Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[liv2ski]

^^^^Which means she needs to refinance. I hope she qualifies on her income alone or it isn't happening. Any joint debt needs to be closed and individually taken responsibility for or eventually your credit gets fucked up by the dead beat ex.

[Benny Profane]

Which is why I say, give her the house, free and clear.

[haydukelives]

As I'm sure your kids love their mother very much, you need to make her death look like an accident.

How do you do that and explain the offshore bank account too?

[Harry]

OP: where in Montana are you ? I know a very good divorce attorney in Missoula if you are over there.

My lawyer friends say the best outcome (for the attorneys) is a female attorney for the guy and a male attorney for the woman. Your female attorney and your ex will be catty and be totally mean bitches the way females can be toward other females. Meanwhile you will see her male attorney roll up in a banger Porsche 911 sporting a massive gold Rolex with your ex riding in the passenger seat of the Porsche and your blood pressure will go through the roof.
Total win-win for the two attorneys, both sides go insane and huge legal fees paid by both sides.

[MMP]

1. find the female attorney in your town that all the divorced women (you can find them getting in and out of their porsches at the starbucks) swear by, and do not let your wife hire her.

2. if you have kids, spoil the shit out of them privately, but do not out of guilt ir anything else agree to one penny more than the law says you have to supply in support. My wife takes what i refer to as my divorce guilt money and spends it on herself, and I still put the kids through camp, had to pay for their sports equipment (skis and other inexpensive stuff like $200 lacrosse sticks, club teams, cell phones, etc....). I would have WAY more cash if i had not agreed to spend about 3.5 times what i should have. Dumb dumb move.

3. Benny is right, giver assets of value but nothing that supplies revenue regularly. I gave her the house and kept my business.

4. Get her to waive alimony. ex-wives make shitty employees. pay for this if you need to.

edit: get her to agree to pay for half of college. my ex pays 1/3 of a state education which is about 8k a year. our kids schools cost 46 and 53 respectively. good times.


edit. edit: counseling huh? i was a punching bag in there. much much happier now. good luck. dont postpone the inevitable if you can make your life better, it's short, you get one.

[RootSkier]

If you are in Missoula, PM me. Best family law attorney around is just down the hall. She's a woman, FWIW.

[concretejungle]

No alias needed anymore. She was/is having an affair and wouldn't have told me except that I overheard a phone conversation of hers with her mother. She was also having an emotional affair with a mutual friend for the last 3 years. Everyday is better than the last and although I'm glad to be rid of her it was a rough couple of months. The divorce should be final as of last week as long as her lawyer sends in the paperwork.

Also, if any other mags are going through the same thing and need someone to talk to shoot me a PM. It's a rough thing to go through but it's amazing what time can heal and many people go through the same thing.

Maybe try for another child?

The thing is she was trying to get pregnant while she maintains that she hated me. After talking to some other people doing this is more common that you'd think.

The rebound effect is definitely real. You are in the worst possible place to be making smart decisions about women right now.

It's funny I talk to my counselor about the fact that I would date someone I dislike just because. All the while I'm totally aware that I don't like them and why I'm doing it.

If your partner is going to counseling with you, then she must have some hope that things will work out. Same on your end.

Good luck.

Nope. She wanted to go to couples counseling so we could effectively coparent. I now go on my own. I can work on my own issues without her and it's abundantly clear that she isn't willing to accept any responsibility or work on her issues. She continues her relationship with her affair and he's in the middle of a divorce too. Sounds like the beginnings of a healthy relationship.

As I'm sure your kids love their mother very much, you need to make her death look like an accident.

Thanks for the levity during a difficult time. I laughed about this often since she turned into a delusional narcissist.

[iceman]

Good luck mang, never had any idea it was you but sounds like you landed in a decent place.

[Tuckerman]

Wow that was fast. Do some states make you wait in a separation situation before making it final?

[pepperdawg]

CJ - Glad to heat things are (sort of) better.....vibes man.


P-dawg who started down this path back in Sep too - has a court date of Feb 1, - 90 day cooling off period here. We will be pushing off for 45-60 days - as she still need to get me off the deed and re-fi etc...we both have been doing counseling, together, me, her the kids......uuggh its been a rough rough fall.

Neither one seem ready to be teh one to say I give up - not sure - I think neither one wants to be the one who actually turns the missle key....so we keep slogging on. But much better (relatively) than the first 2-3 months I was out of the house - 2-3 hours angry calls a day - every day...such fond memories.....

