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  1. #6051
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768
    yep and Iím going skiing with my girl this weekend - should be fun
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  2. #6052
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I can still smell Poutine.
    Posts
    20,781
    It's not snowing here. It has been unusually warm. Poo flinging will continue.

  3. #6053
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Wenatchee
    Posts
    12,883
    Quote Originally Posted by ~mikey b View Post
    This is ironic given your history in this regard


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  4. #6054
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768
    tell your wife she still owes me for one Siamese fighting fish
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  5. #6055
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    9,300ft
    Posts
    20,682
    Blue on blue! Fucks sakes people!
    Quote Originally Posted by blurred
    skiing is hiking all day so that you can ski on shitty gear for 5 minutes.

  6. #6056
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768
    goobers like me that mostly use the phone app donít see that stuff

    sorry if I ruined your entertainment
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  7. #6057
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Wenatchee
    Posts
    12,883
    Quote Originally Posted by ~mikey b View Post
    goobers like me that mostly use the phone app donít see that stuff

    sorry if I ruined your entertainment
    A kindred spirit, I just use the app on my dumb phone


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  8. #6058
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    216
    If I had 10,000 dog turds (complete) for every forward move the state or my STBX made in this case, Iíd be better off than I am now.

    Anyway, May-time baby and who cares it is all just money and paper and I am furthering the bearing of the torch.

  9. #6059
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    Posts
    1,857
    Quote Originally Posted by ~mikey b View Post
    yep and I’m going skiing with my girl this weekend - should be fun
    Hope she doesn’t forget her boots

    Quote Originally Posted by Choss Jonger, Sr. View Post
    If I had 10,000 dog turds (complete) for every forward move the state or my STBX made in this case, I’d be better off than I am now.

    Anyway, May-time baby and who cares it is all just money and paper and I am furthering the bearing of the torch.
    Passing the torch of self immolation it seems

  10. #6060
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768

    Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

    Quote Originally Posted by muted reborn View Post
    Hope she doesnít forget her boots


    hey god damn it

    I have feelings too ya knowÖ.

    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  11. #6061
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    216
    My stbxwifeís attorney has a hard job. Apparently the opposition is still undetermined, more than 8 months after I printed and signed papers for divorce in front of stbx and stated that I wanted my equity out of the marital home, what to do with the home. Thank goodness for the speedy and judicious work of the state.

  12. #6062
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    977
    Going through some real troubling times here in the household. I hope this isnt the beginning of the end. Ive admitted fault in hopes of trying to reprioritize my efforts back into the marriage and it seemed to have backfired on me, She says it confirms her suspicions that i dont love her anymore which is the furthest from the truth. I feel like i already lost.

  13. #6063
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768
    thatís a horrible feeling
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  14. #6064
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
    Location
    I can still smell Poutine.
    Posts
    20,781
    Quote Originally Posted by Choss Jonger, Sr. View Post
    My stbxwifeís attorney has a hard job. Apparently the opposition is still undetermined, more than 8 months after I printed and signed papers for divorce in front of stbx and stated that I wanted my SHARE OF THE equity out of the marital home, what to do with the home. Thank goodness for the speedy and judicious work of the state.
    Fify

  15. #6065
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Access to Granlibakken
    Posts
    10,401
    He said My Equity, not the equity. SCOTUS ruled his terminology functionally equivalent to yours.

  16. #6066
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Mostly the Elks, mostly.
    Posts
    1,154
    Quote Originally Posted by Todd Zander View Post
    Going through some real troubling times here in the household. I hope this isnt the beginning of the end. Ive admitted fault in hopes of trying to reprioritize my efforts back into the marriage and it seemed to have backfired on me, She says it confirms her suspicions that i dont love her anymore which is the furthest from the truth. I feel like i already lost.
    My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

    I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

    I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

    No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

    Good luck man - You'll be ok.
    PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.
    north bound horse.

  17. #6067
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768
    Quote Originally Posted by MiddleOfNight View Post
    My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

    I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

    I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

    No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

    Good luck man - You'll be ok.
    PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.
    listen to this man


    weíre all here for ya

    Iím available too
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  18. #6068
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    8,074
    This. So sorry Todd. It's a rough ride. Hoping you have a good therapist for you and the marriage. My PMs also open.

    Stick to your values and make sure, no matter what happens, that you will always be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you showed up completely.



    Quote Originally Posted by MiddleOfNight View Post
    My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

    I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

    I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

    No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

    Good luck man - You'll be ok.
    PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles View Post
    If I lived in WA, Oft would be my realtor. Seriously.

  19. #6069
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    SLC, Utah
    Posts
    3,419
    Quote Originally Posted by MiddleOfNight View Post
    My man, I'm sorry. I was there too, not long ago. Still am. Not a feeling I'd wish on anyone.

    I'd say do everything you can to be the best version of yourself, be fully present to genuinely show her how you feel and what you want - and hopefully she sees that light and it makes you two stronger on the other side. Sounds like this is what you're doing.

    I don't have a success story. I loved mine to the end of the earth. I took my above advice, it didn't work.

    No matter what happens, you want to be able to look in the mirror and know that you were fully honest, you acted the right way, and you left nothing on the table. All you control is your inputs, so make them count.

