Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

**bennymac** · 01-14-2022, 08:12 PM

Late Xmas gift or good start to 2022 - either way congrats on the life upgrade!

**MakersTeleMark** · 01-14-2022, 09:42 PM

I think it's a solid moving forward step that one doesn't even check to see if the judge signed the proposed order of dissolution.

I also find it funny that one would think that the ex would pay her attorney to let the ex know about it.

**MakersTeleMark** · 01-14-2022, 09:54 PM

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Usually there’s some standard crossover documentation that occurs like “case closed no longer representing so and so” or what have you. At least that’s what I got from my ex’s lawyer. Could be required in some states and not others.

You aren't required to file a notice of withdrawal in my state, but I do it for certain cases to make sure that it's an in and out kinda thing.

**TheSilverSurfer** · 01-15-2022, 01:48 AM

Thanks all. It's quite a relief.
Yeah, her attorney was communicating with me directly the whole time as he knew I didn't have a lawyer so I expected that to continue until all was said and done. Whatevs though. Glad to be through it. Now 15 more years of support payments. LOL.

**tgapp** · 01-31-2022, 08:00 AM

Wow. Guess it's my turn up to bat. I never thought I would see this day, but here we are.

Last night at 11:30pm my wife of 8 years told me that she didn't love me anymore and that she didn't see a future with us together. To say that I was shocked and caught off guard is a complete understatement. We spent the evening tearfully discussing the crossroads that we are at and both of us are committed to handling this process with as much grace, empathy, and kindness as we can muster.

She's planning on moving out this afternoon, but she also agreed to attend couple's counseling with me - if not to see if something is salvageable, then at least to work to make this as easy of a process as possible.

I haven't slept all night, nor have I told any of our friends. Somehow going to a bunch of internet friends feels safer. I might be a bit of an odd duck here - I'm younger than most of you and to be honest I don't even know who Tammy Wynette is or why she has a hotline. I guess I'm clearly in over my head here, and I could use some advice, camraderie, or even just some bullshit. I feel like I could use a good, old-fashioned skidog, telling me "Salt Lake has some decent divorce attorneys but they're nowhere near as good as the ones out in Jersey"

Thanks mags. Much love for all of you.

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**skifishbum** · 01-31-2022, 08:06 AM

i hope it all works out 4 u
and while i aint sure hows i can help
u know where im at

**Mustonen** · 01-31-2022, 08:40 AM

What a punch in the gut. I’m sorry.

Hard times ahead for you. One of the themes you’ll see in this thread and in other discussions about this kind of thing is that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. As dark and shitty as things are, tomorrow still comes, and the next day and the next day and it gets better over time. Sometimes it’s 2 steps backward for 3 steps forward, but you’ll find the other side of this and there will be good things there.

Something I never really understood until I went through all of this: there isn’t a right and a wrong to life, or some kind of overarching ideal or thing to accomplish. It just is. The days pass and they’re different and there are different chapters; some things are great for a while and then they aren’t anymore. And you’re just there to interact with that in the best and most positive way you know how.

Get ready for some personal growth.

**Supermoon** · 01-31-2022, 08:40 AM

Originally Posted by tgapp

Wow. Guess it's my turn up to bat. I never thought I would see this day, but here we are.

Last night at 11:30pm my wife of 8 years told me that she didn't love me anymore and that she didn't see a future with us together. To say that I was shocked and caught off guard is a complete understatement. We spent the evening tearfully discussing the crossroads that we are at and both of us are committed to handling this process with as much grace, empathy, and kindness as we can muster.

She's planning on moving out this afternoon, but she also agreed to attend couple's counseling with me - if not to see if something is salvageable, then at least to work to make this as easy of a process as possible.

I haven't slept all night, nor have I told any of our friends. Somehow going to a bunch of internet friends feels safer. I might be a bit of an odd duck here - I'm younger than most of you and to be honest I don't even know who Tammy Wynette is or why she has a hotline. I guess I'm clearly in over my head here, and I could use some advice, camraderie, or even just some bullshit. I feel like I could use a good, old-fashioned skidog, telling me "Salt Lake has some decent divorce attorneys but they're nowhere near as good as the ones out in Jersey"

Thanks mags. Much love for all of you.

