Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[oftpiste]

Marrying money ain't all it's cracked up to be.

I married someone whose family was pretty well off. They gave us a down payment for our first house in 1991 ($40k) for which I signed an agreement that she'd get that back if we split.

That was my idea, with the intention that it was for protecting her in the near future/early part of the marriage, and not 30 years later after I'd made 90% of the money and built, quite literally, all of our shared assets (which she got half + of). Wouldn't you know she whipped that piece of paper out during the divorce and wanted the $40k. I managed to escape that fuckery but it was pretty unbelievable given what she was already getting and what she'll inherit someday or maybe already has.

Other than that gift (for which I was incredibly grateful, and it was no small thing) I never benefitted from their wealth or asked for anything besides. I was, however, frequently accused of being and made to feel like some kinda gold-digger by her brother.

Though she thought I didn't knew it, she would sometimes rack up credit card debt on clothes (we always had separate cards) and dad would send her a fat check. Of course she never said a word about that. And yeah, I should have, but didn't. So I guess that was a benefit. Go figure.

[oftpiste]

She's already re-married, unfortunately. Too bad because if she was TahoeJ's girlfriend he could probably spring for a donation to get a new fan in the TRG server room.

Damn, that was quick! Something must have been going on for quite some time.

[F#*k you cat]

I am officially divorced and I am stoked.

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[TheSilverSurfer]

I am officially divorced and I am stoked.

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Congratulations!

[oftpiste]

Big moment right there! Congrats!

[Marshall Tucker]

Marrying money ain't all it's cracked up to be. I was, however, frequently accused of being and made to feel like some kinda gold-digger by her brother.

a sibling very deliberately did this, married into a family probably 20million-ish so not huge but decent.

yeah, one way or another, you'll earn it. That's for damn sure.

[skinny_kid]

Asdf

[skaredshtles]

<snip> 20million-ish so not huge but decent

[oftpiste]

Hang in there SK. It'll get better and a new normal will be developed. That 'normal' fairy tale doesn't leave the memories you want if the parents are so far out of alignment. This will be better.

Props on taking those really fucking hard steps. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, with good intention. Roll down this bumpy path with honor and dignity, look yourself in the mirror every day and know you're showing up.

It is terribly painful. Show yourself compassion, care and love.

Going through the process now. It’s all new and difficult.

We have three small kids and I love them dearly. I asked for the divorce. We have been married for 7 years, though we really shouldn’t have ever gotten married in the first place. Conflict has presided over our marriage, both of us at fault at times. I’ve been isolated from family with no end in sight.

The idea of divorce has been in my head for years but I always kept in it for the kids. I was recently gone for a few months and I didn’t miss my wife one bit. She was unpleasant and difficult to deal with, controlling, etc. I know she had a lot on her plate but being with someone that is so negative, that isolated me and my kids from my family, etc just took its toll and I don’t want to continue down this road for the rest of my life.

The kids are going to be an hour away, they are in a great school district, I’ll get them every other weekend, alternate holidays, more time in the summer etc. My work makes it difficult to justify primary custody.

I just hurt so badly knowing that my children won’t have the “normal” family experience. Traveling together, holidays, birthdays. Things are pretty amicable so far and I hope they stay that way.


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[dan_pdx]

ahhahaha, exactly what I was thinking but then I realized that's just "kids might not need to work" money, not "can rent a hotel room in Aspen" money.

[skaredshtles]

ahhahaha, exactly what I was thinking but then I realized that's just "kids might not need to work" money, not "can rent a hotel room in Aspen" money.

Just did the calc. Even at a *ridiculously* low return rate (3%), you're getting $600K a year.

That's "fuck you" money, any way you look at it.

[pepperdawg]

Vibes SK (and all others in this thread) - albeit therapeutic in a weird way - I hate this thread and dread looking in it every time it appears at the top of the PR.

[Marshall Tucker]

That's "fuck you" money, any way you look at it.

Its def. FUM for one generation, and even then you'd have to be kinda sensible. As dan observes, unless you have some sense, it won't last two generations. Esp. once it goes through the family divisor.

[Marshall Tucker]

Even at a *ridiculously* low return rate (3%)

Disagree. 2.5% these days is on the high side, to not be eating your seedcorn. Esp with life expectancy drawing out ever longer.

