Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Then why did he quote that no one is entitled to sex with the comment? When you quote a comment, and type something it is a reply. So you read dbdudes completely unrelated to mine?

Feel free to shut up at anytime. This thread isn't about you

[AK47bp]

Technically you can't really "rape" your wife right? The marriage contract forfeits the women's rights as an individual and she becomes the husbands "property" to honor, cherish, and most importantly, obey.

Or am I missing something?

[My Pet Powder Goat]

Yep.


... In Pakistan

[anonalias]

Mtngrl- I think you have made your opinion on the matter very clear. Many feel there is more nuance to the situation than you seem to appreciate. You disagree. Ok.

You have dominated the entire thread with this pedantic bullshit. Meanwhile, people are talking about one of the most impactful, miserable experiences they can go through in their adult lives and looking for some catharsis if not empathy and greater understanding. I said it before - you're being fucking rude. Stop it.

[Gcooker]

Why is moving on from a relationship considered a failure? Marriage, friendship and business relationships as you move through life are all fluid and start, end and sometimes renew. The idea of marriage as a singular, monogamous and life long commitment is a very narrow perspective and has more to do with religious dogma than reality. I had a good marriage until I didn't, then I had a successful divorce where everyone, including the children, came out happier on the other side. If you're miserable in your relationship or bitter because of your divorce it's because you choose to be.

This is exactly what I need to hear right now, not all the other shit cunting up this thread. We were able to hash out a separation agreement that ended in a hug (one of a handful she initiated in the last few years). We're both hopeful we can continue to move along the same path, coparents that are friends. I don't regret our marriage, I regret not fighting to get what I needed out of it instead of avoiding hard conversations and risking arguments. Somewhere over the years I changed, and the person I turned into wasn't who she fell in love with and vice versa.

[Buster Highmen]

One thing about empathy I think is that it eventually has to be a 2 way street.

Props and condolences to those of you going through this stuff.

[mtngirl79]

Mtngrl- I think you have made your opinion on the matter very clear. Many feel there is more nuance to the situation than you seem to appreciate. You disagree. Ok.

You have dominated the entire thread with this pedantic bullshit. Meanwhile, people are talking about one of the most impactful, miserable experiences they can go through in their adult lives and looking for some catharsis if not empathy and greater understanding. I said it before - you're being fucking rude. Stop it.

I am only responding when I am responded too. It wasn't so long ago that I had the worst and most difficult time in my life and it's still held over my head... any thing about that was most people being quiet and nice, and a few very loud people being very, very cruel. The same people bickering with me and chanting herpes here for the most part.

But I will say again, I was commenting on the posts before yours.

I hope your situation works out for the best.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

I am only responding when I am responded too.

This is the single biggest cop out of personal responsibility that a person can use in regards to arguments. Declaring that everyone but yourself should stop responding and then the 'problem' will go away is simple minded and narcissistic.

[flatlander#2]

So I found out the girl I had been seeing and then we split but she wanted to be "committed friends" the dude she's dating is still married, supposedly has filed for divorce, but is still sharing a house with his wife. Awesome. Good luck there.

[mtngirl79]

Feel free to shut up at anytime. This thread isn't about you

Feel free to stop quoting me and replying any time you want. This thread isn't about you, either.

[mtngirl79]

This is the single biggest cop out of personal responsibility that a person can use in regards to arguments. Declaring that everyone but yourself should stop responding and then the 'problem' will go away is simple minded and narcissistic.

It goes both ways, though, doesn't it?

[4matic]

Engaged 5 times, married twice and on my way to a potential 3^rd (this one is going to be ridiculously low key if it ever happens).

I’m talkin the whole enchilada 5 times. The fridge, bank accounts, dog and the occasional off spring (not mine and mine). On my 12^th permanent address since I was 22. I still suck at moving.

What is it that attracts you to this chaotic lifestyle?

[mtngirl79]

Where would we be without a little slipperyness?

It's all about trust, believing and being able to recognize empathy or the absence thereof. I can't imagine that love has a lot to do with entitlement. Entitlement is confusion.

All one can do is actively cultivate relationships that express empathy and reciprocity while respectfully trying to tolerate and avoid those that don't.

