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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
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    Should I call off the engagement, quit my job, travel?

    Dear TGR diary,
    I'm engaged to be wed this summer. She is amazing, I love her. I have a decent job in a great area. Life is great. Hard work and a little luck has set this all up. I have the urge to run away from it all.

    The hard work came from being broke and wanting to travel. Now I've got a bit saved up, but no time because of the whole J-O-B. My fiance is incredible 99% of the time. The missing 1% is her complete lack of desire to travel.

    I'm freaking out. We live in her hometown near most of her family - they're an awesome family. The mountain biking is incredible and it's 15 minutes from a high-speed quad. I have this nightmare of this happy little life continuing forever. We both want kids, it would probably happen soon.

    I've never surfed. I'd like to climb in Thailand. I want to ski the Canadian Rockies. I have an urge to live in a van. WTF is wrong with me? Should I leave good enough alone and accept my Pleasantville fate, or is now the time to grow, explore, experience?
    Last edited by Tips^Up; 02-26-2016 at 09:10 PM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Couloirfornia
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    8,871
    I don't think any of us can make that decision for you.

    I can tell you that my situation isn't too far off, but kids will be old enough soon that we'll make it happen. And, at least with my wife, it's not about desire to travel, but rather just, like, thinking it's too expensive or something and not actually planning it.

    I get 30 days of vacation (of various classifications) and she has summers off, so time isn't going to be that much of an issue.

    I'm not unhappy (four years in, with 18 MO twins) by the way, if that makes any difference. And her parents being two exits up the freeway saves us a metric shitton of money on childcare.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ernest_Hemingway View Post
    I realize there is not much hope for a bullfighting forum. I understand that most of you would prefer to discuss the ingredients of jacket fabrics than the ingredients of a brave man. I know nothing of the former. But the latter is made of courage, and skill, and grace in the presence of the possibility of death. If someone could make a jacket of those three things it would no doubt be the most popular and prized item in all of your closets.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    C-Town
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    5,542
    If you don't leave, travel now you'll probably do it later with a divorce and a few kids in the middle. Its a huge world, go see it.

    If you don't do it this year, you'll be one year older when you do.
    Quote Originally Posted by twodogs View Post
    Hey Phill, why don't you post your tax returns, here on TGR, asshole. And your birth certificate.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
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    On Vacation for the Duration
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    14,373
    Sounds like a pretty normal reaction to me. That's why they make you have a best man at the ceremony. To keep you from bolting. Enjoy the whole ride.
    A few people feel the rain. Most people just get wet.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    109
    I'm on marriage number 2 and after the conversation I just had... well ... I really shouldn't say anything.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2008
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    37ft above the hood
    Posts
    16,576
    Send me your bitch, quit the dumb job and ball out playboy!!!
    Zone Controller

    "He wants to be a pro, bro, not some schmuck." - Hugh Conway

    "DigitalDeath would kick my ass. He has the reach of a polar bear." - Crass3000

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    įguila
    Posts
    1,114
    I feel like people should give a little background on themselves before they respond. Like, "Successful career, happily married for 25 years. 2 honor roll kids that are stars of their sports team. I like driving my Tesla because of how fast it is, not the environmental benefits. When I'm not at my ski chalet, I split my time between Dentists Without Borders and my little place on the ocean. My opinion is..."

    Or, "My name is dd. I'm a big fucking moron."

    This would help qualify the advice.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    įguila
    Posts
    1,114
    Is it weird that I consider a horse wearing flippers as a more legit source of life advice, than dd?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    įguila
    Posts
    1,114
    I received an email tonight from Bed, Bath and Beyond, listing me as a co-registrant for a wedding registry. If I were to try to pinpoint the source of my angst, it would be that. Well, that, and hearing my single buddies talk about tinder. So there's an app to have sex with strangers now? What a time to be alive!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Boulder
    Posts
    850
    Married for 1.5 years. Both had well paying jobs that we just quit to do the van life thing for 6 or so months. We own a house, no kids yet.

    I freaked out as well a bit before getting married. It's normal. My advice, book an awesome honeymoon. Get her stoked on travel. My wife had never been outside the US (well Mexico but that doesn't count) before we got married. So far we've been to Bora Bora, Caymans, Philippines, Iceland, Japan and we're Canada/AK bound in 2 weeks. But don't what happened to me be some sort of false hope for you. As long as you both have some sort of shared goals, life will be good. There's obviously a reason you want to marry her in the first place. Skiing, climbing, etc are awesome and all, but it's even better when you have someone to share it with.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    the Can-Utardia / LMCC VT
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    11,494
    I'd be up front with your fiance. Try to get her involved with the idea of seeing the world before you guys decide to settle down. Start off slow with comfortable trips to places she is intrested in; Don't just spring the "lets live in a van" on her.

