College, Dorms and roommates

[mtngirl79]

DJ Sapp, you make good points. There are ample practice facilities on the first floor of one of the freshman dorms that are equipped with pianos; however, I'm sure that he will still play a lot in his room. He has a Yamaha S90XS that he will be taking with him. Late at night, he can plug headphones in, so not to disturb neighbors, but banging on the keys might keep a roommate awake. I know that at home, he plays to the wee hours of the morning. Also, I'm sure that he will join a band and jam and play gigs off campus. You guys bring up so many good reasons to decide either way. For my son's situation, Plugboots says it best: "The wildcard is he's at Frost".

Learn to adapt. Have you even looked at the dorm room layouts? Will this keyboard even fit? If his roommate has one, too or something else equally big?

What do the kids that don't have daddy to make sure they don't have to be uncomfortable do? They learn to adapt and are better for it.

Really. Make him deal like everyone else. He will be better for it.

[boarddad]

+1 for roommates are part of the freshman year deal for better or worse. Yeah some college kids have a whole lot of growing up to do and are lousy roommates but in retrospect that still beats living at home or being truly on your own in the real world. College, especially that first year is the place to make mistakes and learn from them without all of the consequences. Situations change as you settle in, get off-campus jobs with weird hours etc. where sharing a room begins to be unworkable. That first year though I'd roll the dice and opt for the roomie.

[schindlerpiste]

mtngirl, my daughter goes there, I went there. I know the dorms very well.

To answer your question, why should I even care about that. , but I think the answer is either drugs, or adapt. Sink or swim.

Daddy has nothing to do with this, other than to ask for the opinions of you good folks.

Plug boots, it would be cool if THE []_[] devoted a floor to the Frost kids.

[Timberridge]

What's the difference between a pizza and a musician?
A pizza can feed two people.

[east or bust]

before my freshman year we had an orientation over the summer where we got paired with a rando for 3 days, but all the activities during the day were with kids from our major. I ended up rooming with one of the kids I met there and we made it through school (2 years in the dorm, 2 years in an animal house) and are still good friends.

I did have a couple friends who had nightmare roommates, and some with roomies they had no interaction with. IMO the latter case really isn't a big deal. you don't have to be best friends with your roommate.

my brother went in as a freshman this year completely different than I did. went in random, ended up in a triple. I believe he gets along fine with both but they don't really hang out with one of the kids. he had all his hockey stuff with him, they all had skis and snowboards, and still made it work. the experience was definitely good for him.

[mtngirl79]

To answer your question, why should I even care about that. , but I think the answer is either drugs, or adapt. Sink or swim.

Are you referring to caring if your kids big keyboard monopolizes the limited shared space of a dorm room?

Umm because it's common courtesy to treat roommates with the respect you hope to get in return?

Hell, if you raised your kid with a why should I even care about the other guy attitude, get him his own room for the sake of the unlucky soul the would have to be his roommate. It won't help him, though.

[schindlerpiste]

I actually love your always condescending asshole comments. Keep it up

[Timberridge]

I actually love your always condensing asshole comments. Keep it up

vs. her evaporating asshole comments?

[schindlerpiste]

^^^Thank you.

[Maurice Ballstein]

Learn to adapt. Have you even looked at the dorm room layouts? Will this keyboard even fit? If his roommate has one, too or something else equally big?

What do the kids that don't have daddy to make sure they don't have to be uncomfortable do? They learn to adapt and are better for it.

Really. Make him deal like everyone else. He will be better for it.

When you are low, this board tries, despite your unnecessary self-deprecation, to lift you up and help you. When you feel like you have regained some control back over your life, you are the quickest to hand out the useless and utterly ironic "buck up" bromides. You are incapable of empathy and I doubt you could even truly be sympathetic. And if I wanted to steal a page from your poorly written feminist rulebook, I'd tell you to STFU unless you had kids of your own to attempt to care about.

[mcski]

What kinda of college allows lowly freshman to have single rooms in the dorm?!?! Fuck that shit, jr needs a better school where students are housed 3 to a mop closet.

