I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[carvedog]

There could be some twisted logic to this depending on how many clean knifes there are in the drawer compared to forks or spoons. A lot of times I stir my coffee with a fork or knife since there tends to be more clean forks and knifes in the drawer then spoons. My girl is always asking why I don't use a spoon and I tell her it's to keep an even amount of clean utensils available in the drawer.

OCD 4 lyfe.

I could get it if it was stirring coffee or some shit like that, but because we actually never use butter knives for anything else and have a complete selection of steak knives, the butter knife slot is chock full all the time. Like too many most times so they spill over into the long fork drawer. Absolutely maddening shit for me. I used to melt off all the excess butter stuck in the fork to cook eggs in but have learned that I don't like the grittiness of lightly burnt toast dust in her residual butter and what it does to the eggs.

[splitinbend]

Mine took care of herself long enough before we got married that she is pretty self sufficient and doesn't have the blond moments very often. However, when we get into arguments, which is not that often, but when it does occur, the things that she is upset about come out quickly in list format. But immediately after the list has been finished, she starts again at the top of the list quickly repeating it the same as before. Then again, and again and so on. There is no actual discussion just me trying to find a possible resolution and her not being able to get passed just venting. I know she wants to get her point across but does she realize that continually repeating the same thing over and over again usually only drives me insane and results in me banging my head on the wall, floor, fridge etc. we're great at being friends but we suck at fighting.




The good does outweigh the bad.

[basinbeater]

My wife regularly overfills the laundry washer. Finally killed it last fall, so we got a bigger one. Now she overfills that one. She doesn't remove the food from plates before going in the dishwasher. So now the drain is clogged... Again... She dumped so many carrot and potato peels down the insinkerator that the pipe in the basement clogged. That was fun to clean out.
She clogs the bath drain and sink drain with hair a couple times a year. (beautiful head of hair though).
She cranks the heat up in the winter and presses hold on the thermostat. Every night I pass by to make sure we don't keep the house at 70 all night.
Leaves all the lights on all the time.
But she's beautiful and she's mine. What should I get her for valentine's day? Nest thermostat? Motion sensing lights?

[Moeghoul]

A lot of times I stir my coffee with a fork or knife since there tends to be more clean forks and knifes in the drawer then spoons. My girl is always asking why I don't use a spoon and I tell her it's to keep an even amount of clean utensils available in the drawer.

OCD 4 lyfe.

I save plastic spoons, especially the long ones from an ice cream shop, just for that reason, for coffee stirring. And re-use them to maintain the silverware equilibrium.

[concretejungle]

My wife regularly overfills the laundry washer. Finally killed it last fall, so we got a bigger one. Now she overfills that one. She doesn't remove the food from plates before going in the dishwasher. So now the drain is clogged... Again... She dumped so many carrot and potato peels down the insinkerator that the pipe in the basement clogged. That was fun to clean out.
She clogs the bath drain and sink drain with hair a couple times a year. (beautiful head of hair though).
She cranks the heat up in the winter and presses hold on the thermostat. Every night I pass by to make sure we don't keep the house at 70 all night.
Leaves all the lights on all the time.
But she's beautiful and she's mine. What should I get her for valentine's day? Nest thermostat? Motion sensing lights?

You should see if you can get your nuts back. You let a woman touch the thermostat in your house.

I've got the 3.5 year old berating people who leave lights on in the house.

[Caucasian Asian]

My wife has forbidden me from putting clean towels away, because I don't fold them to her standards.

I'm completely ok with this.

[alfajores]

I am not married, but my girlfriend has a decade on me. Her friends all think she is 21 by looks and action despite being nearly 38.

Yesterday, she tried to argue that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to drive back to Oakland from Tahoe Saturday morning to pick her up and drop her off at my ski lease to use the hot tub, then take her back that night and get back in time to ski Sunday. This is some of her best logic I have heard in years.

I am pretty sure she microwaved a spoon with her coffee recently because the magnet started acting up.

She insists that I should let her drive despite having a suspended license. And no insurance. The new 2015 Outback has been constantly berated with unknown sources of damage and coffee spills (she works in coffee) and I am starting to track the miles to make sure she isn't "borrowing it" while I am at work.

She wants to work 4 days a week in coffee for 6 hours a day and is sure it is financially sound, just like my 4x10hr government job. Because, she works harder and so it equals out. We live in the Bay Area.

Final note, she doesn't sound half as bad as some of your wives, but I am curious how much worse it would be if we were married. Thoughts? Maybe I can see the roots of crazy but not the symptoms yet?

