Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[Cono Este]

Met up with a good friend/longtime climbing buddy and his wife (both of whom I went to college with) while on a work trip yesterday. Went climbing at his gym and then grabbed dinner at their house. He and his wife have a 10 month old. My ex and I were college sweethearts at the same school and overlapped a lot with this other couple who were also college sweethearts. The four of us went to Thailand together after college and have been on very similar trajectories.

It was so good to catch up with them, but neither knew about my ex and I breaking up until yesterday. Seeing them super happy with their new baby was kinda like looking into an alternate universe of what my ex and I should have had. I'm really happy for them, but it was really tough seeing all that with my ex being a major topic of conversation throughout the evening.

I guess I'm starting to feel the magnitude of what happened between my ex and I. I landed at the airport late this evening and went to an airport restaurant to have dinner- there's no hurry to come home to an empty house. I'm now working late and booking flights for weeks upon weeks of more work travel.

My empty house is a nagging reminder of what I had but no longer have. Maybe my half a decade of endless work travel and career prioritization was a major contributing factor to my relationship blowing up. The emptiness begs a question- what I'm doing this for anyway?

Time heals all wounds. Move to a bachelor pad, buy a pool table and a 300 gallon reef tank to keep your busy, and a maybe a new BMW motorcycle. Thats what I did.

If shit does not mend with my ex, I'm plotting an escape from Saint Louis a yr from August. Will return to Nor Cal, probably Sac town, will get a mid week pass to squaw and a new BMW R1200R for summer time. Sell insurance in all corners of Cal, just a matter of wether I bring my Surf board or skis for after the appointments.

Fuck it.

[Gcooker]

Met up with a good friend/longtime climbing buddy and his wife (both of whom I went to college with) while on a work trip yesterday. Went climbing at his gym and then grabbed dinner at their house. He and his wife have a 10 month old. My ex and I were college sweethearts at the same school and overlapped a lot with this other couple who were also college sweethearts. The four of us went to Thailand together after college and have been on very similar trajectories.

It was so good to catch up with them, but neither knew about my ex and I breaking up until yesterday. Seeing them super happy with their new baby was kinda like looking into an alternate universe of what my ex and I should have had. I'm really happy for them, but it was really tough seeing all that with my ex being a major topic of conversation throughout the evening.

I guess I'm starting to feel the magnitude of what happened between my ex and I. I landed at the airport late this evening and went to an airport restaurant to have dinner- there's no hurry to come home to an empty house. I'm now working late and booking flights for weeks upon weeks of more work travel.

My empty house is a nagging reminder of what I had but no longer have. Maybe my half a decade of endless work travel and career prioritization was a major contributing factor to my relationship blowing up. The emptiness begs a question- what I'm doing this for anyway?

Stages of grief, every one of us that has separated/divorced has gone through the same thing. There's immediate adrenaline meeting new people, sleeping around after not being able to... or not choosing to at least. New found freedom is pretty powerful. It took me over a year to sort of realize the magnitude of the situation while still KNOWING deep down its the right choice.

It gets easier, however it can be lonely. Keep relationships with friends at the top of your list, chasing woman should come after that.

[BS720]

They have accounting and law firms that specialize in finding all these tricks. Forensic accounting. You'd rather go to a proctologist trust me. Hide or "steal" anything you'll get fucked harder than if you hadn't.

Yep, sure. However, I'm asking about if it didn't go that way. You didn't make a life together, assets were in play, you didn't so prenups, what are the ways to sneak out?

[oftpiste]

^^^ your shit will be subpoenaed by OC. Bank records, emails, correspondence are all open season. Unless you've hidden it very well, and there's no record anywhere in your digital footprint they're going to find it. And when they do you will probably lose it all, and then some.

I'm sure there are 'guys' that can help you do this, but it will be expensive either way.

[XXX-er]

"Hypothetical" question: Is there any strategy to prevent yourself from getting fucked in a divorce? Or, maybe a way of fucking your future ex in advance? I always thought buying an Adventurewagon, draining the bank account and heading south of the border would be a pretty ideal way. Sailboat, investing retirement in real estate offshore, anything other ideas?

IME marry an honest woman who ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer

didn't use any lawyers to negotiate

managed to pull a few minor fast ones

managed to hang on to half my shit and only pay reasonable child support

which I didn't mind cuz these were my kids and they turned out great, junior just fixed me up with a "pa deal" on phantom glide

Caveat on not smart women is that the marriage will be somewhat tedious

but yer getting divorced anyway

[Meadow Skipper]

^^^ your shit will be subpoenaed by OC. Bank records, emails, correspondence are all open season. Unless you've hidden it very well, and there's no record anywhere in your digital footprint they're going to find it. And when they do you will probably lose it all, and then some.

I'm sure there are 'guys' that can help you do this, but it will be expensive either way.

