Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[~mikey b]

yep and I’m going skiing with my girl this weekend - should be fun

[riser4]

It's not snowing here. It has been unusually warm. Poo flinging will continue.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Attachment 433221

This is ironic given your history in this regard


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[~mikey b]

tell your wife she still owes me for one Siamese fighting fish

[summit]

Blue on blue! Fucks sakes people!

[~mikey b]

goobers like me that mostly use the phone app don’t see that stuff

sorry if I ruined your entertainment

[MagnificentUnicorn]

goobers like me that mostly use the phone app don’t see that stuff

sorry if I ruined your entertainment

A kindred spirit, I just use the app on my dumb phone


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[Choss Jonger, Sr.]

If I had 10,000 dog turds (complete) for every forward move the state or my STBX made in this case, I’d be better off than I am now.

Anyway, May-time baby and who cares it is all just money and paper and I am furthering the bearing of the torch.

[muted reborn]

yep and I’m going skiing with my girl this weekend - should be fun

Hope she doesn’t forget her boots

If I had 10,000 dog turds (complete) for every forward move the state or my STBX made in this case, I’d be better off than I am now.

Anyway, May-time baby and who cares it is all just money and paper and I am furthering the bearing of the torch.

Passing the torch of self immolation it seems

[~mikey b]

Hope she doesn’t forget her boots

hey god damn it

I have feelings too ya know….

[Choss Jonger, Sr.]

My stbxwife’s attorney has a hard job. Apparently the opposition is still undetermined, more than 8 months after I printed and signed papers for divorce in front of stbx and stated that I wanted my equity out of the marital home, what to do with the home. Thank goodness for the speedy and judicious work of the state.

[Todd Zander]

Going through some real troubling times here in the household. I hope this isnt the beginning of the end. Ive admitted fault in hopes of trying to reprioritize my efforts back into the marriage and it seemed to have backfired on me, She says it confirms her suspicions that i dont love her anymore which is the furthest from the truth. I feel like i already lost.

[~mikey b]

that’s a horrible feeling

[riser4]

My stbxwife’s attorney has a hard job. Apparently the opposition is still undetermined, more than 8 months after I printed and signed papers for divorce in front of stbx and stated that I wanted my SHARE OF THE equity out of the marital home, what to do with the home. Thank goodness for the speedy and judicious work of the state.

Fify

[frorider]

He said My Equity, not the equity. SCOTUS ruled his terminology functionally equivalent to yours.

[MiddleOfNight]

Going through some real troubling times here in the household. I hope this isnt the beginning of the end. Ive admitted fault in hopes of trying to reprioritize my efforts back into the marriage and it seemed to have backfired on me, She says it confirms her suspicions that i dont love her anymore which is the furthest from the truth. I feel like i already lost.

My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

Good luck man - You'll be ok.
PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.

[~mikey b]

My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

Good luck man - You'll be ok.
PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.

listen to this man


we’re all here for ya

I’m available too

[oftpiste]

This. So sorry Todd. It's a rough ride. Hoping you have a good therapist for you and the marriage. My PMs also open.

Stick to your values and make sure, no matter what happens, that you will always be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you showed up completely.

My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

Good luck man - You'll be ok.
PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.

[tgapp]

My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

Good luck man - You'll be ok.
PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.

+10000, all of this is such excellent advice, and heartbreaking to read. It hits wildly close to home. Things didn't work out for me either, but I am so deeply grateful that I behaved with integrity, giving everything I had to try and save my marriage. I learned a lot about myself in those months, and I am so happy to be able to look at myself in a mirror and be proud of who I am and how I behaved. Nothing can take that away from you.


I guess this is as good a time as any to update the group; my stbxw and I are on great terms, though I know that she still desperately wants to get back together. She's made tremendously positive changes in her life, and is healthier and more proactive now than at any point during our relationship. Perhaps I'll never understand why those changes couldn't or didn't happen when we're together, and looking from the outside in, I am filled with a bittersweet happiness at watching her grow.

All of that said - her decision to continue her affair (and the ensuing deception) while I was going all out to save our marriage, and the things she said during that time, and the fact that after doing everything I could, she still packed her bags and left - all of those actions make intimacy feel absolutely impossible. I do feel a little bit of weakness admitting that this was a bridge too far; perhaps a stronger man would be able to overcome this, but not me.

On a much more positive note, I am still dating that absolutely beautiful and wonderful woman from Chicago - we're well past the honeymoon stage, and this definitely wasn't a fling. Getting into a relationship soon after the dissolution of my last has not been without challenges, I find that I still need time by myself to process the sadness I feel on a daily basis, but I am so grateful to have a partner that is emotionally understanding, empathetic, and deeply loving. It's difficult to overstate how healing, affirming, and beautiful this experience has been.

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[Todd Zander]

Thanks again to this small corner of the world locked in a closet( what color IS this box fan anyway?)

We are slightly better off now and I remain optimistic, still having trouble finding a local therapist as most have gone exclusively online/telehealth.

[Danno]

I do feel a little bit of weakness admitting that this was a bridge too far; perhaps a stronger man would be able to overcome this, but not me.

I am sure you know this (as feelings don't listen to logic), but I would not call it weakness and I would not feel like a "stronger man" could have been able to move on with the ex. A good friend of mine went through cheating and deception with his wife. It was fairly short-lived, based on her and him getting complacent in the relationship and her starting to infer that he lacked strong feelings for her, and looking at the greener looking grass over there.

They had 3 kids, and he did work through it with her, they reconciled and are still together. But even now, many years later, he still occasionally has somewhat hollow feelings toward her. He loves her, and I suspect that they will remain together till the end. But he still occasionally entertains thoughts of leaving, he now takes solo vacations every year to clear his head. I do not think he was a "stronger man" than you simply because he was able to stay with his wife. You make the choices that are best for your head and heart and you live with them. That's what you, and he, are doing.

[LHutz Esq]

Thanks again to this small corner of the world locked in a closet( what color IS this box fan anyway?)

We are slightly better off now and I remain optimistic, still having trouble finding a local therapist as most have gone exclusively online/telehealth.

I have tried both online and in person- and while I prefer in person if it wasn't for early online contact with a psychologist dealing with my issues I am not sure where I would be right now.

So - if you think you need help, just get started. You can always move to in person when you find the right professional.

My real regret is that I didn't reach out sooner. I could have saved myself a great deal of pain. But that's learning for ya.

[~mikey b]

ya

experience is what you get right after you just needed it

[2FUNKY]

Todd; the above advice is spot on man! Stay true to you and your convictions. Even if things don’t work out you will know deep in your heart you did what you thought was right.
Tgapp; sorry things didn’t work out man. I am super happy for you though as it sounds like you’re in a good place! Much love man!
As very few know I went through divorce recently. Just signed papers in October.
One day I will sit down and detail my experience to maybe help others and probably myself.
In summary;
It fucking HURT, reaching to the right friends and others is KEY! There is a maggot on here that I owe a great deal to in helping me as he knows how low I got. I cannot thank him enough. You know who you are! Another buddy/maggot who doesn’t post much anymore was my absolute fucking rock! So glad to have him as my best friend.
IT WILL AND DOES GET BETTER!!!!
I am so much happier now. It has made me realize how unhappy and for how long.
How it has affected me is unreal. I see things in a completely different way, in a good way.
Stay strong guys!


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[Todd Zander]

Thanks again for the kind words. No amount of discussion will resolve this one. I am a shell living in a house occupied by my exwife and 4 kids. Starting today.