Should I call off the engagement, quit my job, travel?

[TahoeJ]

You can have both... maybe, sort of. Well, not the van. But here's the thing: if she doesn't want to travel, will she be cool with you going off to faraway places with friends? If she insists that you basically become a homebody, it sounds like a recipe for an eventual divorce.

And I'll let you in on a secret: it's not the marriage that ties you down, or even a mortgage. It may not seem like it now, but all of that shit is easy to walk away from. Once you have kids, that's when things are forever complicated x1000 compared to anything else in your life.

[Tuckerman]

I have run away from a lot of relationships for a variety of reasons the most prominent being boredom.
Now getting married to a young lady many years my junior who is up for any adventure anytime, loves to ski, loves winter and sees the world pretty much like i do. That said I do not think either of us would describe ourselves as 99% perfect. Shit happens, we discuss what's important reach a mutually agreeable decision and get on with the party.

If you are feeling a bit trapped now, you are going to feel like you are in solitary confinement if you start pumping out kids right away. For most women that's the agenda. Nothing else matters. Not any sacrifice, not any plan you have. get that shit settled prior to tying the knot.

FTW

[GiBo]

49. Divorced. One of the main reasons I am divorced is that the ex bait and switched me. My dream was to live in the mountains. She said she was down. Got married and had two kids- then she said fuck no. Still don't live in the mountains (yet), but at least I'm on track to once the kids are out of school. And, for the most part, I get to go wherever the fuck I want whenever I want.

Years ago when I was having some wanderlust angst, an old dude told me (and I paraphrase): If you're surfing in Australia, you're not skiing in the Alps. If you're playing guitar in a cafe in Austin, you're not a fishing guide in Montana. If you're living off the grid in Alaska, you're not a yuppie in NY.

You can't do it all, man. If you're building a life with Ms. 99% in Mayberry, you're not traveling they way you say you want to. Pick one thing and do that with all you got. The rest you can fit in as you can. An awesome wife/family and kids is not a bad 'one thing' to choose.

[XXX-er]

There is a line in a Valdy (Canadian folkie) song

you might have been a sailor
spent yer whole damn life at sea,
only crazy fools and sailors
would dare to live that free

yopu will regret kicking this one free but if you don't wana, you don't wana

[alfajores]

Sounds like a pretty normal reaction to me. That's why they make you have a best man at the ceremony. To keep you from bolting. Enjoy the whole ride.

Dude, if she is 99%, she should get you enough to let you go travel. You can do all of these things for two weeks a year, give her the other half, and the rest of the time, learn to love the American Dream. Take the kids when you think they are old enough. She may disagree on that age.

My gf is not a risk taker and it has been tough in weighing starting a company or keeping a really comfy job that has wage growth. The idea of hard work is appealing to her, but having started a few companies, I keep telling her that her idea the stress will be "fun" is not realistic. She will be stressed to bits, but it is a creative outlet. Unfortunately, her job bars her from starting work on the side.

[digitaldeath]

I feel like people should give a little background on themselves before they respond. Like, "Successful career, happily married for 25 years. 2 honor roll kids that are stars of their sports team. I like driving my Tesla because of how fast it is, not the environmental benefits. When I'm not at my ski chalet, I split my time between Dentists Without Borders and my little place on the ocean. My opinion is..."

Or, "My name is dd. I'm a big fucking moron."

This would help qualify the advice.

If I'm such a moron, why all the accolades

Why all the respect and all the hate



U the fucking moron who is asking the Internet if he should leave his girl and quit job


Nice handle u liftie wannabe

[AK47bp]

Didn't read any responses except the first post.

Your fucked either way.

And if you happen to find the answer to the most complex question every man has faced since the dawn of monogamy please let us know.

How old are you and how hot is your fiancée are pretty important details you left out.

[TyWebb]

In all seriousness, you should absolutely cancel the wedding. If you felt compelled to write this post, you have too much left to do before you are ready. Don't fuck up her life. Just go find yourself.

[Groomer Gambler]

How old are you and how hot is your fiancée are pretty important details you left out.

This + pics of said fiancee

[Obstruction]

You're sick of hanging around, you'd like to travel
Get tired of travelling you want to settle down
I guess they can't revoke your soul for trying
Get out of the door, light out and look all around.

[Tuckerman]

Don't fuck up her life.

And yours. How old is the OP?

[Mustonen]

Thailand sounds cool. I think it's rad when people add to their adventure book, especially since mine is so short. I got married and had kids. Wife isn't in to the same adventures and even if she was, it's impossible with young kids.

