Confirmed Bachelors

[Conundrum]

Honesty is the key. Honesty going in and during. Some view marriage as the ultimate commitment, others think it's a piece of paper sitting on file in a courthouse. Be honest with yourself with what you want and if a gal you like wants to go along for the ride, that's cool. When you want to be by yourself, be honest. If she's not cool with that, you will get all the alone time you want plus some.

I guess you can make it as complicated as you want but things are really that simple. This equation does not account for kids.

[Bobby Finstock]

Although my uncle got hosed in divorce and I think he plays it the right way these days. Does whatever the fuck he wants 50 weeks of the year and not spending a cent on pussy, then goes to Nevada for a week or two and tries to die as the meat in a hooker sandwich. I have to say, the math looks better even with the pricier broads.

Being celibate for 50 weeks a year sounds really really lame.

[XXX-er]

What's the deal?

I've met a few, many of them skiers or fishing bums.
Good dudes with interesting lives, but all a bit off in one way or another.
-some, however, have been pretty serious losers (I actually have my shit together...for the most part)

I'm wondering because my last couple relationships have gotten me thinking that this may be the way to go.
For reference: I have no kids and I'm not motivated to change that

Any insights?
Pros / Cons?

well the odds are good that the goods are odd ... but somebody has to be the outlier

what is " shit together " I got all them boxes ticked off on the clip board of life a couple of marriages/house/ job/kids/very early retirement/ done the serial monogamy thing but for whatever reason it hasn't clicked for and I find myself single ... again

Pro's I can do what I want

cons I can do what I want

[Tippster]

Checking in on this thread. Came really really close to sealing the deal on the last relationship, was willing to move, change landscapes, sacrifice or scale down passions, start over in my career, etc. but a few things made me bail out. She wanted commitment but couldn't commit, had provider issues, and turned BSC every time after 4 drinks. I just couldn't handle it anymore. While it completely wrecked me to leave, I am much the better person for doing it.

Sorry to hear, bro. She seemed like a really great gal. Hot, too.

I have a question for the married... Don't you ever want to be alone?

Alone time is very important. I've only been married a year but have cohabitated for almost four now. It's sometimes difficult to get alone time. Gym, bike, running, skiing, hobbies etc. can be your ticket. Likewise a man cave provides some escape. I think with kids though, the alone time thing goes bye bye.

What he and Fuzz said. In my case my wife and kids go to bed at 9ish. I never fall asleep before midnight, so have a built-in 2-3 hours to myself every day. I also go on "boy's trips" - mainly skiing - once a year and she has an annual "girl's trip" to a beach or spa. Helps push the reset button, as do business trips for me.

[liv2ski]

It would be tough for most men that enjoy the company of one woman to stay single forever. Even as a teen, I always had the one girlfriend I dated for a few years and never cheated on. Fast forward to my 20's, met my wife, lost her, got her back and married her. Been married 29 years now. Kids are grown up and she lets me do pretty much whatever I want. Trade off is, I can't move from where we live (Coronado) and restart a new career in the Tahoe area, so I get kind of pissed off at my anchor every now and then, but what can a married guy do? I have to put up with some shit as she doesn't create other shit for me another woman would. As others have said, if you want that one person in your life, you have to compromise on a lot of stuff you would otherwise do. Not sayin that is a bad thing, just a PITA when you want it your way.

[MakersTeleMark]

Sorry to hear, bro. She seemed like a really great gal. Hot, too.

It was the one after that I was referring to ;?) Point proven I guess.

That one and I remain great friends.

[rmnpsplitter]

....

As others have said, if you want that one person in your life, you have to compromise on a lot of stuff you would otherwise do. Not sayin that is a bad thing, just a PITA when you want it your way.

Has it always been this way for you? I would think kids would be the major catalyst of making big sacrifices. Granted I haven't been married even close to the amount of time as you but I've found I've had to compromise on very little. Most of the time we are on the same page. Before we got married we talked about what we both wanted out of our relationship together, where we wanted to make home base including our career potential at that place and our thoughts on how and when we would start a family. I know people change but we both were on a very similar path. Part of the reason why we decided to get married. To think of being stuck someplace you can't stand being would be very frustrating for me and would prob be a deal breaker. Luckily I don't have to deal with that. Just kind of curious if you felt the same way since the beginning.

[1080Rider]

I've seen a lot of cool shit and I've had a lot of laughs, it's always been better when I could share these experiences w/ someone.

