Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[altasnob]

Decree says that support is based on her not being able to work as she is homeschooling the kids. It then says that we share work related day care expenses.

Now she's working during the day when she is supposed to be homeschooling them and paying for a mother's helper (nanny) to watch the kids.

The child support amount was set by the court assuming your ex makes "X." Now, your ex makes "more than X." So that's a change in circumstance. Is it substantial enough to get the order modified? Depends on the difference between "X" and "more than X" and your judge (i.e. it's discretionary).

Find attorneys that will give you free consultation. See if they think your circumstances warrant modifying the court order regarding child support and/or maintenance. If possible, see if they will offer you a flat fee agreement to file the motion. Flat fee is a specific amount versus hourly, which keeps going up and up and up.

Your in Washington, right? Child support modification law below. Says you can modify one year or more after it has been entered without a showing of substantially changed circumstances if "the order in practice works a severe economic hardship on either party." Also talks about being able to modify order after 24 months if there is a change in income of either party.

Note that you threatening to try to modify order may prompt her to quit her job. But is that really what you want? I generally think it is good for people to work, at least part time, even if they are taking care of the kids. It's always better to see if you can work this out yourselves without running to the court. If you think the child support should be reduced by "X" because of her new job, say that, and say why, but say you are willing to reduce it by "less than X" to avoid having a formal hearing (the olive branch). Of course, easier said than done.

https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=26.09.170

[TheSilverSurfer]

That's good news, because in practice the support order would make me homeless if I have to pay for nanny

[TheSilverSurfer]

Thank you so much Altasnob. I'm pretty much on the other side emotionally, most of the time. This financial shit is tough, but I know I will get through it.

[TahoeJ]

Side note, in most states your ex doesn’t have to get married to terminate alimony. Now it’s generally accepted if they are living with someone it’s the same because it’s a change in circumstances. This was obviously in response to people basically being married but not making it official so they’d still get payments from their ex.

[Falcon3]

Side note, in most states your ex doesn’t have to get married to terminate alimony. Now it’s generally accepted if they are living with someone it’s the same because it’s a change in circumstances. This was obviously in response to people basically being married but not making it official so they’d still get payments from their ex.

Unfortunately in WA that isn’t the case ( or wasn’t as of 2019). But in general, WA’s spousal support was far more progressive than most other states whose orders I dealt with (terminating earlier generally).

And unfortunately even though the statute says it allows for mods after one year for severe economic hardship, in most cases I saw, they were pretty strict about that. Usually going off the Self Support Reserve calculation from the feds which is something ridiculously low like $1400/month income.

But as in all things legal, the judge/court can do whatever they want to. So if you have a good attorney and the judge likes your argument, they can do almost anything they want (the number of absolutely ridiculous orders I’ve seen is amazing). So there is hope, just gotta take it one step at a time.

I’d gather all your court docs, talk to a couple of attorney offices, see what you can make of it.

[Core Shot]

[weibo]

Is there any way you can have your children live with you? That would allow you to chose the care options and costs.

[anotherVTskibum]

The child support amount was set by the court assuming your ex makes "X." Now, your ex makes "more than X." So that's a change in circumstance. Is it substantial enough to get the order modified? Depends on the difference between "X" and "more than X" and your judge (i.e. it's discretionary).
...

Note that you threatening to try to modify order may prompt her to quit her job. ...

https://app.leg.wa.gov/rcw/default.aspx?cite=26.09.170

Not sure about Washington, but in Maine, support calculations can be based on earning potential rather than actual earnings if the court finds that to be appropriate (ie no quitting your dental practice and ski bumming to get out of paying).


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[Choss Jonger, Sr.]

I’d like to put forth a hearty exhortation to lawyer up to anyone following the path of detachment.


And yes. Men can be victims of psychological and physical violence. Don’t ask me how I know.

Beaming you good vibes SilverSurfer.

[skiskiskiskiski]

Harden up pussy.

Don't be so sensitive, wife beater.

[byates1]

Ha! I'll beat her ass if she tries any of that lawyer shit.

Seriously, sorry to hear the stories. I swore off a full time woman long ago. Fuck that noise. Best of luck.

[Supermoon]

Ha! I'll beat her ass if she tries any of that lawyer shit.

Seriously, sorry to hear the stories. I swore off a full time woman long ago. Fuck that noise. Best of luck.

This shit doesn’t make you look tough, or cool, or funny, or whatever you’re trying. I makes you look like a piece of shit.

[PNWbrit]

This shit doesn’t make you look tough, or cool, or funny, or whatever you’re trying. I makes you look like a piece of shit.

Absolutely.

Take a lap.

[byates1]

Sorry to hurt your feelings snowflake. I can recommend some overpriced counseling if you're uncomfortable.

[dunfree]

This shit doesn’t make you look tough, or cool, or funny, or whatever you’re trying. I makes you look like a piece of shit.

or just a near 50 vanlife incel who’s brain has rotted with the interwebs

[John_B]

This shit doesn’t make you look tough, or cool, or funny, or whatever you’re trying. I makes you look like a piece of shit.

Yep.

[Supermoon]

Sorry to hurt your feelings snowflake. I can recommend some overpriced counseling if you're uncomfortable.

Bahahahahahaha.

[MakersTeleMark]

When one party is a fucked up human there's no good outcome unfortunately.

You are the one who married her. So suck that up.

[TahoeJ]

You are the one who married her. So suck that up.

Certain personality types are extremely adept at hiding who they are… it can go on for years before the mask comes off. Just saying. My ex waited until we had kids and I was trapped and basically fucked at that point. In hindsight yes there were red flags but they weren’t blatantly obvious at the time.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Certain personality types are extremely adept at hiding who they are… it can go on for years before the mask comes off. Just saying. My ex waited until we had kids and I was trapped and basically fucked at that point. In hindsight yes there were red flags but they weren’t blatantly obvious at the time.

People change, expectations change.


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[brutah]

People change, expectations change.

people don't change. they might be good at hiding who they truly are, but from your early- to mid-20s on, you're basically getting the same person. Coming to this realization helps with a lot of life's interactions imo

[m2711c]

true

[MagnificentUnicorn]

people don't change.

Yeah they do, I’m not the same person that I was at 27 as I am now at 54. What I want from life isn’t the same. That could be said of my ex also.


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[CarlMega]

obviously there's some nuance to this. Yes, studies show that your basic core personality is somewhat etched. But to insinuate that personal growth and along with it - partner expectations - are static is glib. When partners are on independent timelines (eg: grow, morph differently) without tolerance and communication - issues arise. How you react and internalize those changes over time is strongly linked to your personality type. Some people find their rut together, other successful couples constantly groom and maintain their expectations. Have at it.

[brutah]

Yeah they do, I’m not the same person that I was at 27 as I am now at 54. What I want from life isn’t the same. That could be said of my ex also.

I bet you are more similar to your 27-year-old self than you are different. but I don't know you so arguing about this is pointless. Sure, goals and expectations change over time..... I don't think that necessarily constitutes that a person has changed.