[Powder Ho]

This past summer I learned my wife thought Chimney Rock National Monument was man made. I still love honey.

[old goat]

I am not married, but my girlfriend has a decade on me. Her friends all think she is 21 by looks and action despite being nearly 38.

Yesterday, she tried to argue that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to drive back to Oakland from Tahoe Saturday morning to pick her up and drop her off at my ski lease to use the hot tub, then take her back that night and get back in time to ski Sunday. This is some of her best logic I have heard in years.

I am pretty sure she microwaved a spoon with her coffee recently because the magnet started acting up.

She insists that I should let her drive despite having a suspended license. And no insurance. The new 2015 Outback has been constantly berated with unknown sources of damage and coffee spills (she works in coffee) and I am starting to track the miles to make sure she isn't "borrowing it" while I am at work.

She wants to work 4 days a week in coffee for 6 hours a day and is sure it is financially sound, just like my 4x10hr government job. Because, she works harder and so it equals out. We live in the Bay Area.

Final note, she doesn't sound half as bad as some of your wives, but I am curious how much worse it would be if we were married. Thoughts? Maybe I can see the roots of crazy but not the symptoms yet?

Doesn't she need the key to start the car?

[Grape_Ape]

OCD 4 lyfe.

LOLz...

[stompinlines]

I am not married, but my girlfriend has a decade on me. Her friends all think she is 21 by looks and action despite being nearly 38.

Yesterday, she tried to argue that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to drive back to Oakland from Tahoe Saturday morning to pick her up and drop her off at my ski lease to use the hot tub, then take her back that night and get back in time to ski Sunday. This is some of her best logic I have heard in years.

I am pretty sure she microwaved a spoon with her coffee recently because the magnet started acting up.

She insists that I should let her drive despite having a suspended license. And no insurance. The new 2015 Outback has been constantly berated with unknown sources of damage and coffee spills (she works in coffee) and I am starting to track the miles to make sure she isn't "borrowing it" while I am at work.

She wants to work 4 days a week in coffee for 6 hours a day and is sure it is financially sound, just like my 4x10hr government job. Because, she works harder and so it equals out. We live in the Bay Area.

Final note, she doesn't sound half as bad as some of your wives, but I am curious how much worse it would be if we were married. Thoughts? Maybe I can see the roots of crazy but not the symptoms yet?

Your lady friend doesn't happen to have hair stylist on her resume?

[iceman]

The chores, I just do 'em. They wouldn't get done otherwise and I'm way too OCD to live like that. I can live with that no problem.

What I have a tough time with is their memories. Totally faulty on anything important and current but like a computer on long-ago transgressions and mistakes. I know she's crazy but when she asks me for examples I can't think of 'em if they're more than a week old if that. But shit I did 20 years ago is right there at her fingertips and can be spilled out in list form and in detail on demand in an instant. So any concern I have is immediately buried with an avalanche of data and then quickly dismissed as trivial compared to "the list". Frustrating.

[warthog]

This could be an all time thread.

Some of my beautiful wife's greatest hits-

Find 6 identical dents on the front of the truck. Ask her about it. "That is where I cut the wheel too early and hit the trash can." 6 fuckin' times?????

Puts knives and forks in the dishwasher pointy end up. Just the way the kids like 'em.

Boils pots on front burner. At least she knows to turn the handle.

Leaves the fuckin' doors open ALL THE TIME. I live in Florida, so this is semi OK 6 months of the year. The rest of the time, the AC goes into ludicrous speed to keep up with the humidity.

If I am working in the yard or garage, she sees no problem sending the kids and dog to "help" me. Nothing ever gets done.

Vacuuming is her escape. Seems like a good problem to have, right? When the going gets tough, she needs to vacuum. The other day the kids were being rotten. She had to vacuum. I called her out later. The cleaning people had been there that day, and no one had been home all day.

There are so many more, but the quirks mostly keep it interesting. She is a hot blooded Siciliano, so it is never boring. I would say that we really compliment each other, since her strong points are my weaknesses, and vice versa. It is just mind numbing sometimes the basic shit that she does not think about.

Thanks, I needed that. How much do I owe ya Doc?

[DBdude]

an ex story - I still love her to death and she is a great mom but...

driving to Chico from Seattle for Thanksgiving. blinding rain merging on to I-5 and switched my hi beams on to see better. Amy goes nuts asking me what the hell I was doing flicking my hi beams on and off. shrug

it turns out she was 2 or 3 weeks pregnant...

[yeahman]

My wife is also utensil challenged, but she'd kick my ass on an IQ test. Go figure. Great thread.

