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  1. #2676
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    Oct 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by californiagrown View Post
    Ever been driving in a white-out on a highway pass at night while your wife is, unsolicited, trying to talk through relationship issues with you and complaining that you aren't listening or invested in what she has to say? Yeah. Not a great time for that sweetheart.
    Anytime Iíve been driving in the mountains at night during a snowstorm my wife or partner has been asleep in the passenger seat


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  2. #2677
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    May 2011
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    Truckee & Sonoma
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    Quote Originally Posted by hatchgreenchile View Post
    My dear wife has turned to coffee, thanks to our 5 month old. The past few weeks have been an exercise in patience as she disrupts my decades long coffee routine.

    A few favorites:
    Mrs wants an espresso machine and thinks the $200 contraption from Target will provide a good pull.
    French Press? Nope, "too muddy".
    Aeropress? Nope, "too much work".
    Prefers Starbucks , because who doesn't love an overly bitter, caffeinated and mass produced bag of beans.
    Best bang for your buck: https://www.amazon.com/Breville-BES8...1&ts_id=289748

    I have two of them. Oddly they are $100 more expensive now than when I bought each of them. Maybe covid related or something.
    I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.

  3. #2678
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    Dec 2005
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    5,719
    There is an espresso/coffee thread and a coffee roasting thread - both full of good info whether youíre a beginner or expert or somewhere in between. Tgapp is TGRís resident coffee guru (and will not tell you that you need to spends thousands of dollars and hours of your day to have great coffee)

  4. #2679
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    Jan 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by TahoeJ View Post
    Best bang for your buck: https://www.amazon.com/Breville-BES8...1&ts_id=289748

    I have two of them. Oddly they are $100 more expensive now than when I bought each of them. Maybe covid related or something.
    Are you kidding? For that money you can't even get a halfway decent grinder. Might as well drink Sanka. (I have a couple of Brevilles without grinders. It must be awful being married to a coffee nerd. Enough to drive a woman to herbal tea. On second thought they do that on their own. Every time I open my pantry 47 different kinds of tea spill out, none of which are actually tea. When I go to the grocery store I can't even find plain black tea amid all the crap so called teas.)

  5. #2680
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    Mar 2017
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    SLC, Utah
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    Quote Originally Posted by TahoeJ View Post
    Best bang for your buck: https://www.amazon.com/Breville-BES8...1&ts_id=289748

    I have two of them. Oddly they are $100 more expensive now than when I bought each of them. Maybe covid related or something.
    yeah i agree with this. honestly. i would get the amazon warehouse deal one for $450 tho, i've had such good luck with amazon warehouse deals in the past (especially when sold by amazon) - it's almost always that the box is beat up or something seriously minor. i just scored their $400 kuat knockoff 2-tray bike rack (Allen branded) for $150, and it was new in packaging. maybe the box was beat up? i couldn't tell.

    breville has amazing customer service and a great warranty, but good luck getting your wife to actually use the damn thing

  6. #2681
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    northern BC
    Posts
    23,376
    I have a Rancillio Sylvia at home and the cheapest Breville the roma at GF's , I've had a lot of experiance with this MC and it actualy makes a pretty good Espresso
    Lee Lau - xxx-er is the laziest Asian canuck I know

  7. #2682
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
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    SLC burbs
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    2,604
    Quote Originally Posted by tgapp View Post
    breville has amazing customer service and a great warranty, but good luck getting your wife to actually use the damn thing
    Ms Boissal uses our constantly. I've given up on trying to convince her of a few things, namely:
    . tamping her coffee properly and removing the loose stuff on the edge of the basket
    . not dumping excess milk into the tray where it happily turns into coffee-flavored cheese
    . cleaning the wand immediately after using it (see cheese story above)
    . keeping the tank full so it doesn't run out halfway through a pull...
    . not ignoring the cleaning light but instead do the 5-minute super easy cleaning cycle

