Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[~mikey b]

At least she splitboards. Although that does change your travel strategy a bit.

[riser4]

I trimmed the beard.

Attachment 275830

Now I need me sum eye bleach.

[GiBo]

It’s awkward now but I think we will eventually figure out how to get along better.

You will. Trust me. I've been divorced for over 15 years. Took a few years, but at some point most rational people just want to get along. I've only met your ex a couple of times, but she seems like rational person. It'll all calm down. Time is your friend.

[Meadow Skipper]

Mike, here’s my heartfelt wish for strength, peace, and love everlasting for you. Time heals, it really does.

Yr friend,
MS

[ACH]

I went to rehab and I relapsed and I went to rehab again.

I wish you the best on this path, it's a worthy one and your body and mind will thank you for it.

[riser4]

I wish you the best on this path, it's a worthy one and you body and mind will thank you for it.

This.

[powdrhound]

, but at some point most rational people just want to get along.

You don’t know my former daughter-in-law......!!! I feel bad for my kid.

[fastfred]

this is the best thread out there
so much to look forward to so much bullshit to wade through
I've gained plenty from reading it, hope everyone else does
you end at such a shitty low point, the trick and the hard part is digging out and moving on
make sure you laugh at yourself and try to be a better person, it sounds so easy but it's the hardest thing
and make sure that the future is better
cause you'll have your hands down some chicks pants and you'll whisper something stupid like
"it's so smooth" and she will mention how all the hair has been laser removed down there
hell once existed and you will then know your in heaven

[tbssux]

Well if it wasn't the best thread before, it certainly is now.

[byates1]

^ it's like that and this and like that and uh^

[oftpiste]

Very cool you found a friend of the female persuasion. It makes a nice difference and helps sooth things.

1. Do not share lawyers with your STBEW. It's normal for a lawyer to be a mediator, but you still need someone with only your interests in mind. Seriously. This is important.

2. Be a little careful about the dating thing until the divorce is done, specially around Owen. If she's being rough on you now, she might have the capacity to use your dating against you when it comes to custody/visitation/support arrangements.

It shouldn't be this way, but make no assumptions that rational behavior will prevail. I know that's not what you want to hear. I didn't either. I should have listened when told.

So here’s the deal.

I was drinking destructively. I was sneaking and hiding. I was being an idiot and an asshole. I was not living up to my potential. She kicked me out. I went to rehab and I relapsed and I went to rehab again.

I wanted - I still want - to make it work, but it’s not going to happen. She doesn’t trust me. She’s done.

I’ve moved to Bear Valley and my life is a lot better now than it was last summer and fall. I’m finally beyond the depression and anxiety. I’m not happy my marriage is over, I’ve accepted it.

The problem lately is that she has been very uncool to me. Insulting me, refusing to communicate, and just generally acting like a bitch. I understand. She’s hurt and lonely and scared. I let her down. So she’s lashing out at me. I don’t take the bait. I refuse to fight and I just try to be nice and be calm and not react to it badly.

We own a house together and a lot of crap. I don’t want her to have to sell the house. She always contributed a lot more than me to our family income, so I don’t really expect half the house. I don’t know how any of this works. I think we are going to use the same lawyer as a mediator.

Owen is with her, and I see him a bunch. We skied together yesterday and he’s coming here to stay a few days this week on his spring break. He’s not happy about this. He wants us together and me back home. But he understands that isn’t going to happen. I’ve thought about trying to go back to DR, but he gave me the green light to stay over here. My goal is to find a place closer to him rather than here two hours away.

It’s awkward now but I think we will eventually figure out how to get along better.

We’ve only just recently decided for sure that we are divorcing. We are not in a huge hurry but we’ve got to get it done.


Then a few weeks ago, a woman I sorta know asked me if I was going to be able to get out and ski some laps or if I was busy. I told her I was sorta busy with training for some new guys. She asked me again more insistently and it suddenly dawned on me that she was flirting with me. I told the boys that training was done for the day. We skied a bunch that day and a few others, and went for a tour last weekend. She’s really cool and really pretty and I dig her. She’s a single mom and recently out of a relationship. Neither of us is ready to jump into a relationship but we enjoy each other’s company. She’s busy as hell and hard to pin down. If anything is going to work out it will take some time.

And she’s a snowboarder. I guess I’m going to have to stop heckling snowboarders.

[oftpiste]

What, no finger mustache?

I'm nominating Oftpiste for mag of year award.

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[Danno]

Very cool you found a friend of the female persuasion. It makes a nice difference and helps sooth things.

1. Do not share lawyers with your STBEW. It's normal for a lawyer to be a mediator, but you still need someone with only your interests in mind. Seriously. This is important.

2. Be a little careful about the dating thing until the divorce is done, specially around Owen. If she's being rough on you now, she might have the capacity to use your dating against you when it comes to custody/visitation/support arrangements.