^What our chief consoler said. You kind of have to stand tall and take it like a man.

However, XXX-er made me laugh.

[XXX-er]

Thats pretty much how it went down

I never argued I always offered, start the discussion with " tell ya what i'm gona do for ya "

which means sometimes I was able to offer < she was entitled to and she always went for it

A lawyer bud used to tell his customers " you can take your kids to disney land or I can take my kids to disney land... it sup to you "

IME keep the lawyers out of it

[RShea]

A few in this thread may want to consider doing this:

https://www.facebook.com/elpasozoo/p...type=3&theater

Basically it is by the El Paso Zoo
and they want anyone that wants to:
"What's the perfect Valentine's Day gift? ❤️ Naming a cockroach after your ex, of course! Message us your ex's name and we'll name a cockroach after them! We'll post names (First and last name initial!) starting February 11 here on Facebook! Watch on Facebook Live or on our website's Meerkat webcam on Valentine's Day at 2:15 pm to see them devour these little bugs!"

[SB]

Haha, well played El Paso Zoo.

[liv2ski]

My empty house is a nagging reminder of what I had but no longer have. Maybe my half a decade of endless work travel and career prioritization was a major contributing factor to my relationship blowing up. The emptiness begs a question- what I'm doing this for anyway?

As a young man, I had a roommate that was shagging this gorgeous married woman when the husband was gone for weeks at a time and my friend was no great catch IMO, but he was there.
When I was getting close to being promoted to a position that would have involved a lot of time on the road, life threw me a curve ball that made it easy to walk away from that career and get one where I would always be around. I am certain after being with my girl for 39 years (Married 35) that was a lucky set of circumstances for my marriage.
Being a road warrior has got to be impossible for a marriage IMO, so hopefully there is an out for you down the road or just be a happy single guy and report back with all the strange your getting so we can live through your adventures.

[Cono Este]

They have accounting and law firms that specialize in finding all these tricks. Forensic accounting. You'd rather go to a proctologist trust me. Hide or "steal" anything you'll get fucked harder than if you hadn't.

I disagree. the average joe would have his eyes pop out of his head when his lawyer asked for a 50k-100k retainer to do that.

All you say is true, but even if someone has a rich daddy, he won’t want to pay for it either.

All is fair in love and war, and The only way you will be treated fairly is if you are is some kind of position to bargain. If you can move your cash, do it. You can always donate it to the Red Cross if you decide. Better than lawyers.


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[delco714]

I ain't gone lie. Middle passage, with 3 kids under say 7, sports & cub scouts, worrying about your job and your bank account and yer mortgage. Guy next door younger than you buys a condo at the beach. And your non-working wife is buying $5 gallons of milk at the eckards drug store instead of $3 at the publix next door "because it's faster." an yer lookin at the pictures in Powder stuck in a city a long way from skiing before you had stopped long enough to figure out you wanted it in your life. (all completely hypothetical)
.
It ain't no cake walk.
That's fer damn sure.

But it is nice coming home to that person later in life, knowing together, you got it done.
Well, a good bit better than just "nice."
I hope you find her. I did.

I needed to read this.
Cheers, man

[TBS]

A few in this thread may want to consider doing this:

https://www.facebook.com/elpasozoo/p...type=3&theater

Basically it is by the El Paso Zoo
and they want anyone that wants to:
"What's the perfect Valentine's Day gift? ❤️ Naming a cockroach after your ex, of course! Message us your ex's name and we'll name a cockroach after them! We'll post names (First and last name initial!) starting February 11 here on Facebook! Watch on Facebook Live or on our website's Meerkat webcam on Valentine's Day at 2:15 pm to see them devour these little bugs!"

I read that sales were so high the meerkats couldn't have consumed all of the roaches. So the zoo had to add cams for other critters eating the bugs.

[iceman]

Is it odd that there's a zoo in El Paso? Seems odd.

[ColMan]

Being a road warrior has got to be impossible for a marriage IMO, so hopefully there is an out for you down the road or just be a happy single guy and report back with all the strange your getting so we can live through your adventures.

In my mid to late 20’s I traveled every week (100k+ miles/yr) for a while. I spent a lot of time in the air up front drinking and bullshitting with guys who had been road warriors for decades. Great discussions, but the biggest takeaway was that nearly all of them were on their 3rd (or 4th) wife.

[delco714]

In my mid to late 20’s I traveled every week (100k+ miles/yr) for a while. I spent a lot of time in the air up front drinking and bullshitting with guys who had been road warriors for decades. Great discussions, but the biggest takeaway was that nearly all of them were on their 3rd (or 4th) wife.

Makes you wonder how they got the 2..3..4th one if they didn't have time for the first

[XXX-er]

[frorider]

........