    The machine is still miraculously alive after 3 years of heavy use, it just takes a thorough weekly cleaning to keep up with her methods. It makes her really happy in the morning, totally worth it. She's a dysfunctional monster before coffee. It's super obvious when we're camping as she won't deal with the manual grinder on her own, she's too impatient. She waits for me to get up instead, and by wait I mean she sits on the tailgate and stares at me angrily until I get up to make the coffee. Then I get a talking to about not bringing creamer or milk, things I have NEVER USED IN MY LIFE.
    "Your wife being mad is temporary, but pow turns do not get unmade" - mallwalker the wise

  8. #2683
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    Dec 2010
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    579
    Quote Originally Posted by tgapp View Post
    pull a shot of nespresso over ice cream. something about that bitter flavor with vanilla icecream is just heavenly.

    less steps than a load of laundry, but any time i'm gone for a weekend, i'll find that she's gotten into my camping supplies, found my premium instant coffee, and drank $20 of instant over a weekend.
    What insta-coffee are you using? I've never found any that I like, even those little starbucks packets...

  9. #2684
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    Mar 2017
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    SLC, Utah
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    Quote Originally Posted by tetzen View Post
    What insta-coffee are you using? I've never found any that I like, even those little starbucks packets...

    for powdered instant -
    https://49thcoffee.com/collections/instant-coffees (h/t bmac for turning me on to them, they're great)
    https://swiftcupcoffee.com/ - also fantastic, i like their kenyans quite a bit

    powdered instant coffee lacks the aroma of freshly brewed coffee but both of these brands do a good job.. good enough that i no longer take my handgrinder on backpacking/climbing trips

    for frozen instant (higher quality but less convenient for long backpacking trips or whatever)
    https://cometeer.com/

    cometeer is as good or better than most speciality coffee shops, for reference

  10. #2685
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    1,513
    Quote Originally Posted by AK47bp View Post
    Sometimes I get so fed up with the comments I make her drive. Then I immediately regret that decision as she’s tailgating, heavy braking, not checking her blind spot, not merging over when approaching a highway on-ramp so other vehicles can get on, etc.
    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    This is my conundrum too. Back when we were just dating i used to (still do) do all the driving and she would never offer to help with gas which kind of bothered me so i would try and make here drive on any "easy" good weather drives. That strategy officially ended on a roadtrip to CA when i woke up to her sitting cross legged going 70 in cruise control weaving around semis going over siskyou pass. now when i get bothered by always driving i just think that id rather be sober and uncomfortable than dead.


    Quote Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn View Post
    Anytime I’ve been driving in the mountains at night during a snowstorm my wife or partner has been asleep in the passenger seat
    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums
    I;ve had that a couple times where she has been passed out and i just spent the last 3 hours battling shit driving conditions, but have finally gotten to lowlands or a good road or clear weather and am cruising again. She will wake up and mention how i'm not making very good time, or "you shouldnt drink so much caffeine". Most of the time she stays awake though, which I appreciate for someone to talk to when the driving is boring... also it doesnt help when you start drifting or fishtailing and that wakes her up with a start and she freaks out... better for her to see the loose moments coming.

  11. #2686
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
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    5,719
    Quote Originally Posted by Boissal View Post
    Ms Boissal uses our constantly. I've given up on trying to convince her of a few things, namely:
    . tamping her coffee properly and removing the loose stuff on the edge of the basket
    . not dumping excess milk into the tray where it happily turns into coffee-flavored cheese
    . cleaning the wand immediately after using it (see cheese story above)
    . keeping the tank full so it doesn't run out halfway through a pull...
    . not ignoring the cleaning light but instead do the 5-minute super easy cleaning cycle

    The machine is still miraculously alive after 3 years of heavy use, it just takes a thorough weekly cleaning to keep up with her methods. It makes her really happy in the morning, totally worth it. She's a dysfunctional monster before coffee. It's super obvious when we're camping as she won't deal with the manual grinder on her own, she's too impatient. She waits for me to get up instead, and by wait I mean she sits on the tailgate and stares at me angrily until I get up to make the coffee. Then I get a talking to about not bringing creamer or milk, things I have NEVER USED IN MY LIFE.
    Whoa wait a minute - are you saying she dumps milk into the drip tray? Like not spills it in there sometimes but actively pours the milk she doesnít need into there?

