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  1. #176
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    Quote Originally Posted by riser3 View Post
    And watch what you say around young kids. It seems like a duh. However, you learn a lot about your own foul mouth when your two year old repeats it all. At the worst possible time. I learned that I say Jesus Christ a lot...
    My old man swears a lot -- swore a lot when we were kids. As a result, I swear A LOT now and have very little regard of it when little kids are around.
    Quote Originally Posted by Roo View Post
    I don't think I've ever seen mental illness so faithfully rendered in html.

  2. #177
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    Quote Originally Posted by old goat View Post
    And now flash forward 18 years--the empty nest syndrome is highly overrated. Most kids make themselves unwelcome before they leave. Plus for the last year or two at home they're only home to sleep, if that, so the nest has been empty for a while before you realize it.
    I get this for sure, but like iceman we have 18 months to go.

    Notice how we've reverted to using months as if our daughter was a baby again?

    She definitely isn't around at all, but it's not like we can go on a trip somewhere and leave her alone. As a matter of fact I drink a lot less in the evening knowing if something happens, I might have to be perfectly sober to drive somewhere, etc.

    We were at a function this weekend, and we were the last of the group with a teen. One couple just sent there's off to college and they were high fiving and talking about their trip to France. There was a lot of looking at us, shaking heads and groaning.

    My b-in-law calls the 2-12 age the "Golden Years." Kids are potty trained, can at least indicate what's the matter, and still think you're cool.
    Well maybe I'm the faggot America
    I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

  3. #178
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rontele View Post
    ...With that in mind, what is the one piece of advice you wish someone gave you prior to this amazing experience?
    Quando paramucho mi amore de felice carathon.
    Mundo paparazzi mi amore cicce verdi parasol.
    Questo abrigado tantamucho que canite carousel.


  4. #179
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    Quote Originally Posted by Odin View Post
    There's going to be a lot... a LOT... A LOT of people that will tell you what you should do, they will tell you "THIS IS THE BEST BABY CARRIER" or "THIS IS HOW YOU DEAL WITH TEETHING" or "THIS IS WHAT THEY SHOULD EAT" or "THIS IS HOW THEY SHOULD SLEEP"

    This is without fail, largely anecdotal to their kid, their lifestyle and their baby.

    Most of it is not really applicable to you.

    Do what makes your life work, what makes your baby happy, and what works in your case.

    Wife can't breastfeed? Don't sweat it.
    Wife can breastfeed til 16 months? Cool
    Kid needs to sleep with you? Cool
    Kid can sleep on their own? Cool
    You need to get sleep somehow? Figure it out
    Kid has allergies? Don't give em that food
    Kid in pain? Give em something

    It is what it is... There is no 100% fool proof way to do anything. Rather there is a large group of people that want to tell you how to do everything. You may not be as granola as your friends, or as uptight, or as whatever.... Maybe you think homeopathic stuff is bullshit, or maybe you like a stroller instead of a baby carrier vice/versa.

    It's your baby. Try not to stress out about what everyone else is doing and just have fun with it. Everyone has an opinion and they are likely all wrong.

    Personally, my own advice? Have them listen to music, play with your kids and try to enjoy the time they are small. It goes fast. Everything else... you'll figure it out.
    I didn't bother to read the rest of this thread that I'm sure these douchebags have hijacked because, as usual, Odin comes like a blast from the past and says all there is to say.

    None of these guys have any better idea than you how to be the worlds greatest dad because every parent is out there figuring it out as they go. Love your kids, be present when you're with them and have fun. Everyone tells you it goes by fast but you can't really appreciate that until you experience it so enjoy every minute you can with them.
    "They don't think it be like it is, but it do."

  5. #180
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    Alberta
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    Lot of great advice in here already. As a father of 3 girls 9,7 and 2 I can tell you that everything is easier when kids are sleeping well. Sleep training them at 5-6 months old was thee best thing we ever did. And for purchases that have been worth their weight in gold....


    and


    We've used that pack and play so much for all three kids, it's invaluable for travel. And the bib...best one hands down.

    As to the only child/multiple kids talk, I'd never claim having more made for more well rounded kids, but it's certainly provided some the most rewarding moments via their interactions together.

    And also, this article seems timely. My wife sent it to me last night to read...

