Tammy Wynette cannot be reached for help-Divorce advice

[El Chupacabra]

Hang in there and good luck, mikey!

This X2!

[iceman]

go Mikey

[~mikey b]

I’ll be ok boys

[Mudfoot]

A lawyer's duty to their clients is to provide "zealous representation." Unfortunately, many confuse that with being an asshole. It is very easy to take advantage of your client in a divorce by simply stoking the arguments that already exist to create conflicts that lead to more billable time. A good divorce lawyer is more counselor than attorney, but those tend to be in the minority.

[TahoeJ]

A lawyer's duty to their clients is to provide "zealous representation." Unfortunately, many confuse that with being an asshole. It is very easy to take advantage of your client in a divorce by simply stoking the arguments that already exist to create conflicts that lead to more billable time. A good divorce lawyer is more counselor than attorney, but those tend to be in the minority.

This is exactly what's going on with my wife's attorney - she's going full Laura Dern crazy bitch (some of her conduct has been illegal and I'm considering reporting her to the CA state bar association). I tried like hell to save money and not get my own attorney, but after being bullied and they started using my kids as pawns I'd had enough and finally gave in and got representation. She suddenly requested sole custody - fuck that shit, I will fight it to the bitter end, I don't care what it takes. This is what it's like dealing with a true narcissist (not the instagram cliche kind, the genuine article devoid of empathy).

I'm about 2.5 hours away from going into a highly contentious all day mediation via zoom conferencing. Wish me luck.

And sorry to hear it Mikey.

[m2711c]

divorce papers in my hand

fuck

here we go - next step in life

[Meadow Skipper]

I'm about 2.5 hours away from going into a highly contentious all day mediation via zoom conferencing. Wish me luck.

Good luck. Work hard at not losing your shit in mediation, that just helps the other side. Calm, reasonable, and persistent is what you’ll need to be. Pretend your kids are watching.

[TahoeJ]

Good luck. Work hard at not losing your shit in mediation, that just helps the other side. Calm, reasonable, and persistent is what you’ll need to be. Pretend your kids are watching.

Thanks. I have post-its on my computer screen saying take a deep breath and CALM! Haha. Based on the mediation statement from my wife's attorney, there are several instances where she is just outright lying... so I'm going to have to be patient. And fortunately in a few of the instances I can prove with evidence that she's lying (like her saying she has no recollection of something and then I produce a document with her signature on it), so once that is established early on that should help my cause with the mediator in terms of credibility.

[skiballs]

Oh yeah, don't look back, just don't look back
100 miles in these old shoes yeah
Don't look back, right now, alright
Can't see back, don't you ya, look

Fine good tune

go Mikey

[oftpiste]

I feel your pain around the asshole lawyer with a narcissist client. Sucks big time. Hope the mediation came out ok. It's a motherfucker, or at least mine was, not to mention expensive as fuck.

Trust that you'll adjust slowly but surely to the new normal, whatever it is. The skies will clear, little by little.

This is exactly what's going on with my wife's attorney - she's going full Laura Dern crazy bitch (some of her conduct has been illegal and I'm considering reporting her to the CA state bar association). I tried like hell to save money and not get my own attorney, but after being bullied and they started using my kids as pawns I'd had enough and finally gave in and got representation. She suddenly requested sole custody - fuck that shit, I will fight it to the bitter end, I don't care what it takes. This is what it's like dealing with a true narcissist (not the instagram cliche kind, the genuine article devoid of empathy).

I'm about 2.5 hours away from going into a highly contentious all day mediation via zoom conferencing. Wish me luck.

And sorry to hear it Mikey.

[powdrhound]

Mike. Above all, stay close with your son.
New chapters await.

[TahoeJ]

I feel your pain around the asshole lawyer with a narcissist client. Sucks big time. Hope the mediation came out ok. It's a motherfucker, or at least mine was, not to mention expensive as fuck.

Trust that you'll adjust slowly but surely to the new normal, whatever it is. The skies will clear, little by little.

We hammered out a lot of issues but had to punt on a lot of stuff due to coronavirus uncertainty. Have to go back in late June. Fun! And a huge waste of fucking money... which is fitting for her, she never had any real concept of financial responsibility so it makes perfect sense. At least the kid custody BS was resolved (she was trying to get sole custody and the mediator shot that shit down immediately and said no judge in the country would ever grant that).

