I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

**liv2ski** · 11-12-2022, 10:35 AM

Originally Posted by gravitylover

I'm getting tired of being berated for not having the same thoughts before or at the same time that she does. "I mean really, I don't think like you and honestly, I don't want to"

After 42 years together, we often think as one. It is amusing to both of us. Hood26, after nearly getting divorced about 28 years ago, we went to Retrovaille and the counselor suggested to me I might be a bit of a controlling asshole and to lighten up. Maybe your wife needs to hear the same from a third party if she wants to stay married. Good luck.

**Mustonen** · 11-12-2022, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by TahoeJ

Everything you just described, there's a lot of that in the Tammy Wynette thread.

And this too. Lots of perspective there.

All I’m saying is, this sounds more serious than how to collaborate to pick out the right can opener. It ends in misery or divorce (or worse, both) if you don’t take some agency here. Between utter lack of respect or appreciation for your contributions and no regard for your perspective (both of which I experienced in spades pre-divorce) these recent stories sound like the stories told in the TW thread as reasons why we’re in a better place now.

**Hood26** · 11-12-2022, 12:38 PM

I was in the middle of typing how after 20 years my relationship was probably somewhere between this thread and TW when she say she doesn’t want to be married.

I guess it’s either time for me to find some mediation or try calling TW.

**Mustonen** · 11-12-2022, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by Hood26

I was in the middle of typing how after 20 years my relationship was probably somewhere between this thread and TW when she say she doesn’t want to be married.

I guess it’s either time for me to find some mediation or try calling TW.

Goddamn. I’m sorry dude. No matter what you want or don’t want at this point or where you end up it sounds like you have a tough road in front of you.

**TahoeJ** · 11-12-2022, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by Hood26

I was in the middle of typing how after 20 years my relationship was probably somewhere between this thread and TW when she say she doesn’t want to be married.

I guess it’s either time for me to find some mediation or try calling TW.

Dang, sorry man. Come over to the TW thread for some good advice and we can let this one get back to light-hearted bitching.

**Supermoon** · 11-12-2022, 01:34 PM

Oh sorry dude. That sucks

**gaijin** · 11-12-2022, 05:15 PM

Misery loves company, 26. Don’t surround yourself with a bunch of divorcees before you surround yourself with a bunch of people who sorted out their problems.

Been married 16 years. Years 11-12 were brutal. Almost lost it all. But we fixed it. And it’s awesome now. So grateful for that.

**TahoeJ** · 11-12-2022, 05:38 PM

Originally Posted by gaijin

Misery loves company, 26. Don’t surround yourself with a bunch of divorcees before you surround yourself with a bunch of people who sorted out their problems.

Been married 16 years. Years 11-12 were brutal. Almost lost it all. But we fixed it. And it’s awesome now. So grateful for that.

That's not really the vibe in the Tammy thread, for the record. Lots of go to therapy / try to work it out advice and being supportive. Also not a lot of misery, as most of us over there are well past it and reflective.

Having said that, I do think people in real life hanging out with too many people going through or recently divorced can be extremely detrimental ("well damn that sounds just like my husband / wife!"), and I've seen it happen (and almost happen in some cases) firsthand in a really ugly way so I do take your point.

On the flipside, a thread like this is therapeutic for a lot of people I'm sure. I would say more but I need to take out the recycle... overflowing because of that Amazon box! ;-)

**liv2ski** · 11-12-2022, 05:43 PM

Originally Posted by gaijin

Misery loves company, 26. Don’t surround yourself with a bunch of divorcees before you surround yourself with a bunch of people who sorted out their problems.

Been married 16 years. Years 11-12 were brutal. Almost lost it all. But we fixed it. And it’s awesome now. So grateful for that.

There is that. Saving a relationship that once meant the world to you both and making it to retirement with each other and being best friends in the world means a lot to me. Once people become "Married Singles" it is tough to breath love back into the relationship, but Retrouvalle worked for us. Good luck.

**Mustonen** · 11-12-2022, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by gaijin

Misery loves company, 26. Don’t surround yourself with a bunch of divorcees before you surround yourself with a bunch of people who sorted out their problems.

Been married 16 years. Years 11-12 were brutal. Almost lost it all. But we fixed it. And it’s awesome now. So grateful for that.

Not a bad point at all.

**plugboots** · 11-12-2022, 08:00 PM

Also you tend to hear only one person’s side. My oldest friend/ski partner is the nicest, most easy going guy. He got divorced and it was her that wanted it.
Most people didn’t get it, (especially since she ended up with this semi-jerk of a guy), but my friend was also prolly a pain to live with. Maybe he shoulda had more of an opinion once in a while, etc.
I mean she’s a HEINOUS BITCH and all, but you never really know.

**muted reborn** · 11-12-2022, 08:01 PM

Might have to check into the Tammy thread. I've been busting my ass for weeks as a newly minted sandwich artist - here I am creating IMO amazing sandwiches day after day and the wife just ordered jimmy fucking Johns. The house is stocked with gourmet sandwich shit, I'm happy to make anything for her with my newfound knowledge, and SHE ORDERS JIMMY JOHNS, GUYS.

**MakersTeleMark** · 11-12-2022, 08:24 PM

At least she didn't go down on the subway.

**yeahman** · 11-12-2022, 08:44 PM

Jersey Mike's, I could understand her straying. But not for Jimmy John's.

