Results 4,751 to 4,775 of 6779
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05-09-2021, 06:12 AM #4751
Give it a rest
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05-09-2021, 08:59 AM #4752I have been in this State for 30 years and I am willing to admit that I am part of the problem.
"Happiest years of my life were earning < $8.00 and hour, collecting unemployment every spring and fall, no car, no debt and no responsibilities. 1984-1990 Park City UT"
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05-09-2021, 09:16 AM #4753
First he may want to make the marriage work (and I usually agree if they can live together civilly and healthy especially with kids), but it sounds like the wife in this case is not wanting to make this work at all and is walking all over your friend and there is nothing that he can do to change her or changing her attitude and return to a healthy and not a toxic relationship unless she is willing to work on that for herself. It takes 2 willing to make it work. If she has checked out, then there is probably no good and continued pain if he tries to pursue the ongoing living together and just a new normal of a household not tied together with a marriage but only staying together "for the kids" or whatever the reasoning is. Unless finances are such that there is no way to separate the living arrangements it sounds like a long term set up for failure of him getting on with a happier life.
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05-09-2021, 10:40 AM #4754
Thanks again for the thoughtful responses. Sounds like there is some consensus that living together after the divorce is a bad idea. But it's probably best I support him from a neutral position and let him reach that conclusion on his own.
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05-09-2021, 10:56 AM #4755
Yes, do not express your strong opinions and risk pushing him away, just listen when he wants to vent and hopefully his mind will clear and he will see his soon to be exwife (and Mother of his children) for what she sounds like a bad influence that has a hold of him still.
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05-09-2021, 11:13 AM #4756
A wise man once told me when I was too caught up in a woman, "There's not just a few fish in the pond, there's a whole shitload!"
The pacifists always lose, because the anti-pacifists kill them.
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05-09-2021, 02:20 PM #4757
I have a friend a who is similar and had a similar woman similar divorce 3 kids. Been a few years and he really still hasn't fully moved on. No amount of anti doormat counseling had an effect on him and his x had moved on even before the divorce. He's doing it his way and to be honest it is working fine for him. Lives in a boat all summer and shags young marina pussy from the nearby college town then dumps them in the winter.
Who am I to tell him what to do.
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05-10-2021, 07:31 PM #4758
Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice
^^ uhh... that’s my current program except for the boat and winter part. But same general concept. Why is this bad exactly? This is precisely how I’ve “moved on” and I’m pretty happy with it.
I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.
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05-10-2021, 09:23 PM #4759
I’ll be the contrarian and say that I sought out, and acceptaed advice (and decided against some) from friends when going through various rough patches. Never blamed a friend, lost a friend, etc.
Some of the stories in here are more nuanced. This seems cut and dried. Helping kick his butt in gear that this is his new reality and he needs some contingency plans in formulation mode, could make his and his kids lives a little easier.
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05-14-2021, 09:39 PM #4760
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05-16-2021, 10:41 AM #4761
^^ Got it. Once you’ve already had kids and done all of that life stuff and had those experiences, I’ve found the motivation to get serious again dwindles considerably. Took me some time to really wrap my head around that concept.
I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.
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05-16-2021, 01:26 PM #4762
Digging into this thread finally. Over the past 6 years my brother and my 4 best friends have gotten divorced. These have been the people closest to me and my daily life. I’ve been there as an ear to talk to and a shoulder to cry on. I’ve done for them what I think I would want if the tables were turned.
But fuck dude it’s been rough. Not the being there for my friends but trying to keep my marriage going too after 24 years.
Recently the ex wife of the last friend to go through mediation got very butthurt with the amount of support he has gotten from me over the lesser amount of support to her. I mean she’s also not doing a damn thing to help herself either. To the point she’s now trying to get between my wife and I. Come hang out with me Mrs. Buzz, but don’t bring that husband of yours with. The bitterness has begun. Time in her mind for the friend spilt up I guess.
It’s all a damn shame.
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05-16-2021, 05:07 PM #4763
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05-16-2021, 07:24 PM #4764
Btw this divorce shit is absolutely contagious. Like obviously so... be aware of that.
I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.
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05-16-2021, 08:17 PM #4765User
- Join Date
- Oct 2003
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- Ogden
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- 9,103
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05-16-2021, 08:21 PM #4766
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05-16-2021, 08:47 PM #4767Registered User
- Join Date
- Apr 2021
- Posts
- 2,839
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05-17-2021, 12:50 PM #4768
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05-17-2021, 12:51 PM #4769
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05-17-2021, 12:53 PM #4770
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05-17-2021, 12:53 PM #4771
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05-17-2021, 12:57 PM #4772
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05-18-2021, 12:59 PM #4773
This is painful to write…
A young man I know has been getting badly jerked around by his hopefully-soon-be-ex-wife.
Twenty months ago she threw him out by calling out the cops with a bullshit charge of battery. Since then she has done everything she can to stall things out to keep him from seeing his daughter. He hasn’t seen his kid in person since March of 2020. Since then all he can get is 15 min via zoom twice per week.
I’ve known him for 5 yrs, and a friend was one of his teachers in high school. We agree that there is no way he abused his hopefully-soon-to-be-ex - if anything, he’s a doormat.
But she knew that she could make his life a living hell if she got a restraining order - and she did. He had to go thru a batterers class (which the “therapist” said straight out “you shouldn’t be here”) which cost him a bunch in addition to the legal fees he’s incurred.
It’s amazing how easy it is for a woman to get a restraining order. I understand why but there is no reasonable course for a man to push back when it’s bullshit.
He just wants to end the marriage and get reasonable visitation in exchange for child support (which he has been faithfully paying despite the lack of a court order). But it’s been an ordeal.
The pandemic has really screwed up the timing of court hearings and ex keeps coming up with bullshit excuses to stall. Including changing lawyers several times. His next hearing date is in September. Two years since she sic’d the cops on him.
He’s exhausted his funds on legal fees to this point. He’s working two jobs trying to survive and marshal more funds to get to a point where he can get representation for that hearing and to finish out this nightmare. We’ve given him a bunch of money too but our funds are limited what with me being unemployed due to COVID.
He has set up a go GoFundMe account to beg for money for legal fees
https://www.gofundme.com/f/coralee-n...ource=customer
Any donation would be greatly appreciated.
Here’s the painful part:
- the child in question is my granddaughter
- the hopefully-soon-to-be-ex is my daughter. She cut off all contact with Ms TBS & me 19 months ago when she found out that we let the young man stay at our house for a couple of months after the split - housing is really tight around here and he was sleeping in his car.
This really sucks. All we want is for Granddaughter to have a relationship with her daddy. Who, based on our observations prior to the split, liked him more than her mom.
Thanks for reading this tale of familial woe, and for any donations
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05-18-2021, 01:05 PM #4774
condolences tbs. contribution forthcoming
Merde De Glace On the Freak When Ski
>>>200 cm Black Bamboo Sidewalled DPS Lotus 120 : Best Skis Ever <<<
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05-18-2021, 01:08 PM #4775
^that truly sucks
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