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  1. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
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    Gaia
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    1,045
    Fart + shit = SHART?

    I voided once ... sharted big

    Too much bourbon++ at a Motorhead show + 0 oxygen + mosh pit = CRAPPED me pantalones ...

    Had to leave the show early ... got to see em again in my later years.

    Not proud of it.

  2. #27
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    Apr 2002
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    At the North end of the Parkway
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    Had some stomach thing last month sharted. Best of my friend stories is ski related, touring one day in the alpine one guy shits himself and isn't done finds the lone two foot high tree to squat behind and empties himself. Used the soiled polypro to clean up then back to the tour.
    Move along nothing to see here.

  3. #28
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    Feb 2004
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    2,942
    I just did reading this thread.

  4. #29
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    Feb 2004
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    The Ol' Smoke
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    2,400
    Quote Originally Posted by bad_roo
    I shat 'em on the Hoover dam.

    I'm so proud...sigh...
    Monty Python's version of the cougar phenomenon:
    "This is a frightened city. Over these houses, over these streets hangs a pall of fear. Fear of a new kind of violence which is terrorizing the city. Yes, gangs of old ladies attacking defenseless, fit young men".

  5. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    Montreal
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    2,374
    Quote Originally Posted by bad_roo

    I shat 'em on the Hoover dam.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrs Roo
    I'm so proud...sigh...
    One of the many highly entertaining (in a juvenile shit-disturbing way) Roo stories.

    Sick and ashamed and happy (and the Roos WILL come tele at the indoor tele festival next weekend),
    d.
    "Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
    - Kurt Vonnegut

  6. #31
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    Sep 2004
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    WYO
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    9,742
    Anyone ever shit/sharted clear goo?

    I sharted on the way back from SLC once and a little came out. It was like diahrea but it was clear like water.

    What the hell is wrong with me?
    "Have fun, get a flyrod, and give the worm dunkers the finger when you start double hauling." ~Lumpy

  7. #32
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    Jun 2005
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    6
    Didn't shit my pants but went water-sking with girlfriend and her family ) first date)and got fresh water enema while skiing. Dropped of the line and while boat was circling to pick me up, emptied turds from pants. Turds floated. Tied to push turds away but to no avail. Girlfriend and family come back, me floating in water with giant floating turds around me. Denied they where mine but they didn't believe me. she married me anyway.

  8. #33
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    Oct 2003
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    between here and there
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    6,246
    Quote Originally Posted by bubblebutt
    Didn't shit my pants but went water-sking with girlfriend and her family ) first date)and got fresh water enema while skiing. Dropped of the line and while boat was circling to pick me up, emptied turds from pants. Turds floated. Tied to push turds away but to no avail. Girlfriend and family come back, me floating in water with giant floating turds around me. Denied they where mine but they didn't believe me. she married me anyway.
    nice entrance dood.

    Buddy was on his way to go surfing out in Cali. Too much coffee and no breakfast, combined with many beers the night before, resulted in a small shart in the truck, then a hollar to pull over, as he runs into a park on the side of a busy road, drops his shorts and proceeds to projectile shit next to a tree. There was a homeless woman 15 feet away who was absolutely shocked, she had a look of terror on her face.
    More fucked up than a cricket in a hubcap

  9. #34
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    Sep 2004
    Location
    Golden, CO
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    443
    Quote Originally Posted by bubblebutt
    Didn't shit my pants but went water-sking with girlfriend and her family ) first date)and got fresh water enema while skiing. Dropped of the line and while boat was circling to pick me up, emptied turds from pants. Turds floated. Tied to push turds away but to no avail. Girlfriend and family come back, me floating in water with giant floating turds around me. Denied they where mine but they didn't believe me. she married me anyway.
    What a great "how we met" story. The temporary humiliation was worth it for a tale that will live on forever as your in-laws' favorite social ice-breaker.

  10. #35
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    Feb 2005
    Location
    Vancouver BC
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    2,884
    Around here gamble and lose is called losing a 50/50

  11. #36
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    Jun 2005
    Location
    Uranus
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    24
    Quote Originally Posted by 72Twenty
    Anyone ever shit/sharted clear goo?

    I sharted on the way back from SLC once and a little came out. It was like diahrea but it was clear like water.

    What the hell is wrong with me?
    Cum? BWAAAHAAAHAAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