Sent from my Pixel 6 Pro using Tapatalk

Sorry to hear that man. Sounds like you two are on the right track to get this done as quickly and painlessly as possible, which is all you can hope for in these situations

**tgapp** · 01-31-2022, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by Supermoon

Sorry to hear that man. Sounds like you two are on the right track to get this done as quickly and painlessly as possible, which is all you can hope for in these situations

Yep, that's the hope. We won't move to separation and divorce until we see a couple's therapist together. She seems to have her heart set on leaving, and I won't (and can't) stand in her way, but I'm clearly interested in reconciliation. At least I think I am.

Originally Posted by Mustonen

What a punch in the gut. I’m sorry. [...]

Something I never really understood until I went through all of this: there isn’t a right and a wrong to life, or some kind of overarching ideal or thing to accomplish. It just is. The days pass and they’re different and there are different chapters; some things are great for a while and then they aren’t anymore. And you’re just there to interact with that in the best and most positive way you know how.

Get ready for some personal growth.

Thanks man. Long term, I know things are going to work out - I'll get through this. I'm resilient, tough, and have a great support network. Hold fast, all storms pass.

In the interim I'm trying as hard as I can to bulwark my emotional health and well-being. No alcohol, lots of exercise, stay focused at work.

I resonate strongly with your post; life is just a series of seasons, without inherent good or bad values associated with those various happenings. It just is. This is a time like any other; mindfulness starts with finding your breath. In and out.

Originally Posted by skifishbum

i hope it all works out 4 u
and while i aint sure hows i can help
u know where im at

Thanks buddy. That means a lot. I need to learn how to actually fish and get out with you, none of that tenkara bullshit.

**riser4** · 01-31-2022, 09:19 AM

I got three responses. Which were all stupid, except for the first one, hang in there buddy.

**Mustonen** · 01-31-2022, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by riser3

The pragmatic: there's a backstory, even if you don't know it yet. Have her followed by a PI.

Or don’t.

I think this was meant to be lighthearted and kind of a joke…but I can’t imagine what good this would do. Seems a dark and twisted and hateful road to go down. She’s moving out, which seems a pretty firm demand for privacy. If you don’t respect that why bother with a PI? If you respect that you won’t bother with a PI.

**senior researcher** · 01-31-2022, 09:56 AM

https://youtu.be/AeH6QtvY4Vc

**gravitylover** · 01-31-2022, 10:03 AM

I dunno, if my wife just hit me with something like that out of the blue my first thought would be wondering about a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

**Harry** · 01-31-2022, 10:07 AM

tgapp: you are a genuinely good person. That won’t change no matter what. My mom still talks about my internet friend who sent her coffee.

Definitely go to counseling. I don’t know if it will keep your marriage together or not, but it will help you process your grief. I was an absolute basketcase after my divorce, borderline suicidal, and glad I did counseling even though she quit after the first session. I kept going and I am so glad I did. Years later I still use the lessons I learned from marriage counseling to keep my mental health tuned up.

I like mustonon’s allegory about seasons, I was going to say something about chapters of a book. Same idea. Life goes on, and life is a beautiful experience.

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**liv2ski** · 01-31-2022, 10:12 AM

PM sent

**Mustonen** · 01-31-2022, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by gravitylover

I dunno, if my wife just hit me with something like that out of the blue my first thought would be wondering about a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

So? Why does it matter, really? I guess do whatever helps you find peace, and if she hadn’t actually tried to end things I’d maybe be right there with you, but in this situation I don’t think peace is what you find by pulling on that thread.

Originally Posted by Harry

I like mustonon’s allegory about seasons, I was going to say something about chapters of a book. Same idea. Life goes on, and life is a beautiful experience.

I actually went with chapters, so we’re on the same page there.

**tgapp** · 01-31-2022, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by gravitylover

I dunno, if my wife just hit me with something like that out of the blue my first thought would be wondering about a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

There's much more to this story that I'm not sharing out of respect for her (and my) privacy. Suffice it to say, there was no infidelity but she is leaving me for another guy that she met about a month ago.