Exactly... except we need to be careful because back to the original issue, entitlement to sex, there are many people, even people hold great power in our county and culture that absolutely believe that men are entitled to sex, and we still live in a world that is pretty fucking hostile to women in general...

Cunting up a thread for example. All those little things add up.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

It goes both ways, though, doesn't it?

Well I don't know if you're talking about me because I don't make statements like you have. I like debate and argument, that's a big part of what this place is about.

[mtngirl79]

Well I don't know if you're talking about me because I don't make statements like you have. I like debate and argument, that's a big part of what this place is about.

Debate and argument require replying and being replied to. Not just going into the corner when you are kicked.

[LHutz Esq]

I was going to reply earlier but it got all off track and what not. I have no advice on intimacy, sex and gender politics. But as an ex family law lawyer I do have some bits of advice on divorce. Granted different jurisdictions are different but:

It is not about you, it is about your kids. Work on your self and work on your relationship. If counseling helps – do that, if she doesn’t want to- do it for you. People who do so often come to the table understanding themselves and understanding their spouse better. If nothing else you will be with your spouse until the end of days. If you get this right and right now, you will walk you daughter down the isle together at her wedding. You will be there when your son presents your grandchild. If you are bitter and twisted w/r/t your ex – you think your kid is going to want to warring gargoyles at their happiest occasions? Fuck no – they will cut you two losers out of their lives. Or they will pick sides and they shouldn’t have to do that.

If nothing else, counseling may allow you each to better understand what the other person is really interested in. Is it the material possessions, or is it status amoungst her peers? Is it your ability to have weekends free or is it coaching your kids teams. Is you job important or would you trade it for something that allows more time to be with the kids? Does she feel trapped because she wanted a career but she feels she traded that for the kids? In any negotiations, there are things that the other side may want that you have no problem giving up. But if you have no idea what they "really" want - how do you know. As they say – the more you know.

Be super dad. Not because it will help your case, but because they are your kids and if you weren’t before there is no time like the present to start. I saw many a guy tell me how much they couldn’t stand being away from their kids and that they will make a much better home for their kids than the ex. but then you go through it- who are their teachers? Idunno. – ever speak to their teachers about your kids? – no. – what do your kids do after school, who cooks and cleans for them, helps them with homework. Many a dad would say well – some weekends I coach such and such. Fuck man, there is so much more to it than that. Basically, a judge has to decide who amoung you wingnuts would be better able to meet all the kids needs. And by the way - if you were a "weekend dad" during the marriage the judge will likely think to his or her self - why change it now? and bang you are a weekend dad. If the first time you thought about taking the kids to the dentist was after the writ dropped – you will be seen through.

Maybe we are lucky up here in Canuckistan- most judges I have been before are smarter than the average bear (possibly due to being appointed on merit and not elected – but I digress). If either party is putting on a show – no amount of lawyering will cover it up. I felt my job was to show the true nature of the parents (hopefully focusing on my client’s good nature). You would be amazed how easy that actually was. People want to express themselves in court, they can’t help it – so work that shit out waaaaay ahead of time. For example, controlling possessive mfers want to say things like "I never said she could do that", I didn't give my consent for.. - all litigation suicide. If you like to get a little stoned on the weekend (and it is still illegal in your respective jurisdiction) Quit that shit. I know, I know ... but it isn't harmful, I am a better Dad blah, blah balh. By why pay a lawyer major $$$ to try and convince a judge of that? Just stop it and if they bring it up we do a couple tests and you save money, she looks like an idiot - cause hey it's just weed/coke etc. and it isn't even a thing I do anymore.

Money – we have the child support guidelines here. If you make $x a year and she makes $y and split custody someone pays someone $z. Kids are expensive. Unless they had really good reasons – I would almost always fire clients that argued this point. The easiest part of the job of Dad is writing a cheque. If you can’t do that I can’t help. We also have spousal support guidelines that are somewhat similar. But again, if we don't have to convince the judge to depart from them - we a) look like reasonable caring people, and b) we focus on the actual issues.

TLDR – here at least I would say 85-90% of divorces are joint, negotiated never see the inside of a court room until the judge signs an order sitting at their desks. Get as much of the emotional shit dealt with in advance. If you can get to the point of knowing that each of you is a human that has a right to exist prior to negotiating about kids and money - you will be way better off. Talk to a lawyer in advance - if that lawyer says that you have no choice but fight, fight fight, - speak to another lawyer. Get one that will speak to you as much about your obligations as your rights. Focus on the obligations first. Get a mediator, get the help you need to both come into those settlement negotiations with an open mind and the goal of making it work.