  12. #2687
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    Jan 2008
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    truckee
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    Quote Originally Posted by Boissal View Post
    Ms Boissal uses our constantly. I've given up on trying to convince her of a few things, namely:
    . tamping her coffee properly and removing the loose stuff on the edge of the basket
    . not dumping excess milk into the tray where it happily turns into coffee-flavored cheese
    . cleaning the wand immediately after using it (see cheese story above)
    . keeping the tank full so it doesn't run out halfway through a pull...
    . not ignoring the cleaning light but instead do the 5-minute super easy cleaning cycle

    The machine is still miraculously alive after 3 years of heavy use, it just takes a thorough weekly cleaning to keep up with her methods. It makes her really happy in the morning, totally worth it. She's a dysfunctional monster before coffee. It's super obvious when we're camping as she won't deal with the manual grinder on her own, she's too impatient. She waits for me to get up instead, and by wait I mean she sits on the tailgate and stares at me angrily until I get up to make the coffee. Then I get a talking to about not bringing creamer or milk, things I have NEVER USED IN MY LIFE.
    I was going to make some bon mot about France and cheese but I changed my mind.

  13. #2688
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    7,317
    Quote Originally Posted by californiagrown View Post
    This is my conundrum too. Back when we were just dating i used to (still do) do all the driving and she would never offer to help with gas which kind of bothered me so i would try and make here drive on any "easy" good weather drives. That strategy officially ended on a roadtrip to CA when i woke up to her sitting cross legged going 70 in cruise control weaving around semis going over siskyou pass. now when i get bothered by always driving i just think that id rather be sober and uncomfortable than dead.




    I;ve had that a couple times where she has been passed out and i just spent the last 3 hours battling shit driving conditions, but have finally gotten to lowlands or a good road or clear weather and am cruising again. She will wake up and mention how i'm not making very good time, or "you shouldnt drink so much caffeine". Most of the time she stays awake though, which I appreciate for someone to talk to when the driving is boring... also it doesnt help when you start drifting or fishtailing and that wakes her up with a start and she freaks out... better for her to see the loose moments coming.
    https://youtu.be/bHDscnYlwjc


    Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

  14. #2689
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    Nov 2006
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    Seattle
    Posts
    7,359
    Art, don't get me started.

    Not being on the same page with parenting was a major contributor to the eventual end of my long marriage. Calm is so critical. I wasn't always as calm as I should have been back in those days, but she'd get pissed at me when I came down on the guys for treating her like shit, which she let them do. It was fucked up, frustrating, and completely befuddling.

    She refused to follow through on consequences she threatened, adhere to our agreements about how to handle things, or be a bad guy in any way besides constantly accusing them of being drunk or high when they came home as teenagers. They STILL talk about how painful that was for them because while sometimes they were drunk or high, they often weren't, and 99% of the time they adhered to their agreements about when they had to come home etc. I got in trouble for protecting them from that shit too. Ugh.

    Eventually, I did a lot of work in therapy (pre, during and post marriage failure) to learn to manage my automatic reactions to various trigger points, see them coming, and not allow them to dictate my responses. By the time I figured it out and got a handle on it they were mostly grown up, and I had to go back and do a ton of healing with them - including proving I had changed with long term behavior - which I'm grateful to say was successful, and our relationships are amazing. But that was some tough work too.

    So I ended up being the sole responsible party for trying to be a parent and apply consequences for behavior issues. That of course made me more stressed and pissed off and reactive!