    The truth about parenting: older kids are much more rewarding than babies
    http://www.vox.com/2016/1/25/1079326...abies-toddlers

  6. #181
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    Mar 2006
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    General Sherman's Favorite City
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    Don't get a fucking minivan. Your life is going to change, for the better mind you, but you don't have to do that to yourself. I've seen several old friends go down the minivan route, even after child #1. They try and convince you, themselves for that matter, that they're great vehicles - completely utilitarian and fun to drive. Then you see that spot in their eyes, the place where it used to show a flicker of life. It's gone. It's gone and gone for good. It's been sucked out by a demon named Sienna.

    With her promises of quiet road trips filled with the sounds of Frozen emitting from the rear seat entertainment system Sienna lures the women in. Once the hook is set in the mom jean belt loops the husband is doomed to follow her down to the land that self respect forgot. At that point the father is convinced that the roominess provides a nice distance between him and his spawn if only for a short time to the grocery. Yet he becomes increasingly embarrassed when he sees other male family leaders drive by in their Tahoes, Land Crusiers and sport wagons. He can't even bear to look at the men who brazenly put their child seat in the back of a 4 door sedan. It's too much.

    Sienna has made this man feel like an automotive eunuch. Dad decides it's best to camouflage his identity at this point. The OBX stickers provide good coverage but are still not enough. Before long he has assembled an array of masking decals. Private pre-school magnets, an alma mater symbol to remind him of a better time, and maybe a M-119 sticker. A subtle jab at the other dad's that this guy isn't just a follower. His family vacations outside the box.

    Then it's just about that time when he finds himself in a gas station, Caspar Babypants tunes ringing in his ear that he couldn't dispel if he wanted to. Somewhere miles between home and this year's summer getaway Sienna started working her way into the man's psyche. Somewhere the drone of Toy Story 9 and questions about new window treatments from the passenger seat gave way to a buzzing. Like a incandescent bulb on it's last legs. Sienna is inside you now. You are Sienna. Sienna-Dad. Dad-Sienna. It doesn't matter. You must take care of her now, you're proud of who she is, you are. He camo is fading. She needs some new flair to go along with that tasty sip of 87 octane here in the middle of nowhere Flying J travel and family truckstop.

    And like that the handle on the gas pump lets out a loud click bringing you back to the here and now. You're not sure where the last 15 minutes went or what you've been doing. Was there a rack of cheap sunglasses? Travel novelties next to the bags of Funyuns? It's all blurry. All you know now is that staring you straight in the face is a fresh array of adhesive vinyl. Like 3 middle fingers for the world to see, or at least that part of the world that's stuck behind your Sienna. You've done it. You've christened her with your very own stick figure family. Oh look, at least you went with the Star Wars themed stick family complete with an ewok-dog. Unconscious you must have had the good sense to let everyone know you're not completely dead inside.

    But as you pull back on to the interstate and Finding Nemo cranks to life on the dvd you get the feeling you are. You feel about as good that damned fish did when his 400 siblings were killed in the first 5 minutes of the fucking movie. Why does Disney do that shit? To prepare us for the harsh reality of life? To prepare us for days like today? No, you think. They're mocking me. Just like Nemo's family was eaten by a bigger fish so were you. You just didn't notice it. Your hungry whale was a metallic blue suckmobile with a Toyota badge on front now covered in the barnacles of your stick figure family.
    I still call it The Jake.

  7. #182
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    The only van this family would ever get is a Sprinter.
    Quote Originally Posted by Roo View Post
    I don't think I've ever seen mental illness so faithfully rendered in html.

  8. #183
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    I am lazy and didn't read this whole thread, so I apologize if this has already been said:

    Be sure to take time for yourself. Yes, you, because you still matter. I have a one and just-turned four year old. Finding "me" time has been increasingly difficult, but necessary to maintain my sanity. I love my family, but I have had to work hard not to lose sight of who I am in all of the runny noses, poopy diapers, vomit, laughs, cries, screams, and other memorable moments.
    "You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning".

    -Scottish Proverb

  9. #184
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    Dec 2003
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    Alberta
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    Oh yeah, the minivan...

    We reluctantly bit the bullet on that one when #3 came along. Both were anti-mini vans but just couldn't argue their merits once the third kid was en route. Went with the '14 Odyssey and shit god damn is it awesome. The thing swallows up luggage and kids in several configurations, comes with its own vacuum and powered cooler box. Highly recommend it if you've got 3+ kids. Been meaning to get a "I Used to be Cool" sticker for the back of it but haven't bothered yet.

