I love my wife and all, but Jesus Hercules Christ...

[TahoeJ]

My ex would claim she’s saving water by doing that (“we’re in a drought”), but I don’t buy it.

[riser4]

My ex would claim she’s saving water by doing that (“we’re in a drought”), but I don’t buy it.

Right, because first thing I am going to do before using an unflushed toilet is close the lid and flush it especially if I have to sit down and take a crap. I don't want someone else's rancid pee splashing on my balls and bunghole. It's bad enough when it's my own.

[subtle plague]

Two questions. Is there a ring on it? Whose house is it? Well there's a third. Can you teach your dick to suck itself?

Autofellatio is the future of male Yoga.

[anotherVTskibum]

My wife: "Quit leaving strawberry hulls in the sink."

Also my wife: Leaves strawberry hulls in the sink for days.

Wife: mad because there's toothpaste left in bathroom sink.

Me: agrees that clumps of toothpaste in sink isn't good, then points out that I use white toothpaste, not the blue stuff that she does, and that the toothpaste in the sink is blue.

That's just about the only time I've managed to convince her that it wasn't my fault.

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[skaredshtles]

Wife: mad because there's toothpaste left in bathroom sink.

Me: agrees that clumps of toothpaste in sink isn't good, then points out that I use white toothpaste, not the blue stuff that she does, and that the toothpaste in the sink is blue.

That's just about the only time I've managed to convince her that it wasn't my fault.

And she's still mad at you...

[Bunion 2020]

Say "I do."

[Harry]

No wonder every time I see Bunion he has a smile on his face.


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[Hopeless Sinner]

My ex would claim she’s saving water by doing that (“we’re in a drought”), but I don’t buy it.

"here in the land of fun and sun, we don't flush for #1" - Cap'n Jacks - Hopetown, Abaco, Bahamas

[PB]

And we've got the fragrance to prove it.
Sorry - vintage urine in warm climes ........ eye watering.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Coors light.

Lol.

Redundant

Don’t dis the Banquet you asshole


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[zion zig zag]

Ok, so the drinking beer out of the can thing isn't a huge deal, but we've covered the other stuff that she does. Dishwasher, drawers and cabinet doors left open, etc. And it was my beer to enjoy in a glass, damnit!

[old goat]

"here in the land of fun and sun, we don't flush for #1" - Cap'n Jacks - Hopetown, Abaco, Bahamas

If it's yellow it's mellow, if it's brown flush it down. (Marin County, CA, circa 1976-7. Now that was a drought. You young whippersnappers don't know what a drought is. Why it was so dry back then they couldn't do baptisms, which is why there are so many atheists in California.)

[Meadow Skipper]

If it's yellow it's mellow, if it's brown flush it down. (Marin County, CA, circa 1976-7. Now that was a drought. You young whippersnappers don't know what a drought is. Why it was so dry back then they couldn't do baptisms, which is why there are so many atheists in California.)

But the biggest California fire in ‘77 was the Marble-Cone. It was 178,000 acres, which isn’t a contender these days, especially because most of it was in wilderness area.

Cumulative drought counts, and the west is deep into cumulative drought. 76-77 was kind of stand-alone.

[teledad]

My wife will come in from doing yard work and crack open a $6 DIPA you've been saving in the back of the fridge and drink it out of the can like it's a coors light. With zero fucks given. And I can't even convince her to pour it in a glass.

I can top that. Mine will grab the DIPA (because it's the only beer in the fridge since she forgot to restock the beer she likes), open it and take a sip, say "this is too bitter" and pour it down the sink.

[skaredshtles]

I can top that. Mine will grab the DIPA (because it's the only beer in the fridge since she forgot to restock the beer she likes), open it and take a sip, say "this is too bitter" and pour it down the sink.

Nuke from orbit, behead the remains.

[Supermoon]

I can top that. Mine will grab the DIPA (because it's the only beer in the fridge since she forgot to restock the beer she likes), open it and take a sip, say "this is too bitter" and pour it down the sink.

Nah, she’s just smart cause DIPA is trash

[bennymac]

Say "I do."

Tech talk jong.

[MagnificentUnicorn]

Nah, she’s just smart cause DIPA is trash

Finally, someone said it


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[bagtagley]

Her, staring at her phone, slowly crafting an online food order: “Will you text granny and see if she wants anything?”

[liv2ski]

Am I the only one that struggles to understand what the wife is asking/saying? Eating breakfast together I am asked "so if I move it will it effect the timer". My response, 'if you move what, the power strip". "No if I move it". Me, "what is it, can I get a noun"? Huffy response, ""if I move the weed plant obviously". Me, "How would moving the weed plant effect the timer"? "That is what I am asking". Me, "Jeezuz, if left plugged in, how would the timer be effected"?
This happens all the time. I am asked vague questions with no noun and I am expected to be a mind reader and concisely respond. FML, it makes me batty.

