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  1. #126
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    On Vacation for the Duration
    Posts
    14,373
    The last time my auto mehanic worked on our CRV he was 6 hours into a 2 hour job (ABS, not his fault, it was the salt) when I pulled the plug and we shared the cost. That was about 6 months ago. Driving my older TJ, I stopped by today to bring him a loaf of apple/raisin bread from the bakery.

    Greg: What's the problem? (He always greets me that way)

    Me: I was at the bakery and this stuff is Gooood. Remember last summer when I had a shimmy in the front when I turned hard lefts and I said I'd make an appointment to bring it is soon?

    Greg: Yep

    Me: Well the shimmy went away a week later and never came back. Remember last month when my heater controls wouldn't work and I said I'd bring it in the following week?

    Greg: Yup

    Me: Well they started working fine a week later. Greg, now I don't know how you're doing it, but you need to find a way to charge for these services. BTW, as long as I'm here, my left front blinker only works intermittently and I was hoping you could fix it like you fixed the shimmy and the heater.


    Last month, I walked into the local gun shop and said to the owner behind the counter that since all my neighbors voted for Trump and as I am a liberal, would he please recommend a firearm that would be best to kill a human at a distance of 15 feet with little or no training. But that was last month, not today.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  2. #127
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    12,098
    ^That reads like Prairie Home Companion (or Mayberry RFD) meets Breaking Bad, but I like it.
    Screw the net, Surf the backcountry!

  3. #128
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Joe's Garage
    Posts
    5,970
    Some jackass in London decided to change 50 people's job descriptions without telling them or training them to take on their new responsibilities.
    No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent

  4. #129
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    17,749
    Old Larry's back!
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  5. #130
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,306
    I wonder if Larry works for BNP. Larry if you do, shoot me a PM, I know a kid starting there (not my kid). Smart kid but everybody needs help if they can get it.

  6. #131
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Joe's Garage
    Posts
    5,970
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    I wonder if Larry works for BNP. Larry if you do, shoot me a PM, I know a kid starting there (not my kid). Smart kid but everybody needs help if they can get it.
    Hey ice- not a bnp garçon. My suits aren't tight enough, ha ha. Tell that kid to take advantage of any and all help offered. What's he doing there?
    No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent

  7. #132
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Way East Tennessee
    Posts
    4,588
    Last week. Was in a Board of Zoning Appeals Hearing.

    Issue was whether the building inspector had observed various structure being erected in a campground that were allegedly in violation of county zoning ordinances. County zoning ordinances are in a book with about 60 pages in it. Building inspector is a contractor that failed, and went to work for the county.

    Me: So you were hired by the county in 2011?
    Building inspector: No, 2010
    Me: You issued a notice of violation in 2015?
    BI: Yes
    You were in the campground multiple times each year from 2010 to 2015?
    BI: Yes
    Me: But you didn't say anything to anyone about the structures being in violation of the zoning ordinances?
    BI: No, I am familiar with the building codes, I didn't know much about the zoning ordinances. I had to read them, and this particular section is in the back of the book.
    Me: So it took you five years to read to the book?

    Hilarity ensued.
    In order to properly convert this thread to a polyasshat thread to more fully enrage the liberal left frequenting here...... (insert latest democratic blunder of your choice).

  8. #133
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,306
    Quote Originally Posted by OldLarry View Post
    Hey ice- not a bnp garçon. My suits aren't tight enough, ha ha. Tell that kid to take advantage of any and all help offered. What's he doing there?
    It's my son's girlfriend, some trading shit, my eyes glazed over. She'll do fine, she's unusually attractive and super smart and determined. Speaks French like a native speaker so that can't hurt at that place.

  9. #134
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    17,749
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    It's my son's girlfriend, some trading shit, my eyes glazed over. She'll do fine, she's unusually attractive and super smart and determined. Speaks French like a native speaker so that can't hurt at that place.
    If she wants a good career she may want to get out of trading and banking then. Unless she can get the neanderthals to make some sexually offensive comments, then I hear the settlements are pretty lucrative.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  10. #135
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    1,510
    There is so much I cannot be typing on the internet these days.

    But what I will say, is that since I got a job bartending at my favorite bar life has been a blast. My best friend swung by this evening around midnight and helped us close down the bar. I walked him home and got to hold him like a lover while he puked all over me in the middle of the street. I'm in the middle of working 60 hours in three days, and everything is still so much fun.

  11. #136
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Joe's Garage
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    5,970
    Click image for larger version. 

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ID:	283480 can’t say this was a great moment- dude lying in 42nd st deliberately trying to get hit #thanksdeblasio


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent

  12. #137
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    9,855
    God we've missed ya OL.