  10. #185
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    Feb 2006
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    New England
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    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    Don't get a fucking minivan. Your life is going to change, for the better mind you, but you don't have to do that to yourself. I've seen several old friends go down the minivan route, even after child #1. They try and convince you, themselves for that matter, that they're great vehicles - completely utilitarian and fun to drive. Then you see that spot in their eyes, the place where it used to show a flicker of life. It's gone. It's gone and gone for good. It's been sucked out by a demon named Sienna.

    With her promises of quiet road trips filled with the sounds of Frozen emitting from the rear seat entertainment system Sienna lures the women in. Once the hook is set in the mom jean belt loops the husband is doomed to follow her down to the land that self respect forgot. At that point the father is convinced that the roominess provides a nice distance between him and his spawn if only for a short time to the grocery. Yet he becomes increasingly embarrassed when he sees other male family leaders drive by in their Tahoes, Land Crusiers and sport wagons. He can't even bear to look at the men who brazenly put their child seat in the back of a 4 door sedan. It's too much.

    Sienna has made this man feel like an automotive eunuch. Dad decides it's best to camouflage his identity at this point. The OBX stickers provide good coverage but are still not enough. Before long he has assembled an array of masking decals. Private pre-school magnets, an alma mater symbol to remind him of a better time, and maybe a M-119 sticker. A subtle jab at the other dad's that this guy isn't just a follower. His family vacations outside the box.

    Then it's just about that time when he finds himself in a gas station, Caspar Babypants tunes ringing in his ear that he couldn't dispel if he wanted to. Somewhere miles between home and this year's summer getaway Sienna started working her way into the man's psyche. Somewhere the drone of Toy Story 9 and questions about new window treatments from the passenger seat gave way to a buzzing. Like a incandescent bulb on it's last legs. Sienna is inside you now. You are Sienna. Sienna-Dad. Dad-Sienna. It doesn't matter. You must take care of her now, you're proud of who she is, you are. He camo is fading. She needs some new flair to go along with that tasty sip of 87 octane here in the middle of nowhere Flying J travel and family truckstop.

    And like that the handle on the gas pump lets out a loud click bringing you back to the here and now. You're not sure where the last 15 minutes went or what you've been doing. Was there a rack of cheap sunglasses? Travel novelties next to the bags of Funyuns? It's all blurry. All you know now is that staring you straight in the face is a fresh array of adhesive vinyl. Like 3 middle fingers for the world to see, or at least that part of the world that's stuck behind your Sienna. You've done it. You've christened her with your very own stick figure family. Oh look, at least you went with the Star Wars themed stick family complete with an ewok-dog. Unconscious you must have had the good sense to let everyone know you're not completely dead inside.

    But as you pull back on to the interstate and Finding Nemo cranks to life on the dvd you get the feeling you are. You feel about as good that damned fish did when his 400 siblings were killed in the first 5 minutes of the fucking movie. Why does Disney do that shit? To prepare us for the harsh reality of life? To prepare us for days like today? No, you think. They're mocking me. Just like Nemo's family was eaten by a bigger fish so were you. You just didn't notice it. Your hungry whale was a metallic blue suckmobile with a Toyota badge on front now covered in the barnacles of your stick figure family.
    Well worth the read... thank you.
    Screw the net, Surf the backcountry!

  11. #186
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    Quote Originally Posted by Binky View Post
    I am lazy and didn't read this whole thread, so I apologize if this has already been said:

    Be sure to take time for yourself. Yes, you, because you still matter. I have a one and just-turned four year old. Finding "me" time has been increasingly difficult, but necessary to maintain my sanity. I love my family, but I have had to work hard not to lose sight of who I am in all of the runny noses, poopy diapers, vomit, laughs, cries, screams, and other memorable moments.
    well said

    I try to do at least one day or night a week without the wife or my son

    You need it and it doesn't make you an absentee parent when you do it.

    speaking of, having dinner tonight with a friend
    "up in the ski resorts, up in hills they move ki's and had skis making drops on snowmobiles"- GZA

  12. #187
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    Quote Originally Posted by sherpahigh View Post
    Oh yeah, the minivan...

    We reluctantly bit the bullet on that one when #3 came along. Both were anti-mini vans but just couldn't argue their merits once the third kid was en route. Went with the '14 Odyssey and shit god damn is it awesome. The thing swallows up luggage and kids in several configurations, comes with its own vacuum and powered cooler box. Highly recommend it if you've got 3+ kids. Been meaning to get a "I Used to be Cool" sticker for the back of it but haven't bothered yet.

    didn't do a minivan but my stick figure family is doing a scene from the aristocrats

  13. #188
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
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    850
    The first shit or two is black... and sticky. I was lucky enough to have the nurse clean that one up. Second kid was all me... be prepared.