-P

Edit - for those using TGR as a research tool - We are going through a mediator (although since there was so much anger - Mediator almost walked away and ended up politely "suggested" if we didnt seek counseling she was done representing us - again good times. Wife and I had framed out much of what we wanted, so using the mediator mainly as an interface with the court process. We agreed to not go after each other retirement money too.

[liv2ski]

Vibes to youz guyz. As your life moves on, just try and be there for the kids. After my parents divorced I rarely saw / heard from my dad. Don't be that guy. At 56, I still have confusing emotions regarding my dad. It is hard to get the little boy in you to be quiet.

Also, I have never met a marriage that survived counseling, but I know of many that flourished with the Retrouvaille program. The choice is yours.

[pepperdawg]

Thx L2Ski....as I head off to google "Retrouvaille"

No - I am not that dad - My little guy (age 8) is my best buddy in the world. Sorry to hear about your relationship - that sucks man - myself and my dad have been estranged for 25+ years so I understand..

[neufox47]

1. Push hard for using a mediator, arbitration, anything to avoid going to court.

1a - Remove your emotions from the process. Meditate, do yoga, whatever you need to. Unless there are kids, this is a business transaction. Treat it as such.

2. Do not have sex with anyone she / he knows.

3. Do not let them find out you are happy, especially if it's in a new relationship.

4. Try to be nice, swallow that hate. Say you are sorry, love them, whatever, even if you mean the opposite.

[SB]

Hang in thar guys, it gets better eventually.

[Brock Landers]

My parents are going through it now actually. Theyre 60, I'm an adult. Hitting my mom much different than my dad- I don't think she wants it. Hes totally closed off so I really only get one side of the story. My mom absolutely hates his lawyer with the fire of 1000 suns too, I think she told the lawyer off in court and the judge got pissed.

[Mazderati]

Man. That's a long time to be married to end up in divorce.

[stfu&gbtw]

Hey, really sorry to hear that CJ. As much as we get on each others nerves, I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. Best of luck to you.

[liv2ski]

Hey, really sorry to hear that CJ. I wouldn't wish this shit on anyone. Best of luck to you.

Yep, sorry to hear that. Being married takes a ton of work to please each other and letting shit go to maintain a relationship. Most people have no idea how to get back on track once the communication gets fucked up. That is why Retrouvaille is such a great program. It gives you the tools to overcome most any relationship failure, if you want it to work and maybe even if you think you are over it.

[TWINS]

Might be too late now but why always rush for the divorce? Sometimes space away from your spouse lets you re energize your feelings. It worked for my wife and I. After Retrovaile and multiple counselors we took a break. Did not talk for 6 months and things just naturally readjusted themselves. Ran into her at our local ski hill be accident and spent the day skiing together.Just like the good old days Got back together and cancelled the stretched out divorce proceedings. Anyways, just putting this out there in case anyone else might be thinking about different ways of handling this issue.

[SKIORFORGETIT]

Might be too late now but why always rush for the divorce? Sometimes space away from your spouse lets you re energize your feelings. It worked for my wife and I. After Retrovaile and multiple counselors we took a break. Did not talk for 6 months and things just naturally readjusted themselves. Ran into her at our local ski hill be accident and spent the day skiing together.Just like the good old days Got back together and cancelled the stretched out divorce proceedings. Anyways, just putting this out there in case anyone else might be thinking about different ways of handling this issue.

not being a dick, but did you have kids when you didn't talk for months?

I have been in a shitty marriage for a number of years. It sucks. It has fucked with me big time.

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who I love a lot.

The fucked up is thing is I am supposed to be on a cruise with my wife, my son & her family & I am home alone. It fucking blows.

A lot of factors that I don't want to get into right now, but typing this makes me feel better.

I hope everybody finds happiness in their marriage.

Also, what do you think of your wife that ALWAYS causes trouble with your family, but never hers? What does that say about a person?

I am not perfect, but I can be respectful to my in-laws without loving them.

Yes, we did the marriage counseling and in typical fashion she lied and didn't admit to anything. I guess her dad was right when he told me on the phone that his daughter is a liar and manipulative.

What does it say about a father-in-law and his relationship with his daughter that out of nowhere says to you months before his grandson is born, "If you and Amanda get divorced, I don't ever want her back in my house" ?

I will say it again, I am not perfect, but I can admit my faults. I know I come hard with comments when my wife pushes my buttons, which seems like every single day. I am definitely highly stressed with my career and it comes through in my personality.

