I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[muted]

Smart move.

A few years back my climbing partner and I went down to So Ut to some remote new area outside of Bryce. His wife and her best friend were going to meet us after a couple of days so I sent her the most detailed set of directions I could make, including screenshots from google maps with mileage labeled for each turn. She got annoyed at me and asked that I just send her a pin and her phone would take her there. I mentioned the lack of reception but she was having none of it. I sent her the pin and when I picked up my buddy I left a printout of the directions in her car just in case.
Fast forward to the evening of the ladies' arrival, we get back to camp after climbing, nobody's there. They show up mid day the next day after driving every fucking dirt road around, running out of gas, camping by the side of the dirt road they were on, and getting rescued by a guy on an ATV who took one look at the printed map and had them follow him 10 minutes to our camp. I still caught a major earful about how impossible the place is to find without cell reception. From my place to the camp site there are a total of 6 intersections but she couldn't make sense of the map because by the time she started looking at it she had no idea where she was.

Ha, and I bet they learned nothing from that experience too.

This gives me a good idea to download all of Utah's google maps to wife's phone without her knowing. She rarely get lost and knows southern utah quite well with a gazetteer, but for some reason she won't use her phone to navigate until she's lost and has no reception.

[muted]

Because I don’t give a shit. You ever try to scrub wood?

You'll make a fine wife someday with that attitude.

[puma]

Glad to hear I am not alone with the navigational issues. I think my biggest thing recently is going to a place we ALWAYS goto with her driving. I have no idea how she could not know how to get there. I really have to bite my tongue when she's asking about if this is the correct freeway interchange to take...I usually don't say it, but so many comments come to mind that I know will not be received well...I just quietly chuckle to myself, and hope she does not notice the smile...When my son 12 year old son makes comment, or jumps in with directions, it's hard to keep it in! LOL

To be clear here, I am not complaining. I certainly overachieved in the wife category, and try to find humor in it all!

[bennymac]

My wife is way relaxed when flying, really unconcerned with getting there early or even on time, etc. I’m the opposite and I’d rather sit for 20 extra minutes and drink a cup of coffee than run to the gate. Constant source of friction while traveling.

Last year she straight up missed a flight because she didn’t give herself enough time, and not because there was something important going on like a meeting. And not like a I’ll catch the next flight scenario, more like the “ I need to get a hotel, see you tomorrow”.

omfg yes. This. She’d rather sit around home doing nothing for 30 extra minutes than get to the airport in a relaxed manner - get through all the check in and security in a relaxed manner - and then have 5-10 minutes of relaxed time (drink coffee/read on your phone etc) before boarding.

Her “ideal” scenario is spazz and panic through every step and board last in a sweaty frenzy. And then she wonders why she gets air sick and doesn’t like flying.

I can’t convince her that the extra time at home is not worth it. She’s a smart person - yet there is some disconnect here that I can’t wrap my head around (I guess this sentence describes this whole thread)

[Thaleia]

I'm still reminded about the time I lost my wallet, cancelled all my cards, then found it up in the weed stash cupboard a week later on top of jar of nugs

You clearly need to enjoy the weed more often.

[nickwm21]

For a while there our TSA Pre was expired and that time unfortunately coincided with a phase where she was wearing these wrap around lace up sandals that required about three minutes per foot of tying, wrapping, and braiding these long laces.


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[ötzi]

I'm still reminded about the time I lost my wallet, cancelled all my cards, then found it up in the weed stash cupboard a week later on top of jar of nugs

haha I remember that, it was't that long ago!

[ötzi]

And on the whole navigation thing, I always go back to this classic:

[muted]

.When my son 12 year old son makes comment, or jumps in with directions, it's hard to keep it in! LOL

ha, that reminds me. My wife has always wanted to have short hair, and I've always said, 'gross, no'. Well, last week she cut it short after 10 years with me, she finally decided she doesn't care what I think.

The three year old saw it and the first thing she said was "Now I have two dads!" I burst out laughing, I couldn't hold it in. So well said.

Wife told me today she really regrets the haircut and is growing it out.

TBH, it's not THAT bad.

[Dantheman]

And on the whole navigation thing, I always go back to this classic:

That's kinda the opposite of Boissal's situation, though not necessarily wrong....

[BeanDip4All]

Holy blast from the past, Batman!

How could I *not* blast from the past a random female lurker call out in the middle of an obscure yet hilarious thread?? I luff u guyz and also I was in the "Get Drunk and Post as Much as You Can Thread" the other night while replying to Supu's text, reminiscing with Viva and chatting with Woodsy.

This sub has more hilarity than the weirdly strict rulez pun vs anti pun padded room thread.

[AK47bp]

ha, that reminds me. My wife has always wanted to have short hair, and I've always said, 'gross, no'. Well, last week she cut it short after 10 years with me, she finally decided she doesn't care what I think.

The three year old saw it and the first thing she said was "Now I have two dads!" I burst out laughing, I couldn't hold it in. So well said.

Wife told me today she really regrets the haircut and is growing it out.

TBH, it's not THAT bad.