    Edit - this thread has brought back a lot of the shit I either forgot or black out due to lack of sleep. Like how noisy they are in the first few days as they clear all the fluid out of their noses.... And how breast fed baby poo looks like grainy mustard.

    Weird.

  14. #189
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    Mar 2006
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    Way East Tennessee
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    3,368
    I am now assuming it's too late for the Ex-Lax advice.
    Quit at one. They get very expensive at around 15 years of age going forward.
    You become the dumbest rock in the field at around age 12-13.
    Girls are all about drama and mean. They are sneaky and conniving.
    No minivan's. Jeep Grand Cherokee, Tahoe, Burb, something that shows you still have balls. If you take the advice in the first line, you can still maintain manhood.
    If are planning on putting stick figures on the vehicle, get the minivan. You get what you deserve.
    Forget cloth diapers. Get a diaper Genie or whatever they call them these days.
    Get firearms. If you have a son, he will enjoy them. If you have a daughter, they are necessary.
    In order to properly convert this thread to a polyasshat thread to more fully enrage the liberal left frequenting here...... (insert latest democratic blunder of your choice).

  15. #190
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    May 2011
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    Sonoma & Truckee
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    No need for the mini-van until kid #3. And then they're awesome.

    Watch the kid come out - don't be a pussy. Seeing that isn't going to ruin your sex life nearly as much as just having a kid in the first place. ;-)

  16. #191
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
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    Alberta
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    412
    And the diaper genie is a huge waste of money. Someone gave us one for our first kid and god damn what a twisted device. Stick a shitty diaper in, twist, twist, twist repeat. So now you're left with a tube sausage like bag of shit that's been sitting in your house for however long. Just take the shitty diaper straight out of the house when you change it. Problem solved.

  17. #192
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    Quote Originally Posted by Binky View Post
    I am lazy and didn't read this whole thread.
    Basically everyone is an awesome parent. Or at least above average.
    Quote Originally Posted by Downbound Train View Post
    And there will come a day when our ancestors look back...........

  18. #193
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    Feb 2006
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    New England
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    ^Ha ha...

    2nd, get the gun.

    A boy, you just have to worry about one dick. A girl you have to worry about every dick.
    Screw the net, Surf the backcountry!

  19. #194
    doughboyshredder Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by AaronWright View Post
    Give him a break, he doesn't even have a kid yet. I think people should refrain from giving parental advice unless they have a kid that has survived past toddlehood or they have more than one kid.



    I get what you're saying. I know ours is only 9.5 months, but we've done a ton of research and everything seems to be paying off.

    That Babywise book he referenced is such a crock of shit that it's actually been deemed dangerous to kids by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

    I really hope for his kids sake that he comes back and reads this thread and burns that fucking book.

  20. #195
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    Aug 2007
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    Just scanned through this page and want to add if it has not been said yet, date night or nights every week with your wife. You two need time without the kid(s) to stay connected.
    Quote Originally Posted by leroy jenkins View Post
    I think you'd have an easier time understanding people if you remembered that 80% of them are fucking morons.
    That is why I like dogs, more than most people.

  21. #196
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    Aug 2007
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    5,373
    Quote Originally Posted by sherpahigh View Post
    And the diaper genie is a huge waste of money. Someone gave us one for our first kid and god damn what a twisted device. Stick a shitty diaper in, twist, twist, twist repeat. So now you're left with a tube sausage like bag of shit that's been sitting in your house for however long. Just take the shitty diaper straight out of the house when you change it. Problem solved.
    Diaper Genie is awesome! Best thing we ever got for the kid. Well designed with the bag cutter inside, never smells and the dogs can't access it for a snack. I was just thinking that this item would be the only thing I'd ever recommend, although it's a luxury not a necessity.

  22. #197
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    Mar 2009
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    NorthEast
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    One piece of advice that you wish someone gave you before becoming a parent

    Quote Originally Posted by BmillsSkier View Post
    Don't get a fucking minivan. Your life is going to change, for the better mind you, but you don't have to do that to yourself. I've seen several old friends go down the minivan route, even after child #1. They try and convince you, themselves for that matter, that they're great vehicles - completely utilitarian and fun to drive. Then you see that spot in their eyes, the place where it used to show a flicker of life. It's gone. It's gone and gone for good. It's been sucked out by a demon named Sienna.