    I realize your roles are different, and this is still a few years out for you and yours, but it'll come on quick and the way you set things up and work together now will set the stage for those challenging years, and maybe keep your relationship whole.

    I hugely recommend getting some help to come to some kind of agreements you can both adhere to around parenting and reactions. It's an investment you won't regret.

    Quote Originally Posted by Art Shirk View Post
    Can we crack into this one a bit because I am struggling. I have two young daughters and yeah, they are little kids so they frustrate the shit out of me sometimes, but at the end of the day I am a mid 40s man and you can only piss me off so much because kids do shit and I'm not about to argue with someone who's never filed taxes. My wife gets into it with these girls like they are same age and all of a sudden I have three girls under 10 years old in the house and no wife. Again, I suppose I can get pretty riled up here and there, but letting a 6 year old push your buttons seems so foreign to me. I grew up with brothers though. You get out of line and you'll spend some time in silence without access to your favorite shit. Neither my Mom or my Dad stuck around for me to have elementary school arguments with them because they had better shit to do than listen to why my gum wasn't as good as the gum my brother got. All the gum would just disappear, problem solved.

    I get the "you need to back me up" talk and all I am thinking is that everyone needs to calm the hell down.
    Quote Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles View Post
    If I lived in WA, Oft would be my realtor. Seriously.

  15. #2690
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    Oct 2005
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    11,014
    Quote Originally Posted by oftpiste View Post
    Art, don't get me started.

    Not being on the same page with parenting was a major contributor to the eventual end of my long marriage. Calm is so critical. I wasn't always as calm as I should have been back in those days, but she'd get pissed at me when I came down on the guys for treating her like shit, which she let them do. It was fucked up, frustrating, and completely befuddling.

    She refused to follow through on consequences she threatened, adhere to our agreements about how to handle things, or be a bad guy in any way besides constantly accusing them of being drunk or high when they came home as teenagers. They STILL talk about how painful that was for them because while sometimes they were drunk or high, they often weren't, and 99% of the time they adhered to their agreements about when they had to come home etc. I got in trouble for protecting them from that shit too. Ugh.

    Eventually, I did a lot of work in therapy (pre, during and post marriage failure) to learn to manage my automatic reactions to various trigger points, see them coming, and not allow them to dictate my responses. By the time I figured it out and got a handle on it they were mostly grown up, and I had to go back and do a ton of healing with them - including proving I had changed with long term behavior - which I'm grateful to say was successful, and our relationships are amazing. But that was some tough work too.

    So I ended up being the sole responsible party for trying to be a parent and apply consequences for behavior issues. That of course made me more stressed and pissed off and reactive!

    I realize your roles are different, and this is still a few years out for you and yours, but it'll come on quick and the way you set things up and work together now will set the stage for those challenging years, and maybe keep your relationship whole.

    I hugely recommend getting some help to come to some kind of agreements you can both adhere to around parenting and reactions. It's an investment you won't regret.
    Thanks for the thoughful reply, P. I can totally see how crucial it is for us to get on the same page as soon as possible. I am fighting an especially tough battle because my wife's father left at a young age, so my wife, her sister and her mother became a bit more like siblings just trying to make their way together in the world. Certain barriers were destroyed, and it is hard for her to remain in a mother role in tense situations. In order to cope with the stress, they also got tricked into thinking that they could blow it all out at a drop of a hat and that they wouldn't hold grudges later. Sounds good in principle, but it escalated things unnecessarily and no one had the EQ to actually disassociate with harsh words after the fact. I see the cycle starting again and I don't want to be a referee, I want to co-parent.

    Actually had a heart to heart with her yesterday, and the new plan is that if things start to spin out of control, I won't attempt to control them in the moment, I will calmly ask to speak with her in private, but immediately behind closed doors, and we can then present a unified front after discussion. This will also allow time for tempers to subside. I hope this is a good first step.