Oh shit that’s hilarious! Your kid’s got some talent.


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[ötzi]

That's kinda the opposite of Boissal's situation, though not necessarily wrong....

Yeah, basically I just like the song.

[TurxSki]

...My wife hates the voice of the google maps directions lady so she mutes it and misses turns. If she's driving I have to tell her the turns that google would tell her if she would let them...

You can change it a little bit. We have the oz english now, she's nice. Had the nigerian english for a while, more pissed off.
If you're using googiemaps on a pc you can drag the route about to set up custom directions.
Can't do on phone. Dunno if could download to phone.



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[BCMtnHound]

Being 'on time' means something completely different between my wife and I. She thinks that anytime within 10min after the time of the appointment is appropriate. And this includes finishing her prep in the vehicle on route. Eating, final costume arrangements, etc, are all accomplished in the spare time traveling to the destination.
I was raised that 15 minutes minimum before the appointment is on time. Fed, washed, shaved and groomed happens before leaving the house.
I quip that she'd be late to her own funeral, she retorts that if I persist I'm going to be early for mine.

[spanky]

Being 'on time' means something completely different between my wife and I. She thinks that anytime within 10min after the time of the appointment is appropriate. And this includes finishing her prep in the vehicle on route. Eating, final costume arrangements, etc, are all accomplished in the spare time traveling to the destination.
I was raised that 15 minutes minimum before the appointment is on time. Fed, washed, shaved and groomed happens before leaving the house.
I quip that she'd be late to her own funeral, she retorts that if I persist I'm going to be early for mine.

If you’re early, you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. And, if you’re late, don’t even bother showing up.

[TahoeJ]

Same. Also have to make sure we pile dishes in both sides of the sink so it’s a challenge to rinse them. Wouldn’t want to spray a little water on something like oatmeal on a bowl that then hardens and is 10x harder to get off either.

That shit always drove me absolutely crazy. Being recently divorced I’m really enjoying this thread lately. Keep it up fellas.

[old goat]

My wife hates the voice of the google maps directions lady so she mutes it and misses turns. If she's driving I have to tell her the turns that google would tell her if she would let them. I tend to space out and forget to tell her since I'm so used to google telling me what to do. Hilarity inevitably ensues.

My wife is in love with the female voice that says "arrividerci" after you pay the toll on Italian toll roads. Should I be jealous?

[old goat]

I saw a photo recently of a girl that got L and R tattooed on the back of her hands near the wrist.

I thought of showing it to my wife, but

In kindergarten they stamped everyone's right hand. Mine was a leopard sitting on it's haunches. The stamp wore off but the veins that were under it seemed to match the outline, while the other hand was different. I used the pattern of those veins to tell my right hand for years. Now I'm too hairy.

My wife is totally right-left dyslexic, probably has to do with being left handed. When I hear her give directions to someone I cringe, realizing that I will have to either quietly give them good directions or plan to call SAR.

Giving directions is like teaching a true beginner anything--it's a gift to be able to explain things to someone who's never been there before or never done that before. Most of us make unconscious assumptions when we explain stuff. (I could teach senior residents but I was hopeless teaching interns.)

[anotherVTskibum]

Same. Also have to make sure we pile dishes in both sides of the sink so it’s a challenge to rinse them. Wouldn’t want to spray a little water on something like oatmeal on a bowl that then hardens and is 10x harder to get off either.

My wife seems to have a fairly simple process for deciding what goes in the sink versus directly into the dishwasher:

If it needs attention before going in to get clean (like that half bowl of oatmeal), it goes directly into the dishwasher, preferably where it can drip any not yet solid material onto other dishes.

If it needs at most a quick rinse before going in (think orange juice glass with just a bit of pulpy residue), it goes in the pile.

On the navigation front, she's actually incredibly good at memorizing a route the first time she drives or walks it, which is generally a good thing. However, she can't tell you what street names or route numbers are involved, and if you go a block over and take a parallel route, she has no idea where you are and we're clearly going in the wrong direction.

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[Meadow Skipper]

Men and women have significantly different ways of giving directions - it stands to reason that they see spatially in different ways.
https://journal.binus.ac.id/index.ph...ad/372/352/734

It’s science.

[concretejungle]

My ex used to be like “turn at the bush up ahead.” The road has a fucking name. Also, she couldn’t be bothered to use address numbers. “It’s like the seventh or eight house in up the street with a concrete front walk.”


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[Skidog]

My ex used to be like “turn at the bush up ahead.” The road has a fucking name. Also, she couldn’t be bothered to use address numbers. “It’s like the seventh or eight house in up the street with a concrete front walk.”


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It's the house on the left with a door.

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[babybear]

We have a friend like this- she's a friend of a few maggots so they will know who it is if they read this lol- but we still pick on her for directions she gave us once- "Go a ways and turn right then go for a bit and........."

[Danno]

25 years ago when I used to deliver furniture and appliances, the old crusty sales guy who had lived in the area for ages gave directions like that. He'd tell us to turn at the big oak tree and look for the blue house on the left just after cresting the hill.

Gotta say, though, his directions were spot on!