Do what you want, I guess. My advice is to play the long game, but execute whatever you decide to do. Shit doesn't "just work." It takes effort and discipline, either way. I've found that you have to understand and accept what things actually are going in or you'll drive yourself nuts and be miserable to be around. For example, skiing on a pow day with my 5 year old is NOT raging all over the hill with my bros finding faceshots. It's mellow and it's slow and it's about her, not what my next line is gonna be. Vacation is NOT storm chasing in the Canadian Rockies, it's finding time to grow as a family. Maturity is the ability to stop bemoaning what would be the most fun RIGHT NOW and focusing on what builds the most value over the long haul.

If you're mature enough to find contentment in what sounds pretty idyllic, then you should follow your heart and make the best decision for you and future you. If you aren't, don't put yourself and her and your potential kids through that. Don't get me wrong, I'm not making "maturity" out to be some grand ideal. There's probably a better word for it that isn't so loaded.

Angst is normal and healthy. I think it indicates that you haven't really accepted that you will be tied down in new and exciting and tedious and soulcrushing ways. I don't think it has any crazy deeper meaning, "window to your soul" type bullshit. You aren't that fucking complicated and mysterious. Life is a zero sum game, and it's all you've got. Pick your measuring stick, though, don't let somebody else do it for you.

(35, 3 kids, married for 10 years)

[Sirshredalot]

Me: married 6 years. 1 year old kid. We live in the mountains and have "real" jobs and a mortgage. Early 30s.

I just quit my job to work from home full time. I'm taking two weeks off and am going to hit up Squaw and st. George/Hurricane. Wife and kid are coming to Squaw. I'm probably rolling solo for mtb, but it's weather-dependent. My wife doesn't love travel, though she tolerates it. I didn't get flack when I announced that I was ditching her with the baby while I go on a red rock and knobby tire vision quest, but it's not something I do often.

Travel now before you have kids. Much harder afterwards.

We both were full-time skids in our early 20s before we sold out. I was a bit of a party animal in my youth and got my fair share of tail. I prefer being married and having a nice place to live.

I'm not one of those guys who has a ton of trouble keeping it in his pants or gets bored with his marriage. Maybe it's my temperament or maybe it's because I got lucky and married a good girl for me.

[KQ]

99% awesome wife to be? I'd take that to the bank.

I'll let you in on a little secret. You choose what your life becomes, whether it's suburban bliss, a complete suck and drudgery, being super rad and chasing pow across the West, or finding a healthy balance between family, career and getting outdoors. Good luck.

Yup and life is full of surprises. You may think it's all planned out but next thing you know it's something else with just as many highs and lows and as Paul sang - in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

Sounds like you're having a normal reaction to making a big life decision. No need to be hard on yourself. Talk to her - communication is key to all things in life. Tell her you want to show her the world. You want to build memories to last a lifetime. You want the two of you to look back and be able to say "wasn't it great we did......" instead of "wouldn't it have been great if we'd...."

Congrats and best of luck to you both!


Me: Never married, no kids but I took a chance and changed my way of life 180° and have not regretted it. Use to party like a Playboy bunny and travel every chance I got but as I said, life changes, desires change and I will admit I regret not having children.

[Viva]

I have the urge to run away from it all.

Fucking do it.

She ain't gonna change her tune 'bout traveling. How much are you willing to give up?

And if you do make the move, have a plan put together and execute it immediately. Drop her, get out of Dodge stat, and start enjoying your life. DO NOT hang around for a month or two to figure out your next move. You'll begin questioning and regretting your motives and actions. That shit will fucking kill you. Just fly straight to Thailand and climb like to said you wanted to, and catch "Yellow Fever" while you're at it, if ya catch my drift. That, my friend, if something you will not regret.

Worst possible scenario is to be stuck not living YOUR life.

Good luck, Mang.

[boarddad]

There is no reason to have kids right away and no reason why she should have to join you on your adventures. My wife and I have had an understanding since one of our first dates; friends, family, and activities that are important to us come first, the relationship will evolve to make that work or it's not worth doing. That all changes when you have kids - they come first and you will make gigantic sacrifices, key among them the relationship you have with your wife. Activities all but disappear unless you make a big point of maintaining them. I don't think you need to break things off, but you do need to have that conversation. Just tell her you would be happier if she joined you in those adventures, but you won't be happy if you don't ultimately go, so if you are going solo so be it. See how she reacts and take it from there.