I don't know how I am going to ever forgive my wife for telling me last minute that I can't come on this cruise. Yes, as in 3 hours before leaving for the cruise. I don't think I am going to forget or forgive. A person can only be pushed so far.

I am also fucked as my finances aren't good. I can't afford help paying for this apartment and get my own. I am not willing to move to the mountains as much as I want to as I want to be close to my son.

A friend told me to try meditation.

I don't drink so leave out the get smashed, but I think I am going to a strip club tonight. A lap dance or 10 can help me clear my mind.

Never knew marriage could be so difficult.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

not being a dick, but did you have kids when you didn't talk for months?

I have been in a shitty marriage for a number of years. It sucks. It has fucked with me big time.

I have a 3 1/2 year old boy who I love a lot.

The fucked up is thing is I am supposed to be on a cruise with my wife, my son & her family & I am home alone. It fucking blows.

A lot of factors that I don't want to get into right now, but typing this makes me feel better.

I hope everybody finds happiness in their marriage.

Also, what do you think of your wife that ALWAYS causes trouble with your family, but never hers? What does that say about a person?

I am not perfect, but I can be respectful to my in-laws without loving them.

Yes, we did the marriage counseling and in typical fashion she lied and didn't admit to anything. I guess her dad was right when he told me on the phone that his daughter is a liar and manipulative.

What does it say about a father-in-law and his relationship with his daughter that out of nowhere says to you months before his grandson is born, "If you and Amanda get divorced, I don't ever want her back in my house" ?

I will say it again, I am not perfect, but I can admit my faults. I know I come hard with comments when my wife pushes my buttons, which seems like every single day. I am definitely highly stressed with my career and it comes through in my personality.

I don't know how I am going to ever forgive my wife for telling me last minute that I can't come on this cruise. Yes, as in 3 hours before leaving for the cruise. I don't think I am going to forget or forgive. A person can only be pushed so far.

I am also fucked as my finances aren't good. I can't afford help paying for this apartment and get my own. I am not willing to move to the mountains as much as I want to as I want to be close to my son.

A friend told me to try meditation.

I don't drink so leave out the get smashed, but I think I am going to a strip club tonight. A lap dance or 10 can help me clear my mind.

Never knew marriage could be so difficult.

Uh, I would be jumping for joy not having to go on a cruise. As far as everything else, what helped me was just realizing it was over and moving on. Being bitter and resentful only harms you and your kid. You would be amazed how well you'll feel if you are the "adult" in this situation. As far as financial matters go, I would rather be happy and poor that miserable. This was another hurdle, if you truly don't want to be with this person for the rest of your life money shouldn't matter.

[TWINS]

My cooling off period worked for my wife and I. No kids and finances were separate. She stayed in the house and I rented a room from a friend. Neither of us dated either. Might sound strange but we are both rather conservative in that respect. Probably was the thing that let us come back together though. No baggage from rebound dating. SKIORFORGETIT, go treat yourself to something nice. Time to be a little selfish. Wishing you some peace tonight.

[stfu&gbtw]

I don't know how I am going to ever forgive my wife for telling me last minute that I can't come on this cruise. Yes, as in 3 hours before leaving for the cruise. I don't think I am going to forget or forgive. A person can only be pushed so far.

Does not compute... what happened?

And second, jumping for fucking joy about not going on a cruise. No wife, no kids, puking snow all over the country... Hell yeah! You can be skiing in JH or Tahoe by tomorrow AM. Can't forgive her? You won't be able to thank her enough!

I'm supposed to be getting on a plane to Germany in 10 days... you know how much I wish my wife would tell me I "can't" go. Would be the absolute fucking bomb.

[mtngirl79]

Being excluded from a family vacation is different than having some alone time. When I was 18 I was left home while the rest of the family went rafting and to a family friends wedding. No reason, either, just didn't want me along. Trip was a shitshow of fighting. Still feels bad, and worse when that is pointed out to me.
,

[DasBlunt]

Does not compute... what happened?

And second, jumping for fucking joy about not going on a cruise. No wife, no kids, puking snow all over the country... Hell yeah! You can be skiing in JH or Tahoe by tomorrow AM. Can't forgive her? You won't be able to thank her enough!

I'm supposed to be getting on a plane to Germany in 10 days... you know how much I wish my wife would tell me I "can't" go. Would be the absolute fucking bomb.

See you at the airport that day too!

Edit, cruises suck. that dude's wife sucks worse. If you need anything, call us here in Colorado, I have a place in Silverthorne you can stay at if you need it! Ski and bang college girls ( who are the naughty neighbors everyone dreams about)...win win