[stfu&gbtw]

Had an all time classic this weekend... Birthday coming up and my wife asks what I want to do to celebrate. At that moment, I was trying to organize a bookshelf so our house didn't look like we were going to be featured on Hoarders when we had people over to watch the super bowl. So I responded saying that I wanted to clean the basement. Ha ha... So, the house gets straightened up, the weekend arrives and we're talking about what to do on Saturday, and my daughter suggests going to the museum. My wife, bless her heart, turns to her, totally serious, and says "Maybe you and I will go - your dad says he wants to clean the basement."

Even my daughter, who is 6, couldn't believe it.

[warthog]

Ah yes, the infamous- "I have a question that I've been meaning to ask you, and now is a good time for me. Why don't you already have an answer?"

They teach that one to them early.

[TahoeJ]

Our solution: cleaning lady. Worth every penny.

This. Especially once kids are in the picture.

[gatorboy]

Your lady friend doesn't happen to have hair stylist on her resume?

My wife does.

1) We are demolishing the basement, and removed the walls around the water heater and furnace. She calls HVAC company so they'd come out to determine if either are spewing out carbon monoxide. They weren't touched...but somehow the walls prevented it ?

2) Sunflowers are just over-ripe corn stalks. (this will be my next tattoo).

3) Any ailment in the belly region can be cured by laying face-down and putting your butt in the air (MIL said it too the other day).

4) Hit the side of the garage with the car....and kept going until the entire side was scraped.

5) "2nd cup of coffee always makes me go pee"....orders 2nd cup of coffee on road trip with 4 other families. She's surprised when she has to go pee 20 minutes later.

6) Refuses to buy bacon or ground beef from grocery store butcher counter. Will only buy pre-packaged meat. Actually...she basically won't ask any employees for help from any store. She'll often come home and tell me the store "didn't have _________".....when I know they do.

[Caucasian Asian]

Our solution: cleaning lady. Worth every penny.

Whenever I can't make it home in time to prepare dinner she makes a phone call.

She works in the non-profit industry, so we can't afford a house keeper.

And if I'm not home to make dinner, she pulls out a pre-made meal from the freezer. That I had previously made from leftovers.

The only meal she's made me was french toast, on my birthday, once.

[Grape_Ape]

I heart this thread.

[PNWbrit]

Wow.

You guys can really pick 'em.

[MakersTeleMark]

Had a good one the other day. GF accuses me of her not wanting to share anymore because I crush her dreams after I made a comment that growing a popcorn farm in the desert or being an uber driver in a city an hour and a half away from her place was not worthy of her time (or professional degree- which I omitted). Lights match, runs ....

[hikesalot]

Run away, as fast as possible before making a baby with your hot mess.

This. Jesus H Christ, you think she's crazy? And you're dating a 38 yr old barista with a suspended license and no insurance who doesn't want to work? Damn. And I'm female. Run. away. fast.

This thread is hilarious. I hope I'm in the camp of having more stories I could tell about my husband than the reverse. IDK. He's the idealist and I'm the realist, so he drives me crazy sometimes (and vise versa, I know). Our dryer was squeaking for over a year.... he was like, whatever, it still works. So I take it upon myself to google it and try to figure it out. Change belt, bearings, not fixed (he did help, once I was in progress. Probably afraid of the stories I’d tell!). Apparently it finally started to bug him because he finally fixed it this past weekend - some silicone spray? Anyway, friends over last night and they even gave him shit about taking 15 months to fix the damn dryer squeak. (and he didn't want me to get a new one - "he could fix it" --on what timeline?! You wonder why I'm going batshit crazy here. ha)

[booner]

Best bat shit crazy story for me...still makes me mad all these years later



The first Olympics that Lindsey Jacobellis was in...

I walk into the room and the Olymics are on. The wife says something about Lindsey Jacobellis and I have no idea who she's talking about. Wife starts getting frustrated because according to her, I'm the one that told her about LJ to begin with

I try explaining to her that it's not possible since I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHO SHE IS.

Immediately turns into an argument about how she's always wrong and blah, blah, blah

The fact that she couldn't even begin to grasp onto the fact that her argument wasn't even possible makes me want to kick kittens.

The real kicker is, I have a remarkable memory. I remember all the way back to about 2 yrs old, clearly remember pre-school, etc.. My wife doesn't remember anything, AND ADMITS IT. Yet, every time these arguments occur all the sudden she has a perfect memory and I'm suffering from amnesia.

Shit makes me want to jump in front of a truck. Good news is, the only arguments we have are the result of her complete lack of memory...not about any real issues.