Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[DBdude]

Good points, we've been married for 8 years. I got a bit blindsided with the "fuck it we're done" tbh, I knew there were issues ( i originally brought them up) that we had been talking about for over a year that I attributed to focusing on kids, boredom and complacency, normal changes to a relationship. Sex has been more about meeting physical needs than emotional. I don't think we've exhausted every avenue to stay together... she does.

sorry man

[KQ]

Suck it the fuck up, fake it until you make it. Go to counseling and don't stop trying new counselors until you find one that clicks.


The passion is gone......give me a fucking break.

Marriage takes work, seriously. Life ain't really like the movies.

Quit being selfish, you have kids.

Something to be said for this.

Are You Spouses or Just Roommates?

[SB]

Vibes GC

You have passed the first big hurttle, there are others. Do things for yourself when you can. Life will evolve for you.


It does get better eventually.

[Danno]

goddam it

[Gcooker]

Suck it the fuck up, fake it until you make it. Go to counseling and don't stop trying new counselors until you find one that clicks.


The passion is gone......give me a fucking break.

Marriage takes work, seriously. Life ain't really like the movies.

Quit being selfish, you have kids.

I agree, I'm pushing for alternatives. Other then telling her to suck it the fuck up I've pretty much spelled out what you said.

[hikesalot]

Is she ready to give up because her needs aren't being met? Or because she is unable to meet your needs?

[Gcooker]

Something to be said for this.

Are You Spouses or Just Roommates?

And I just forwarded that to her. Thanks.

[Gcooker]

Is she ready to give up because her needs aren't being met? Or because she is unable to meet your needs?

It's a two way street on that, we literally feel the same way and can't seem to get back on track.

[DBdude]

get a new vibrator and a bucket of coconut oil and some champagne and get after it

[Gcooker]

get a new vibrator and a bucket of coconut oil and some champagne and get after it

Agreed, getting stone walled on every option but separation, she may have a back-up plan she's not admitting to.

[Dantheman]

bucket of coconut oil

The world's greatest lube, bar none.


Has she considered the fact that life will be hard as fuck, for both of you, living separate lives with two kids under 6?

[Gcooker]

The world's greatest lube, bar none.


Has she considered the fact that life will be hard as fuck, for both of you, living separate lives with two kids under 6?

I would sure as fuck hope so, but something is pushing her to get this shit over with as fast as possible with little or no attempt to reconcile. Again, we're not fighting, the house is as calm as it was before she told me.

[Kevo]

Good points, we've been married for 8 years. I got a bit blindsided with the "fuck it we're done" tbh, I knew there were issues ( i originally brought them up) that we had been talking about for over a year that I attributed to focusing on kids, boredom and complacency, normal changes to a relationship. Sex has been more about meeting physical needs than emotional. I don't think we've exhausted every avenue to stay together... she does.

Every time I hear a story like this about the wife blindsiding the husband with divorce it seems like about a 95% chance that she either cheated or has someone lined up and on deck to sleep with. Common themes are reconnecting with an ex, getting close to someone at work, etc. Actually, I can't think of a single time that the wife went on to be single for any significant length of time. They always have someone on deck, at least.

All the advice to go to counseling, "man up", etc is the exact opposite that Gcooker should be doing. She's already checked out if she is initiating divorce.

Gcooker, get on regimented workout routine, invest lots of time into your kids and your hobbies, spend time with your guy friends doing cool shit (if you don't have this, find it) and enjoy hooking up with women 5/10/15 years younger than your wife.

[Kevo]

...but something is pushing her to get this shit over with as fast as possible with little or no attempt to reconcile.

See above response. Seems to align pretty well with what usually happens.

Go do fun shit. The sooner you move on and start some conquests, the better you'll be.

[hatchgreenchile]

Your tale reminds me of the book "Us".

Anway, I think this is the hardest part, and would bet there are millions of couples walking around that wish they could say this....
We love each other, we love the kids, have a nice comfortable life and work well as a team. we have sex

Hope things work out for you in the best way possible. There is no correct answer from this panel of dentists.

[Gcooker]

Every time I hear a story like this about the wife blindsiding the husband with divorce it seems like about a 95% chance that she either cheated or has someone lined up and on deck to sleep with. Common themes are reconnecting with an ex, getting close to someone at work, etc. Actually, I can't think of a single time that the wife went on to be single for any significant length of time. They always have someone on deck, at least.

