I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

**iceman** · 03-08-2020, 09:09 PM

why would it be dangerous?

**Danno** · 03-08-2020, 09:12 PM

Originally Posted by iceman

why would it be dangerous?

Because you give off a monied scent if you're carrying too much money?

**Kinnikinnick** · 03-08-2020, 09:13 PM

Originally Posted by iceman

why would it be dangerous?

You got all that cash, someone might see and rob you. Or you might lose it. Big money it turns out.

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**iceman** · 03-08-2020, 09:17 PM

I tend to carry my cash in a wallet, in a pocket. It seems secure. But I guess ya never know.

**Kinnikinnick** · 03-08-2020, 09:25 PM

Originally Posted by iceman

I tend to carry my cash in a wallet, in a pocket. It seems secure. But I guess ya never know.

Yeah, maybe a couple thousand$ in the wallet is risky, but $200....

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**DeepHelmet** · 03-08-2020, 09:46 PM

Originally Posted by Art Shirk

My wife grew up poor with two immigrant parents, until one left and they became even poorer. The way she interacts with food due to her upbringing (not to mention the actual substance of the food) is nuts. She doesn’t waste a thing, which is great, but it leads to shit like above or a ton of stuff that I simply have to let rot in the fridge until I can convinced her it is an actual health hazard. My wife has never had so much a cold so getting sick from food doesn’t compute. She also doesn’t seal anything up. If I wasn’t around she would literally throw a log of Tillamook cheese onto a fridge shelf without anything under it or around it.

Quick story. Was at my MILs the other night and she was cooking as she usually does. I was drinking vodka and Zywiec in the kitchen as I usually do. Polish cooking breads a lot of shit that used to have parents so Kotlets Schabowy was on the menu. I watched this lady dip the raw pork into her egg wash then the bread crumbs that she had on a plate. Then, she dumped the remaining breadcrumbs from the plate back into the container and put it back in the pantry. Funny thing is, I’ve eaten 17 shedloads of breaded stuff at her house and never gotten food poising so maybe she is on to something.

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Off topic, but that is my Yugoslavian grandmother to a T. Never got sick at her place either...

**AK47bp** · 03-08-2020, 09:49 PM

Originally Posted by Kinnikinnick

Yeah, maybe a couple thousand$ in the wallet is risky, but $200....

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Mo money mo problems

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**riser4** · 03-09-2020, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by AK47bp

Mo money mo problems

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Maybe the wife is thinking mo money, mo hookers n blow? So, yes, in that regards, it is "dangerous".

**RShea** · 03-10-2020, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by Kinnikinnick

You got all that cash, someone might see and rob you. Or you might lose it. Big money it turns out.

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Always reminds me of a visit to Detroit in the 90's. Hotel we were staying at was near Downtown and the GM buildings etc. Walking into the Hotel the first night and see a large wad of cash. If I remember it was $300 or maybe more to be exact sitting on the sidewalk into the entrance. I picked it up and mentioned to the desk that if someone reported they lost some money to let me know (did not mention the amount or any details and really did not know if I could trust the staff or if they would just keep the money for themselves.) Get back the next day and clerk is like yes, someone did loose some money. Called the guy's room and asked how much and he gave the story that he had exact amount found stuck down in his boot and it was not there any more later that evening. I meet him and gave it back to him. He was afraid of the money being in his wallet or pocket and getting robbed. But he needed to stuff it further down his boots and then the money would definitely have a smell as he sweated all over it.

**Art Shirk** · 04-05-2020, 07:40 PM

[Me - coming in the house after being outside working around the house for hours]: What’s that high pitched screeching?

[Wife - having been inside for hours]: I’m not sure. Been going on for about an hour.

[Me - searches the house and finds the hot water tank has shit the bed and is flooding the basement. The sound was the water leak alarm I set.]

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**Core Shot** · 04-05-2020, 07:48 PM

Originally Posted by Kinnikinnick

The wife got pissed off at me tonight because while she asked me to hit the ATM for some cash while I was at the grocery, damned if i didnt get too much cash. She was all in a tizzy about how having $200 in your wallet is dangerous and why couldn’t I think before doing things.

WTF

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I was taught the opposite. If you get mugged, you better have enough money to make them happy.

Plus, there’s a side story of nearly getting mugged by prostitutes north of Times Square.

Was wandering the streets after getting locked out of my apartment. Turned down the wrong street and five bitches were all over me. Hands in my pockets, stroking my hair.
I threw my pocket money to the right and ran to the left.

No way I could have afforded all those ladies.

PB · 04-05-2020, 09:04 PM

Pocket money = 37 cents??

**snowaddict91** · 05-01-2020, 08:28 PM

Here's a bump for you:

My wife learned that she could de-marr our camper's cabinet hardware by boiling it in vinegar. I took the dogs for a walk when she started. When I got home, she had been boiling vinegar for over an hour. My entire house reeks and I don't know how I am going to sleep. And I have to be at work at 5 am.