  13. #138
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Location
    The Cone of Uncertainty
    Posts
    49,306
    Larry, did you think to tell that guy he'd have better luck getting run over if he laid down across traffic instead of parallel to it?

    I might have.

    edit: lay, lie, laid, fuck i should know this
    Last edited by iceman; 05-23-2019 at 09:03 PM.

  14. #139
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    truckee
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    23,111
    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    Larry, did you think to tell that guy he'd have better luck getting run over if he laid down across traffic instead of parallel to it?

    I might have.

    edit: lay, lie, laid, fuck i should know this
    but if you slit your wrists you want to do it the long way

  15. #140
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Joe's Garage
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    5,970
    Quote Originally Posted by old goat View Post
    but if you slit your wrists you want to do it the long way
    Maybe that’s where he got mixed up?


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    No Roger, No Rerun, No Rent

  16. #141
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    18,583
    Nice OL is still kick in!


    My best story from today is I filled out my retirement papers and put them in the mail. FKNA!
    watch out for snakes

  17. #142
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    TennesseeJed
    Posts
    10,988
    Quote Originally Posted by wooley12 View Post
    Last month, I walked into the local gun shop and said to the owner behind the counter that since all my neighbors voted for Trump and as I am a liberal, would he please recommend a firearm that would be best to kill a human at a distance of 15 feet with little or no training. But that was last month, not today.
    This never happened. Lol.
    "I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I think there's something to be said for that" -One For The Road

    Brain dead and made of money.

  18. #143
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Loveland, Chair 9.
    Posts
    4,902
    I get a call and letter from our condo property manager because I have been parking in the guest spots when its pouring rain or bringing in groceries as my condo faces the street but is gated and I have the longest walk around from designated parking spot to my front door.

    this bothers no one as we seldom get visitors for the 16 condos in my building but it apparently pisses off one lady in the complex who has nothing better to do and they cant tow it, so they send me letters and notices on my windshield.

    so, I complied and now park on the street about 5 feet from the visitor spots which I have no doubt still pisses that lady. still debating on pouring sugar around her plants so roaches are attracted just for her being a nuisance.
    TGR forums cannot handle SkiCougar !

  19. #144
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    Posts
    15,780
    Quote Originally Posted by SB View Post
    My best story from today is I filled out my retirement papers and put them in the mail. FKNA!

  20. #145
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars
    Posts
    3,807
    It wasn't a story from today but.... Yesterday at work I got a phone call from Mike in Port Coquitlam. He said he was talking to a guy in the parking lot after a ride, the guy loaded his dog in the truck and drove away, leaving his $10K CAD Orbea Wild M20 leaning against a tree. The bike had our sticker on it so he looked us up to try to find the owner. I did some digging in our system and found the owner, called the number and talked to his wife. I hooked Mike up with the owner and the bike was returned. I really hope Mike got a bottle of expensive something for being an honest guy.
    You are what you eat.
    ---------------------------------------------------
    There's no such thing as bad snow, just shitty skiers.

  21. #146
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Looking down
    Posts
    50,491
    Jezuz. I have heard stories of driving away from a front wheel, and , I totally understand, considering my edible habit, but, an entire bike?

    Dude had to be on his third post ride beer.

  22. #147
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Location
    in a freezer in Italy
    Posts
    7,181
    Shit, I did it. Fortunately not an expensive bike. Same damn thing, instead of putting the bike in the bed of the truck like usual I stopped to chat with a guy I knew who happened to be there and leaned the bike against a tree. Drove off, left it there. Never saw it again. No beers involved.

  23. #148
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Not in the PRB
    Posts
    32,782
    Quote Originally Posted by ötzi View Post
    Shit, I did it. Fortunately not an expensive bike. Same damn thing, instead of putting the bike in the bed of the truck like usual I stopped to chat with a guy I knew who happened to be there and leaned the bike against a tree. Drove off, left it there. Never saw it again. No beers involved.
    You should have been talking to Mike.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy

  24. #149
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    People's Republic of OB
    Posts
    4,407
    That sounds like something I would do. Couple years ago I left my bike leaning against the wall outside my garage after riding over to the local pub for beers. Opened the garage, had to move something to get the bike in it's place. Got distracted by something else and forgot the bike outside. It was gone the next morning. Fortunately it was just a beater I rescued from a neighbor's trash bin and fixed up. Maybe he recognized it and took it back lol.

  25. #150
    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Location
    in a freezer in Italy
    Posts
    7,181
    Ha. I didn't even know what I'd done until two days later when I drove down to where I liked to ride and went to the back of the truck to get my bike out. I was very confused for a couple of minutes there.

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