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04-29-2022, 10:38 AM #5426I drink it up
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04-29-2022, 11:07 AM #5427Registered User
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- Dec 2021
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- 249
No. You are being ridiculous. Obviously, when you don't work for a period of time you stop earning money and stop gaining experience and that has an effect.
That doesn't mean you cannot have a gap in your resume and then return to work, support yourself and half of your children and have a successful career. You might even pass up people without the gap. And some people with a bigger gap might pass you.
You're being ridiculous and irrational.
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04-29-2022, 11:13 AM #5428
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04-29-2022, 11:15 AM #5429
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04-29-2022, 11:17 AM #5430
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04-29-2022, 11:19 AM #5431I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.
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04-29-2022, 11:54 AM #5432
Honestly, yeah. A pure innocent? Rare enough to be a fairly tale. Maybe reserved for those whose partner committed heinous crime unrelated to marriage. I'm sure there's more odd one offs we can invent.
But the shit we read here? Between the fact that "you" selected them - made the choice...and then the reality that at some level both partners couldn't respond to their respective needs - welp. Yeah, sorry it sucks... didn't work. Potentially wronged maybe grievously so... but taking some accountability for one's situation is both healthy and inspires growth. As I write this, I want to clarify that I'm referring to the failure of the marriage itself; not the mechanics of the divorce decree and all that - but, again, there's usually a backstory where each person feels justified.
I've yet to be privy to a divorce details where you can place 100% blame on one side. Even people who are completely fucked or mentally ill.
I'm divorced and my situation was similar to what MUnicorn shared. And when it hit the fan, I was wronged. But it'd be delusional to separate my decisions/actions from the situation; I knew enough going in and, ultimately, I was incapable (and unwilling) of being the partner she needed. Yeah, it sucked. It hurt. Fucked me up for a bit. Tale as old as time. But unresolved needs have a predictable way of manifesting... it's absurd to position that just one day you woke up and found yourself in some shit situation. Never saw it coming? Come on. I'll even ask you to think: how valuable/functional of a partner is someone who can't admit one's own accountability and mistakes? Do we think that any woman wants a man who can't be wrong & is always a hostile victim? Hmmmm.
But everyone has to go their their process on their own timeline - and being tolerant of angry blaming and other acting out is pretty much routine. I like to think that enough people get over their ugly-defense-mechanism-selfs after the crisis period is over cause that baggage will ruin your life.
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04-29-2022, 12:02 PM #5433
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04-29-2022, 12:24 PM #5434Registered User
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- Dec 2021
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- 249
Of course there is. That's why it's unfair for the bread winning partner to say "MINE!" and not have things split 50/50ish and pay support while the other gets started again. By the way I'm mostly referring to 30s and 40s.
That doesn't mean a person cannot be successful. People change careers all the time.
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04-29-2022, 12:25 PM #5435Registered User
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- Dec 2021
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- 249
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04-29-2022, 12:46 PM #5436Registered User
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- Dec 2016
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04-29-2022, 01:27 PM #5437
I once read an interview with Dave Foley where he talked about his divorce. This was in Canada but it probably applies perfectly well in Freedumbland. His divorce happened while he had a big contract for Newsradio. After that show ended his income went way, way down. He tried to get his alimony payments reduced because they were far beyond what he could afford. He tried to explain to the judge that a big sitcom contract is not something that happens very often and he would almost certainly never make that kind of money again. Supposedly, the judge looked him dead in the eye and said, "Your ability to pay has no bearing on your obligation to pay."
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04-29-2022, 02:09 PM #5438
Only those naive to the legal system or those who evangelize for it think court is where you go to find truth and fairness.
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04-29-2022, 03:01 PM #5439
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04-29-2022, 03:20 PM #5440Registered User
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- Apr 2021
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04-29-2022, 08:46 PM #5441
This thread makes me sad
Sent from my iPhone using TGR ForumsHowever many are in a shit ton.
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04-29-2022, 08:51 PM #5442
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04-29-2022, 09:01 PM #5443
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04-30-2022, 08:07 AM #5444
You might be projecting here a little (?) but I suppose I agree with your general point. When some of us complain about being married to actual narcissistic or BPD people it’s a real thing, and if you haven’t experienced that it’s difficult to understand, but I don’t think any of us are claiming to be perfect on the other side of it. It’s just the actions by one party are so extreme in these cases.
And yeah, I never saw it coming. We met in our late teens. Dumb decision by me to not shop around more first? Sure, I guess so, but I was young and didn’t know any better and in love. It happens.
Having said that, yeah, I’m a better partner now than I was before. Granted, not getting dragged into insane word salad gaslighting conflicts goes a long way towards a person’s level of patience.I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.
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04-30-2022, 08:34 AM #5445
This is the one thing I make sure to discuss with my younger friends (I got married at 25 and divorced at 33, we were together for 10 years overall). I'm not going to argue whether people change over time or just understand themselves better but I don't thing getting married early is a great recipe for success, even in the "successful" long term relationships I've seen.
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04-30-2022, 10:49 AM #5446Registered User
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- Dec 2021
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- 249
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04-30-2022, 06:16 PM #5447
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04-30-2022, 06:22 PM #5448
What about his post is self righteous?
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04-30-2022, 10:03 PM #5449
Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice
Oftpiste has just been through the ringer. Some of us can relate, others can’t. Sure, take everything here with a grain of salt as you should. If someone thinks whatever I don’t really care, and I invite you to hookup with my ex and see how it works out.
I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.
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05-01-2022, 12:36 AM #5450Registered User
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- Sep 2019
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- 218
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