[AdironRider]

Being celibate for 50 weeks a year sounds really really lame.

I wouldn't call him celibate, he stumbles into pussy all the time.

My point was more he puts zero effort/dollars towards the cause and refuses anything that resembles a relationship. THen takes two weeks to do all the shit he wants and can pay for, then goes back to giving zero fucks towards the cause.

Im the married man, and I enjoy spending almost all of my time with my wife. If we start getting on each others nerves we just bounce out of there for a couple hours then its all good.

A good relationship doesn't require nearly the effort or compromise you guys lament. Its not a compromise if you don't care or want to do it that way anyways.

[Cono Este]

I am divorced 7 yrs, with twin 9 yr olds.

If you look closely, the person always asking for marriage usually needs something. This applies to most younger women because having children solo is almost not an option.

Alot of marriages end before 40, and at 40 everything not co incidentally changes.

It;s just not a great deal for men anymore. Keep your business to yourself, women can take care of themselves these days. If you smell anything different, go back to the coeds.

[liv2ski]

Has it always been this way for you? I would think kids would be the major catalyst of making big sacrifices. Granted I haven't been married even close to the amount of time as you but I've found I've had to compromise on very little. Most of the time we are on the same page. Before we got married we talked about what we both wanted out of our relationship together, where we wanted to make home base including our career potential at that place and our thoughts on how and when we would start a family. I know people change but we both were on a very similar path. Part of the reason why we decided to get married. To think of being stuck someplace you can't stand being would be very frustrating for me and would prob be a deal breaker. Luckily I don't have to deal with that. Just kind of curious if you felt the same way since the beginning.

No it is not that way in the beginning, as you are both pretty much on the same page. But as things change (kids) and the years go by, we all have different expectations and ways of wanting to deal with things. So ya, have a few pups and skip the human babies. But that is just me, as I didn't want children and that was a compromise I had to make to be with my girl.
30 years together is a long time. Shit happens. I have been fortunate that we were able to work through our differences and reconnect when we became married singles.
Trust me, it isn't easy, but if you love each other and are committed to the relationship, you can make it through most any hardship.
Enjoy what you have, but be ready for the shit storm if it ever hits. Remember who you married, even when your ready to put a pillow over her face.

[wooley12]

This is something I don't know shit about. My observations FWIW.

By age 28, 50% of the good ones (i.e. not clingers, needy, wackos, princesses) are taken. By age 38 I'd put the number at 95%

I see many guys fishing for trout where the carp hang out.

[Hugh Conway]

I've met a few, many of them skiers or fishing bums.
Good dudes with interesting lives, but all a bit off in one way or another.

eh, I guess all is people who devotedly follow a single path in life with or without a wife, with or without kids often end up more than a little off. you can argue the direction and/or whether its good, but asshole CEOs are, ime, off in their own way, which may be different than dickhead lawyers or burnt out skibums, or obsessive paleontologists/sociologists or brewmasters or whatever, but they are generally all off.

[masterofgreenbeans]

[masterofgreenbeans]

Adjectives, adverbs...your'e sure right....

[Meadow Skipper]

This is something I don't know shit about. My observations FWIW.

By age 28, 50% of the good ones (i.e. not clingers, needy, wackos, princesses) are taken. By age 38 I'd put the number at 95%

I see many guys fishing for trout where the carp hang out.

It can be kind of interesting after 35. Of course there are the carp and serially BSC, but then there are some recently divorced and even some widows that are really prime women. Harder to locate, and the good ones tend not to be available for very long, but the search doesn't have to be over. The game changes, but chances are good that a bit of maturity and life experience can help a couple people make something good together in the later chapters.

But banging younger girls that are just attracted to your car and money sounds good too.

[Shadam]

go the devorcee road, they usually come with assets and pussy on tap.

but I'm (trying to be) single so I can play where ever when ever

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

eh, I guess all is people who devotedly follow a single path in life with or without a wife, with or without kids often end up more than a little off. you can argue the direction and/or whether its good, but asshole CEOs are, ime, off in their own way, which may be different than dickhead lawyers or burnt out skibums, or obsessive paleontologists/sociologists or brewmasters or whatever, but they are generally all off.

That reminds of something Iceman said in some thread a while back. I'll have to paraphrase but something like, "Beware the fanatic. They have one intelligent, halfway original idea in their whole life and they bet the farm on it."