    Damn, shit got real in here. We can get back to some more light-hearted stuff like pouring milk into the run-off tray in the coffee machine?? Holy hell that's a new one.

  16. #2691
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    Quote Originally Posted by bennymac View Post
    Whoa wait a minute - are you saying she dumps milk into the drip tray? Like not spills it in there sometimes but actively pours the milk she doesn’t need into there?
    I'm at a complete loss for words on this one. I used to get pissed when my wife would never wipe the steam wand clean... but this...
    I ski 135 degree chutes switch to the road.

  17. #2692
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    The driving ones reminded me of this, old but good:

  18. #2693
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    Jan 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by bennymac View Post
    Whoa wait a minute - are you saying she dumps milk into the drip tray? Like not spills it in there sometimes but actively pours the milk she doesn’t need into there?
    I'd love to give her the benefit of the doubt but it's happened too often to be an accidental spill. I think there's too much milk in there and it goes in the tray, either cause it frothes like crazy and goes overboard or because she dumps it in there. I haven't seen it happened yet, I usually find out when I clean the thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by old goat View Post
    I was going to make some bon mot about France and cheese but I changed my mind.
    Right? Even us cheese-lovers haven't made a coffee cheese yet, and for good reasons...

    Quote Originally Posted by TahoeJ View Post
    I'm at a complete loss for words on this one. I used to get pissed when my wife would never wipe the steam wand clean... but this...
    The steam wand thing kills me, and I never ever use it myself. She usually wipes it with the first sponge she can get her hands on, which sometimes is the nasty ass sponge for the counters, not the one for dishes. It makes me gag. I usually clean the wand by running in near-boiling water and even then I look at it suspiciously.

    She probably feels the same way about my habit of eating whatever crumb I find on the table and occasionally the ground. I just tell her she doesn't know what it is to have grown up hungry. Neither do I TBH but you gotta justify your weird shit somehow.
    "Your wife being mad is temporary, but pow turns do not get unmade" - mallwalker the wise

  19. #2694
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    Nov 2006
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    Seattle
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    Quote Originally Posted by Art Shirk View Post
    Thanks for the thoughful reply, P. I can totally see how crucial it is for us to get on the same page as soon as possible. I am fighting an especially tough battle because my wife's father left at a young age, so my wife, her sister and her mother became a bit more like siblings just trying to make their way together in the world. Certain barriers were destroyed, and it is hard for her to remain in a mother role in tense situations. In order to cope with the stress, they also got tricked into thinking that they could blow it all out at a drop of a hat and that they wouldn't hold grudges later. Sounds good in principle, but it escalated things unnecessarily and no one had the EQ to actually disassociate with harsh words after the fact. I see the cycle starting again and I don't want to be a referee, I want to co-parent.

    Actually had a heart to heart with her yesterday, and the new plan is that if things start to spin out of control, I won't attempt to control them in the moment, I will calmly ask to speak with her in private, but immediately behind closed doors, and we can then present a unified front after discussion. This will also allow time for tempers to subside. I hope this is a good first step.

    Damn, shit got real in here. We can get back to some more light-hearted stuff like pouring milk into the run-off tray in the coffee machine?? Holy hell that's a new one.
    I think that's a great first step. If I might suggest an addendum to that conversation ASAP, it's about adhering to that agreement, and what steps/processes will you engage together if one of you finds it impossible to go along with the program. Like, "what do we do TOGETHER if I ask to speak with you in private and you're so pissed off at the kids you yell at me (which I completely understand!), or won't have that private conversation?"

    Grudges maybe not, but resentment can quietly build over time and fester. Have an agreement to follow up on conflict later when everyone is calm so it doesn't do that. There are some great (and hard!) strategies for this. Happy to talk with you if you want.

    Of course the key element in all these things is that both of you must abide by your agreements no matter how pissed off you get. That's where my shit came apart. She just wouldn't. And this shit is fuckin' hard.
    Quote Originally Posted by Foggy_Goggles View Post
    If I lived in WA, Oft would be my realtor. Seriously.