[TheSilverSurfer]

Going through the process now. It’s all new and difficult.

We have three small kids and I love them dearly. I asked for the divorce. We have been married for 7 years, though we really shouldn’t have ever gotten married in the first place. Conflict has presided over our marriage, both of us at fault at times. I’ve been isolated from family with no end in sight.

The idea of divorce has been in my head for years but I always kept in it for the kids. I was recently gone for a few months and I didn’t miss my wife one bit. She was unpleasant and difficult to deal with, controlling, etc. I know she had a lot on her plate but being with someone that is so negative, that isolated me and my kids from my family, etc just took its toll and I don’t want to continue down this road for the rest of my life.

The kids are going to be an hour away, they are in a great school district, I’ll get them every other weekend, alternate holidays, more time in the summer etc. My work makes it difficult to justify primary custody.

I just hurt so badly knowing that my children won’t have the “normal” family experience. Traveling together, holidays, birthdays. Things are pretty amicable so far and I hope they stay that way.


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So sorry you're dealing with this. It sucks.

My advice if it's not too late try to get more time with your kids. Maybe all except for one weekend a month, or maybe add in some evenings. Once it's in an agreement it's hard to change.

[skaredshtles]

Disagree. 2.5% these days is on the high side, to not be eating your seedcorn. Esp with life expectancy drawing out ever longer.

I'm not talking about putting your $$ in a savings account or CD's, ferchrissakes. 3% return is still a *very* low assumption and should be do-able without much thought.

And even at 2.5% that's a cool half million per year.

Sure you're not going to have a new Lambo every year and live in a $30 million mansion, but goddammit... it's fuck you money by nearly any measure.

Why are we even arguing about this?

Oh, wait.

[exsparky]

My wife wants me to make a spread sheet for "insurance" purposes of all my guns and what they are worth with serial numbers and wants it in the next 3 weeks.

Is this a red flag I'm about to get served?

[oftpiste]

Could be. It is possible to simply ask her why she heeds this to set a tone for good communication for whatever is coming?

My wife wants me to make a spread sheet for "insurance" purposes of all my guns and what they are worth with serial numbers and wants it in the next 3 weeks.

Is this a red flag I'm about to get served?

[anotherVTskibum]

My wife wants me to make a spread sheet for "insurance" purposes of all my guns and what they are worth with serial numbers and wants it in the next 3 weeks.

Is this a red flag I'm about to get served?

What's the chance she's actually recently reviewed insurance coverage and realized that firearms must be specifically listed to be covered, or that the policy recently changed to require that?

I wouldn't be surprised for a homeowner or umbrella policy to want such a list both for theft and act of God coverage and for policyholder liability coverage. I know our policy wouldn't cover my laptop unless it was specifically listed, same deal for photo equipment.

With that said, such a list would also presumably be relevant in a divorce proceeding. The extent to which it would matter would probably vary by state (eg in Maine, stuff you owned prior to marriage generally remains your property and not part of the marital estate; this is very different in some other states), and if you really think that's a significant possibility, I'd be looking to talk to a lawyer to understand laws in your jurisdiction.

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[TheSilverSurfer]

Yay! Officially divorced. As of December 23?!?!
Nobody bothered to let me know that the court signed off on our petition. I didn't have a lawyer and the exes lawyer didn't bother to let me know. LOL

[Timberridge]

Who got custody of the cats?

[TahoeJ]

Yay! Officially divorced. As of December 23?!?!
Nobody bothered to let me know that the court signed off on our petition. I didn't have a lawyer and the exes lawyer didn't bother to let me know. LOL

Congrats! It's a huge relief once it's official.

[TheSilverSurfer]

Who got custody of the cats?

That bitch had to keep her senile fucking cat that pisses on everything and I got myself a dog once I was settled.

All is right in the world.

[TheSilverSurfer]

Congrats! It's a huge relief once it's official.

Such a weight off.

[oftpiste]

Congrats mang! Made it through, now a new life. Bravo. Big moment.

Yay! Officially divorced. As of December 23?!?!
Nobody bothered to let me know that the court signed off on our petition. I didn't have a lawyer and the exes lawyer didn't bother to let me know. LOL