Been with my wife 25 years, married 20 and didn't have kids until our mid-30's.

[davieboot]

I used to run into these big questions all the time, torn between careers, hobbies, freedom, exploration, love, etc. I would always be stressed about making the right decision and worried that I would regret it. Then one day I re-framed the conversation. At every decision point, I asked myself, "which path will be the most fulfilling in the long run." Since then, things have been more clear, although not always easy.

Who knows if this would apply to you. Everyone is different.

[Gcooker]

Me: married 6 years. 1 year old kid. We live in the mountains and have "real" jobs and a mortgage. I'm not one of those guys who has a ton of trouble keeping it in his pants or gets bored with his marriage. Maybe it's my temperament or maybe it's because I got lucky and married a good girl for me.

I'm in a pretty similar place as this. 35, two kids, both just starting to ski. I get the ok for an annual ski trip since she knows its my passion and it keeps me happy. The last two years I was unable to take said trip and was miserable. She sensed it and started asking me in October when my trip is this year... I leave Monday for 10 days. It's going to be hard on her to get the kids up and ready so she can get to work... I get it. But, the bonus is, when I'm back I'll be normal again... not going stir crazy.

We also don't have any trust issues, both us got rid of that petty bullshit in past relationships. Lack of trust can be a killer, something I would run from.... also helps if you chick has lots of girlfriends.

[snapt]

his path aint my path and i doubt yours is mine either

Years ago when I was having some wanderlust angst, an old dude told me (and I paraphrase): If you're surfing in Australia, you're not skiing in the Alps. If you're playing guitar in a cafe in Austin, you're not a fishing guide in Montana. If you're living off the grid in Alaska, you're not a yuppie in NY.

^This. The grass is always greener man.

If you think a trip to Thailand and banging a few chicks on Tinder is worth throwing it all away for then do Ms. Future Ex Tips Up the service of calling it off.

Giving up close MTB, skiing, and a stable income seems pretty ludicrous to me. Not to mention a lady who's 99% of the time. Hell mine is probably 80%, I slept on the couch last night after a stupid fight. I still plan on marrying her down the road, but we're crystal clear on not wanting kids.

Talk about having kids, and that you have things you'd like to do before they come into play. Think about your work situation and getting yourself in a situation with more flexibility but with stable income.

If you truly came from being broke, leaving a stable gig doesn't seem like something you'd be happy with for long.

Best of luck whatever you choose.

[mcski]

Before you decide, see if she likes trips to Greece

[hutash]

Why is it that the few maggettes who post here tend to have way more wisdom then most maggots. KQ is a wise woman.

I married the 99% one 30 years ago, still married two grown, out of the house kids, we are both professionals, live at the beach (no desire to live in the mountains, at least not full time.) No complaints at all, no desire to re do anything. Had many plans and desires, and while not meeting all of them, at least to the letter, and have done, and still do plenty (leave for a two week solo trip in Cham next month).

he most important thing is to talk to your future spouse. She may not like travel, but as long as she allows you to travel it can still be good. Granted she ma not be cool with you living out of a van for six months, you may be content with a month long road trip, and she might be good with it. I don't like being away from my fantastic wife more then a couple weeks, she is just that good. Kids add a whole different dimension, but can be just as fun, but in a different way. I had great short road trips with my kids when my wife could go. Great times. Ultimately life is what you make of it, and and if you truly found a 99% girl, life will be better with her then without. Of course many people think they have a 99%er, but learn in time she is really a marginal 40%er, so take your time and really determine that. Mine is has become a 99+% with time.

BTW, we are going to Africa in the fall. Maybe not the 6 month trip on AVT bikes that I would prefer, but hiking Kili and hiking, etc is fine with me.

[PNWbrit]

What on earth would anyone have against travelling?

[char_]

No desire to travel? Or no desire to travel the backpacker, $10 dorm style accommodations travel?

[KQ]

What on earth would anyone have against travelling?

Air travel. I have come to hate the hassle. Use to be so romantic and fun and now it's just a chore. That said, there is much to be seen in the US & Canada that can easily be reached via car/bus/train.

[TWINS]

I am not able to read through the responses right now but can relate to her. My wife is the traveler, I am happy staying local. There is no reason why you cannot have both. Let her know your desire to travel and schedule it, Lots of married friends of mine make this work. Just because you are married does not mean you are handcuffed to each other.
Don`t let her get away for something like that. Might not find another one like her...