**muted reborn** · 11-12-2022, 08:52 PM

Was I too eager? Should I have played it cool when adding apple butter to the turkey? Where did I go wrong?

**yeahman** · 11-12-2022, 08:56 PM

Perhaps your pickle wasn't big enough.

**muted reborn** · 11-12-2022, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by yeahman

Perhaps your pickle wasn't big enough.

I appreciate the honesty. Lots to think about tonight...

**oftpiste** · 11-13-2022, 08:05 PM

oh shit man. What a shocker. Hang in there. Keep yer head up.

Originally Posted by Hood26

I was in the middle of typing how after 20 years my relationship was probably somewhere between this thread and TW when she say she doesn’t want to be married.

I guess it’s either time for me to find some mediation or try calling TW.

**oftpiste** · 11-13-2022, 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by yeahman

Perhaps your pickle wasn't big enough.

always order extra pickle.

**riser4** · 11-14-2022, 05:49 AM

Can we get back to complaining?

**Squirreljam** · 11-14-2022, 08:33 AM

Seriously. I’ll start. This was earlier this summer, but still…. I’m a bit of a procrastinator and wife is opposite, she jumps the gun all the fuckin time. Sometimes we’re good for each other in that she gets me to do shit, and I temper her worst impulses. However, when something truly doesn’t need doing, I’ll stand my ground.

so backyard is getting a touch shaggy but really DOESNT NEED MOWING. She gets fired up and storms out to cut the grass. Fine. In a half hour or so, I come out with a beer and notice it still looks … shaggy. So I wander over to her (still cutting, mowers running etc) and point out the blade clutch which wasn’t pushed in. She’s just spent 40 minutes pushing a running-but-not-blade-turning mower around our back yard. Boy, was she pissed

**paulster2626** · 11-14-2022, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by Squirreljam

Seriously. I’ll start. This was earlier this summer, but still…. I’m a bit of a procrastinator and wife is opposite, she jumps the gun all the fuckin time. Sometimes we’re good for each other in that she gets me to do shit, and I temper her worst impulses. However, when something truly doesn’t need doing, I’ll stand my ground.

so backyard is getting a touch shaggy but really DOESNT NEED MOWING. She gets fired up and storms out to cut the grass. Fine. In a half hour or so, I come out with a beer and notice it still looks … shaggy. So I wander over to her (still cutting, mowers running etc) and point out the blade clutch which wasn’t pushed in. She’s just spent 40 minutes pushing a running-but-not-blade-turning mower around our back yard. Boy, was she pissed

I know you're not supposed to say this, and I may sound like a dick, but, they're definitely the "weaker sex," aren't they?

**californiagrown** · 11-14-2022, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Squirreljam

Seriously. I’ll start. This was earlier this summer, but still…. I’m a bit of a procrastinator and wife is opposite, she jumps the gun all the fuckin time. Sometimes we’re good for each other in that she gets me to do shit, and I temper her worst impulses. However, when something truly doesn’t need doing, I’ll stand my ground.

so backyard is getting a touch shaggy but really DOESNT NEED MOWING. She gets fired up and storms out to cut the grass. Fine. In a half hour or so, I come out with a beer and notice it still looks … shaggy. So I wander over to her (still cutting, mowers running etc) and point out the blade clutch which wasn’t pushed in. She’s just spent 40 minutes pushing a running-but-not-blade-turning mower around our back yard. Boy, was she pissed

My wife grew up remodeling condos and houses with her father. He was an airline pilot and so when he was home, he was home all day and so they would buy a fixer upper, do the work and then flip it and move on up. She never lived in a place more than 2 years. This is to say that she knows her way around power tools and construction way better than i do. However, somehow, she never ever did yardwork and until a few months ago had never mowed a lawn. Well, i came down with covid in late july and was laid up pretty good, while she got a very mild case. So i asked her to mow the lawn b/c it was getting real long and hadnt been mowed in about a week during its prime growing season. When i stumbled outside later that day i saw a lawn that had been mowed in a manner similar to an Americas Funniest Video of a 4 yr old buzzing his brothers head. Not only were there a shitton of missed spots all over the place, but you could tell from the wheel tracks that she had gone in a random pattern. When i calmly asked what happened, that is when she said that she had never mowed a lawn before. this was in year 2 of marriage. How did i not know this?!

Also, my new mower has a safety feature where if you dont have the blade clutch engaged, the thing will not start and will immediately die. So effectively, if you want the mower engine on, you will also have the blade spinning. No way around it without aftermarket fiddling. Seems more dangerous than helpful, but im just a hack.

**~mikey b** · 11-14-2022, 11:38 AM

my girlfriend and I live a few hours apart - it’s temporary while our kids are in high school - she’s here visiting for a few days

she forgot her ski boots at home

**gaijin** · 11-14-2022, 11:17 PM

I started working in restaurants when I was 15. I've done everything from dishes, to cooking, to waiting. And now I share a home kitchen with my wife who also loves to cook. But the fact she has never worked in a restaurant makes me irate.

We discuss recipes and fusions at the table. But side-by-side cooking? Nope.

Noisy knife on the cutting board. Trash in the sink, along with every dish imaginable. Knife blades facing up in the dishwasher. KNIVES IN BOWLS FILLED WITH SOAPY WATER!

"You'd have been fired a long time ago."

She's an amazing cook as long I'm not near her to witness it.