Why couldn't she just use a camp stove outside? Ugh.

**AK47bp** · 05-01-2020, 08:40 PM

Originally Posted by snowaddict91

Here's a bump for you:

My wife learned that she could de-marr our camper's cabinet hardware by boiling it in vinegar. I took the dogs for a walk when she started. When I got home, she had been boiling vinegar for over an hour. My entire house reeks and I don't know how I am going to sleep. And I have to be at work at 5 am.

Why couldn't she just use a camp stove outside? Ugh.

Reminds me of when my wife decided to make French onion soup in the crock pot, which is essentially a shit ton of onions on a long slow cook.

Woke up at 3am, eyes and lungs burning, put the crock pot in the garage, didn’t help.

The onion smell actually permeated all our clothes in our closets and took weeks to get the stink out.

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**plugboots** · 05-01-2020, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by Art Shirk

[Me - coming in the house after being outside working around the house for hours]: What’s that high pitched screeching?

[Wife - having been inside for hours]: I’m not sure. Been going on for about an hour.

[Me - searches the house and finds the hot water tank has shit the bed and is flooding the basement. The sound was the water leak alarm I set.]

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Well, what happened?

**Art Shirk** · 05-01-2020, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by plugboots

Well, what happened?

Many thousands of dollars later, tankless water heater so that it’s literally not possible for this to happen again.

My life is one big hedge.

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**JongDoe** · 05-02-2020, 06:32 AM

Originally Posted by AK47bp

Reminds me of when my wife decided to make French onion soup in the crock pot, which is essentially a shit ton of onions on a long slow cook.

Woke up at 3am, eyes and lungs burning, put the crock pot in the garage, didn’t help.

The onion smell actually permeated all our clothes in our closets and took weeks to get the stink out.

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My wife made linguini with clam sauce when we first got married. The recipe called for 3 cloves of garlic and she thought a bulb was a clove. We and the house smelled like garlic for a week.

**HD333** · 05-02-2020, 07:33 AM

In the middle of a world wide pandemic and my wife decides that all the frozen steaks, chicken, pork, that she made us stock up on because the world was ending won’t due tonight.

She wants me to make lobster rolls for dinner because it is nice out today.

FML

Guess I’m going shopping for and cooking lobsters today.

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**Name Redacted** · 05-02-2020, 07:46 AM

Wife has been off for 2 months so taking care of food which has been nice. Mostly vegan food, but it has actually been really good.

However, I can't even fit a six pack into my fridge because of all the food in there, Unless I have some complex recipe that takes 2 hrs to cook, I've got nothing.

Wanna sandwich? Too bad.

I'm thinking about buying my own fridge and keeping it in the garage full of snacks, frozen pizza, and sandwiches.

**easyrdr** · 05-02-2020, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by Name Redacted

I'm thinking about buying my own fridge and keeping it in the garage full of snacks, frozen pizza, and sandwiches.

I did this. Same thing happened to me. No room in the fridge for anything. With my office closed (and I own it) I brought the full size office fridge home and threw it in the garage. Best idea ever!!!!

**oftpiste** · 05-02-2020, 11:30 AM

Seriously first-world problem!

Originally Posted by HD333

In the middle of a world wide pandemic and my wife decides that all the frozen steaks, chicken, pork, that she made us stock up on because the world was ending won’t due tonight.

She wants me to make lobster rolls for dinner because it is nice out today.

FML

Guess I’m going shopping for and cooking lobsters today.

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**dan_pdx** · 05-02-2020, 02:15 PM

Let me state for the record that I'm crazy about my wife but...she once threw out the toilet plunger because she thought it was gross (I mean, it may have been). Can you guess how I found out that we didn't have a plunger in the house anymore?

Icing on the cake: her parents were staying with us that weekend, and it's a one-bathroom house. Good times.

**BCMtnHound** · 05-02-2020, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by dan_pdx

Let me state for the record that I'm crazy about my wife but...she once threw out the toilet plunger because she thought it was gross (I mean, it may have been). Can you guess how I found out that we didn't have a plunger in the house anymore?

Icing on the cake: her parents were staying with us that weekend, and it's a one-bathroom house. Good times.

There are some odd tools that I always have a spare somewhere around the shed/workroom. A toilet plunger is one of them. Saved me rolling up the sleeve a few times.
A stash of decent set of scissors is another, and these I keep in a hidden corner of the tool shelf. My daughter is now an age that I need to consider secure storage of staples, woodglue, and zip-ties, among other crafty supplies. But that is for another thread.

**riser4** · 05-02-2020, 05:25 PM

Toilet plunger and a snake (my German ex brother in law astutely called it a shit drill) are must haves. I am pulling the toilet long before my hand goes in there.

**Flyoverland Captive** · 05-02-2020, 05:27 PM

Originally Posted by riser3

Toilet plunger and a snake (my German ex brother in law astutely called it a shit drill) are must haves. I am pulling the toilet long before my hand goes in there.

Jebus, what are you people eating?