Give him the roommate at minimum and let him figure his own shit out. At least it will give something to bitch about in the dining hall.

I had a crap roommate freshman year. Hardly the end of the world. Buck up.

[mtngirl79]

When you are low, this board tries, despite your unnecessary self-deprecation, to lift you up and help you. When you feel like you have regained some control back over your life, you are the quickest to hand out the useless and utterly ironic "buck up" bromides. You are incapable of empathy and I doubt you could even truly be sympathetic. And if I wanted to steal a page from your poorly written feminist rulebook, I'd tell you to STFU unless you had kids of your own to attempt to care about.

Maybe I know a little bit about what its like to think you cannot overcome challenges because of being constantly told you cannot. Really, that is what it is saying.. You cannot do this like everyone else, you need special help, you cannot use the pianos that everyone else uses, you need your own keyboard.

You cannot live with someone else, you like to play your keyboard at all hours of the night, you are entitled to that.

Because at some point, life hits, and then you have to learn you are no better or worse than anyone else, and you have to make it work with what you have, however it is, no matter how bad it sucks... Someone who has been making it work their whole life isn't going to have a problem.

He was the one who asked why should he care about his son's potential roommates situation and shared space.

[LegoSkier]

I brought a keyboard freshman year and it was fine for the roommate. Played with headphones if needed but that wasn't really necessary a lot given he set up a 4 speaker surround Bose system that we would get baked and blast Floyd on. Oh, and then there were the 10 pot plants he grew under his bed so I guess you could say he was pretty tolerant. He took it off the bed frame, stored that in the basement, then bridged the plywood and mattress between his dresser and desk, then bolted a nice set of grow lights on the underside of the plywood and put blackout cloth so you couldn't see it just walking into the room. Only grew 3 ft plants but it was a decent haul for on-campus. Lived with that guy 3 more years. Of course he became a meth addict and I came home one day to find he had walked the 5 miles home from campus instead of taking the bus because when he was boarding the bus he decided the driver was in cahoots with his parents to kidnap him to military school.

[hutash]

vs. her evaporating asshole comments?

This way I keep reading these Dear Abby type threads, they always deliver.

[skaredshtles]

Another vote for a roommate.

And I had an utterly useless $hitgobbler for a roommate freshman year. Parents were very religious and strict.

He fucking lost his shit COMPLETELY at college. It would have been funnier if I hadn't been his roommate.

But it does build character.

[schindlerpiste]

For all those who are advocating a roommate, I get it, and even agree with what you say. But, I have to tell you, every one of my daughter's friends, including her roommate tell me that they wish that they had a single during freshman year.
What do you think about the notion of not having a roommate freshman year. Then choosing your roommate for sophomore year on? This way, you kind of know what you are getting going in. Any way, this may be all academic, as singles are not easy to come by (25 for about 1000 students).

[mtngirl79]

For all those who are advocating a roommate, I get it, and even agree with what you say. But, I have to tell you, every one of my daughter's friends, including her roommate tell me that they wish that they had a single during freshman year.
What do you think about the notion of not having a roommate freshman year. Then choosing your roommate for sophomore year on? This way, you kind of know what you are getting going in. Any way, this may be all academic, as singles are not easy to come by (25 for about 1000 students).

EVERYONE wishes they did not have to have a roommate.

[adrenalated]

For all those who are advocating a roommate, I get it, and even agree with what you say. But, I have to tell you, every one of my daughter's friends, including her roommate tell me that they wish that they had a single during freshman year.
What do you think about the notion of not having a roommate freshman year. Then choosing your roommate for sophomore year on? This way, you kind of know what you are getting going in. Any way, this may be all academic, as singles are not easy to come by (25 for about 1000 students).

I wish a lot of things but having to work for shit in my life has made me a better person.

Having a random ass roommate freshman year was one of those things that took adaptation and compromise and made me a better person.

