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  1. #1
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    2017 Darwin Awards

    There doesn't appear to be a 2017 thread as far as I can tell, so here goes:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nati...icle-1.3020327

  2. #2
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    Contest prizes included a free doughnut and a button boasting the win, the news station reported.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    There doesn't appear to be a 2017 thread as far as I can tell, so here goes:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nati...icle-1.3020327
    "Colorado man dies after choking on half-pound doughnut during eating contest"

    Has anyone heard from B. Profane today?
    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by iceman View Post
    There doesn't appear to be a 2017 thread as far as I can tell, so here goes:

    http://www.nydailynews.com/news/nati...icle-1.3020327
    Hard to believe there wasn't a cop in there to give him the Heimlich.

  5. #5
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    i won a pie eating contest not long ago. i'm surprised more people don't choke.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by PNWbrit View Post
    "Colorado man dies after choking on half-pound doughnut during eating contest"

    Has anyone heard from B. Profane today?
    Well, he was a local... but I doubt it was Benny.

    Wouldn't Benny have been more likely to only eat part of the doughnut, and surreptitiously stash the remainder away in his pants pocket for lunch?
    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by wyeaster View Post
    i won a pie eating contest not long ago. i'm surprised more people don't choke.
    Musta been cock pie if you won.
    Daniel Ortega eats here.

  8. #8
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    Post 6 and this thread has real potential to go in a completely sideways direction.


    I may regret this, but ok.

    Let's hear more about this pie eating contest Spook.
    I still call it The Jake.

  9. #9
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    it was. giant ones. and since i am an expert binger and purger i had time to choke myself with some cocks before i ate them. i couldn't stand up to accept the award because i had a boner. well, and i was too busy eating the cocks of the vanquished, which is quite erotic and satisfying.

    i was fine for about 30 minutes and then all the cock meat and sugar started to overwhelm my systems. i head for the nearest bucks (this was at an outdoor festival in eugene). they had just finished sucking all the shit out and wiping everything down. i opened the door to the most pristine portable shitter i have ever seen. lifted the lid to puke my cocks out and i saw the calm pool of deep blue. awesome! until the first substantial cock chunk hit the water and my entire face was splashed with blue shitwater mixed with cock chunks. i could only laugh at the latest in a lifetime of hilarious self-inflicted stupidity. it actually made it easier to puke because rather than just trying to empty my guts i was legitimately horrified and revulsed in addition to being humored.

    true story. it was chocolate cock pie. i doubt i would have been so ravenous for vanilla.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    I may regret this, but ok.

    Let's hear more about this pie eating contest Spook.
    Quote Originally Posted by wyeaster View Post
    it was. giant ones. and since i am an expert binger and purger i had time to choke myself with some cocks before i ate them. i couldn't stand up to accept the award because i had a boner. well, and i was too busy eating the cocks of the vanquished, which is quite erotic and satisfying.

    i was fine for about 30 minutes and then all the cock meat and sugar started to overwhelm my systems. i head for the nearest bucks (this was at an outdoor festival in eugene). they had just finished sucking all the shit out and wiping everything down. i opened the door to the most pristine portable shitter i have ever seen. lifted the lid to puke my cocks out and i saw the calm pool of deep blue. awesome! until the first substantial cock chunk hit the water and my entire face was splashed with blue shitwater mixed with cock chunks. i could only laugh at the latest in a lifetime of hilarious self-inflicted stupidity. it actually made it easier to puke because rather than just trying to empty my guts i was legitimately horrified and revulsed in addition to being humored.

    true story. it was chocolate cock pie. i doubt i would have been so ravenous for vanilla.
    Happy now, Bmills?

    Quote Originally Posted by powder11 View Post
    if you have to resort to taking advice from the nitwits on this forum, then you're doomed.

  11. #11
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    that was for viva

  12. #12
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    by the way, the blue shitwater burns your face like acid.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by wyeaster View Post
    it was. giant ones. and since i am an expert binger and purger i had time to choke myself with some cocks before i ate them. i couldn't stand up to accept the award because i had a boner. well, and i was too busy eating the cocks of the vanquished, which is quite erotic and satisfying.

    i was fine for about 30 minutes and then all the cock meat and sugar started to overwhelm my systems. i head for the nearest bucks (this was at an outdoor festival in eugene). they had just finished sucking all the shit out and wiping everything down. i opened the door to the most pristine portable shitter i have ever seen. lifted the lid to puke my cocks out and i saw the calm pool of deep blue. awesome! until the first substantial cock chunk hit the water and my entire face was splashed with blue shitwater mixed with cock chunks. i could only laugh at the latest in a lifetime of hilarious self-inflicted stupidity. it actually made it easier to puke because rather than just trying to empty my guts i was legitimately horrified and revulsed in addition to being humored.

    true story. it was chocolate cock pie. i doubt i would have been so ravenous for vanilla.
    Good story Gordie.



    I laughed a few times.

    Quote Originally Posted by El Chupacabra View Post
    Happy now, Bmills?

    No, now I'm not.
    I still call it The Jake.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by wyeaster View Post
    it was. giant ones. and since i am an expert binger and purger i had time to choke myself with some cocks before i ate them. i couldn't stand up to accept the award because i had a boner. well, and i was too busy eating the cocks of the vanquished, which is quite erotic and satisfying.

    i was fine for about 30 minutes and then all the cock meat and sugar started to overwhelm my systems. i head for the nearest bucks (this was at an outdoor festival in eugene). they had just finished sucking all the shit out and wiping everything down. i opened the door to the most pristine portable shitter i have ever seen. lifted the lid to puke my cocks out and i saw the calm pool of deep blue. awesome! until the first substantial cock chunk hit the water and my entire face was splashed with blue shitwater mixed with cock chunks. i could only laugh at the latest in a lifetime of hilarious self-inflicted stupidity. it actually made it easier to puke because rather than just trying to empty my guts i was legitimately horrified and revulsed in addition to being humored.

    true story. it was chocolate cock pie. i doubt i would have been so ravenous for vanilla.
    How do they provide you the cocks? Tell me they handed you a bag of them, because I have a lot of questions

  15. #15
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    the cocks were cooked into the pie. they may have arrived at the kitchen in a bag. i should have asked.

    i won because the cardinal rule of eating cocks, even on stage in front of a couple thousand people, is never stop eating. never look up to see how your fellow cock eaters are doing it, unless it's an orgy and it gets you off. but not in a cock pie eating contest.

  16. #16
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    that and i am a voracious and noisy cock pie eater. i think the unabashed guttural moaning and growling intimidated the more repressed competitors.

  17. #17
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    I knew I should've just added the story in the op to the 2016 Darwin thread.

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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by wyeaster View Post
    that and i am a voracious and noisy cock pie eater. i think the unabashed guttural moaning and growling intimidated the more repressed competitors.
    en fuego itt lol

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by frorider View Post
    Pancakes? Well at least it wasn't cock pie.

  21. #21
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    Iceman will now be forever linked in the search function annals of history as the guy who started the cock pie eating contest thread.

    I'm sorry man.
    I still call it The Jake.

  22. #22
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    i've been waiting

  23. #23
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    i have more. your thread could be next. you could say i cocked up this thread.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by wyeaster View Post
    i have more. your thread could be next. you could say i cocked up this thread.
    I can't seem to think of any cock songs to get stuck in his (and then everyone's) head.

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by zartagen View Post
    I can't seem to think of any cock songs to get stuck in his (and then everyone's) head.
    Here's a really good one that's kind of metaphorical.


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