There's a reason the term "one trick pony" is usually used as a put down.

[TBS]

[beaterdit]

I'm single and I'll be 40 this year. I guess you could say I'm 'confirmed'.

No desire to have kids and no interest in the institution of marriage. That may come from seeing my parents' divorce as well as seeing how you can end up with a person so different than the one you started with. I also really value my alone time, and the freedom to be on my own program. I can train as much as I want and hop in the truck and take off to races or whatever, ski every day, no worries.

Sometimes I miss the deep connection and I'd be happy to settle down with someone pretty much any time but she hasn't come along yet. Until then, there are a plethora of women of all ages to be experienced. I just find that I like to be up front about what I want, and don't want right off the bat and don't encourage them to get attached. The worst part is letting them down when they do. Not that I have women beating down my door at all but you know, they come and go.

I think this 'life style' is becoming more common anymore.

[DasBlunt]

I'm single and I'll be 40 this year. I guess you could say I'm 'confirmed'.

No desire to have kids and no interest in the institution of marriage. That may come from seeing my parents' divorce as well as seeing how you can end up with a person so different than the one you started with. I also really value my alone time, and the freedom to be on my own program. I can train as much as I want and hop in the truck and take off to races or whatever, ski every day, no worries.

Sometimes I miss the deep connection and I'd be happy to settle down with someone pretty much any time but she hasn't come along yet. Until then, there are a plethora of women of all ages to be experienced. I just find that I like to be up front about what I want, and don't want right off the bat and don't encourage them to get attached. The worst part is letting them down when they do. Not that I have women beating down my door at all but you know, they come and go.

I think this 'life style' is becoming more common anymore.

"Letting them down", you mean fucking them, not telling them your intentions ( at first, or, just enough of what they want to hear), and not calling them back (breaking hearts), kind of like high school/college life, forever? That shit is supposed to end in your 30s. There are plenty of good women that wont tie you down.

The karma of those actions, is a drought that will trick you into thinking it is ED, oh, and you will have that too........

[bklyn]

Letting them down means that one person is fine the way things are and one person wants things to change in some way.

If there isn't a big blowup or incident to end a relationship then that is the way it ends. People realize they want different things in life.

When your partner wants a change and you don't, but you both still like/love each other, someone is going to be let down.

[beaterdit]

Letting them down means that one person is fine the way things are and one person wants things to change in some way.

If there isn't a big blowup or incident to end a relationship then that is the way it ends. People realize they want different things in life.

When your partner wants a change and you don't, but you both still like/love each other, someone is going to be let down.

This.

"Letting them down", you mean fucking them, not telling them your intentions ( at first, or, just enough of what they want to hear), and not calling them back (breaking hearts), kind of like high school/college life, forever? That shit is supposed to end in your 30s. There are plenty of good women that wont tie you down.

The karma of those actions, is a drought that will trick you into thinking it is ED, oh, and you will have that too........

Not this. So anyone who doesn't want to get married but still wants to date and get laid, and try to find the right person is in for "Karmic Drought". That's brilliant. I don't know why you offer your opinions in here, no one in their right mind would put any stock in anything you say, and no one here does. Fucking moron.

[XXX-er]

DB, tell us why you think everyone wants to get married cuz lots of women don't want to get hitched anymore than men do

[ncskier]

I have a question for the married... Don't you ever want to be alone? Honestly I think that is my problem. Even with friends, I 90% of the time want to be alone. I had friends that would call me to "come over" and we would sit and watch the fucking tube or something. I guess if I'm going to be lazy and just watch the tube I'd rather just watch what I want and not have to chit chat. Those types of friends were the ones always looking for a mate, are now married and always needed to be around someone all the time to feel normal.

When I go out I like being around people but the vast majority of the time I prefer not to have to deal with anyone else. Guess that makes me an introvert? Not trying to be an ass, it's serious. I think if I had to come home and couldn't unwind for 30 minutes without having to answer questions or deal with yammering kids I would get frustrated and be an asshole.

Honestly, that is what hobbies are for. I get to be alone when I go hunting. Some play golf. Some go boating. That's why men of yesteryear had fraternal organizations. Being married is nice most of the time. However, everyone needs some space. Its normal. Sometimes I get my fill of alone time traveling for work. When I fly to clients for meeting I amy go 16 hours without speaking to anyone. Airport, flying, hotel then meeting. Then do it again to get home. Other then being "on" for the meeting, I get plenty of me time.