[plugboots]

Hmmmm. What's so great about having a roommate that you wouldn't learn on your own? I never cooked until I lived on my own, but my whole family are foodies, so I didn't need to live with a chef to figure that out. So what's so great about living with an asshole? My guess is most people know how to deal with this, so I think this is a, "I did it, so I think you should too" kind of thing. Does the mini-pister NEED this life lesson?

Edit to add, my daughter is going through a similar decision right now.

[mtngirl79]

learning to get along with someone completely different than yourself, compromise, share space, problem solve, work it out... most people use to share a room with a sibling so this wasn't such a huge deal.

[hutash]

I wish I had a freshmen roommate, but my wife is not keen on the idea. Maybe I should become a Mormon?

Of course they wish they didn't have a roommate, who wants one, even to this day, that's not the point. Sure she will survive either way, and if she is a normal, slightly well adjusted kid, which I am sure she is, she will be fine either way. My point is, if she wants it, she pays for it. I certainly wouldn't foot the extra bill as the parent. If mommy and daddy are paying for it, hell, I want a three bedroom house in the 'burbs, maid and chef, and no roommate.

[Steven S. Dallas]

If the kid is naturally outgoing, makes friends easily, etc., a single's probably fine, but I would be concerned that a shy kid in a new place would just hang out alone in his single room.

[schindlerpiste]

I get that, too. Regarding the cost of living on campus without a roommate, living with a roommate, and living off campus in Coral Gables with a roommate these are pretty accurate #s:
Freshman single on campus: $11000 yr.
Freshman double $8000 yr.

Two bedroom apartment off campus: between $2700 - $3600/mo. split by 2.

I'm paying a lot more for my D to live with a roommate as a sop., junior and senior than I did for a single her freshman year.


The dollars are relative. If I had my choice, my kids would go to the U of U (or some other fine public school) for $15000/yr., rather than a private school where tuition, room, board and spending can run 5x that

Like most people responding here, Steven Dallas makes a great point.

[billyk]

You've gotten plenty of advice, and no need of my opinion, but let me prattle on, anyway. Thinking back to my own experience, the first year I just lived at home and commuted. Cheap, but I do think I missed out and was more disconnected from the whole college scene. So I don't recommend that, or living in an apartment by yourself, etc. Second year, my parents moved away, so off to the dorm I went. Roomates were pretty much a non-issue. Not really guys I'd normally hang out with, but we stayed out of each other's way. Then it was off to a room in a big shared house, and that's when the real partying started.

[DJSapp]

Some questions:

What does the year #2 rooming situation looking like? Still in dorms, or off campus housing? Many CA universities simply do not have housing beyond the first year. I feel this is important, because the roommate situation gets a lot more complex once you leave the dorms and have to split bills, work out house rules, cooking, cleaning, etc. The dorms are a good segway from mom and dad wiping your butt for you to figuring out how to deal with the broke pothead that you signed the lease with (but he's sooooo cooooolll).

And so far the only reason you have for paying for the single is "My kid is a snowflake and might not like the roommate or might have to learn how to work with the needs of another human being and I have extra money to burn to make these problems go away." News flash: they aren't your problems, they're you kid's problems to work out. Social interactions. Human peer bonding with people you don't see eye to eye with. By hiding your kid into a single they don't learn these things. Yeah, everyone wants privacy. They have the rest of their lives for that. This is the time, this is the place to experience this. And it's only 9 months, and it's entry level courses. Not the hard upper division shit that actually requires heavy work.

Other things to think about:

What are the odds the keyboard is damaged/stolen from the dorm room? Theft is rampant in dorms, shithead roommates don't lock the door when they leave, shitty maintenance means the doors don't even lock (rare, but it happens), they spill bong water on it, etc. Mtngirl has a point about the damn thing even fitting in there. I'd leave it at home for the first month and feel out the situation.

It also forces a potential friend upon them. In a strange new place where nobody shows up with a friend. Even if they don't hit it off, they will still do things together, at least in the first month or two. Many folks in singles (back in my day) stayed shut in and hid in their own loneliness.

College is about a lot more than grades.