  12. #37
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    213
    When I was 18,4 of my friends + myself went to Mexico. One guy insisted that we go deep-sea fishing 'so he sets it up.We went early in the morning and I was super hung -over.It was an extremely low budget crappy boat and all we had to drink was warm Corona's.Within half an hour I was feeling really queasy and started puking over the side of that godforsakin' boat.I was illin' bad.After about 1.5 hours the only fish was a 3lb red snapper that the guide caught.What a joke! We returned to the dock and i was still vomiting over the side only now I had to shit real bad too.{it felt like diarreha}.Upon arrival I ran to the boathouse.Inside there was a group of old mexican dudes playing cards."Is there a washroom I could pleeeese use ?!?.." I said with a serious look of desperation+pain on my face.They paid no attention to me so I ran/waddled past the card game through the door to where I guessed the toilet was.There was a small stall w/ no door ,no water in the toilet,and it was fuckin'filthy.Upon crossing the threshhold into the stall I was hit with a stench that would curl your toes.That was it. I started puking uncontrollably.At the same time I lost all control of my bowel and started shitting like crazy.I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.
    Once the eruption stopped,I was in a state of shock.I was wearing white karate pants that were now completely soiled brown.I had no choice but to remove these slimey pants and tried to wipe myself with the small bits of my pants that weren't already covered w/ shit cause there was no toilet paper.I was feeling totally ill + helpless.I turned around and my buddy Tim was standing there , eyes opened wide w/his mouth hanging open w/ a look of horror and astonishment,all he could say 'HOLY SHIT,WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!! I said,' I need help',...I was standing naked from the waist down, the floor,walls,and myself covered in POO ...Tim asked 'What should I do?' -I told him to find me something to wear.He looked but there was nothing .Icould see a dirty old Mexican blanket inthe corner+I told Tim to ask the old dudes if he could buy it from them.He asked but they paid no attention to him.I then told him to just grab it.He threw me the blanket which I wrapped around my waist and we made a run for it.Man,did I ever stink+there was still diarreaha all over my legs.Then we had a 20 min. stinking cab ride back to the hotel. Good times

  13. #38
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    River City
    Posts
    2,374
    Quote Originally Posted by FLEX
    When I was 18,4 of my friends + myself went to Mexico. One guy insisted that we go deep-sea fishing 'so he sets it up.We went early in the morning and I was super hung -over.It was an extremely low budget crappy boat and all we had to drink was warm Corona's.Within half an hour I was feeling really queasy and started puking over the side of that godforsakin' boat.I was illin' bad.After about 1.5 hours the only fish was a 3lb red snapper that the guide caught.What a joke! We returned to the dock and i was still vomiting over the side only now I had to shit real bad too.{it felt like diarreha}.Upon arrival I ran to the boathouse.Inside there was a group of old mexican dudes playing cards."Is there a washroom I could pleeeese use ?!?.." I said with a serious look of desperation+pain on my face.They paid no attention to me so I ran/waddled past the card game through the door to where I guessed the toilet was.There was a small stall w/ no door ,no water in the toilet,and it was fuckin'filthy.Upon crossing the threshhold into the stall I was hit with a stench that would curl your toes.That was it. I started puking uncontrollably.At the same time I lost all control of my bowel and started shitting like crazy.I hadn't even turned around,pulled my pants down,or sat down.I was vomiting, pooing everywhere,pissing and crying all at the same time.
    Once the eruption stopped,I was in a state of shock.I was wearing white karate pants that were now completely soiled brown.I had no choice but to remove these slimey pants and tried to wipe myself with the small bits of my pants that weren't already covered w/ shit cause there was no toilet paper.I was feeling totally ill + helpless.I turned around and my buddy Tim was standing there , eyes opened wide w/his mouth hanging open w/ a look of horror and astonishment,all he could say 'HOLY SHIT,WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!! I said,' I need help',...I was standing naked from the waist down, the floor,walls,and myself covered in POO ...Tim asked 'What should I do?' -I told him to find me something to wear.He looked but there was nothing .Icould see a dirty old Mexican blanket inthe corner+I told Tim to ask the old dudes if he could buy it from them.He asked but they paid no attention to him.I then told him to just grab it.He threw me the blanket which I wrapped around my waist and we made a run for it.Man,did I ever stink+there was still diarreaha all over my legs.Then we had a 20 min. stinking cab ride back to the hotel. Good times
    ....

  14. #39
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    Nov 2003
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    Stuck in perpetual Meh
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    35,244
    Shit vs. Shat. Discuss.

  15. #40
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    Nov 2002
    Posts
    6,162
    Someone with some time find the story about Owens (I think?) shitting himself I a resturant in New York. Something like that. Who knows what I'm talking about?

  16. #41
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Laramie, Wyoming
    Posts
    346
    No stories to tell, but this thread is hillarious. LOL!

  17. #42
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    Feb 2005
    Location
    bend OR wisco originally
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    210
    foggy I think I know what you are talking about. I was trying to remember who and when that was because a while ago on here somebody had a damn good shitting themselves story and it easily topped all of these, it was well written and I remember feeling really bad for the dood. I hope someone steps forward to rekindle that poop story.

  18. #43
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    Jul 2004
    Location
    Seattle, WA
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    1,534
    I shat my pants in rural Indiana.

  19. #44
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    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    48,536
    Nice use of the small humble font LAN!

  20. #45
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    Jul 2004
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Posts
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman
    Nice use of the small humble font LAN!
    It had to be humble. How else can a lady admit that she's shat herself? (I still chalk it up to the food at the Walnut Room in Chicago).

  21. #46
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    Nov 2002
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    Behind the Zion Curtain
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    3,169
    Quote Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles
    Someone with some time find the story about Owens (I think?) shitting himself I a resturant in New York. Something like that. Who knows what I'm talking about?
    That story is as old as the internet. Google, "shitting pants restaurant." You'll find it on any number of sites.

