Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[Mustonen]

How do you double your income instantly?

Buy BTC, duh…

[skiskiskiskiski]

You clearly have not operated in the real world because there is 100% definitely a penalty for gaps on your resume, and there is a proven effect on your lifetime earnings.

This is such a ridiculous series of comments I can't even believe he actually means them other than digging his heels in.

No. You are being ridiculous. Obviously, when you don't work for a period of time you stop earning money and stop gaining experience and that has an effect.

That doesn't mean you cannot have a gap in your resume and then return to work, support yourself and half of your children and have a successful career. You might even pass up people without the gap. And some people with a bigger gap might pass you.

You're being ridiculous and irrational.

[mcphee]

then return to work, support yourself and half of your children and have a successful career.

You're being ridiculous and irrational.

You only support half of your children? How did you decide which ones to support? Essay contest? Everyone else is ridiculous and irrational?

[John_B]

You only support half of your children? How did you decide which ones to support? Essay contest? Everyone else is ridiculous and irrational?

I picture it more as top half vs bottom half of the kids. One year you are buying pants, socks and shoes. The next jackets, shirts and hats. It probably breaks down that way for sports too.

[mcphee]

I picture it more as top half vs bottom half of the kids. One year you are buying pants, socks and shoes. The next jackets, shirts and hats. It probably breaks down that way for sports too.

Hmmmm, makes sense. Thanks. This place always makes feel dumb when I ask questions.

[TahoeJ]

You're being ridiculous and irrational.

I'm not going to bother digging it up but there's a great deal of data that supports exactly what AdironRider is saying. Hardly irrational. You're not even really arguing with what he said, just speaking of outliers whereas he's talking about what's most common.

[CarlMega]

That's really the best case? So no one was ever innocent in a divorce? lol... (btw, not claiming this for myself, just the concept in general)

Honestly, yeah. A pure innocent? Rare enough to be a fairly tale. Maybe reserved for those whose partner committed heinous crime unrelated to marriage. I'm sure there's more odd one offs we can invent.

But the shit we read here? Between the fact that "you" selected them - made the choice...and then the reality that at some level both partners couldn't respond to their respective needs - welp. Yeah, sorry it sucks... didn't work. Potentially wronged maybe grievously so... but taking some accountability for one's situation is both healthy and inspires growth. As I write this, I want to clarify that I'm referring to the failure of the marriage itself; not the mechanics of the divorce decree and all that - but, again, there's usually a backstory where each person feels justified.

I've yet to be privy to a divorce details where you can place 100% blame on one side. Even people who are completely fucked or mentally ill.

I'm divorced and my situation was similar to what MUnicorn shared. And when it hit the fan, I was wronged. But it'd be delusional to separate my decisions/actions from the situation; I knew enough going in and, ultimately, I was incapable (and unwilling) of being the partner she needed. Yeah, it sucked. It hurt. Fucked me up for a bit. Tale as old as time. But unresolved needs have a predictable way of manifesting... it's absurd to position that just one day you woke up and found yourself in some shit situation. Never saw it coming? Come on. I'll even ask you to think: how valuable/functional of a partner is someone who can't admit one's own accountability and mistakes? Do we think that any woman wants a man who can't be wrong & is always a hostile victim? Hmmmm.

But everyone has to go their their process on their own timeline - and being tolerant of angry blaming and other acting out is pretty much routine. I like to think that enough people get over their ugly-defense-mechanism-selfs after the crisis period is over cause that baggage will ruin your life.

[dunfree]

You clearly have not operated in the real world because there is 100% definitely a penalty for gaps on your resume, and there is a proven effect on your lifetime earnings.

This is absolutely true, and more so the employability penalty for resume gaps increases with age.

[skiskiskiskiski]

I'm not going to bother digging it up but there's a great deal of data that supports exactly what AdironRider is saying. Hardly irrational. You're not even really arguing with what he said, just speaking of outliers whereas he's talking about what's most common.

Of course there is. That's why it's unfair for the bread winning partner to say "MINE!" and not have things split 50/50ish and pay support while the other gets started again. By the way I'm mostly referring to 30s and 40s.

That doesn't mean a person cannot be successful. People change careers all the time.

[skiskiskiskiski]

You only support half of your children? How did you decide which ones to support? Essay contest? Everyone else is ridiculous and irrational?

Well yeah, I buy one pant, the ec buys the other and then the kid has pants..

So I mean provide 50% of child's needs while the other parent provides the rest.

[TheSilverSurfer]

You totally got fucked. She can get another 6 figure a year job before the kids are 18.

And she needs to.

And then you need 50/50 custody and nobody pays anyone anything.

The custody arrangement is what hurts the most.

[Dantheman]

Where does the court system think all this missed career money is going to magically come from? How do you double your income instantly?

