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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    The Wilds of Maine
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    2,679

    Vladimir Putin skiing: maggot analysis



    Eh mags - putting together an article for tomorrow with various athlete analyses of the form of Sochi's most important athlete - recreational skier and career autocratic Vladimir Putin. Would love to get some maggot analysis of Putin's skiing style in anticipation of TGR's extensive and completely straight-faced Olympic coverage. Costas was unavailable for comment as he was getting his spray-tan done, but occasional competitive skier Daron Rahlves provided the following insight:

    "Russian President Putin skiing in Sochi is quite boring. His lack of enjoyment, gaper gap, inside outside pole whacking to clear no snow on his boots, hip thrust pole pushing and uncomfortable poses takes away from his surprising smooth turns. For his status as a nation's leader I'd say he's a solid skier, but to improve he could tip those skis up and get them to bend for some power out of his turns. Maybe then he'd crack a smile and have some fun."

    As well, would love to get some input on what you all might actually want to see us cover for the duration of the Olympics.
    "We're in the eye of a shiticane here Julian, and Ricky's a low shit system!" - Jim Lahey, RIP

    Former Managing Editor @ TGR, forever mag.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    28,743
    skis like vdrontripper.
    b
    .

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
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    Wasatch
    Posts
    5,870
    I'd say that he is obviously pretty athletic for a man his age.

    He is a bit tense and has a hint of a stem at slow speed, his skis are a bit short, and he really looks like he doesn't have a great idea of how his poles are supposed to work. Maybe he should try hanging with the park rats in the slopestyle course? I hear it's fun.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    28,743
    rog won't like the helmet or goggles but i'm sure he will endorse the skis.
    b
    .

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    be here now
    Posts
    4,945
    Putin is good enough to compete in the Olympic GAYmes.
    Let me lock in the system at Warp 2
    Push it on into systematic overdrive
    You know what to do

  6. #6
    spook Guest
    hey, if you ain't got nothin but stupid unimaginative shit, just start slinging stupid unimaginative shit. so far 2 for 2.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    in the trench
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    9,169
    his dolphin turns suck

  8. #8
    spook Guest
    he looks good enough to have fun. i'm sure it breaks up the monotony of plotting and hiring hitmen. what's obama got for his machinations of empire? basketball? golf?

  9. #9
    spook Guest
    Putin Critic Finds 200-Pound Wooden Cock On Roof Of Her BMW



    ...
    S
    EXPAND

    BMW drivers get accused of being dicks probably more than any other group of motorists, so critics of a popular Russian satirist may have found the most BMW-appropriate form of protest ever. Russia, everybody!
    P

    RELATED


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    This Is Not How To Make Your Car Look Like An F1 Car

    Last week, we showed you what objects all of the 2014 F1 cars look like. They're not all phallic, so get your mind out of the gutter. But there… Read…



    The New Republic reports that noted Twitter satirist and prominent Putin critic Katya Romanovskaya went outside last week in Moscow to find this 200 pound wooden dick (and balls, don't forget the balls) on the roof of her 3-Series sedan.
    P

    She and her co-author spent most of that day trying to get police to take the incident seriously, but they — and some onlookers — were too busy laughing and taking pictures. They ended up lugging it into their apartment and are currently deciding what to do with it. (I can think of a few things. HEY-OOOO!)
    P

    Who's the culprit, you ask? Probably some state-backed, pro-Putin youngsters, the magazine reports:
    P
    This is the kind of cockamamie (sorry) prank that reeks (sorry) of Nashi, the pro-Kremlin youth group founded after Ukraine's Orange Revolution in 2005. It was the Kremlin's way to engage the youth in politics by paying and brainwashing them to be their blunt instrument of revenge. These kids, often from poor families, have strange imaginations that center almost always on the scatalogical and the sexual. (They once used one prostitute named "Mumu" to lure various male opposition figures into bed in the same bugged apartment.) They manage to pull off these kinds of pranks by having the resources of the state at their disposal.
    P
    You have to admit that they put it on the right kind of car.
    P

    Photo credit Persident Roissi Facebook

    http://jalopnik.com/putin-critic-fin...arah-hedgecock

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
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    28,743
    what's that got to do with skiing and ski related unimaginative shit. stop with the thread drift.
    b
    .