    BobMc

  22. #47
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Whistler, B.C. (almost)
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    1,272
    It wasn't Owens, it was some dood. The story's been floating around the internet for ages. Guy at a buffet ends up having to hose the bathroom down, gets a standing ovation from the restaurant staff on the way out after having his wife run to the store for clean clothes?

    My story:

    I'd never been to Mt Baker before, and neither had my friend. We planned a day trip up there, and packed the car up the night before. I went drinking with a friend and my other buddy kicked it with his girlfriend for the night. I was drinking shitty beer and eating mexican food all night long. As I'm sure many of you have found, that's not a good combination. I wake up the next day with a bit of a hangover, but nothing debilitating. Little more than a headache, really. We left really early in the morning, and I wanted to squeeze as much sleep out of the night as I could, so instead of eating at home, I grabbed an enormous burrito called 'The Bomb' when we stopped to gas up.

    Bad call.

    About two hours into the drive, I started to feel a little shitty. I chalked it up to lack of sleep, a mild hangover, and a long drive. I was still feeling queasy when we pulled into the parking lot, but I wasn't about to let that stop me from skiing Baker. We grabbed our tickets and headed up the chair. After a few warmup laps, I was starting to feel even shittier. I was pale and sweating, and feeling a little nauseous. My buddy started asking me if I was okay. "Fuck it," I thought. I told him I was fine. We kept skiing, but I was feeling progressively worse. My stomach was churning, I was burping up foul gases, and sweating profusely. Just then, I felt a violent urge to void my bowels. I could tell that it was going to be an eruption of hot butt mud, and I knew for certain that I didn't want it in my pants. I beelined for the nearest tree.

    Now, skiing with your butt cheeks clenched tight against am impending flood of soupy beer shit is not an easy task, but I made it to a stand of trees. Sparse protection from prying eyes, but I was desperate. So desperate, in fact, that I skied in switch while pulling my pants down. I braced my back against a tree, held my pants out of the way, and released. I shot a jet of hot shit into the tree well, forever scarring the earth. I'm sure the tree is dead. If not dead, at least still in therapy.

    Anyway, this shit keeps coming and coming, and I'm not feeling any better for it. In fact, I'm feeling worse. I start to shiver uncontrollably. Sweat is beaded on my forehead. My goggles are fogged. And that's when it happened. There I was, lava pouring out of my ass into this tree well, when I dropped the bomb. The Bomb, if you recall, was the name of the burrito I had for breakfast that day. You also might recall that my goggles had become rather obstructive to my vision. If you've really been paying attention, you've probably already realized that I was holding my pants forward in a bid to prevent the pure liquid evil spilling out of my ass from filling them. Having finished spewing from both ends, I managed to stop shaking and pull myself together long enough to pop my goggles off. I looked around in front of me for the puddle of vomit that should have been there, and realized, to my horror, that I had managed to drop almost all of The Bomb inside my pants. My waterproof ski pants. And yes, they are waterproof from the inside as well.

    Luckily, I was in a sitting position, so it seemed that the only extensive damage was to my boxer shorts. I emptied them out as best I could to prevent further spread of this toxic substance, and then cut them off with my leatherman tool and dropped them between my legs. I cleaned myself off as best I could with snow and pieces of bark, pulled my pants up, stood up, and surveyed the damage. The treewell had contained most of the wreckage, with the odd splotch of goo here and there around it. God help the poor bastard that ends up head first in that particular tree well.

    Satisfied that I'd effectively gotten away with it, I began to pole away when I noticed my buddy ten feet away, frozen, his face a mask of horror. When I beelined for the trees, he'd followed me and born witness to the entire disaster. He stayed frozen for another beat or two, and then started laughing so hard I thought he was gonna shit his pants. Once he was settled down a little bit, I swore him to secrecy, thanking my lucky stars that I had enough dirt on him that it would never get out... and it never did. Until now, of course.

    Oh, by the way: I skied for three more hours. Baker's sweet.
    Last edited by Samwich; 06-17-2005 at 07:15 PM.

  23. #48
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    Oct 2003
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    Whistler, B.C. (almost)
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    1,272
    Quote Originally Posted by Tippster
    Shit vs. Shat. Discuss.
    present tense vs. past tense.

    Roo's statement "I've shit my pants" means that he has very recently soiled his trousers. Had he said, "I shat my pants," he would be attempting to convey that, once upon a time, he filled his underoos with his own excrement.

  24. #49
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    Oct 2003
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    Church of the Nifty Blue Chrysler
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    Talking

    Wow Samwich. I had to stop eating my bowl of chocolate ice cream as I read your post. No mas, no mas.
    Set my compass North, I got Winter in my blood.

  25. #50
    Join Date
    May 2002
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    Norte del río
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    2,180
    Quote Originally Posted by Baconzoo
    I watch my Mom shit her self in a grocery store check out line, that was pretty funny.
    That's just wrong.......I should've looked you up when I was in Toronto.


    I've shat....Lincoln City FC, it was messy after 5 hrs morning boozing for a 2.00pm kick off. Lincoln won.

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