Then you and your ex’s new spouse can get drunk at your child’s wedding and complain about how she will never claim a fart even though it was obviously her - even in private... weird.

[Gcooker]

Exactly... except we need to be careful because back to the original issue, entitlement to sex, there are many people, even people hold great power in our county and culture that absolutely believe that men are entitled to sex, and we still live in a world that is pretty fucking hostile to women in general...

Cunting up a thread for example. All those little things add up.

Why not comment on some of the actual issues of the thread, a woman's perspective may actually help some people that are coming here to post about what they are going through. Your sitiuation sucked and you haven't been treated very well, but this thread is here for people to talk about their experiences with separation and divorce and find solace that they aren't alone, not about the rest of the bullshit that has taken over.

[DBdude]

This is exactly what I need to hear right now, not all the other shit cunting up this thread. We were able to hash out a separation agreement that ended in a hug (one of a handful she initiated in the last few years). We're both hopeful we can continue to move along the same path, coparents that are friends. I don't regret our marriage, I regret not fighting to get what I needed out of it instead of avoiding hard conversations and risking arguments. Somewhere over the years I changed, and the person I turned into wasn't who she fell in love with and vice versa.

this is where I am at with my ex wife. we get along well. i still miss my kids when I don't have them....

if we hadn't had kids, i would have no regrets over my failed marriage

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Debate and argument require replying and being replied to. Not just going into the corner when you are kicked.

Nobody is kicking you except for the few assholes that keep bringing up the herpes. People do tell you to shut up after reading your posts on the history of feminine abuse and repression in a thread asking for advice in regards to divorce. Can you see how people might get annoyed about you flogging that dead horse? A bigger person might have the self awareness to move on or offer some relevant advice to the topic of the thread. Does any of this make sense to you? We're all guilty of this kind of posting at times.

[mtngirl79]

Why not comment on some of the actual issues of the thread, a woman's perspective may actually help some people that are coming here to post about what they are going through. Your sitiuation sucked and you haven't been treated very well, but this thread is here for people to talk about their experiences with separation and divorce and find solace that they aren't alone, not about the rest of the bullshit that has taken over.

I kinda of was, but a new issue arose and all the sudden my comments on the other situation were applied to the new situation.. and I see that "no one is entitled to sex" applied to the anons sexless, affectionless marriage reads heartless and cruel but I was talking about casual sex with broken people because they are easy...

[mtngirl79]

Nobody is kicking you except for the few assholes that keep bringing up the herpes. People do tell you to shut up after reading your posts on the history of feminine abuse and repression in a thread asking for advice in regards to divorce. Can you see how people might get annoyed about you flogging that dead horse? A bigger person might have the self awareness to move on or offer some relevant advice to the topic of the thread. Does any of this make sense to you? We're all guilty of this kind of posting at times.

Lol. Or how about you're heartless comments in my injury thread. Fuck off. Aaron Wright. Lilbro.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Lol. Or how about you're heartless comments in my injury thread. Fuck off. Aaron Wright. Lilbro.

Truth hurts, own you shit. Self awareness is a good thing. My comment was heartless, I'll own that and I knew that when I posted it.

[RShea]

So I found out the girl I had been seeing and then we split but she wanted to be "committed friends" the dude she's dating is still married, supposedly has filed for divorce, but is still sharing a house with his wife. Awesome. Good luck there.

Paul Harvey would say "Now for the Rest of the Story" - drama is probably pretty high in her life as stated earlier, better off without that right now.

[mtngirl79]

Truth hurts, own you shit. Self awareness is a good thing. My comment was heartless, I'll own that and I knew that when I posted it.

So you think it's ok for you to intentionally be heartless towards an injured person, but completely unacceptable for someone's contributions to be unintentionally hurtful?

My shrink was the one who pointed out that my mother's sometimes pretty fucked up behavior was survival... I honestly think it would be helpful for men to look at life through the lens of women, now and the last couple generations...

our mothers and grand mothers raised your wives and girl friends.

[DBdude]

yep men suck, stay away from them. you will be better off and so will men