I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[boltonoutlaw]

If C section blood is the number 2 reason you didn’t have kids what was number 1?


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Kids

[liv2ski]

Right? I have told my adult children that kids are a huge drain, in so many ways (not listing them all here also) until they become fully functioning adults themselves.
They still want them
Our oldest is due in December and surprised to hear we will NOT be watching her little bundle of joy each day she has to be back in the office (currently 3). I am not a fan of infants at all, so I let Mrs L2S know this is her burden to bear. When she protested I reminded her of our family nick name for me, so she quickly relented.

[/QUOTE]

[~mikey b]

wrong thread jong!

[old goat]

Totally agree. So many dads going to ground on OB


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True story from my hospital (which I have posted before---young woman comes in to deliver with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend. The OB delivers the kid, delivers the placenta, and decides to show it to the BF and the friend. The friend passes out. The nurse calls a code white--some has passed out--and a bunch of people rush in to help, throwing open the door which hits the guy on the floor in the head. He suffers traumatic brain injury and sues. Settles for $10K, which is what everyone agrees is what the guy's brain is worth.

[Core Shot]

[Hood26]

Another $650 of fucking rocks for the yard. That’s a pair of skis or a new gun, but we got more “pretty rocks” for our beds. My girl thinks I can spend money.

[snowaddict91]

Another $650 of fucking rocks for the yard. That’s a pair of skis or a new gun, but we got more “pretty rocks” for our beds. My girl thinks I can spend money.

Vibes. Definitely don't do a butt load of expensive rock landscaping, sell your house, and do it again like I did.

[boltonoutlaw]

True story from my hospital (which I have posted before---young woman comes in to deliver with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's friend. The OB delivers the kid, delivers the placenta, and decides to show it to the BF and the friend. The friend passes out. The nurse calls a code white--some has passed out--and a bunch of people rush in to help, throwing open the door which hits the guy on the floor in the head. He suffers traumatic brain injury and sues. Settles for $10K, which is what everyone agrees is what the guy's brain is worth.

Available in quality pharmacies everywhere (in Japan):

[m2711c]

Are you sure that’s Japan? Looks more like Australia.

[boltonoutlaw]

Are you sure that’s Japan? Looks more like Australia.

Jajajaja. I get it: Upside down

[~mikey b]

[dan_pdx]

Bonus misdirection: the Japanese text in the red stripe reads "German style"

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Why is there a picture of a pizza on the package?


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[AK47bp]

Why is there a picture of a pizza on the package?


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To rephrase

“why are you complaining you’re cold when your coat is fully unzipped?”


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[PB]

What's that got to do with it?

[AK47bp]

What's that got to do with it?

Exactly


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[~mikey b]

ex-wife always had cold hands

she’d stand there with her gloves off, telling me how cold her hands were





no win situation right there boys

[KQ]

26 Tweets About The Petty Things Couples Do When They’re Mad At Each Other

[present tense]

Had to share this one, JHC. Went for a post work run today, come home and oldest is sulked over, wearing trucker hat, brim pulled down tight. “Hey pal, what’s going on?”

Looks like we got a haircut gone wrong situation on our hands, head is scalped high and tight, maybe a #2 guard tight, maybe #1, hard to tell under the hat.

Ask the wife casually, “so what’d I miss?”

“We’ll he said he wanted a haircut, extra short, like shaved, so I cut it short.”

Not sure where the breakdown in communication occurred but obviously message not received. So I probe two questions deep with Victim of buzz cut assault to realize what he really wanted was a shaved bald head, so he could be “the rock” for Halloween, so at least we ended up only partially buzzed 🥃 and not full on GI Jane.

I also explained we could have perhaps gotten a “bald” cap for purposes of Halloween and preserved the kiddos locks.

[joeshek]

Vibes. Definitely don't do a butt load of expensive rock landscaping, sell your house, and do it again like I did.

+1

[skaredshtles]

My wife sends me a screenshot of her Spotify Playlist that I'm supposed to recreate myself because "I don't know how to share it and besides, I don't know your user ID."

[~mikey b]

just give her your phone and have her set it up for you, along with a bunch of other stuff so that you have the same set up



what could go wrong?

[XXX-er]

wife was a certifyed hypachondric so she was always cold and/or sick so when she complained she was cold driving the suby home at night in balmy Vangroovy whatever man

So we start driving to deepest darkest alberta for xmas during an arctic front and the heater isnt putting out any heat period,

but she never said the heater didnt work she just said she was cold

I drove 3000kms in sub zero conditions some of it was -38, no way to get service cuz its xmas week man that was cold

I took it to a rad guy after we got home and he said the heater was plugged up with white shit from when i ran it on plain water after a waterpump failure, don't do that

[easyrdr]

just give her your phone and have her set it up for you, along with a bunch of other stuff so that you have the same set up



what could go wrong?

I did that, my wife linked our iTunes accounts somehow, supposedly so we could share shit. What really happened, I can't make a fucking purchase on iTunes without my wifes permission. The end result.......I haven't bought a fucking thing in ten years. My wife keeps telling me she's sick of my music, I tell her deal with it, after all you took my spending privileges away.

[~mikey b]

see how good that worked out?