Results 1 to 25 of 224
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02-25-2016, 11:13 PM #1
Should I call off the engagement, quit my job, travel?
Dear TGR diary,
I'm engaged to be wed this summer. She is amazing, I love her. I have a decent job in a great area. Life is great. Hard work and a little luck has set this all up. I have the urge to run away from it all.
The hard work came from being broke and wanting to travel. Now I've got a bit saved up, but no time because of the whole J-O-B. My fiance is incredible 99% of the time. The missing 1% is her complete lack of desire to travel.
I'm freaking out. We live in her hometown near most of her family - they're an awesome family. The mountain biking is incredible and it's 15 minutes from a high-speed quad. I have this nightmare of this happy little life continuing forever. We both want kids, it would probably happen soon.
I've never surfed. I'd like to climb in Thailand. I want to ski the Canadian Rockies. I have an urge to live in a van. WTF is wrong with me? Should I leave good enough alone and accept my Pleasantville fate, or is now the time to grow, explore, experience?Last edited by Tips^Up; 02-26-2016 at 09:10 PM.
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02-25-2016, 11:18 PM #2
I don't think any of us can make that decision for you.
I can tell you that my situation isn't too far off, but kids will be old enough soon that we'll make it happen. And, at least with my wife, it's not about desire to travel, but rather just, like, thinking it's too expensive or something and not actually planning it.
I get 30 days of vacation (of various classifications) and she has summers off, so time isn't going to be that much of an issue.
I'm not unhappy (four years in, with 18 MO twins) by the way, if that makes any difference. And her parents being two exits up the freeway saves us a metric shitton of money on childcare.
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02-25-2016, 11:20 PM #3
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02-25-2016, 11:27 PM #4
Sounds like a pretty normal reaction to me. That's why they make you have a best man at the ceremony. To keep you from bolting. Enjoy the whole ride.
A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.
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02-26-2016, 12:03 AM #5
I'm on marriage number 2 and after the conversation I just had... well ... I really shouldn't say anything.
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02-26-2016, 12:05 AM #6
Send me your bitch, quit the dumb job and ball out playboy!!!
Zone Controller
"He wants to be a pro, bro, not some schmuck." - Hugh Conway
"DigitalDeath would kick my ass. He has the reach of a polar bear." - Crass3000
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02-26-2016, 12:14 AM #7
I feel like people should give a little background on themselves before they respond. Like, "Successful career, happily married for 25 years. 2 honor roll kids that are stars of their sports team. I like driving my Tesla because of how fast it is, not the environmental benefits. When I'm not at my ski chalet, I split my time between Dentists Without Borders and my little place on the ocean. My opinion is..."
Or, "My name is dd. I'm a big fucking moron."
This would help qualify the advice.
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02-26-2016, 12:15 AM #8
Is it weird that I consider a horse wearing flippers as a more legit source of life advice, than dd?
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02-26-2016, 12:19 AM #9
I received an email tonight from Bed, Bath and Beyond, listing me as a co-registrant for a wedding registry. If I were to try to pinpoint the source of my angst, it would be that. Well, that, and hearing my single buddies talk about tinder. So there's an app to have sex with strangers now? What a time to be alive!
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02-26-2016, 12:39 AM #10
Married for 1.5 years. Both had well paying jobs that we just quit to do the van life thing for 6 or so months. We own a house, no kids yet.
I freaked out as well a bit before getting married. It's normal. My advice, book an awesome honeymoon. Get her stoked on travel. My wife had never been outside the US (well Mexico but that doesn't count) before we got married. So far we've been to Bora Bora, Caymans, Philippines, Iceland, Japan and we're Canada/AK bound in 2 weeks. But don't what happened to me be some sort of false hope for you. As long as you both have some sort of shared goals, life will be good. There's obviously a reason you want to marry her in the first place. Skiing, climbing, etc are awesome and all, but it's even better when you have someone to share it with.
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02-26-2016, 12:44 AM #11
I'd be up front with your fiance. Try to get her involved with the idea of seeing the world before you guys decide to settle down. Start off slow with comfortable trips to places she is intrested in; Don't just spring the "lets live in a van" on her.
. ..Oh ya, I'm currently single, no kids and I do what I want, (From Vermont) so I may be out of my depth.
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02-26-2016, 12:55 AM #12
Don't breed and have the best of both worlds. Save the planet at the same time.
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02-26-2016, 12:55 AM #13
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02-26-2016, 01:25 AM #14Registered User
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- Jan 2012
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- Juneau
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Well, if you truly have 99% incredible, let me tell you, 100% doesn't exist. I agree with above advice -- tell about your interest in travel and lay out some plan, e.g., before you put down any roots (house or kids), quit jobs and spend 2-3 years doing where ever the wind blows you.
My stats: happily married, 7-yr old boy, and twin 5-yr olds (boy/girl), and a big fucking minivan 'cause I (slow) rolled my shitty Subaru driving my then 3-year old to our ski area. But when someone came by and asked if we needed help, he said (shortly after he was no longer hanging upside down), "Yes, we're trying to get to the ski area."
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02-26-2016, 01:41 AM #15Registered User
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This thread is useless without pics of fiance.