    . ..Oh ya, I'm currently single, no kids and I do what I want, (From Vermont) so I may be out of my depth.
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    I couldn't give a fuck, but today I am procrastinating so TGR is my filler.
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    faceshots are a powerful currency
    get paid

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
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    Granite State
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    3,764
    Don't breed and have the best of both worlds. Save the planet at the same time.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Couloirfornia
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tips^Up View Post
    I received an email tonight from Bed, Bath and Beyond, listing me as a co-registrant for a wedding registry. If I were to try to pinpoint the source of my angst, it would be that.
    I registered for some stuff at REI to make myself feel better.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tips^Up View Post
    Well, that, and hearing my single buddies talk about tinder. So there's an app to have sex with strangers now? What a time to be alive!
    Yeah. Missing put on that sucked. I was on Match.com for a couple months in 2008 and it was like shooting fish in a barrel. I can't even imagine what Tinder is like.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ernest_Hemingway View Post
    I realize there is not much hope for a bullfighting forum. I understand that most of you would prefer to discuss the ingredients of jacket fabrics than the ingredients of a brave man. I know nothing of the former. But the latter is made of courage, and skill, and grace in the presence of the possibility of death. If someone could make a jacket of those three things it would no doubt be the most popular and prized item in all of your closets.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Juneau
    Posts
    1,093
    Well, if you truly have 99% incredible, let me tell you, 100% doesn't exist. I agree with above advice -- tell about your interest in travel and lay out some plan, e.g., before you put down any roots (house or kids), quit jobs and spend 2-3 years doing where ever the wind blows you.

    My stats: happily married, 7-yr old boy, and twin 5-yr olds (boy/girl), and a big fucking minivan 'cause I (slow) rolled my shitty Subaru driving my then 3-year old to our ski area. But when someone came by and asked if we needed help, he said (shortly after he was no longer hanging upside down), "Yes, we're trying to get to the ski area."

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Tahoe
    Posts
    2,681
    This thread is useless without pics of fiance.
    Man, you guys are slipping.
    "The mind, once expanded to the dimensions of larger ideas, never returns to its original size."

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Bend, OR
    Posts
    363
    The consequences of throwing the middle finger and bailing on it all sound a lot more painful than figuring out a resolution for your personal needs. If you have that much money saved with considerable time, take an extended honeymoon and show your wife what a good time is. Just keep in mind, you have to make her feel as though you want to do everything you talked about with her, not dragging her along. I've known chicks like what your talking about and the way you get them to go along with you and your adventures is to make sure she feels like #1 first, then she'll do whatever you want, to a degree. Unless she's just a snotty prude who cares only about avoiding inconvenience. I've never met a girl that didn't like the sun, warn ocean water and sandy beaches. If she's really that great then she will go along with whatever you do. If that 1% is more than your letting on, you will be bummed, especially if you have a kid.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Basel
    Posts
    334
    I was the opposite of you - moved around in the US a lot after uni - but wound up about 40 miles from where I grew up - the wife grew up moving every few years, american by passport, but grew up outside the US. She told me when we were getting married that we would take overseas assignments - I was worried, but I jumped in. My kids have now spent more time out of the US than in it. It has been a great trip - and when you leave and come back , most things stay the same. I have no desire to go back to the states, and will probably live of my days in europe. Take an extended honeymoon and go take her to travel and do the things on your list. Maybe not Pucket at night - unless she is freaky.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    your vacation
    Posts
    4,718
    SHOULD I CALL OFF THE ENGAGEMENT, QUIT MY JOB, TRAVEL?

    probably

    Most people fall into that trap of wife, kids, family, job, retirement, health insurance, nice house in a nice little town, go for it. twenty years later you might wake up headed out for that one week ski vacation with the family and wonder what the fuck you did. Plenty of people will tell you their life is great and turned out just fine. Nothing wrong with that.

    The other option is your like me, nothing to worry about, no money, no security, no nagging bitch, no kids, no nothing, can pick up jump in the car and take off in a split second. Can tell the world to fuck its self whenever you want. Can walk out the door and get on a chair lift in a few minutes. I don't have to wait till my body is old and fucked after working forever to retire and go enjoy my life, I'm enjoying every day.