It shouldn't be this way, but make no assumptions that rational behavior will prevail. I know that's not what you want to hear. I didn't either. I should have listened when told.

I agree with all of this.

It is totally fine to go to the mediation route. But have a lawyer that is all yours to consult with, and never make the mistake of thinking the mediator has your interests at heart.

[XXX-er]

up here both sides must have independent advice,

if your agreement is ever questioned in court and there was no independent advice on both sides ... you might be fucked

[~mikey b]

I have my crack Maggot legal team. And my sister. And a couple of other lawyer types.

[~mikey b]

Thanks y’all.

We’ve been doing this social media thing with TelemarkTips and TGR since before it was called social media. (I wasn’t on Powder Mag forums.) We’ve created quite a community, a family of friends. My life is indeed richer because of this place and you people.

spread love
and
rub it in

[Cono Este]

They say that addiction is always lurking around every corner. Even when you’re doing well, it’s waiting for you. To me that implies that depression, anxiety, fear, pain, and loneliness are always lurking around the corner.

But recently meeting a beautiful woman who has taken an interest in me, listened to my story, and is still interested and seeking my companionship has made me realize something.

What’s also lurking around every corner waiting for you is hope, love, beauty, friendship and peace.

Don’t live in fear brothers and sisters.

It’s true, but you have to be happy on your own as well.

One thing I learnt in my marriage, and now with this single mother that totally fucked me up last January, is that when their are kids, there is little left for you. If you’ve got issues, no one can afford to help you, and even the in-laws and friends start kicking you under the bus “for the kids”. Then when shit goes wrong for you, it just compounds because they start worrying about everyone but you. I’m convinced a man can’t show his weaknesses in this world.

I’ve developed tinnitus in my ears these last two months, probably from stress, Dog dieing, woman going insane, and kids generally needing me less. It went full blown on my ski trip last week with my son in Co. couldn’t even enjoy that.

I’m getting my own shit together, getting healthy again, and going to be a selfish dude through my 50’s. If I can gigalo a little bit on the side, that would be great.






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[Cheeseburger King]

hope all you recently divorced people have a smooth divorce process as I did.

If your ex keeps trying to argue, just ignore.

Otherwise, dating sucks so ski more.

[Cheeseburger King]

It’s true, but you have to be happy on your own as well.








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this.

[RootSkier]

spread love
and
rub it in

And rub it out, when required.

[GiBo]

Very cool you found a friend of the female persuasion. It makes a nice difference and helps sooth things.

1. Do not share lawyers with your STBEW. It's normal for a lawyer to be a mediator, but you still need someone with only your interests in mind. Seriously. This is important.

2. Be a little careful about the dating thing until the divorce is done, specially around Owen. If she's being rough on you now, she might have the capacity to use your dating against you when it comes to custody/visitation/support arrangements.

It shouldn't be this way, but make no assumptions that rational behavior will prevail. I know that's not what you want to hear. I didn't either. I should have listened when told.

While I believe that most rational people eventually will figure out how to get along after the wounds heal, I most definitely believe in getting a good attorney and listening to them during the divorce process. I didn't listen as well as I should have- I was a lot more generous than I had to be and I regret that a little. In the middle of all of the guilt and pain you don't make sound decisions.

[riser4]

like to bottle this up and rub it on

And rub it out, when required.

Slater: Ohhh-kayyyyyy.

[oftpiste]

Might wanna read the thread..... not a while lot of smoothness therein.

hope all you recently divorced people have a smooth divorce process as I did.

If your ex keeps trying to argue, just ignore.

Otherwise, dating sucks so ski more.

[oftpiste]

The most devastating systemic lesson for me, and granted, mine was sadly not a collaborative situation in any way, is that if either party is in any way irrational, untruthful or otherwise not particularly interested in justice, the whole shebang boils down to who has the deepest pockets to keep paying their lawyer.

It wasn't me.

While I believe that most rational people eventually will figure out how to get along after the wounds heal, I most definitely believe in getting a good attorney and listening to them during the divorce process. I didn't listen as well as I should have- I was a lot more generous than I had to be and I regret that a little. In the middle of all of the guilt and pain you don't make sound decisions.

[TheSilverSurfer]

Wife seems to think that I'm still trying to make things work. I'm not. I really accepted that we're done and I need to move on. Felt like a weight had been lifted. Now I am trying to get along with her until I can sort things out.

It sounds like general consensus is to lawyer up. She has said that she doesn't want to do that and that we can figure it out between us.

My biggest fear is her trying to take the kids out of the country. I don't think she would be so irrational, but who knows.

That irrationality could be heightened if I get a lawyer.

I've also read somewhere in this thread that I can't leave the house or the courts will view that as abandonment? So, I have to get her to kick me out? That would be easy. Or, do I just need to wait for all that until we have an agreement?