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**TahoeJ** · 01-31-2022, 10:49 AM

Sorry man. Like others have said, it will only get better.

Agree that there's probably a backstory that you don't know about (there usually is) but no need to hire a PI. It is what it is. If she's truly serious about ending things amicably you should be able to use a mediator to save money and grief. The second she hires a divorce attorney, remember that 90% of them are toxic fucks, so if that happens be on your guard immediately.

Couples therapy can be helpful but... go into it with realistic expectations. Everyone that I know that tried to reconcile (myself included) ended up splitting eventually anyway.

Edit: just saw your post above now. Yep, always a backstory. And... hate to break it to you, but there was almost definitely infidelity. She's easing into the truth with baby steps.

**exsparky** · 01-31-2022, 10:52 AM

My friend of 20 years just split with his wife /gf of 12 years who was great for him (other than the last 1.5 years which she was a... mean bitch.)

Within 1 week he went to Mexico with his new girlfriend and then moved in with her the week after.

I'm going on a $7500 trip with him today for a week to Texas. I paid for it 4 months ago but otherwise I would have cancelled.

He thinks his ex won't find out and his friends won't care. He's O for 2. Every one of his friends has told me they hate his new girlfriend and miss his ex. Most also seem to think the new GF is post trans as well not that there is anything wrong with that but I'm sure the ex will freak out.

If somebody was terrible to you, at least show some decency for 3 months.

Not her but what I'm told the new one looks like.

**teleee** · 01-31-2022, 11:00 AM

Tgapp so sorry to hear this my man! I am definitely keeping you in my thoughts. I went through something very similar, sadly I had 2 young daughters at the time. One thing I was told (and ignored at the time because I wanted to be the bigger person) is that once divorce proceedings begin, it is not about marriage or love, its a business transaction and you should teat it as such, protect yourself. If it was me doing it all over again I would have retained a lawyer and set myself up WAY better in the long run. Hang in there man and like many have said this is just a chapter and new chapter is about to begin.

**tgapp** · 01-31-2022, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by teleee

Tgapp so sorry to hear this my man! I am definitely keeping you in my thoughts. I went through something very similar, sadly I had 2 young daughters at the time. One thing I was told (and ignored at the time because I wanted to be the bigger person) is that once divorce proceedings begin, it is not about marriage or love, its a business transaction and you should teat it as such, protect yourself. If it was me doing it all over again I would have retained a lawyer and set myself up WAY better in the long run. Hang in there man and like many have said this is just a chapter and new chapter is about to begin.

Thanks for the vibes and good advice. Yeah, if and when we get to the divorce point of this juncture, I'll start taking things seriously (but fairly) with regard to assets. Hoping to do mediation or binding arbitration if it comes to that (again, likely, but not certain), since we're not likely to squabble too much over assets.

If a mag has experience dividing assets in an amicable way I would love to get in touch with them.

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**snowaddict91** · 01-31-2022, 11:32 AM

Vibes Tgapp. Don't really have any advice to give, just hope it works out the best way possible for ya.

**gravitylover** · 01-31-2022, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by tgapp

There's much more to this story that I'm not sharing out of respect for her (and my) privacy. Suffice it to say, there was no infidelity but she is leaving me for another guy that she met about a month ago.

Bummer, I didn't want to be right. Sorry man.

**stuckathuntermtn** · 01-31-2022, 12:19 PM

Does anyone commit to anything anymore?
JFC.
I can't even get a woman to stick around long enough to move in, let alone get married then divorced.
Bunch of man eaters out there.
Sorry, tgapp

**skiskiskiskiski** · 01-31-2022, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by riser3

The pragmatic: there's a backstory, even if you don't know it yet. Have her followed by a PI.

As someone who accidentally found out about someone's infidelity years after it really even mattered, dont do this.

Nothing good will come of it.

You have no kids, right?

There's no multi million dollar business with questionable dealings with the mafia?

Nothing crazy?

She sounds like she's being reasonable. You be reasonable and go through the grief process of losing your marriage and rebuild and it will be alright in the end.

So sorry you have to join the ranks of this.