[skaredshtles]

Am I the only one that struggles to understand what the wife is asking/saying? Eating breakfast together I am asked "so if I move it will it effect the timer". My response, 'if you move what, the power strip". "No if I move it". Me, "what is it, can I get a noun"? Huffy response, ""if I move the weed plant obviously". Me, "How would moving the weed plant effect the timer"? "That is what I am asking". Me, "Jeezuz, if left plugged in, how would the timer be effected"?
This happens all the time. I am asked vague questions with no noun and I am expected to be a mind reader and concisely respond. FML, it makes me batty.

Just randomly answer "yes" or "no" and move on with your life. And when she blames you for <whatever> you can honestly tell her you have no idea what she's talking about.

[tgapp]

Am I the only one that struggles to understand what the wife is asking/saying? Eating breakfast together I am asked "so if I move it will it effect the timer". My response, 'if you move what, the power strip". "No if I move it". Me, "what is it, can I get a noun"? Huffy response, ""if I move the weed plant obviously". Me, "How would moving the weed plant effect the timer"? "That is what I am asking". Me, "Jeezuz, if left plugged in, how would the timer be effected"?
This happens all the time. I am asked vague questions with no noun and I am expected to be a mind reader and concisely respond. FML, it makes me batty.

oh my god, this might be my biggest single frustration. clarity of language. i used to think it was an english-as-a-second language thing; wifey is russian, and while her english is fluent +, some habits (namely, using very few words) die hard. maybe it's a just a wife thing?

she'll ask me shit like "you know how we did that thing a few years ago, wasn't there something we needed to remember so that the other thing doesn't happen again?" or, out of nowhere, with no context clues, she'll ask "hey did you tell him what we talked about?" i used to get sarcastic with her; "oh yeah, totally, i did do the stuff and the thing and all the people have emotions about the words i said", but that would only make her defensive and withdrawn - "you know what i'm talking about".

sometimes she'll use the complete wrong word for something, and then she will be baffled when i don't understand. example from two weeks ago:

wifey: "hey did you remember to turn the furnace on?"
me:"no, we haven't ran the furnace in a few months, it'll get too hot at night"
wifey: "what do you mean we haven't run the furnace? we turn it on every night, and it's not too hot, we need to do it"
me, puzzled - "ohhhh, do you mean the propane heater in the greenhouse?"
wifey: "yes of course, what else did you think i was talking about?"
me: "well a furnace and a propane mr. buddy heater in our greenhouse are two very different things, and you asked about the furnace"
wifey: "well they both create heat, so you should have understood what i was asking"

[plugboots]

oh my god, this might be my biggest single frustration. clarity of language. i used to think it was an english-as-a-second language thing; wifey is russian, and while her english is fluent +, some habits (namely, using very few words) die hard. maybe it's a just a wife thing?

she'll ask me shit like "you know how we did that thing a few years ago, wasn't there something we needed to remember so that the other thing doesn't happen again?" or, out of nowhere, with no context clues, she'll ask "hey did you tell him what we talked about?" i used to get sarcastic with her; "oh yeah, totally, i did do the stuff and the thing and all the people have emotions about the words i said", but that would only make her defensive and withdrawn - "you know what i'm talking about".

sometimes she'll use the complete wrong word for something, and then she will be baffled when i don't understand. example from two weeks ago:

wifey: "hey did you remember to turn the furnace on?"
me:"no, we haven't ran the furnace in a few months, it'll get too hot at night"
wifey: "what do you mean we haven't run the furnace? we turn it on every night, and it's not too hot, we need to do it"
me, puzzled - "ohhhh, do you mean the propane heater in the greenhouse?"
wifey: "yes of course, what else did you think i was talking about?"
me: "well a furnace and a propane mr. buddy heater in our greenhouse are two very different things, and you asked about the furnace"
wifey: "well they both create heat, so you should have understood what i was asking"

Been married long?

[tgapp]

Been married long?

together for 11 years, going on 8 years of marriage.

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[old goat]

Am I the only one that struggles to understand what the wife is asking/saying? Eating breakfast together I am asked "so if I move it will it effect the timer". My response, 'if you move what, the power strip". "No if I move it". Me, "what is it, can I get a noun"? Huffy response, ""if I move the weed plant obviously". Me, "How would moving the weed plant effect the timer"? "That is what I am asking". Me, "Jeezuz, if left plugged in, how would the timer be effected"?
This happens all the time. I am asked vague questions with no noun and I am expected to be a mind reader and concisely respond. FML, it makes me batty.

Is "it" a noun or a pronoun? I've forgotten.