[throwitaway9876]

Thanks all. Good advice all around. I spent the weekend camping with a close friend in a pretty remote area. He got divorced last year and came out well- awesome new GF, etc .We tripped shrooms while sitting on the side of a canyon while the sun went down and I had some really good introspection throughout the experience and got down to some emotions I'd been suppressing. My pup was with me, cuddled up on me during the peak of the trip guiding me along.

I'm definitely going to trip again soon- there was some really good stuff along the way, but I didn't go as deep as I wanted.

As a young man, I had a roommate that was shagging this gorgeous married woman when the husband was gone for weeks at a time and my friend was no great catch IMO, but he was there.
When I was getting close to being promoted to a position that would have involved a lot of time on the road, life threw me a curve ball that made it easy to walk away from that career and get one where I would always be around. I am certain after being with my girl for 39 years (Married 35) that was a lucky set of circumstances for my marriage.
Being a road warrior has got to be impossible for a marriage IMO, so hopefully there is an out for you down the road or just be a happy single guy and report back with all the strange your getting so we can live through your adventures.

Yeah, I don't know how my married coworkers do it. I dodged traveling this week and was able to hold off on two extra nights of traveling last week, but the expectation is that I pick back up from 50% to 75% travel in the near future. I'm off on yet another international trip next week...

[4matic]

Time heals all wounds. Move to a bachelor pad, buy a pool table and a 300 gallon reef tank to keep your busy, and a maybe a new BMW motorcycle. Thats what I did.

If shit does not mend with my ex, I'm plotting an escape from Saint Louis a yr from August. Will return to Nor Cal, probably Sac town, will get a mid week pass to squaw and a new BMW R1200R for summer time. Sell insurance in all corners of Cal, just a matter of wether I bring my Surf board or skis for after the appointments.

Fuck it.

You can help me when you get here. Plus, my GF wants to sell insurance, she can help you sell to the Mandarin speaking market. It's huge. Many of her friends are buying Whole life plus LTC.

Another friend of hers sells insurance here and in China. She markets to China online. Another monster market still developing.

[Jah Praise]

Been here since 2004 but always forget my login and need to create a new one. This thread helped me a while ago and figured maybe I can contribute to others.

It is very true that once they turn, they go batshit crazy, don't be surprised to get caught up in really nasty shit. It's like a switch flips from love to extreme hate. Like people said File First and Go all in if you go.

I will also say that it is still very salvageable even if you go off the cliff. My wife and I went as dark side as you can get, really full on stuff, divorce attorneys hired and all. I fixed things a little when I stopped trying to debate instances where she thought I wronged her and came up with the line 'I'm sorry for hurting you in the past, I'm here to support you now". That shit works if you back it up with actions, you kill the argument and look like a good guy who is there for them. I then fully fixed things when I realized that after a couple beers, wife's sound so stupid, its unbelievable. If you quit beer and just smoke weed all day, they sound just fine. Weed saves relationships and saves families, alcohol destroys them, there is no debating that. It's hard to switch over completely to weed for about a month, then its easy. I also went from 195 lb Dad Bod to 175 lb and ripped 6 pack after 3 months with absolutely no additional exercise.

Feel free to criticize this advice and justify your drinking, I know I would have. I also apologize for preaching but I want to let other middle-aged ski bums to know how profound this small change from beer to weed is and someone will be helped by this. I was born and raised in a ski town and I can tell you the only reason alcohol is such a huge part of the ski culture is to sell ski vacations to people who can't ski.

[liv2ski]

It's hard to switch over completely to weed for about a month, then its easy. I also went from 195 lb Dad Bod to 175 lb and ripped 6 pack after 3 months with absolutely no additional exercise.

Being 30lbs over weight cuz I love teh booze, I hate you. The weed buzz just does not do it for me anymore.

[iceman]

... I then fully fixed things when I realized that after a couple beers, wife's sound so stupid, its unbelievable. If you quit beer and just smoke weed all day, they sound just fine...

Man it's the truth. I still drink but only if there's zero chance I'm gonna be around her, I can't take her when I've been drinking and she sure as hell can't take me. She doesn't care about weed, she probably prefers me when I'm high honestly, so that's what I do and it's a good thing for everybody.

[oftpiste]

To each their own, and I'm no puritan, but I'd suggest completely clear heads are probably best for all if you're truly trying to heal a marriage. If you're only trying to survive it - NTTAWWT as it is certainly one approach of many - bake or drink away. However, if you're only trying to survive, it might be time to take a clear [headed] look at things and either fix what you're trying to survive or GTFO. Cuz survival ain't no way to live.

[iceman]

Well in my case I don't smoke weed to survive her, I smoke weed because I like to smoke weed. I don't drink often any more but that's more about surviving, period. And it's had the side effect of letting the relationship continue, which I'm happy about, most of the time.