    I promise I won't laugh at you when you and your middle age bros show up in town for that ski vacation and you let loose act like a moron while your wife kids and job wait for you at home. Life is all about those little hours or weeks of forgetting the misery you set yourself up for. best of luck

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    TennesseeJed
    Posts
    10,988
    You shut your mouth, and get that registry filled out.

    Honeymoon needs to be a Staycation, that can be spent home shopping and picking out kid names.

    Your life is no longer about you.
    "I don't pretend to have all the answers, and I think there's something to be said for that" -One For The Road

    Brain dead and made of money.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Not in the PRB
    Posts
    32,785
    Quote Originally Posted by Tips^Up View Post
    Dear TGR diary,
    I'm engaged to be wed this summer. She is amazing, I love her. I have a decent job in a great area. Life is great. Hard work, chance and a little luck has set this all up. I have the urge to run away from it all.

    The hard work came from being broke and wanting to travel. Now I've got a bit saved up, but no time because of the whole J-O-B. My fiance is incredible 99% of the time. The missing 1% is her complete lack of desire to travel.

    I'm freaking out. We live in her hometown near most of her family - they're an awesome family. The mountain biking is incredible and it's 15 minutes from a high-speed quad. I have this nightmare of this happy little life continuing forever. We both want kids, it would probably happen soon.

    I've never surfed. I'd like to climb in Thailand. I want to ski the Canadian Rockies. I have an urge to live in a van. WTF is wrong with me? Should I leave good enough alone and accept my Pleasantville fate, or is now the time to grow, explore, experience?
    sweet blog
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "everybody's got their hooks into you, fuck em....forge on motherfuckers, drag all those bitches across the goal line with you." - (not so) ill-advised strategy

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    A LSD Steakhouse somewhere in the Wasatch
    Posts
    13,234
    51 yo slacker underachiever w/ a propensity for fuckin up, nuff lifes skills to not worry about trading/using them for what i need
    18 or 19 years now with a spanser soulmate who allows me to spend the majority of my days bummin on water be it frozen flowing or still.
    mosty cause all the kids have and will be the unconditional luv fur kind
    the durangos a pos and only still goes from a2b cause bob mc mechanical skills
    Ive partied and skied with the diggies o death he's irl solid
    his path aint my path and i doubt yours is mine either
    bro don't fomo
    abandon ship or line er up and make the oar strokes ya need to arrive at the destiation you seek while enjoyin the journies
    and be
    "When the child was a child it waited patiently for the first snow and it still does"- Van "The Man" Morrison
    "I find I have already had my reward, in the doing of the thing" - Buzz Holmstrom
    "THIS IS WHAT WE DO"-AML -ski on in eternal peace
    "I have posted in here but haven't read it carefully with my trusty PoliAsshat antenna on."-DipshitDanno

  22. #22
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
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    The Cone of Uncertainty
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    49,306


    time goes by. what is done can't be undone. i can't tell you what to do, but whatever it is don't do it because it's what you think you "should" do. do it because it's what you need to do.

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Location
    Planning an exit
    Posts
    5,930
    Quote Originally Posted by wooley12 View Post
    Sounds like a pretty normal reaction to me. That's why they make you have a best man at the ceremony. To keep you from bolting. Enjoy the whole ride.
    As the best man I always thought it was your job to make sure that they could bolt on the way to the ceremony if they decided they didn't want to get married. We can agree to disagree on the function of the best man on the wedding day.

    To the OP. None of us can make that decision for you but being apprehensive about getting married is normal. What you have to figure out is if these thoughts just come and go or if there is some weight to them.

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Posts
    17,749
    Well since everyone is linking a video, I will too.

    Channeling my inner Delilah here, as I find when faced with life's tough decisions I often find answers in song. The song and lyric that comes to me at this time is this one.


    Btw, back when I was a young lad deciding whether or not to accept an NROTC scholarship, I was similarly touched by "In the Navy"
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Fraggle Rock, CO
    Posts
    7,767
    An old proverb says, "Do not try to remove a fly from your friend's face using a hatchet." Sounds to me like you may have a fly buzzing around but that don't mean it's a good idea to nuke it from orbit and behead the remains.
    Brandine: Now Cletus, if I catch you with pig lipstick on your collar one more time you ain't gonna be allowed to sleep in the barn no more!
    Cletus: Duly noted.

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