I once read an interview with Dave Foley where he talked about his divorce. This was in Canada but it probably applies perfectly well in Freedumbland. His divorce happened while he had a big contract for Newsradio. After that show ended his income went way, way down. He tried to get his alimony payments reduced because they were far beyond what he could afford. He tried to explain to the judge that a big sitcom contract is not something that happens very often and he would almost certainly never make that kind of money again. Supposedly, the judge looked him dead in the eye and said, "Your ability to pay has no bearing on your obligation to pay."

[neufox47]

Only those naive to the legal system or those who evangelize for it think court is where you go to find truth and fairness.


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[TahoeJ]

That's why it's unfair for the bread winning partner to say "MINE!" and not have things split 50/50ish and pay support while the other gets started again. By the way I'm mostly referring to 30s and 40s.

I don't think there's anyone in this thread arguing otherwise. Most of the discussion seems to be around ridiculous CS / SS requirements, as in SilverSurfer's case.

Only those naive to the legal system or those who evangelize for it think court is where you go to find truth and fairness.

Bingo.

[muted reborn]

I once read an interview with Dave Foley where he talked about his divorce. This was in Canada but it probably applies perfectly well in Freedumbland. His divorce happened while he had a big contract for Newsradio. After that show ended his income went way, way down. He tried to get his alimony payments reduced because they were far beyond what he could afford. He tried to explain to the judge that a big sitcom contract is not something that happens very often and he would almost certainly never make that kind of money again. Supposedly, the judge looked him dead in the eye and said, "Your ability to pay has no bearing on your obligation to pay."

[jm2e]

This thread makes me sad


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[neufox47]

This thread makes me sad


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Vibes to you all.

To be honest this thread makes me happy I’m in a happy marriage and is a good motivator to put work into the relationship. Good thing I married the third girl I considered marrying.

[MakersTeleMark]

Vibes to you all.

To be honest this thread makes me happy I’m in a happy marriage and is a good motivator to put work into the relationship. Good thing I married the third girl I considered marrying.

#safetythird

[TahoeJ]

I'm divorced and my situation was similar to what MUnicorn shared. And when it hit the fan, I was wronged. But it'd be delusional to separate my decisions/actions from the situation; I knew enough going in and, ultimately, I was incapable (and unwilling) of being the partner she needed. Yeah, it sucked. It hurt. Fucked me up for a bit. Tale as old as time. But unresolved needs have a predictable way of manifesting... it's absurd to position that just one day you woke up and found yourself in some shit situation. Never saw it coming? Come on. I'll even ask you to think: how valuable/functional of a partner is someone who can't admit one's own accountability and mistakes? Do we think that any woman wants a man who can't be wrong & is always a hostile victim? Hmmmm.

But everyone has to go their their process on their own timeline - and being tolerant of angry blaming and other acting out is pretty much routine. I like to think that enough people get over their ugly-defense-mechanism-selfs after the crisis period is over cause that baggage will ruin your life.

You might be projecting here a little (?) but I suppose I agree with your general point. When some of us complain about being married to actual narcissistic or BPD people it’s a real thing, and if you haven’t experienced that it’s difficult to understand, but I don’t think any of us are claiming to be perfect on the other side of it. It’s just the actions by one party are so extreme in these cases.

And yeah, I never saw it coming. We met in our late teens. Dumb decision by me to not shop around more first? Sure, I guess so, but I was young and didn’t know any better and in love. It happens.

Having said that, yeah, I’m a better partner now than I was before. Granted, not getting dragged into insane word salad gaslighting conflicts goes a long way towards a person’s level of patience.

[concretejungle]

We met in our late teens. Dumb decision by me to not shop around more first? Sure, I guess so, but I was young and didn’t know any better and in love. It happens.

This is the one thing I make sure to discuss with my younger friends (I got married at 25 and divorced at 33, we were together for 10 years overall). I'm not going to argue whether people change over time or just understand themselves better but I don't thing getting married early is a great recipe for success, even in the "successful" long term relationships I've seen.

[skiskiskiskiski]

https://the-toast.net/2013/12/04/you...lity-disorder/

[oftpiste]

For realz. You know there are juicy stories about being fuck-ups and shitty partners coming from the other side. And that ain't something special about tgr - it's like virtually every divorce ever. Best case: you may have been wronged, but you weren't innocent.

Self-righteousness combined with lack of compassion and an inflated sense of yourself is unbecoming.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Self-righteousness combined with lack of compassion and an inflated sense of yourself is unbecoming.

What about his post is self righteous?


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[TahoeJ]

Oftpiste has just been through the ringer. Some of us can relate, others can’t. Sure, take everything here with a grain of salt as you should. If someone thinks whatever I don’t really care, and I invite you to hookup with my ex and see how it works out.

[Choss Jonger, Sr.]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=roP5kl63bD0