    With her promises of quiet road trips filled with the sounds of Frozen emitting from the rear seat entertainment system Sienna lures the women in. Once the hook is set in the mom jean belt loops the husband is doomed to follow her down to the land that self respect forgot. At that point the father is convinced that the roominess provides a nice distance between him and his spawn if only for a short time to the grocery. Yet he becomes increasingly embarrassed when he sees other male family leaders drive by in their Tahoes, Land Crusiers and sport wagons. He can't even bear to look at the men who brazenly put their child seat in the back of a 4 door sedan. It's too much.

    Sienna has made this man feel like an automotive eunuch. Dad decides it's best to camouflage his identity at this point. The OBX stickers provide good coverage but are still not enough. Before long he has assembled an array of masking decals. Private pre-school magnets, an alma mater symbol to remind him of a better time, and maybe a M-119 sticker. A subtle jab at the other dad's that this guy isn't just a follower. His family vacations outside the box.

    Then it's just about that time when he finds himself in a gas station, Caspar Babypants tunes ringing in his ear that he couldn't dispel if he wanted to. Somewhere miles between home and this year's summer getaway Sienna started working her way into the man's psyche. Somewhere the drone of Toy Story 9 and questions about new window treatments from the passenger seat gave way to a buzzing. Like a incandescent bulb on it's last legs. Sienna is inside you now. You are Sienna. Sienna-Dad. Dad-Sienna. It doesn't matter. You must take care of her now, you're proud of who she is, you are. He camo is fading. She needs some new flair to go along with that tasty sip of 87 octane here in the middle of nowhere Flying J travel and family truckstop.

    And like that the handle on the gas pump lets out a loud click bringing you back to the here and now. You're not sure where the last 15 minutes went or what you've been doing. Was there a rack of cheap sunglasses? Travel novelties next to the bags of Funyuns? It's all blurry. All you know now is that staring you straight in the face is a fresh array of adhesive vinyl. Like 3 middle fingers for the world to see, or at least that part of the world that's stuck behind your Sienna. You've done it. You've christened her with your very own stick figure family. Oh look, at least you went with the Star Wars themed stick family complete with an ewok-dog. Unconscious you must have had the good sense to let everyone know you're not completely dead inside.

    But as you pull back on to the interstate and Finding Nemo cranks to life on the dvd you get the feeling you are. You feel about as good that damned fish did when his 400 siblings were killed in the first 5 minutes of the fucking movie. Why does Disney do that shit? To prepare us for the harsh reality of life? To prepare us for days like today? No, you think. They're mocking me. Just like Nemo's family was eaten by a bigger fish so were you. You just didn't notice it. Your hungry whale was a metallic blue suckmobile with a Toyota badge on front now covered in the barnacles of your stick figure family.
    That's Gold Jerry! Gold!

    My brother in law just succumbed to a Sienna, he has named it "Dream Crusher".

  23. #198
    doughboyshredder Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by HD333 View Post

    edited to add: Just put a Baby on board sticker on there.
    ......

  24. #199
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    Dec 2012
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    9,139
    Quote Originally Posted by doughboyshredder View Post
    I love my Sienna. Wife wanted an SUV. I talked her into the Sienna.

    That being said, that was pure gold and had me howling in laughter.

    edited to add: Just put a Baby on board sticker on there. Baby on a skateboard in the shape of the classic Vans sticker. Gotta keep it cool.
    Jeezus. You actually are a doughboy.
    "timberridge is terminally vapid" -- a fortune cookie in Yueyang

  25. #200
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I love the mini-van hate. It is hysterical. I love our Sienna. Kids prefer riding in it too. My daughter does hate learning to drive in it but she'll get over it. I had a full sized Chevy Van during some of my college years. It rocked. The Sienna gets better MPG and is Front wheel drive so better traction. Plus it is more comfortable. Ya, it doesn't have the burnt orange shag carpet, the fake wood paneling, the kickin' sound system, or my futon. Oh well. It's got cupholders and fold away seats. I have hauled so many things around in the Sienna. And to get the same legroom in an SUV that comfortably seats 7 or 8 you need to spend a lot more dough. Plus it has power sliding doors. Those are essential.
    Real VTers tap trees.

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