My advice to anyone going through this is if you make any agreements like you can furnish your new place and we'll call it even with everything in the current house, get that shit in writing. Lying bitch.

[OregonDead]

Vibes everyone. I am recently divorced myself and about to list the house

[joetron]

Despite my attempts to salvage things over the winter, it looks like my divorce is going through. Fortunately, things are amicable between us and we don’t have kids- I’m just heartbroken and in the pissed off stage of grieving.
Add 2 dogs passing in the last month and I lost my job in the beginning of April and it’s been a real shit sandwich 6 months.
We filed 2 weeks ago and I got my proposed settlement today...I’m on the receiving end , and it’s gonna help me resettle and restart - for that I feel fortunate, but I’d certainly exchange it all.
I’m gonna land on my feet, it’s just so fucking weird to hit reset on my life at 45....especially during this crazy ass time


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[TahoeJ]

I’m 40 and we were together 23 years. I feel ya on the reset. On the other hand, we could be in our 50’s... so, perspective. Close friend of mine turns 50 in a few months and is about to go through the same and he was going on talking about how he wishes he was my age. That gave me some more perspective as well.

[joetron]

Thanks dude, that’s a solid perspective. I realize this could all be so much worse, but just having all this shit stack up in such a short time has been kinda brutal.
I’ve got some things cooking though, I’m eyeing up a good landing.


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[XXX-er]

IME the good thing about a divorce at 40 is you got some time to recover

[Mazderati]

Hang in there, dudes.

[oftpiste]

You couldn't be more correct about getting things in writing. It's so sadly common for agreements to be made when things are calm-ish that later become contentious and somehow 'forgotten'! Glad you don't have to deal with custody shit. That's a big piece to have out of the way.

Hang in there.

And FWIW, try to be as grateful as possible you're doing this at 40. I was 60 when mine was final. Shifted my plans for the future pretty dramatically.....

We hammered out a lot of issues but had to punt on a lot of stuff due to coronavirus uncertainty. Have to go back in late June. Fun! And a huge waste of fucking money... which is fitting for her, she never had any real concept of financial responsibility so it makes perfect sense. At least the kid custody BS was resolved (she was trying to get sole custody and the mediator shot that shit down immediately and said no judge in the country would ever grant that).

My advice to anyone going through this is if you make any agreements like you can furnish your new place and we'll call it even with everything in the current house, get that shit in writing. Lying bitch.

[oftpiste]

Tough times JT. Sorry you have to go through all that. And good for you for finding some gratitude where you can. Sometimes that's about all you can hang on to.

Despite my attempts to salvage things over the winter, it looks like my divorce is going through. Fortunately, things are amicable between us and we don’t have kids- I’m just heartbroken and in the pissed off stage of grieving.
Add 2 dogs passing in the last month and I lost my job in the beginning of April and it’s been a real shit sandwich 6 months.
We filed 2 weeks ago and I got my proposed settlement today...I’m on the receiving end , and it’s gonna help me resettle and restart - for that I feel fortunate, but I’d certainly exchange it all.
I’m gonna land on my feet, it’s just so fucking weird to hit reset on my life at 45....especially during this crazy ass time


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[TahoeJ]

And FWIW, try to be as grateful as possible you're doing this at 40. I was 60 when mine was final. Shifted my plans for the future pretty dramatically.....

Definitely. My other perspective of late is that I have three kids and got a lot of those life experiences done with already, so there's no pressure in that regard moving forward. I intend to ski and have fun A LOT more now, that's for sure! Going to make my family's place in Truckee my new primary residence for when I don't have the kids (and some of the time when I do).

[joetron]

Update: I got some money out of the settlement (house equity, accts) and there was an opportunity to buy a bike shop in Durango, so I took it. Moved down here last week, will be reopening Durango Cyclery on June 1.
There was some cosmic shit at work here, the past winter was a dark struggle, but now I couldn’t be feeling better about things...global pandemic notwithstanding.


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[4matic]

Good going jt. That will keep you busy! Good luck

[liv2ski]

Yup, best of luck with the new business. The shop here in town must do a great business, as they have really expanded the shop over the last 10 years.

[SB]

You young bucks, at 40ish, are in a much better spot than us older guys when the D comes down.

Heads up, it gets better.

Take some time.