All the advice to go to counseling, "man up", etc is the exact opposite that Gcooker should be doing. She's already checked out if she is initiating divorce.

Gcooker, get on regimented workout routine, invest lots of time into your kids and your hobbies, spend time with your guy friends doing cool shit (if you don't have this, find it) and enjoy hooking up with women 5/10/15 years younger than your wife.

Yeah I totally agree. Part of me is excited about moving on and doing fun shit that I want to do. Workout plan is already initiated!

[frorider]

get a new vibrator and a bucket of coconut oil and some champagne and get after it

Be sure to send the video of it to your wife, or you'll accomplish nothing.

[Gcooker]

Your tale reminds me of the book "Us".

Anway, I think this is the hardest part, and would bet there are millions of couples walking around that wish they could say this....
We love each other, we love the kids, have a nice comfortable life and work well as a team. we have sex

Hope things work out for you in the best way possible. There is no correct answer from this panel of dentists.

That's the real fucking dig right there....

[Gcooker]

Be sure to send the video of it to your wife, or you'll accomplish nothing.

See that's why I come to TGR... thanks!

[KQ]

Every time I hear a story like this about the wife blindsiding the husband with divorce it seems like about a 95% chance that she either cheated or has someone lined up and on deck to sleep with. Common themes are reconnecting with an ex, getting close to someone at work, etc. Actually, I can't think of a single time that the wife went on to be single for any significant length of time. They always have someone on deck, at least.

All the advice to go to counseling, "man up", etc is the exact opposite that Gcooker should be doing. She's already checked out if she is initiating divorce.

Gcooker, get on regimented workout routine, invest lots of time into your kids and your hobbies, spend time with your guy friends doing cool shit (if you don't have this, find it) and enjoy hooking up with women 5/10/15 years younger than your wife.

read once, and I think I may have mentioned this somewhere in this thread, that the person who initiates the break-up made the decision, had already moved on, a minimum of 6 months before blindsiding their partner with the news.

That is what happened in one of my relationships. Guy kept being a jerk and didn't see me retreating. By the time I'd reached my limit and informed him it was over I was more than done with him. I wasn't mad. I didn't yell. I was just matter of fact because I'd already dealt with all the stages of breaking up with him on my own so it wasn't emotional for me. I was over it but he was just starting. Problem for the person who is just learning about it is that they want to negotiate but for the other person the ship sailed a long time ago.

[east or bust]

this is true^

[Danno]

Yep

[Gcooker]

read once, and I think I may have mentioned this somewhere in this thread, that the person who initiates the break-up made the decision, had already moved on, a minimum of 6 months before blindsiding their partner with the news.

That is what happened in one of my relationships. Guy kept being a jerk and didn't see me retreating. By the time I'd reached my limit and informed him it was over I was more than done with him. I wasn't mad. I didn't yell. I was just matter of fact because I'd already dealt with all the stages of breaking up with him on my own so it wasn't emotional for me. I was over it but he was just starting. Problem for the person who is just learning about it is that they want to negotiate but for the other person the ship sailed a long time ago.

That is a really good piece of advice and probably on point other than the fact that things seemed to be getting better over the last few months...

[shroom]

complacency seems so simple


Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[flatlander#2]

Man I'm having a tough time moving on. Dated a girl for 18months. She is divorced about 18 months, yeah overlap. We had an amazing passionate super sexual connected relationship having both come out of relationships where those were both lacking. When I look pragmatically at her, 40, kids 4 and 5, doesn't make enough to support herself, lives in a crappy condo a friend bought for her, her life gets by with people helping her out. Running is her life. Travels to races 3-4 times a year. I foot the bill to about $12k this last year in help with race entries, car repairs, xmas presents for her kids, just help. Deadbeat ex, she would like to get custody full time. She comes from an even crazier train wreck background where her Mom lost custody of her about age 12. She pushed me and pushed me to move in together, in June she pulled back, we were last together mid July, but she wanted to maintain a "committed friendship" even as she started dating a really truthfully 40 year old loser. Hard to move on and away. She keeps reaching out wanting to be friends. Oh, best part, she is a therapist for a $50k/year career. Ugh.