    Good luck man - You'll be ok.
    PM or call if you need to rant. I been in your shoes.
    +10000, all of this is such excellent advice, and heartbreaking to read. It hits wildly close to home. Things didn't work out for me either, but I am so deeply grateful that I behaved with integrity, giving everything I had to try and save my marriage. I learned a lot about myself in those months, and I am so happy to be able to look at myself in a mirror and be proud of who I am and how I behaved. Nothing can take that away from you.


    I guess this is as good a time as any to update the group; my stbxw and I are on great terms, though I know that she still desperately wants to get back together. She's made tremendously positive changes in her life, and is healthier and more proactive now than at any point during our relationship. Perhaps I'll never understand why those changes couldn't or didn't happen when we're together, and looking from the outside in, I am filled with a bittersweet happiness at watching her grow.

    All of that said - her decision to continue her affair (and the ensuing deception) while I was going all out to save our marriage, and the things she said during that time, and the fact that after doing everything I could, she still packed her bags and left - all of those actions make intimacy feel absolutely impossible. I do feel a little bit of weakness admitting that this was a bridge too far; perhaps a stronger man would be able to overcome this, but not me.

    On a much more positive note, I am still dating that absolutely beautiful and wonderful woman from Chicago - we're well past the honeymoon stage, and this definitely wasn't a fling. Getting into a relationship soon after the dissolution of my last has not been without challenges, I find that I still need time by myself to process the sadness I feel on a daily basis, but I am so grateful to have a partner that is emotionally understanding, empathetic, and deeply loving. It's difficult to overstate how healing, affirming, and beautiful this experience has been.

    Sent from my Pixel 6 Pro using Tapatalk

  20. #6070
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    977
    Thanks again to this small corner of the world locked in a closet( what color IS this box fan anyway?)

    We are slightly better off now and I remain optimistic, still having trouble finding a local therapist as most have gone exclusively online/telehealth.

  21. #6071
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Not in the PRB
    Posts
    29,882
    Quote Originally Posted by tgapp View Post
    I do feel a little bit of weakness admitting that this was a bridge too far; perhaps a stronger man would be able to overcome this, but not me.
    I am sure you know this (as feelings don't listen to logic), but I would not call it weakness and I would not feel like a "stronger man" could have been able to move on with the ex. A good friend of mine went through cheating and deception with his wife. It was fairly short-lived, based on her and him getting complacent in the relationship and her starting to infer that he lacked strong feelings for her, and looking at the greener looking grass over there.

    They had 3 kids, and he did work through it with her, they reconciled and are still together. But even now, many years later, he still occasionally has somewhat hollow feelings toward her. He loves her, and I suspect that they will remain together till the end. But he still occasionally entertains thoughts of leaving, he now takes solo vacations every year to clear his head. I do not think he was a "stronger man" than you simply because he was able to stay with his wife. You make the choices that are best for your head and heart and you live with them. That's what you, and he, are doing.
    "fuck off you asshat gaper shit for brains fucktard wanker." - Jesus Christ
    "She was tossing her bean salad with the vigor of a Drunken Pop princess so I walked out of the corner and said.... "need a hand?"" - Odin
    "I'd eat a bag of Dicks and wash it down with a Coke any day." - iceman

  22. #6072
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    876
    Quote Originally Posted by Todd Zander View Post
    Thanks again to this small corner of the world locked in a closet( what color IS this box fan anyway?)

    We are slightly better off now and I remain optimistic, still having trouble finding a local therapist as most have gone exclusively online/telehealth.
    I have tried both online and in person- and while I prefer in person if it wasn't for early online contact with a psychologist dealing with my issues I am not sure where I would be right now.

    So - if you think you need help, just get started. You can always move to in person when you find the right professional.

    My real regret is that I didn't reach out sooner. I could have saved myself a great deal of pain. But that's learning for ya.

  23. #6073
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    the Low Sierra
    Posts
    16,768
    ya

    experience is what you get right after you just needed it
    I didn't believe in reincarnation when I was your age either.

  24. #6074
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    idaho panhandle!
    Posts
    9,313
    Todd; the above advice is spot on man! Stay true to you and your convictions. Even if things donít work out you will know deep in your heart you did what you thought was right.
    Tgapp; sorry things didnít work out man. I am super happy for you though as it sounds like youíre in a good place! Much love man!
    As very few know I went through divorce recently. Just signed papers in October.
    One day I will sit down and detail my experience to maybe help others and probably myself.
    In summary;
    It fucking HURT, reaching to the right friends and others is KEY! There is a maggot on here that I owe a great deal to in helping me as he knows how low I got. I cannot thank him enough. You know who you are! Another buddy/maggot who doesnít post much anymore was my absolute fucking rock! So glad to have him as my best friend.
    IT WILL AND DOES GET BETTER!!!!
    I am so much happier now. It has made me realize how unhappy and for how long.
    How it has affected me is unreal. I see things in a completely different way, in a good way.
    Stay strong guys!


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  25. #6075
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    977
    Thanks again for the kind words. No amount of discussion will resolve this one. I am a shell living in a house occupied by my exwife and 4 kids. Starting today.

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