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
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    At the beach
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    11,907
    Dood would fit right in at Deer Valley. And ya, have some fun Fearless Leader
    Quote Originally Posted by leroy jenkins View Post
    I think you'd have an easier time understanding people if you remembered that 80% of them are fucking morons.
    That is why I like dogs, more than most people.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
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    Why is it so flat that has to skate down the hill? Are they at deer valley?

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    50 miles E of Paradise
    Posts
    8,390
    If Digital Death is an 8.5, Putin is a 17.

    Watching Vladi getting off the chair at 1:50 - thought he was going to knock down the boarder...

    Quote Originally Posted by brown9 View Post
    Why is it so flat that has to skate down the hill? Are they at deer valley?
    Close - it's the Olympic cross country and biathlon course
    Check Out Ullr's Mobile Avalanche Safety Tools for iOS and Android
    www.ullrlabs.com

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
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    12,040
    Forward this to Epic, I am sure they will have some input.
    Mister Man! Mister Man! Mister Man. They left this card.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
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    schwitzer mountain booch
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    skis like vdrontripper.
    b
    hahahaha bobby at least I ski black diamonds.
    I'm the best DPP in the West.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
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    Couloirfornia
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    8,737
    Dude sure needs those guards, what with all the gate bashing he's doing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ernest_Hemingway View Post
    I realize there is not much hope for a bullfighting forum. I understand that most of you would prefer to discuss the ingredients of jacket fabrics than the ingredients of a brave man. I know nothing of the former. But the latter is made of courage, and skill, and grace in the presence of the possibility of death. If someone could make a jacket of those three things it would no doubt be the most popular and prized item in all of your closets.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
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    CO
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    878
    If I said he skied like a queer would I wake up dead?

    Sent from my Nexus 4 using TGR Forums

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    base of the Bush
    Posts
    10,987
    Chin strap is too tight. No current colors.
    www.apriliaforum.com

    "If the road You followed brought you to this,of what use was the road"?

    "I have no idea what I am talking about but would be happy to share my biased opinions as fact on the matter. "
    Ottime

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    7,172
    helmets are fucking ghey. helmets worn improperly are even ghey'r. gogs worn for any other reason than for 2" an hour storm skiing? FUCKING TRIPLE GHEY!!!

    can't really offer up much ski criticism after only seeing him ski away from a lift on flat trail at low speed. get some better footy of him, TGR!

    rog

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    28,743
    wonder if spyder co. got paid for the jacket.
    he should be in arcterx though if he wants to be a mag.
    b
    .

  21. #21
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    7,172
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    wonder if spyder co. got paid for the jacket.
    he should be in arcterx though if he wants to be a mag.
    b
    and a variant brim and kincos!

    rog

  22. #22
    spook Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by flowing alpy View Post
    what's that got to do with skiing and ski related unimaginative shit. stop with the thread drift.
    b

    it's what happens when you critique putin

  23. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    everyday sunshine
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    231
    First time I've seen that fag wear a shirt...

  24. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Portlandia
    Posts
    67
    With all the billions that have been siphoned off you would think they could have found a high def camera and someone who knew how to operate it. I guess he has great style seeing that it looks like it was filmed in 1976.

  25. #25
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    33
    Quote Originally Posted by icelanticskier View Post
    helmets are fucking ghey. gogs worn for any other reason than for 2" an hour storm skiing?

    rog
    Anyone else catch this gem?

    Rog, I bet you have a ski outfit that allows you to show off your chest hair. so funny.


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