, too late. Over the top it took me... UUUGGGGGHHHHHHaaaaaahhhhh...

    Shit my wetsuit.

    Now what? Made my way to shore, dropped wetsuit to my ankles and scooped the fecal material onto the beach. Washed up with a refreshing Pacific Ocean winter saltwater splash to the anus.

    Zip Zip and back out I went.

    Itched a little. Fingers stunk too...

  23. #123
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Outside the cube
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    6,950

    Thumbs up

    Man, this thread has it all. Suspense, action, intrigue, critical thinking skills!

    It keeps gettin better and better. There's nothing like people fessing up their poop-the-pants stories to get ya through the summer.

    Sprite
    "I call it reveling in natures finest element. Water in its pristine form. Straight from the heavens. We bathe in it, rejoicing in the fullest." --BZ

  24. #124
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    550

    shart

    shatring is good for all
    @EdgeLinkJohn

  25. #125
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    Dec 2002
    Location
    The Garden State
    Posts
    3,027
    white karate pants?

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