Man, you guys are slipping."The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size."
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02-26-2016, 04:11 AM #16Registered User
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- Jan 2012
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- Bend, OR
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- 363
The consequences of throwing the middle finger and bailing on it all sound a lot more painful than figuring out a resolution for your personal needs. If you have that much money saved with considerable time, take an extended honeymoon and show your wife what a good time is. Just keep in mind, you have to make her feel as though you want to do everything you talked about with her, not dragging her along. I've known chicks like what your talking about and the way you get them to go along with you and your adventures is to make sure she feels like #1 first, then she'll do whatever you want, to a degree. Unless she's just a snotty prude who cares only about avoiding inconvenience. I've never met a girl that didn't like the sun, warn ocean water and sandy beaches. If she's really that great then she will go along with whatever you do. If that 1% is more than your letting on, you will be bummed, especially if you have a kid.
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02-26-2016, 04:33 AM #17
I was the opposite of you - moved around in the US a lot after uni - but wound up about 40 miles from where I grew up - the wife grew up moving every few years, american by passport, but grew up outside the US. She told me when we were getting married that we would take overseas assignments - I was worried, but I jumped in. My kids have now spent more time out of the US than in it. It has been a great trip - and when you leave and come back , most things stay the same. I have no desire to go back to the states, and will probably live of my days in europe. Take an extended honeymoon and go take her to travel and do the things on your list. Maybe not Pucket at night - unless she is freaky.
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02-26-2016, 05:08 AM #18Registered User
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- Jan 2010
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- your vacation
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SHOULD I CALL OFF THE ENGAGEMENT, QUIT MY JOB, TRAVEL?
probably
Most people fall into that trap of wife, kids, family, job, retirement, health insurance, nice house in a nice little town, go for it. twenty years later you might wake up headed out for that one week ski vacation with the family and wonder what the fuck you did. Plenty of people will tell you their life is great and turned out just fine. Nothing wrong with that.
The other option is your like me, nothing to worry about, no money, no security, no nagging bitch, no kids, no nothing, can pick up jump in the car and take off in a split second. Can tell the world to fuck its self whenever you want. Can walk out the door and get on a chair lift in a few minutes. I don't have to wait till my body is old and fucked after working forever to retire and go enjoy my life, I'm enjoying every day.
I promise I won't laugh at you when you and your middle age bros show up in town for that ski vacation and you let loose act like a moron while your wife kids and job wait for you at home. Life is all about those little hours or weeks of forgetting the misery you set yourself up for. best of luck
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02-26-2016, 05:58 AM #19
You shut your mouth, and get that registry filled out.
Honeymoon needs to be a Staycation, that can be spent home shopping and picking out kid names.
Your life is no longer about you."I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I think there's something to be said for that" -One For The Road
Brain dead and made of money.
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02-26-2016, 06:05 AM #20"fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
"She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
"everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy
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02-26-2016, 06:15 AM #21
51 yo slacker underachiever w/ a propensity for fuckin up, nuff lifes skills to not worry about trading/using them for what i need
18 or 19 years now with a spanser soulmate who allows me to spend the majority of my days bummin on water be it frozen flowing or still.
mosty cause all the kids have and will be the unconditional luv fur kind
the durangos a pos and only still goes from a2b cause bob mc mechanical skills
Ive partied and skied with the diggies o death he's irl solid
his path aint my path and i doubt yours is mine either
bro don't fomo
abandon ship or line er up and make the oar strokes ya need to arrive at the destiation you seek while enjoyin the journies
and be
"When the child was a child it waited patiently for the first snow and it still does"- Van "The Man" Morrison
"I find I have already had my reward, in the doing of the thing" - Buzz Holmstrom
"THIS IS WHAT WE DO"-AML -ski on in eternal peace
"I have posted in here but haven't read it carefully with my trusty PoliAsshat antenna on."-DipshitDanno
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02-26-2016, 06:22 AM #22Funky But Chic
- Join Date
- Sep 2001
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- The Cone of Uncertainty
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- 49,306
time goes by. what is done can't be undone. i can't tell you what to do, but whatever it is don't do it because it's what you think you "should" do. do it because it's what you need to do.
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02-26-2016, 06:31 AM #23
As the best man I always thought it was your job to make sure that they could bolt on the way to the ceremony if they decided they didn't want to get married. We can agree to disagree on the function of the best man on the wedding day.
To the OP. None of us can make that decision for you but being apprehensive about getting married is normal. What you have to figure out is if these thoughts just come and go or if there is some weight to them.
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02-26-2016, 06:38 AM #24
Well since everyone is linking a video, I will too.
Channeling my inner Delilah here, as I find when faced with life's tough decisions I often find answers in song. The song and lyric that comes to me at this time is this one.
Btw, back when I was a young lad deciding whether or not to accept an NROTC scholarship, I was similarly touched by "In the Navy""timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang
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02-26-2016, 06:40 AM #25
An old proverb says, "Do not try to remove a fly from your friend's face using a hatchet." Sounds to me like you may have a fly buzzing around but that don't mean it's a good idea to nuke it from orbit and behead the remains.
Brandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
Cletus: Duly noted.
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