  20. #2695
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    Dec 2020
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    Idaho
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    Quote Originally Posted by skaredshtles View Post

    Sugar and caffeine equals a poor nights sleep, you'll understand someday. Had plenty of the real deal back in the day.

  21. #2696
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    Dec 2016
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    In a van... down by the river
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Sinner View Post
    Sugar and caffeine equals a poor nights sleep, you'll understand someday. Had plenty of the real deal back in the day.
    I mean, I'm over 50 at this point and a real after-dinner espresso has never been an issue...

    Of course, there is almost always a half bottle of wine preceeding it, so perhaps they cancel out?

  22. #2697
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    Bottom feeding
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    It hasn't been perfect, but we are together 99.99% of the time on what to do when reprimanding mini-plug. We both kinda knew that going in, and actually will basically have some sort of meeting beforehand. We don't always agree, but we compromise somehow and go with that. It also becomes a way to not go off the cuff and fly off the handle.

    as for:
    That strategy officially ended on a roadtrip to CA when i woke up to her sitting cross legged going 70 in cruise control weaving around semis going over siskyou pass. now when i get bothered by always driving i just think that id rather be sober and uncomfortable than dead.
    Brings back memories:
    Very early in our relationship we were driving to Tahoe from fishing S. of Reno somewhere. I was driving, and I started to get stomach cramps really bad, so future Mrs. Plug offered to drive. We started to head over one of the passes, (prolly on 89), and they were doing construction, so it was even more curvy and confusing. She started hitting the brakes completely randomly, swerving, obviously driving towards something then hitting the brakes and steering back to the center of the lane, etc. Turns out she can't see well at night, and basically hates driving.
    I'm groaning and in pain, but she was fucking killing me.
    I drove from then on.
    Well maybe I'm the faggot America
    I'm not a part of a redneck agenda

  23. #2698
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    I smell poutine!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Conundrum View Post
    Iíve hidden my favorites. A couple of weeks ago I was told the knives were dull. Took a couple beers and the knives to the shed and got busy with a Worksharp and stone finished them. Put some of the less desirable knives back in the block. Now I watch her filet Amazon boxes with them while mumbling something about not seeing the chefs knife that she likes. Then I grab the utility scissors from the block and cut up a head of broccoli. The irony is lost on her.
    HFS. Dying with laughter.

  24. #2699
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    Apr 2007
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    Bethel, Maine
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    961
    Quote Originally Posted by Boissal View Post
    .... She usually wipes it with the first sponge she can get her hands on, which sometimes is the nasty ass sponge for the counters, not the one for dishes.....
    If you ever figure out how to get her to differentiate between a counter sponge and a dish sponge, and particularly to avoid using the dish sponge on counters, could you please let me know?

    The idea of rinsing out the sponge and then winging out as much as possible also seems to be incomprehensible. After all, why would you want to deprive whatever you just cleaned off the dishes of the opportunity to hang out in the sponge and party?

    Also, bonus points if you have a way to explain that things that were just on the ground (eg tote bag) shouldn't next go on the food prep counter.


    Sent from my SM-G892A using TGR Forums mobile app

  25. #2700
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    Aug 2020
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    Quote Originally Posted by anotherVTskibum View Post
    If you ever figure out how to get her to differentiate between a counter sponge and a dish sponge, and particularly to avoid using the dish sponge on counters, could you please let me know?

    The idea of rinsing out the sponge and then winging out as much as possible also seems to be incomprehensible. After all, why would you want to deprive whatever you just cleaned off the dishes of the opportunity to hang out in the sponge and party?

    Also, bonus points if you have a way to explain that things that were just on the ground (eg tote bag) shouldn't next go on the food prep counter.


    Sent from my SM-G892A using TGR Forums mobile app
    I cut the counter sponge into a different shape since we buy the mega pack from Costco. Seems to work.

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